Viren’s REAL Master PLan of Eviltude
MAN, you guys in the ‘we-hate-Viren’ camp are really SLEEPING aren’t you? You think you’re living up there in woke-land when you haven’t even SCRATCHED the depth of villainy this man gets up to in his spare time. Sure, you’ve got the baby stuff like hurting peoples feelings and slaying poor defenseless arch dragons, but cmon guys, we can do better than that.
Where are my posts about how Viren really stole Zym’s egg to use dark magic on it and cheat at the yearly Omelette-making contest? Everyone knows how much Barius covets his title and Viren was going to STEAL it from him with fluffy dragon embryo!
Captain Villads never saw what gouged out his right eye, and EVERYONE knows that Viren is notorious for having feet! He could be anywhere.
But the BIGGEST and most EVIL thing that just NO ONE is talking about is how Viren TRULY masterminded Sarai’s death. He KNEW that Duren’s food supplies subsisted entirely on jelly tarts and had complete access to Bait at most (nap) times! Clearly, he stole the glowtoad, brought him to Duren and made him EAT all of their food KNOWING that the Queens would be FORCED to go to Katolis to ask Harrow for help. Obviously Harrow was going to agree with that meaning that since HALF the people in Katolis were going to starve, that meant that all he had to do was make sure that Sarai was the half of the royal family that bit it (or didn’t cause no food for her).
Unfortunately, he, like Thanos failed to understand what exactly ‘half’ of Katolis meant, and Sarai was still horfing jelly tarts at the rate to keep pace with Bait so he needed to get a bit more creative. Using dark magic, he willed the magma titan (and all the books about it) into existence to tempt Harrow into Xadia. He was pretty sure that if he could steal the man away from his wife for an overnight sleepover he’d leave her for him and Sarai would consequently die of a broken heart. Unfortunately, she too realized this and decided to join the mission last-minute which made seducing Harrow away from her much too difficult.
Frustrated, Viren had to move on to plan C and slipped the magma titan a 20 when no one was looking, hoping that it’d bitch-slap Sarai’s head off. He forgot to take into account that it didn’t have eyes though, and since Sarai and Amaya looked so alike, the wrong sister got schmacked and they were forced to move on to plans D through F.
Using Reverse Psychology Viren TRICKED Harrow into making them walk with the wounded, hoping that Sarai would be crushed under the weight of her own sister (plan D), or possibly die of boredom on the way back (plan E), but when neither of those worked, Thunder showed up (as Viren KNEW he would) and the Queens of Duren (who were never actually there to begin with, Viren also willed them into existence beforehand just for this very contingency) conveniently forgot what ‘forward’ meant, giving him an excuse to run back after their dumb asses.
While he waited for Sarai (the person who DIDN’T like him) to show up and save him without Harrow (the person who DID like him), he slipped Thunder a 5 (since he’d only had 25 on him and now he couldn’t get his swiss and rye) to take care of her and luckily for him Thunder was a cheap ho’ and agreed and FINALLY, plan F, the ultimate plan of evilness came to fruition and Sarai was finally DEAD and he could have Harrow all to himself!
Sadly, Viren forgot to take into account that he had the sexual fortitude of a catholic school-girl and spend the next 8 years wringing his hands and blushing every time Harrow said hello to him.
