I love Non-Verbal Autistic!John and his aide, Crystal Taylor. What if on tour Crystal is sick, so the band boys have to fill in for him? They don’t mind of course, but boy, do they gain serious appreciation for all that Crystal does! And John is rather terrified that the boys will accidentally kill him 🙀. They are so hopeless, John ends up taking over.
Ideally, Crystal would call in a replacement, but on tour I could see how that’s not feasible.
So he really has no choice other than the boys since John isn’t comfortable with anyone else.
Crystal is barely lucid and calls Roger, mumbling something about taking John and calling a doctor for himself. Roger’s quite confused because Crystal isn’t making any sense so he drops over to their adjoined hotel room and John’s on his bed smiling and in the other room, Crystal is almost dead, coughing and sneezing.
Roger looks at John again and he swears the man who can’t speak says ‘Welcome to hell’
Roger gets the other 2 and they get call Crystal a doctor and then they’re in the lobby, all sat together awkwardly.
“Soo....What...do we have to do,” Freddie says, a little apprehensive. John is quite independent but he still needs help with some things. None of them know what though.
They all look at John. John cringes a little bit but points to his mouth.
“A kiss?” Roger asks.
“He wants food, you jackass,” Brian says, already forming a headache for the buffoonery today has to offer.
Freddie and Roger go “Oooh”. John’s signs ‘Jackass’ but nobody knows what he said.
They go and get breakfast. John is dumbfounded at the boys not knowing his breakfast of choice. The only thing he’s ate for decades. He scribbles Cheese on toast with milk onto a paper, already missing Crystal.
They order their breakfast and eat it without much fanfare. Once everyone’s done, they start staring again. John’s happily rocking away, playing with his hair when he feels their eyes on him. He shrugs as if to say ‘What?”
“Well, what’s next? Crystal didn’t exactly leave us with an itinerary,” Brian says.
John shapes the letters Y-O-G-A with his fingers. It’s something he does with Crystal on tour to keep him busy, make a schedule and keep him from exploding. Too often at least.
Roger grimaces. He doesn’t think he can even touch his toes if he tried.
They all go to the biggest room, Freddie’s, and John runs them through his routine. Usually it’s Crystal leading the way, but now John’s in charge. He forgets a few steps and adds in stuff to make the boys suffer, but for the most part everyone is having a somewhat okay time. Roger clocked out half way in and is just laying on the floor. Brian is trying his damnedest but he’s pretty stiff. Freddie is doing weirdly fantastic and is John’s star student. John keeps clapping and giggling when Freddie can do a pose.
And then it’s nap time because John believes in the healing powers of a good nap. He throws himself onto Freddie’s bed and is out. Roger is also asleep on the floor. Freddie and Brian are like okay...do we just watch him? They spend an hour whispering to each other, telling jokes and trying to stay as quiet as possible.
Once Sleeping Beauty John wakes up, there isn’t much else in his day to do and it’s smooth sailing. The boys all buy a Disney movie to watch in Freddie’s room and then there’s lunch and walking around by the pool.
The boys are all thinking, huh, this is pretty easy. Not sure why Crystal makes it seem like a big deal to keep John happy and safe.
Until dinner time.
They go to the restaurant in the hotel and John’s irritable. He’s huffing and rocking and pulling some of his hair out and won’t tell anyone why. Somebody drops a glass near there table and John starts to scream and he won’t stop.
The boys have no idea what to do. They’re looking at each other with wide eyes, panicking. Freddie touches John’s shoulder but John slaps him away. Roger whispers to him that everything is okay but John pushes him away. Brian decides to drag John out of the place. It’s probably the wrong choice. It’s probably mean and bad and not what Crystal would have done, but none of them are Crystal and John does stop his meltdown.
Outside the restaurant, he’s sniffling and playing with his fingers. He calms down enough to sign “Sorry” and the boys do understand what he said.
If Crystal were there, he would’ve told them to pick somewhere else to eat. John can’t tolerate most uppity restaurants. The lighting bothers him and the table fabric itches his skin and all the clinking of glass and porcelain drives him up the wall. And John didn’t tell them that because he doesn’t remember to. Which is why he needs Crystal in the first place.
The four of them are sitting on the floor, adrenaline leaving their bodies limp and exhausted. The 3 mumble their own apologies before settling on staying in Freddie’s room and ordering room service.
John’s back to being perky, flapping his hands and chirping. The boys are happy he’s back to normal. They’re talking and watching TV and movies until 11pm, when John points at the clock. He’s bouncing and honking.
“What, Deacy?” Freddie asks, fighting back a yawn.
John pretends to sleep.
“You want to go to bed?” Roger asks.
John nods.
Down they go to his hotel room. He makes them sit on his bed while he takes a shower. They’re all giggling at his bad singing. He gets into his pajamas and they’re on backwards but he’s so proud to show off his pajamas from Japan no one has the heart to tell him.
He combs his hair but Brian gets frustrated and combs it for him. The man can play a bass like a wizard but can’t comb his hair to save his life. John just smiles that little shit smile he does.
John washes his mouth but he really hates that so he stops some 30 seconds in.
“Mate, that wasn’t even a good attempt,” Roger says. John whines.
“At least 30 more seconds,” Roger says, dentistry school flashbacks happening in his head.
John does 50 more seconds of brushing.
He climbs into bed and gets all snuggled up, Freddie drapes his weighted blanket over him and...nothing happens.
He’s too excited to sleep.
The boys are just looking at him, expecting him to go unconscious immediately.
John’s wriggling and giggling.
“If we step outside, will you sleep?” Brian asks.
John nods although none of them are certain he’s being honest.
But he’s an adult! So they say goodnight and walk out of his room.
The 3 of them all sigh in relief that John is in one piece and faring well. If they had returned John in a lesser condition, they were sure Crystal would eat them.
And what a man their band mate is. Crystal made it look so easy and kept John functioning brilliantly. Crystal truly was a professional. They all wobble to their own rooms and sleep deeply that night.
When Crystal calls Brian the next morning, still on death’s door, Brian wants to cry. But instead he gets up and gets the other 2, ready to make today significantly better than yesterday.
John waits for him in his room, flapping and smiling. Welcome to hell!
