An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Commission for @officerjennie!
Pairing: MadaraTobirama Word count: 1341 Rated: T+ Summary:They meet for the first time twice and somehow Madara manages to make a fool of himself both times. But what else is new?
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KO-FI and commission info in the header!
Love At First Shake
Madara was sneaking another brownie and telling himself the calories didn’t count at holiday parties when a deep, delicious voice spoke from behind him. He nearly strained his jaw trying to chew quickly but no way was he turning around with his cheeks stuffed full of chocolate. Only when his mouth was free of treats did he spin to see who that voice could possibly belong to.
“Where do I know you from?” The man who asked was an actual vision from heaven. Madara immediately began shuffling backwards, ready to flee.
“From your dreams?” he suggested, trying for a winsome smile and hoping he had no chocolate in his teeth.
The man lifted one eyebrow in judgment and Madara swallowed. It wasn’t fair how hot this creature was. Absolutely and completely unfair. He needed to get out of here immediately.
“I could swear I know you from somewhere.”
“Probably not, I think I just have one of those faces.” Darting his eyes from side to side, Madara almost panicked to see that there was no escape. The other partygoers had them boxed in on all sides. He took another a step back and felt around the edge of the snack table for something he might use as a possible distraction while the man in front of him tilted his head to one side.
“You really don’t but…there’s something familiar. You don’t work at the bank, do you?”
“Nope, never have.”
He very nearly cried in relief when Hashirama’s face popped around the corner, ploughing his way through the sea of people by virtue of being a full head taller than everyone else, too high up to even notice the poor guests stumbling to get out of his way. Unfortunately the rescue Madara thought had arrived to save his ass turned out to be nothing but another step lower in to hell as, instead of greeting him with the usual friendly hug, Hashirama threw an arm around the hot stranger’s shoulders and propped the opposite fist on his own hip.
“Well look at that! See, I always knew the two of you would get along!”
“Beg pardon?” Madara asked. In desperation he wondered if there was any way for him to crawl under the snack table without losing his dignity entirely.
“Oh you know what I mean, aren’t I always saying how much you would totally get along with my brother? Tobi, back me up here! I’m always saying I should introduce you to Madara, right?” Hashirama beamed back and forth between them but the other man’s eyes had narrowed.
Tobi – or Tobirama, as Madara now remembered from the endless rants – tilted his head in a thoughtful manner that had Madara's hackles up and all of his fight or flight instincts firing like crazy. If the people around them would just shift for him like they did for his tree of a best friend then he could escape before his shame was made public.
Unfortunately it didn’t seem like the universe was ready to be kind to him that day.
“Wait, your name is Madara?”
“Um…”
“That rings a bell…”
“No it doesn’t!”
“I think…wait, I think I remember where I know you from.”
Madara spun a fruitless circle looking for a way out that didn’t exist. “No you don’t!”
“Yes, I do. You work at the food court in the mall. I remember because your name tag had a stupid little rainbow stick on it or something. Yeah, I ordered a milkshake from you a few weeks back.” Tobirama’s eyes were widening with every work while Madara's heart sank lower and lower.
“No! Not true! I- I’ve never seem a milkshake in my life!”
He was mortified to see Hashirama give him a confused look. “But you do work at the mall, Maddy. I visit you at work all the time.”
“Shut up!”
On a roll now, Tobirama pointed an absent finger as he continued to shred Madara's self-image to pieces. “You’re the one that squeezed the milkshake so hard that it exploded all over your shirt. How long did it take for you to get all that ice cream out of your hair? Probably hours. Anija always takes hours to wash his but yours looks twice as thick.”
“If the gods have mercy they will strike me down,” Madara whined quietly, closing his eyes.
“Wait, what?” Hashirama snorted loudly. “I don’t remember hearing about this.”
“Oh it was a while back but it was hilarious. He called my order out but when I stepped forward to take it we made eye contact and then suddenly there was ice cream everywhere. I thought the cup had actually exploded in his hand somehow.” Tobirama was grinning outright now. Clearly this was a sign that Madara needed to drop out of college, quit his job, and take up life as a moleman in the sewers because he was never going to live this down.
Especially not if word ever got back to Izuna.
More red in the face than he could ever remember being in his life, Madara was about ten seconds away from actually crawling underneath the snack table when Tobirama shook off his brother’s arm to take a step closer.
“Normally I would say anyone friends with Anija must have something terribly wrong with them but…I have to admit you did look pretty cute all covered in that vanilla milkshake.” His grin widened a little more but it took a few seconds for Madara to get what he really meant.
“Gross! You’re gross! And rude! I don’t like what you’re implying!”
Ignoring the way Hashirama had stopped laughing to look confused again Madara turned and threw dignity to the wind. It was dark underneath the tables laden with snacks and the hardwood floor was uncomfortable against his knees but there were no people and he had a clear path around the corner to the living room.
Popping up from under the table was easy over here where the crowds were much thinner, farther away from the alcohol as they were, and for a moment he thought that all the weird looks he must be getting were totally worth such a quick and effective getaway. Then he lifted his head from brushing off the knees of his jeans only to find Tobirama standing in front of him again with arms crossed and one eyebrow raised, his mouth turned up in an unfairly sexy smirk.
“Oh come on!” Madara cried. “How!? How did you even get over here!?” Tobirama only shrugged but clearly he had the same crowd magic that his older brother had; they were both blessed with the same freakish height after all.
“If you give me your number I promise no milkshakes on the first date.”
“...what?”
Tobirama looked away to clear his throat but when he looked back that stupid smirk had only grown bigger. “You’re pretty cute. I would love to take you out this Friday. And I promise not to let anything else…explode all over you.”
“Are you going to tell bad dirty jokes every five minutes?”
“I can promise to try not to.”
“Fine. But you’re paying. And no milkshakes, you promised!” His cheeks were so hot he thought they might burst in to flames at any moment.
“Deal.”
But it was worth it. Whether or not Tobirama realized what had actually happened that day was a mystery and Madara certainly was not going to be the one to tell him that all it had taken was one look at the gorgeous face across the counter to send his entire brain in to overload. Squeezing the milkshake had been nothing more than an untimely and incredibly embarrassing reaction to seeing a human being as pretty as Tobirama.
And yet somehow he had still ended up getting a date. Madara wasn’t about to question that good fortune. All he cared about was making sure nothing else like that happened to him when Friday came around.
Knowing his luck, however, only time would tell.