#makes me panic

[fcku-justletmelook]

we were supposed to clean my room yesterday, after mum got back from church. instead she spent several hours shopping and then said "can we just do it first thing in the morning tomorrow? i'm too tired." so i agreed

then she went to her bf's house last night, so i knew that "first thing in the morning" would really mean "once i return". i figured she'd be around at 10 or so. at 11:30 i called her, she said she was headed out soon, it sounded like she'd be here by noon....

just now she video called me letting me know that as soon as she got in her car, her bf decided he wants to come with so she can drive him to the pharmacy, etc (he can't drive). but ofc he wasn't actually ready to leave yet, he had to go back upstairs and get ready

i just wanted help cleaning one half, the easy half, of my room. just before classes start tomorrow. and there's other stuff i could have been doing if i hadn't been waiting and ready to go for 2 hours now (plus 3 hours yesterday too)

[weaponizedmommyissues]

well. dont think im beating outer wilds lmao

[psychiclounge]

liiiiiiiike <3 ive never been good at anything tht mattered tho <3

[julesnichols]

It’s 2 am and I am once again reading scientific papers about the last ice age instead of sleeping

[fagderolo]

i feel so guilty abt forgetting lup and it makes m e feel so bad its why its on my blacklist lol any time i see content abt forgetting i cry 

[punkpus]

I have no idea why I reblogged that meme when I KNOW I get super anxious talking about any of my plot ideas or wishlist sort of things.

[monzterzack]

Raising kids is so hard and exhausting

[jdjdjdbdbbnavsgsyzyud]

I think the stressful part is knowing I have cptsd but that I can't do anything about it because I don't know how. You need a therapist for that shit but I can't see mine weekly because there's a limit on the number of sessions. I'm on a 4-6 month or longer wait list for a long term therapist and my meds just changed and everything feels unmanageable. And then as soon as I'm around my friends it all goes away and I'm in this public mode where my only goal is not to fucking embarrass myself. Once I'm alone in bed it comes back and it's all I can think about. I guess I'm just gonna pop a sleeping pill and wait for my brain to just fucking stop

Update: it is literally 2 minutes later and I feel a little better. I remembered Natalie said to think of emotions like waves and I'm really trying right now. I'm gonna smoke weed, watch Bob's burgers and try not to spiral.