Apr 17, 2018
Fuck Karma
Today I found a dense, tennis ball sized lump on my side. The side with no lung. It protrudes, but is supposedly empty on that side. The other side with the lung feels like squishy fat, nothing dense or protruding.
My husband says it could be a pulled muscle or scar tissue.
In my mind I have cancer again. I really don’t want to die. Our year was starting off great again, John started a great new job after finishing school, and I’m about to visit California again and start a masters program.
Now my brain is frozen, my body is tense, I sat in the same spot for hours coloring because if I did anything else I might not have been able to control myself. I fear the future, just as I was starting to look forward to it all over again.