He remembers, with pristine distinction, the first time he heard the resigned disappointment in his mother's voice. It's perhaps his most vivid memory, and maybe that has more to do with the fact that the bad far outweigh the good so there's very little else to cling to, and at least seeing her was better than not at all, but he's burdened with a sinking suspicion that he's just hardwired to find the things most effective in chipping away at what makes him whole. It's not healthy, but then again neither is he; he's been plagued with demons for so, so long, he's not sure they haven't always been there, waiting for the right moment to surface and take claim. What's worse, really, is that he doesn't much care. Today is no different from yesterday's today, surely no different from tomorrow's. It's an endlessly vicious cycle of despondency. Which is why he absolutely doesn't need to stick around at school and listen to his professors drone on and on about useless things, or try for a future he's not cut out for. It's predetermined, his path, and nothing could possibly change his mind. Well, except maybe Percy. But-- but he doesn't want to hear today, instead keeps his eyes downcast as he shoves his books into his bag haphazardly, detailing his rush.