begrudging self-love retrospective
tagged by my loves @bitterleafs and @epistemologys
"Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2021. Tag as many creators as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!"
I wrote more than I thought this year tbh, so this will be a bit hard because a lot of my works were brain infestation passion projects that consumed me until I released them.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
#1, of course, is a fic I am beyond proud of. My longest, my best, and my piece for the 2021 JayDick Summer Exchange: A Dwindling Mercurial High.
It was beyond fun delving into the different post-crisis periods and developing a case fic with twists and turns that surprised most people while delivering on the angst I am known for. It also has multiple endings for the lovely crow, and also because I couldn't see anyone way the case could end. Exploring Dick trying to uncover Gotham's post-Bruce Wayne mysteries while exploring Jason Todd grieving and trying to understand the dichotomy of Dick Grayson really helped me understand both of them better. It was a passion project, and I loved every minute of it.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Coming in #2 is my late offering to the still-active Catradora fandom that I adore far too much. Adora's such an interesting and complex character that I had to write out my take and it kept spiraling and spiraling as I got more and more in touch with who Adora is at her core. First and foremost, it is a character study, but it's also a bit of a tragic love story at the moment as Adora tries to let go of the one constant she's always had.
This one will be finished by February, hopefully, as my interests fluctuate but my need to explore Adora more remains constant.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
#3 is a prayer for which no words exist, created in celebration of one of my best friends' birthdays (ico) and inspired by the works of Richard Siken from his collection Crush. It was a bit more project with coping mechanisms than most fics are, but I think that made it more raw and relatable. Writing it felt very intimate, and in ways, I think the fact that Dick is grappling with trauma most people can't understand but copes in ways we all do helps us understand him better. He's sad and pining, but he's trying to be strong because no one else is around to pick him up. And at the end of the day, be it romantic or platonic, don't we all just want to be loved and accepted?
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
#4 is my contribution to aggressively arospec week, which celebrates those on the aromantic (a label I personally identify with) spectrum and the works they create around such things. I really, really, liked how this fic turned out and how people responded to it. Part of writing is throwing emotions into the void in hopes of reciprocity, or even understanding. Sometimes, it's a need to release emotion, and sometimes it is a need to let others know they aren't alone. This was a mix of the two, and I'm delighted it helped people. <3
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
#5 might be a bit suprising. Majority of my fics are JayDick, with some rare-pairs cast in between, but this fic is dedicated to another of my best friends' birthdays (the wonderful Q aka @withthekeyisking-writer) and an exploration of the way I view one of the most deliciously problematic pairings people hate to love and love to hate: of course, I'm talking about Sladick. It may not be Alabama-style fun times, but it's deliciously dangerous and sexy in a way I didn't know I was capable of writing. It pushed the boundaries of my writing style and made me innovate a bit and grow a lot. Beyond that, it made me realize sometimes Dick just needs a Zaddy to make him stop angsting. Q, my dear, you're entirely to blame for my corruption.
I have (2) honourable mentions:
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
and
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
These are both fics I didn't think I was capable of articulating outside of my imagination, ones that seemed too big and grand for me. not to mention they are polyamorous, OT3-centric, fics which is very intimidating to write. Two people in a relationship is difficult, especially finding a good ebb and flow with clashing personalities and keeping them both in character. 3 or 4? Infinitely more so. But, the writing in them is beautiful to me, and I am so excited to continue them and develop these relationships that have come to mean so much to me. I'm proud that I am trying new things, and developing my style further and further. So, yeah.
Now back to my regularly scheduled self-loathing mwahahahahaha
taggin @luthienluinwe, @withthekeyisking-writer, @nightwingvixen23, and @stevieraebarnes in case some of you haven't already done it. Lmfao good luck!
