“He looks so perfect” I thought to myself as I looked at him
Sebastian and I have become incredibly close over the time I started working in the chemistry department. I was just an undergrad trying to get some experience under my belt and maybe make some money on the side. Sebastian, on the other hand, was a pretty well-rounded PhD student. He was making a good living with his research and teaching, and was pretty well liked within the faculty. And yet, somehow, he decided to ask me out. Of all people that fawned over him this confident stud decided to ask me if I would be down to go on a hike with him.
“how you feelin’?” He asked, the sweat making his biceps glisten.
“Good…” I said, the puffing in my breath betraying and showing how out of shape I truly am.
“Haha wanna rest for a bit?”
I sighed, threw my bag on the ground and proceeded to simply drop onto the floor. After catching my breath and taking a swig of water I took a second to look at the scenery. It was gorgeous, we were not too far from a small stream with a very slow flow.
“Hey, you want to see something cool?” Sebastian asks.
“Sure” I answered. Sebestian’s face lights up with glee as he starts to move towards the stream. Reaching the stream he squats, the water grazing his cheeks. “Ready” he asks with a smile. “Yea……” before I could even finish the word an ear ringing sound exploded from Sebastian.
PPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHRRBBBBBBBTTTTTT
The once slowly moving stream began to fill with bubbles, Sebastian creating his own personal hot tub. Thou a bit away I could feel the vibration of his gas causing small pebbles and stones to jump around. I watched as the stream began to shrink slowly drying out with his minute long quake. The stream now nothing but a barren ditch, no water to be found.
“Did you see that? Impressive right?” Sebastian asked with a hearty smile. I stood up, amazed at what I had just witnessed. “Wow, I’ve never witnessed something like that.” I said. “How can such a hot guy rip ass that strong”, is all I thought to myself as I watch Sebastian flex in the dried stream. He takes a step out raises a leg and let’s rip another loud but shorter fart.
“Sorry when the gate opens it’s hard to close.”
“Seb how is that possible?”
The proud smirk morphed into a puzzled face at first, but his confidence came back as he smiled.
“You got a superhuman boyfriend, promise I will keep you safe though” He said, with the charming deep voice I was so in love with.
We continued to walk for about 20 minutes, talking about the chemistry department and what each of us were doing in our program. As we walked, Sebastian was ripping burps and farts throughout but seemingly holding back. I am not sure if I should be thankful or not. On the one hand I am in love with how manly he is, his huge biceps, his dark beard, to have a man capable of such destruction was quite a dream when I think about it. And yet, in reality, it was intimidating to think that one fart from him was capable of dying up a creek. Would we be able to share a living space? What if one night he farted strongly enough it shattered the windows? What if nightly the bedsheets flew away from his farts? I guess I was lost in my thoughts and wandered ahead a little bit.
Fffffffffffffaaaaaaaauuuuuuurrrrrppppppppptttttttttt
A loud fart took me out of my trance. I turned to see Sebastian bending over few feet behind me. Though the I turned around within the first few seconds of the fart, Sebastian seemed to want to make it a point how strong he was as he let the fart rip for a little over forty seconds. As the fart went on the leaves behind him were blown, and the pungent smell, something akin to spoiled beans, seemed to envelope us, some birds even beginning to fly away to escape.
“Now don’t go leaving me behind again” He warned with a sweet smile, as he trotted to catch up to me.
He took my hand and said “Hey, I have a little surprise for you. There’s a clearing a bit off the path ahead, we are so close let’s go”.
We walked over about two hundred feet till we reached the clearing. He let go of my hand, threw his backpack on the ground and kneeled. He took a picnic blanket out of his backpack, a couple of beers and he sat down with his muscular legs extended.
“Come on” he said “the ground is comfy I promise”
I followed his lead and laid next to him, he passed me a beer. We started drinking and talking, he would start burping after every swing too, and I think he noticed how excited it got me cause they only started getting louder.
“So…. what’s the surprise?” I asked
“Two in one deal actually” And saying that, he raised his knee to his chest and winked.
“For one I wanna give you a little test you see” He said as his fart made the blanket flutter and the ground shake enough for me to feel it. He proceeds to lead to his left, his round ass facing me now.
“You see you caught my eye since I first saw you walk into the chem department” His fart was strong enough to push back my hair. The smell hit me instantly and I started coughing.
“I mean look at you pretty boy, you got an angelic face and a cute slender body” Though shorter, this fart packed a punch, enough that it pushed me back a bit. I could also see a cloud of dust and leaves forming as the winds kicked them off the ground. I ended up lying face up, eyes closed at first, but when I opened them I saw Sebastian standing over me. He squats, crotch to bring his face close to mine, a grin drawing across his face.
“And I know you like me too, have watched how you watch me” He said flexing. It felt as though I was laying right next to a radiator. “But pretty boys like you can’t handle dating a human with superfarts” He said “You though, you are holding just fine”.
He let out one last fart before he stood back up and extended a hand out to me. Coughing, I took it and proceeded to stand up with shaking legs.
“Well you passed your surprise test, and with extra credit too” Said Sebastian as he pointed to my crotch, which betrayed me as it showed my excitement. “So it’s time for your second surprise”. He grabbed my hands into his and looked me in the eyes.
“Know you know what my farts can do….. You still want to go out with me?”
I took a deep breath, his still lingering gas burning my lungs. Through the coughing fit and red eyes I gave my answer.
“Yes. Your volume of gas will take some getting used to but why would I ever give up this opportunity.”
Sebastian brimming with joy, says on thing, “to commemorate this occasion I’ll show you something extra special.” He takes a few steps away and lays on his stomach arching his back, his butt aiming towards to sky.
“I don’t want any clouds, ruining our first pic together.” And with that the loudest and strongest fart I ever experienced erupted out of Sebastian. The trees closest to us bend either their leaves getting ripped off the branches blown in his foul winds. Animals the vacuity scattering from fear of being enveloped by the stink cloud. A force so strong that trees a mile sway from his winds. I look up to see the few clouds in the sky swirly break apart and dissipate into the atmosphere.
Sebastian gets up with a sigh of relief, “ahh, okay let’s take a picture.”
I walk towards him my eyes beginning watering, I steel myself accepting that this is going to be my life from now on. A smile forming on my face. I reach Sebastian and hug him taking a picture in-front of the clear sky.
