#make sex normal

[windowraindrops]

only 22 states mandate sex education, and only 13 require the information to be 'medically accurate.'

http://www.bustle.com/articles/104233-7-problems-with-the-state-of-sex-ed-in-america-today-and-how-we-can-make

[tisziny]

I decided instead of sending my letter, I would post it publicly. It just feels right.

Okay so I feel a little strange doing this, but pushing past that I just feel I need to say thank you for being so sweet and lovely and patient and overall un-judgemental through the entire thing between us while I was in Sydney. I somehow found myself tonight watching a bunch of sex positive, 'make love not porn', making sex normal TED talk videos, so I thought it would be a good idea to keep a communication going even though our sexual interactions together have ended. I really really appreciate how you responded to the situation with things like consent (and reaffirming consent, consent for each act, and reassurance that things could stop) and your insistence that lead to me making choices and communicating them to you. I know this probably sounds a bit clinical or whatever, but my head is thinking in TED talk form and also I think it’s helping me distance myself emotionally just a bit, while its still raw.

I told you it was better than with Spence and briefly about how that felt movie-esque and out of body, but I just wanted you to know that I think the difference was communication. You talked to me, let me laugh, showed me you felt free to laugh, and you had me make choices, you asked and let us go at a pace I felt comfortable with, you listened and basically what I’m saying is you’re a fantastic human being and even though it really stings that you want to be just friends, I know you never tried to lead me on or hurt me and that you really care about me. Even though things could get weird or awkward, and even though I feel retrospectively vulnerable or foolish, I know at the time I was truly safe and that means a lot to me. You didn’t make me feel pressured. Spence and Jacob used to compete (only mostly jokingly) over which of them would take my virginity. Jacob was particularly upset I didn’t shave for him (when I had) and then got stroppy and offended when I didn’t find his skills so breath takingly amazing as apparently every other girl he’d been with had. I didn’t realise it at the time, but they were horrible for my self-esteem, self-worth, confidence, and overall happiness. They pressured me into doing things that although I wanted, and consented to, I was not ready for. They pressured me into thinking it was normal, happy and healthy, and they never made the effort to solve things when I started to realise and point out the problems they were causing in my happiness.

I’m not really sure where this is going, or what I’m trying to say. But it’s 1AM and my mind is full of sex and society and I just thought it’s important for you to know that you are a good and honest person and that I felt so happy by the way you treated me that night, and all the rest of the time I was in your company. You have boosted my confidence, and the way you treated me will reflect on how comfortable I am the next time I have such an experience. It will make me feel more in control, and more comfortable in communicating with whomever I may be with and that is so important seeing as my experiences before you left me lying to my partners about my pleasure (or lack of it) and wondering more than once if I was broken, asexual, or if I needed to consult a doctor. So thank you so so much for being such a wonderful person. And I really hoped this all made sense because I don’t know I have the guts to reread it before sending it to you.

x