#malevanalysis

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

i don't really want to get into writing a whole long post rn so this is more of put-a-pin-in-the-thought but. thinking about how the part 59 "let me tell you what i think you so desperately need to hear" speech wasn't even the first time arthur has called kayne a child ("insignificant child playing games" in 27) but it is the first time arthur has fully verbalized why he comes across like that. because he operates largely on the principle of immediate or at least rapid gratification. he can't even limit himself, really. he needs what he wants and he needs it now, and if he doesn't get it he pitches a fit. the fact that said "fit" often involves targeted strikes intended to fuck up arthur's relationships in ways that demonstrate a fairly nuanced understanding of emotional reactions—doesn't make it any less fundamentally juvenile in its intentions.

...which, incidentally, is roughly the same reason he calls john the same thing, albeit much more kindly. because he's never had to deal with being inconvenienced or frustrated or slighted before without immediately taking it on the nearest convenient target. and he draws the comparison to lillith in 59, too (and i think before that? but i can't remember the exact conversation now so i might be wrong.)

and like. he is correct, you have to give him that. all of the gods are wildly immature, emotionally. and they're like that for a shared reason: nobody fucking raised them! they got crazy powers over reality and noooo guidance. and it's not just about, like, instruction, it's also about... kindness? having someone else to consider both their immediate emotional needs and their growth as a person. they prioritize the first one at all times because nobody is going to do it for them, and they've never learned any other way to be. because that's How It Is when you're older than the fucking planet and can break people mentally with a flick of your wrist. to draw a sort of clumsy comparison, that is the culture among outer gods.

...which is why i think it's apt that it's arthur specifically drawing these comparisons, and never anyone else. because he's the only one equipped to identify it. because, y'know, he is a parent. and more than that, even among the human parents of the story, i'd argue that he's the only one who actually frames the concept of having a child as a responsibility to a small vulnerable person.

like, uh. larson sees his children, especially addison, as extensions of himself and therefore resources to be used for his benefit. daniel envisions himself shaping bella into a Good Christian Girl, and in pursuit of that prescriptive vision drives her away. the butcher reenacts his abusive childhood onto his own child self because he can't even see past the warped trained-in emotion to recognize the harm of it. kayne sees lillith in turns as a rival, but also something that should be punished for the crime of defying him, because don't they know he is Superior. despite claiming to have a better relationship with his daughter, the manager still talks down to lillith in this universe, treats her as a peer who is Fucking Up The Group Project and not a version of his child whose father has brutally failed her. the creator of the literal universe is perpetually asleep at the wheel, a kind of terminal neglect that drives its child to acts of desperate madness.

what i mean to say is, opposite all of them, arthur's really the only one who doesn't treat parenthood as like, a default noun with no actions attached to it. even his grief is all tied up in his responsibility—not in the sense of "i am responsible for this tragedy in particular" but in the sense of "i owed her something that i failed to give." being faroe's father did not give him any rights to control her—it was an obligation, a promise he was making. to protect and care for and support, and never leave her alone again. and that shapes how he engages with people forever after. he can see why john and lillith and kayne are fundamentally just childish people at their core, because he has thought about that development from both angles, has tried to figure out how to do it better, how to raise someone in a way that did not fuck them up forever.

ok i lied at the beginning of this post i guess now i'm just going on and on anyway my ultimate point here is. when you look at it from that perspective, that arthur and faroe were breaking a cycle that literally everyone else perpetuated since the start of Existence Itself. and now faroe's spirit, or whatever you would call it, is apparently a factor in this whole plan having a chance at succeeding at all, and the world not ending. a plan that lorick says lillith had no real hope in when initially creating it. well that just feels apt, doesn't it. reality can continue to exist, because at one point a parent cared for their child. so there's a chance. so there's still some hope for it all.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

there's this distinction in arthur's approach to interactions where he's often a little too good-faith, obvi, he wants to give people the benefit of the doubt when he can. unless Circumstances. but, notably, this does not translate to being open and forthcoming about his own information bank.

what i mean to say is arthur tends to keep his cards close to his chest. like, he waits to tell john that he's hearing a second voice in the madness. he lets larson go off on this whole spiel about unfathomable gods of whispered insanity like he doesn't have a pet insanity god currently bitching in the back of his head. he lets noel operate for as long as possible under the assumption that he knows basically nothing about the dreamlands or the king, holds off on telling oscar about the degree of experience he has with the supernatural until it comes up directly, in general he keeps everyone in nyc operating at the bare minimum level of information that they need to do what he wants them to. and of course there are all of the ghosts in his past that he usually tries to keep locked down as tightly as possible, for as long as possible. he volunteers information like it's a sacrifice he's making, a deliberate choice to Let Someone In On It.

and obviously a lot of these choices have individual motive behind them. he doesn't disclose his supernatural experiences to just anyone bc he would probably get locked up in an asylum somewhere which would just be a huge pain. his choice to delay telling john about "roland" was an information gathering strategy, he wanted to play the passive game and hopefully figure out on his own which one of them (if either) he could trust. he keeps noel on minimal personal exposition bc he does not want them to go anywhere near the direction of noel figuring out where john really came from. he doesn't want to tell larson anything because fuck larson. but i do think that all of these things together do indicate a larger pattern. i mean, parker and daniel (who have known arthur for much longer and in much different circumstances) both note that he tends to keep people at arm's length.

and it's probably at least partially an investigative habit, in the present. it's the same idea as their initial interrogation of oscar—people are more likely to reveal things if they don't know what you know, etc. you control the flow of information, let them form a convenient image of you, and then you have stuff up your sleeve for later as a bonus.

but i do wonder if the investigative side of it isn't just playing into a much older and simpler learned behavior. maybe he just decided to start undersharing bc most of the things he has to say about himself are Major Bummers, and he doesn't want to be the guy who's weird at parties.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

can the nyarlathoteps still shapeshift, though?

because, like... okay, let's think about it. nyarlathotep is the Faceless God, the God of a Thousand Forms, but... both kayne and the manager have vocally chosen to leave that identity behind, to refuse to be azathoth's messenger anymore. perhaps that choice, something they both did in pursuit of freedom, required them to lock themselves into this singular, human-appearing form somehow. in exchange for all the power kayne has access to, maybe he's lost this one thing.

because. well. it is pointed out by many that there are times where it would seem more efficient for kayne to just. be something else. hold arthur down with tendrils to keep him from going anywhere. um. Just Don't Have Pockets. yknow. and when the grinner reveal came about, most recently, my immediate question was—well, how does that work if he shapeshifts to something that doesn't have human eyes or a mouth? is there some analogous corruption to everything he could choose to look like? or... do the alterations of the blackstone trap him in this form? and then i start thinking, but hey, wait a minute, we've never seen him change shape. it's always been this body and suit and voice. what if there's always been a reason for that.

or the manager! if he's so determined to distinguish himself from this other guy, why is he still choosing to look and sound almost identical? well, maybe it's because part of him, the part that's still a god of chaos, enjoys the instinctive fear that this appearance provokes in jarthur. orr... maybe because he can't change out of that form. maybe he chose this shape independently and got stuck like that, before ever meeting kayne at all. lillith says nyarlathotep wishes to appear human—maybe she knows that both of them independently chose to look like this, when downsizing from a thousand faces to just one? and now, no matter how much they resent it, they are stuck as The Same Guy. rip.

and speaking of lillith, speaking of shapeshifting. lillith can shapeshift. and she fucking loves it. lillith does change her face whenever it works best with her plans. she's doing it constantly, for no real reason even, just to show off, just to be a little more comfortable. soul jumping is lillith's "bread and butter," that's what pays the bills, but i think shapeshifting is the one it enjoys the most.

and kayne... doesn't seem to like this very much. oh, lose the getup, honey, he demands, forces them out of scratch's appearance and back into their "true" form before killing them. kayne and the manager are both pretty antagonistic towards lillith, honestly. and there are already. Reasons for that. obviously. but what if part of it is also jealousy? that she retains a power they've been forced to forfeit. that she's free in a way they aren't. maybe that's also why lillith shows off with it so much. knowing her father can't, and gleefully rubbing it in. look what you've lost. look what i have. doesn't that just make you furious?

idk, i think this would add to kayne's claustrophobia over being trapped in azathoth's dream, if he's lost this freedom in the pursuit of gaining more. if he's permanently human in appearance, despite trying so very hard to remain above and beyond humanity.

and it would also be rather poetic, given the narrative weight of changing one's identity in the process of growing as a person—if kayne was so stuck in his ways, so much a child who refuses to see things from any other perspective, that he literally cannot become anything other than what he is now.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

ahhhh goddammit i JUST remembered that conversation about "and i felt home" (as he's crushing arthur's skull with his hands) / "embracing who i really am!" (while manifesting to hug him) yknow, those lines that are very easy to reinterpret as john identifying with arthur's body over hastur's, even though, yknow, they're much more straightforward in context,

BUT THEN HE STRAIGHT UP SAYS "yeah i feel more at home in your body than any other." in part 58. so like. those were aaaabsolutely intended double meanings, weren't they. john still feels like he's not allowed to fully claim this body as his own, he says as much to the dollmaker, has to be pushed to even call it "a piece of us..." but that's totally how he feels about it.

because even talking about his all-consuming rage towards arthur in the dark world, what he says on the surface level is "i felt that i had returned to my true home, my true self, as this being of violent hate" but what he really means is "i took your eyes, your mind, in my hands, and i destroyed the place where i belonged." even when he's being encouraged to separate and finally get to be his own person, he seems to say "yes, this manifested form is who i am, and i will accept and embrace that," but. the manifested form isn't what he's actually embracing, is it.

in both cases, his home, his most comfortable existence, his truest self... is the thing he's leaving behind. in the sense that hastur's body does not fit him anymore, but also in the sense that arthur's body does.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

i know i've said some variation on this a hundred times already and everyone's probably sick of hearing it but i DO really think there is some extremely tasty characterization going on with the fact that, prior to the events of canon, noel spent two years freshly free of the dreamlands, with a new boatload of trauma that he didn't really have any good way to process, and the last thing he took out of said dreamlands was an idea of someone that he would eventually need to reciprocally aid as a consequence of his freedom. and i think it is very natural to sort of, calcify that concept in his head as a coping mechanism, in the absence of better ones. it turns everything into an until: he'll meet the Man Without Sight, give him whatever aid he needs, and then he will be done. it will be Over, he will have completed the exchange that makes him Free of the king's control. he will be allowed to close this chapter and never think about it ever again.

i've seen people say that noel is more interested in talking to john than arthur, and while i don't necessarily get that vibe from him myself, i think this would probably be a big part of the reason why. like, arthur is the statue of a saint he's been praying to for the past two years in order to stay sane. john is Some Guy, who might be his old partner. one of those is way easier to have a normal conversation with than the other. one of those is shaped way more like a person than the other. yanno?

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

the hug is also crazy from a john's-body-perception perspective btw. hastur's body has been used to torment and kill so many for so long especially arthur specifically and john has had such negative associations with having a corporeal form that he hasn't even wanted to project himself. and then the first time he does actually project as himself (rather than doing a big threat display where he's trying to be as scary and hastur-y as possible) and it's to hold arthur gently. kindly. as a friend. he has to learn to allow himself to use his body as an expression of him and not a threatening mask and the first thing he does honestly as himself to embrace his friend. and also with that thing the dollmaker said earlier about john's soul "following arthur's lead" and now arthur has to literally pick up and carry the body of hastur, this monstrous thing that he knows is stained with so much of his blood, so that he can ensure it's reborn in reality, and he does it without a moment's hesitation, like it's easy, like it's nothing. but, also, also, john says "embracing who i am" right as he hugs their shared body. which. could mean nothing!! just like "and i felt home" could mean nothing. u kno. because john is so super normal about arthur's body. sure.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

was thinking abt that last post abt their codependent insecurity again in the shower and it reminded me, well ok it reminded me of a few things, but from arthur's angle specifically it reminded me of another line from the end of 56 that i don't think i ever got around to talking about but that really Hit Me,

JOHN: I’ll miss you, Arthur.  ARTHUR (teasingly): Nah. Only for a bit.

like. guy who infamously has a fucking lethal dose of dead-loved-ones trauma, about to die in front of someone who loves him, says this?? because he knows. he Has To Know how big of a fucking lie this is. he cannot be unaware of the potential this moment has to monumentally fuck john up for however long the rest of his life is. and in my mind there are two reasons, maybe working side-by-side, that he would say this:

he is intentionally downplaying it to make this moment seem less scary, or

he sincerely believes that john just needs to go live his own life for a while and he'll forget all about him eventually.

and like, especially given that arthur is transparently putting on a brave face for john during all of this goodbye (gestures at how he is trying so hard to make it hopeful and focus on the positives of john's future when he later confesses that he was terrified the whole time), my inclination would definitely be to believe that (1) is the driving factor...

except that then we get to 58. and arthur is told that john did, in fact, go become something entirely new, and is no longer his friend, and does not mourn him and is not even especially excited to see him alive, and he just. believes that. almost at face value. despite very obvious signs that the KIY is lying. badly. i'm not saying he's not upset about it, obviously he is—but he accepts it. yknow. he doesn't call bullshit.

so like. maybe some part of him did sincerely mean this line in 56, too. maybe he really does believe that, given enough time and distance, john could just. stop caring about him.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

i want a second screenshot here to make my point but i can't think of a specific single line for arthur that really makes a good match, anyway. i did laugh out loud at this when i heard it, because john, this man tried to DIE for you, TWICE, you CANNOT still be this insecure and oblivious to how deeply unwell he is about you specifically, but then i thought about it for 5 more seconds and like. man. yeah.

because they are both like this. is the thing. and they have been like this and will continue to be like this. like coming to understand each other and grow as people and practice good communication and all that helped with the arguing but let's not confuse that for like, making the relationship healthy. they are still wildly codependent and it jumps out in moments like this. the insecurity. the immediate assumption that the person who's fought and sacrificed for them might feel nothing at all about them, if they are given the slightest bit of prompting to doubt their bond. the KIY says this bullshit even though yellow has to be in there yelling "what are you talking about he's so obsessed with john it is disgusting have you seen them," arthur hears the KIY say a bunch of lukewarm things about being "whole" and decides to jump straight into "ok i guess my friend is dead and you feel nothing for me now that's fine haha i'm happy for you haha it's not like this is the outcome i once killed myself to prevent or anything hahaha but no it's great that you're happy" so quickly that even fucking larson is like "do your ears not work either now? are you stupid? are you fucking stupid?"

like. it's the same exact dance they did in s4, in the tear, when john was terrified that arthur would dump him if he wasn't Useful and arthur was terrified that john was just being insincerely nice to placate him. tbh i think it is a secret motivator for a Lot of their bigger fights, ultimately, is being afraid that the other's acceptance/affection is conditional and might be taken away. and john consistently reacts by trying to lash out and start fights so he can get ahead of the imagined criticism, and arthur reacts by grabbing for the nearest sharp object to carve off whatever piece of himself he imagines john finds grating or objectionable to exist in. and they are going to continue trying to patch up the symptoms without ever getting at the root cause, because again, they are Both Like This and don't register any solutions other than "entwine our minds and souls even more deeply so there's not enough room to disagree or misunderstand each other ever."

and maybe they will even succeed. i mean they're back in the same body by choice this time which is. something. love that for them. never change just never involve anyone else in what you're doing etc

^ like that.