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I think it’s important to look at Gordon Schwinn from all sides. Like, YES he totally looks like an asshole when Roger first shows up. He’s upset his boyfriend wasn’t there sooner, he’s trying to get him to leave, etc,. But Gordon was so terrified.

Something was wrong. He couldn’t handle his overbearing mother and his best friend who he usually had the energy to tease and bicker with. Gordon replaces his sadness, his fear—any negative emotion, really—with an angry mask. He doesn’t want to seem weak. Maybe he blames himself for his father leaving. He doesn’t want the others he loves to leave him too. He ESPECIALLY doesn’t want them to leave because he thinks he’s weak. Gordon loves Roger, he can’t let go of the happiness he has.

Roger, of course, knows this. He knows his boyfriend is overwhelmed and likely on the verge of a breakdown. He shoos the others out, and does what he can to comfort Gordon. Gordon’s scared of dying, god it TERRIFIES him. But he can’t let Roger be scared, he can’t let Roger think he’s weak, he begs him to go. And so when the idea of death is brought up, he tries to tell Roger it would be fine. All Gordon needs is to write a song so he can actually say he did something, you know?

Gordon Schwinn is anxious, and he lacks self confidence. He doesn’t want others to know this though, so he acts like he’s confident and loud and sure of himself. He will lie to make others believe the persona he created for himself, but Roger notices every single time. And Roger’s heart breaks whenever he realizes that Gordon is so absolutely terrified, yet refuses to reach out for help.

#a new brain #gordon schwinn #roger delli bovi #william finn #jonathan groff #aaron lazar #malcom gets #christopher innvar #norm lewis #kinda #rhoda #mimi schwinn #james lapine #broadway #broadway musicals #musicals #musical ramble #hi I’m exhausted and dealing with seeing an ab*ser so these may be delayed lolz sorry #🧠💉🎶

"Richard, it's me, Caroline. I'm sorry, I-I'm just really desperate. I'm really freaked out about the show tomorrow, and I'm just so embarrassed that I'm gonna make a fool of myself in front of all those people, you know. And, I-I-I might just freeze up, and I-I just don't know what to do..."