#madcom bandit

[n3xir0]

Nevada kaijus

Happy madness day!

[orderly-anon]

//MADNESS COMBAT VR BUT THE AI IS SELF AWARE\\

MADNESS COMBAT SELF AWARE AU

Prescription: Chapter Five

Side Affects: Canon-typical violence

Doctor's Notes: MAG Bandit time!

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

"Howdy chat! So glad to be back in MADNESS: PROJECT NEXUS! Wahoo! Yippie!"

Your chat exploded into "wahoo"s and "yippie"s as you chuckled. "Happy to see me, eh fellas?"

A friend piped up through a donation. "BESTIE! THE! THE MAG BANBIT. . . WHATCHU GONNA DO ABOUT THAT?"

You hummed thoughtfully. "Okay, hear me out. We get him on our side."

The chat went wild at the proposition. One half rooting for you, the other half demanding you reconsider. You grunted. "Don't worry, if I die I'll just come back. Y'all fellas know this, yeah?"

Reluctantly, your chat agreed (Well, most of your chat agreed) to let you go ahead with your plan. With one final "Wahoo!", you started the game.

Instantly you were flung into the heat of battle, the loud thumping of the MAG bandit's footsteps growing ever closer. "Skunk!" you cried, "hide behind me!"

Skunk, rather than hiding, shouted up to the MAG. "Hi Baby!"

You raised a brow. "Baby? That's their name?"

The MAG bandit, Baby, scurried up to Skunk and crouched down. He sniffed at her loudly. "SKUNKIE!" he exclaimed, nuzzling her intensely as she giggled.

Cautiously, you approached, hand on the pistol at your side. "Hi, Baby. . ." you cooed softly. "Hiiii. . ."

Baby perked up quickly and sniffed at you, pushing his face right up against you. "FOOD?" he bellowed.

"Ah- um-" you looked to Skunk nervously.

Skunk chuckled. "Hey Baby, that's not food! He's our pal!"

Baby gently headbutted you. "OKAY!" he exclaimed. He got up and waddled past you, changing his focus from you to the AAHW. He began to throw things at them-- cars, metal scraps, chunks of concrete. . .

You grabbed Skunk's hand. "He can handle himself. Let's go."

[originalmadcom]

Survivor: We deserve this!

Bandit: Maybe you do, I didn’t do anything.

[originalmadcom]

Bandit: Hank said a BAAAAD WOOOORD!

Hank: Wrong. “Hell” isn’t a curse word. It’s a place.

*They approach the Bandit.*

Hank: And you’re going there.

[originalmadcom]

Bandit: It took 100,000 bee's 25 years just to make that honey you just wasted.

Nexus Scientist: It takes 550 bees to make about a pound of honey in 2-3 weeks, where did you get those numbers?

Bandit: I made them up for dramatic affect.

[originalmadcom]

Sheriff, about the MAG Bandit: I always saw him as sort of a funny little man.

MERCenary: Sheriff, he’s a criminal.

[originalmadcom]

Crackpot, at the statue of Phobos: Behold... The Scultura di Andrea Salvatori.

Bandit: Hold on... THAT'S THE WEE CUNT RESPONSIBLE FOR MY MENTAL ILLNESS!

[originalmadcom]

Bandit: Um. . . BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK . . . if ye even care. . .