#mailboxxed

[ratshatsandbats]

Jervis. Do you kiss girls.

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Once-upon-a-time, the answer was "yes"!

These days? Not so much.

[ratshatsandbats]

Hello have you seen my son piss fart hes been lost for a few days I miss him :(

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Oh..

I.. no, no. Haven't seen the poor thing.

What an unfortunate name for a child...

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[ratshatsandbats]

Pov: you are gay

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I'm still not a homosexual. Not that I mind them.. (and I've never understood why people do), we're kindred spirits, after all!

In a sense.

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[ratshatsandbats]

what is with the weirdly gay anon's you get Jervis.

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I have no clue. I try not to be offended, truly. Though, to be honest, it is off-putting to me, seeing as many people who've said those things to me in the past meant it as insults.

I don't, however, think that's the case now. Except for the rock.

Nasty people. Who keeps throwing things through my window?

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[ratshatsandbats]

a rock gets thrown through the window

"you should be gay"

The rock then explodes

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The sound of shattering glass startles her, sending the poor hatter tumbling from her armchair.

AAUGHH! What in the hell?!

He marches to the window. Broken. It'd cost an arm and a leg to fix, surely.

Then, Jervis bends down to pick up the rock. He reads it.. and frowns. He's quiet for a while.

"... you.. should.."

...

Are you calling me a homosexual?

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[ratshatsandbats]

Hello Jervis pls rate my girlfriend

This is definantly not a threat and I will not send a homicidal clown after you if you give her a bad rating

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Ah! Uhm..

She's.. she's nice. Seems like an upstanding young lady, yes?

(Please don't hurt me, I'm frazzled enough as it is!)

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[ratshatsandbats]

Yes yes yes read me a story

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Oh! Alright, then..

Ahem..

Once upon a time..

There was a little bunny rabbit. A very cute one, too! A little scamp, he was! A-anyways, this little bunny rabbit got really hungry one day, yes.. but his mother had already put him to bed. So..

He decided that he was so hungry he needed to go and find food RIGHT NOW! With that, he climbed out the window of his little house while everyone was asleep and ran off to the farmer that lived across the river.

He knocked on the front door and the farmer opened it.. surprised to see the rabbit!

"I know why you're here!" Said the farmer,

"You've come to get carrots, haven't you?"

The little rabbit was shocked!

"How did you know?" He asked.

"Simple," the farmer replied,

".. and that's why I already have some carrots for you!"

And then the farmer pulled out a bundle of carrots and gave the bunny some of them.

The farmer was thanked and the bunny snuck back inside his home to munch on his carrots..

He did, however, get in trouble the next morning.. there were carrot crumbs in his bed! Haha!

The end!

[ratshatsandbats]

jervisss I gotta know whose that person sending you letters and flirting? Can I fight them? Why do half the letters they said include bombs???

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Well, I-I don't think we need to get violent! I'm sure it's just..

Pleasantries, and not much else. I really.. don't think.. w-well, the bombs are a little scary, but it's alright. I think they don't really mean to kill me..

I'd appreciate it if they didn't send any sort of weapons, though.. scares the daylights out of me, it does!

Oh, right. I.. I don't know who it is, but it's alright. They seem familiar, but in a weirdly distant way.. like I knew them in a different time.. different place.

.. pfft. No, probably not. Never trust the ramblings of a madman like myself!

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