Johanna (Reprise)
Write about missing someone you can never have back
He could still hear the whirr of pieces of the Mark 1 as they were lifted onto his form, , the clicks as pieces locked together and the hiss of pressure releasing, the rumble as the the door exploded, yelling echoing through the cave.
The last words of the man who saved his life and god forbid, he'd say it - his soul before he rushed off. "Hey, I'm gonna go buy you more time."
Tony leant back into his pillows, staring at the ceiling. Yinsen. God, how he missed the man, just...it ached a little. Just...The guy had made an impact on him in such a small amount of time, and there were so many mixed emotions about the entire thing, coalescing, making him feel queasy, guilty, a little angry and there was no denying failure was there too It was a number of feelings that no amount of alcohol could numb. He couldn't save Yinsen, and as much as he had wanted to, as much as he thought he could - this was the fate that the man had accepted.
"This was always the plan, Stark."
He had changed Tony, or at least, gripped him tight and pulled him from the darkness of everything that was making him a monster, a murderer, a killer with no accountability, no remorse. Cold blooded and heartless. And Tony couldn't stress enough in his mind just how much he owed Yinsen for everything.
"It's okay, I want this."
Tony remember how he trembled in his suit at the words, how everything had broken and how much it hurt to know that he couldn't save him, that Yinsen sacrifice his life for him. Tony Stark. The man who had everything and nothing. There wasn't much he could say. He was touched? Humbled? Feeling unworthy of this second change?
"Thank you for saving me."
"Don't waste it. Don't waste your life."
And god how did those words forge the 'new' Tony and god how he hoped that he was fulfilling that wish, the plea because despite it all he was thankful. He was going to do everything in his power and more to live life, to change his ways and to make sure the man's death was in vain.
But sometimes he doubted. Sometimes he wondered if what he did was enough or whether his actions were in fact the same as last time, only with a mentality skewed to believe he was again, doing the right thing. And unfortunately, this time, he didn't really have a guide. He didn't have an arm on his shoulder, he didn't have Yinsen there to reaffirm his believes and quell his doubts.
But even with these insecurities, he'd run the words the man had said to him through his head, repeat advice that was memorised and assure himself, this was right, he was making a difference and none of this would have happened if it weren't for Yinsen.
