#mafydd

[intheendlessbluewine]

I don’t know where these Gwyn feelings came from but here we are.

;-; Mafydd

As always, all the glorious character credit to @not-poignant

[not-poignant]

idk if this question has been answered (and if it has im sorry) but do readers have heartsongs? if so what were Mafydd and Mikkels?

Hiya anon!

I’ve answered, but don’t apologise, some of that stuff is buried like years back. :D

Readers do have heartsongs, and Mafydd’s and Mikkel’s were respectively:

Mafydd Brant: Boldness

Mikkel the Reader: Perception/Perceptiveness

[not-poignant]

kazechama replied to your post:I have the bad habit of connecting songs and characters haphazardly. today I connect Gwyn to 'Gold' by Owl City. Then I began quietly laughing at "shout out to the hearts you'll break.' because I am an awful person (and I don't want to look up that poor boys name.)

You just wanna see my cry, right? Finishing The Drawn Bead? I’d love to read it, but it would break my heart in at least 20 horcruxes.

20 horcruxes?

Challenge accepted. :D

[nialoke]

So I wrote a thing... *runs away to hide under a rock*

[not-poignant]

Gwyn, do you still eat oranges?

We had an orange grove, when I was growing up, and so oranges featured in our diet, particularly in winter - since they are winter-grown and very rare.

Crielle would not have tolerated me avoiding any part of my meal; even if I was allergic. I remember there was a period of time where I wished not to eat them, but Crielle noticed and ensured that many were plentiful until I understood that I should not avoid the abundance and fruitfulness of the land due to personal dislike. It was a lesson well-learned.

So I have always eaten oranges. Though I do eat them less than I was obligated to, at the An-Fnwy estate.

[not-poignant]

What about Makara's centre? I think he might be the only one missing ??

Okay I've added Makara and Mafydd's centres!

(They are honesty and boldness respectively).

[not-poignant]

Visit Original Link

A song that reminds me of Gwyn's thoughts on his past / Mafydd. Haaaaa.

Good times.

*

'Come here. Pretty please. Can you tell me where I am? You...won't you say something? I need to get my bearings. I'm lost, and the shadows keep on changing... But I'm haunted. By the lives that I have loved. And actions I have hated... I'm haunted. By the lives that wove the web inside my haunted head. Don't cry. There's always a way. Here in November in this house of leaves I'll pray. Please - I know it's hard to believe... to see a perfect forest through so many splintered trees . You and me, and these shadows keep on changing. And I'm haunted, by the lives that I have loved and actions I have hated. I'm haunted by the promises I've made, and others I have broken. I'm haunted by the lives that wove the web inside my haunted head. I'll always want you. I'll always need you. I'll always love you. And I will always miss you...'

*

I'll find a happy Gwyn and Augus song I PROMISE I WILL

[not-poignant]

But it was Mafydd who came over to Gwyn, drawing him into his strong arms and staring at the door like Lludd would come through it at any moment. Gwyn would know if he was, he’d hear him, the footsteps. But there were no footsteps outside of his room. Gwyn lay stiff in Mafydd’s arms. He didn’t want to be comforted. He shouldn’t be with him at all. It didn’t matter how he felt, it didn’t matter how much he liked him, this was a recipe for disaster.

Under a read more because FEELS.

This excerpt is from The Drawn Bead, the end of chapter 3, I'm pretty sure.

In this section, Mafydd is far more terrified of Lludd than Gwyn is. As far as Gwyn is concerned, the worst has happened (at least for that evening), and not only that, but he knows the signs of his father coming for him. The footsteps, the boots. And he doesn't think to explain that to Mafydd, who just thinks this merciless, ruthless soldier could come back. Yet he doesn't really know he could come back, until Gwyn confirms it for him.

This was...yeah, a difficult moment for Mafydd. Mafydd really just wanted some fun on a family trip that he knew would be boring and dour. And he wanted Gwyn to be that fun. He thought Gwyn was cute, adorable, sweet, naive, innocent... and he hoped Gwyn would turn out to be submissive, and very firmly pushed him in that direction (it did of course help that Gwyn was already quite used to pain, and also quite needy for approval, which did psychologically set him up for being suited to subbiness - not that it always works this way for everyone, only that it did for Gwyn).

Mafydd really just wanted something casual and fun and light-hearted. Not love, just...people fucking because it's enjoyable. And instead, what he gets here, is the awful surprise that Gwyn is living this terrible, oppressed, tormented life where beatings from his father are a regular occurrence. And Mafydd can tell, because his reading has been activating around the subject. So he knows it's regular now. He knows that what's going on is more than just what he's seeing.

And Gwyn is right. It is a recipe for disaster. He knows without really knowing. He suspects without really having any idea what could be worse than what he's already experienced. And Gwyn here is also angry at Mafydd. He's mad that someone else has witnessed what he goes through, it's supposed to be a secret! And it's private! Like, Gwyn has totally bought into the culture of silence here. You don't talk about these things, and of course Gwyn thinks it's all his fault, so it's like...he's shown something criminal and ugly about himself. Not about his family, not about Lludd, but about himself.

So there's this comfort, but he doesn't want it. That can be a hard thing for people to understand when they find out someone is experiencing systemic abuse. Not everyone responds to things in logical ways, or their logic may be very different to your logic. Mafydd's instinct is to comfort and protect. Gwyn's is to minimise and get rid of him as quickly as possible. Comfort is dangerous, and really his only experiences with comfort prior to this have been a) comfort from his tutors who are then fired for getting close to him, or b) Crielle's fake comfort, designed to elicit trust before she really hammers in the proverbial knife.

So...this is complicated for Gwyn. I wanted to show that it's not just as straightforward as 'oh no this sucks for you I'm so sorry' and the other character being like 'omg thank you I'm so glad someone has seen this for what it is.' It doesn't work that way, and it's not that easy. And in this paragraph, I was trying to convey... just how different the worlds are, that Mafydd and Gwyn originate in.