"Is it weird?" - Officially done with college
Today was my last critique as an undergrad at the U of Minnesota. The only thing left for me to do is pack up all my belongings that are scattered around the building and leave. I will be sure to take a momentary emotional pause as I leave the building for the last time - to take in the claustrophobic industrial architecture of Regis Center for Art and breathe in the fumes of solvents, hummus, and human tears for a final time. Then I will inevitably try to sneak back in a week later when I realize I forgot something in the printmaking room.
The only thing thats weird about graduating is people constantly asking me if its weird. Maybe its because I feel like Ive already started my professional art career. I’ve already been applying to shows, curating shows, making work, pathetically trying to sell it. Graduation just means I just have more time to continue doing all of that (or so I think/hope).
In a way I’m really sad to be leaving school. Partially because there are TONS of art making resources that I won’t have access to anymore (anyone happen to have a 4x5 negative enlarger lying around?). And partially because it means I’m inching closer towards the time in July when I’ll be moving away from my soulmate city of Minneapolis to Houston, TX (which I’m very excited for - don’t get me wrong). But I think I’m mostly sad to be leaving such a great art school community. I won’t be able to stop a professor in the hall to give me some quick feedback on the painting I’m working on. Or order pizza with classmates when we’re still screen printing at midnight the night before our crit. I’m sure I’ll find a similar community eventually, but I’m still anticipating an awkward period of loneliness.
Nonetheless, I’m also so giddy with excitement about where life is going to take me. I really enjoy being challenged. Although I might be a class A complainer when I’m in the thick of a really difficult project, the pride and satisfaction of pulling off something overly ambitious is entirely worth it. And that’s how I feel about my life as an artist - its one giant project. How will my artwork develop? Will I be able to hold myself accountable for actually getting stuff done? How can I balance professionalism and uncensored creativity? Will the money-making part of my job dwarf the fulfilling part of my personal practice? Will I end up making a difference? HOW COME RULERS ARE WRONG SOMETIMES?
I got some really great advice from a former-manager when I was really losing steam in the middle of curating the Third.wav show. He said that even though I was feeling overwhelmed and tired… That’s the whole reason I took on the project in the first place. I wanted to do the show because I wanted the experience - and that includes all of the ups and downs. And if I was just thinking about it as a marathon with a finish line, I was missing all the beauty of a walk in the park.
So even though I might face some confusion or loneliness or frustration (probably with politics) in Houston, that experience is really what I wanted all along. I want to be a struggling artist.
And maybe I take it back - maybe it is weird.
