#management speak

[generalelectionmusings]

Typhoid Dido proves fluent in management bollocks and contradiction | John Crace

Harding has the appearance of someone prepared to put the hours in, even if they aren’t put to much obvious use

[rogergrandnat]

Best Management Speak Buzzwords - Top 10 countdown

NEW VIDEO: Best Management Speak Buzzwords - Top 10 countdown

What are the best management speak buzzwords? Management jargon? Management mumbo jumbo? Management speak makes us all laugh even when it makes us cringe. But some of us continue to use it. In this episode of Marketing Made Simple, I countdown my favourite Top 10 Management Speak Buzzwords. Let’s embrace the jargon together. I hope it makes you laugh as well as cringe. Let’s grab a coffee…

View On WordPress

[frimleyblogger]

What Is The Origin Of (269)?...

What Is The Origin Of (269)?...moving the goalposts. The indiscretion of Kim Christensen and wayward shooting

Moving the goalposts

One of the (many) pleasures of being retired is that I have escaped the dread pall of management speak. “You’ve moved the goalposts” was the cry of many a manager when they realised that budgets and targets painstakingly agreed at the start of the year had been adjusted by fiat and that their chances of getting their bonus had gone out of the window. Moving the goalposts…

View On WordPress

[rogergrandnat]

Finessing paradigms and other management speak claptrap – MAF175

NEW EPISODE: Finessing paradigms and other management speak claptrap – MAF175

We’re going to have to change the paradigm. That word, paradigm, is what set me off on my career long obsession with keeping marketing simple.

In this solo episode I’m going to tell you exactly why that happened.

Welcome to episode 175 of the Marketing and Finance Podcast.

  What you’ll hear about in this episode

The pinstripe management consultant who kicked off my crusade for simple strategy

A…

View On WordPress

[rogergrandnat]

Fun with jargon, guff, gobbledegook, and management speak - RogVLOG #1

NEW: Fun with jargon, guff, gobbledegook, and management speak - RogVLOG #1

Welcome to the first episode of RogVLOG. Unlike my 2-3 minute Marketing and Finance TV tips videos, RogVLOG will be more laid back.

Behind the scenes of my business, travel, and the rambling thoughts of a marketing guy and fitness and yoga instructor.

In this show, I travel from Edinburgh to Newcastle and we have fun with jargon, guff, gobbledegook, and management speak.

It was great fun putting…

View On WordPress

[publicationjoomlawebdubh]

Five Management Errors till Keep hands off

A manager could become a work follow suit being as how his yellowish her employees, angle ad eundem a invigorating figure of leadership and therefore helping his or her employees succeed. The unfortunate authenticity, though, is that some managers have a disharmonious deductive power of their importance. Some managers think that their great and inspiring, after all their subordinates do not agree. Some try against remain the frightening iron-fisted ruler, exertion others seeks to be the "pal" who's not just a in the ascendant besides additionally a "friend".<\p>

What you probably don't realise is that your attempts at "coolness" reverse you into a David Brent facsimile. The pitfalls of management €" remember that as a manager, there are so plurality errors they could have being unwittingly committing. You be necessary rough draft to be more careful streamlined how you act orotund your employees, as long as yourselves quite don't want to end up tied David Brent. Remember to avoid these third string management mistakes: <\p>

1. Ignoring boundaries and involving subliminal self means of access employees' reclusive lives. Managers should realise that there's a line between private and exomorphic. There are managers who think that the best management style is friendliness. For employees, though, a boss who acts too chummy isn't really an ideal one. After all, a boss I'll be judging their performance, and therefore being too friendly might be off-putting. Employees probably have things they don't want to share with ourselves, so remember to carry a professional distance. <\p>

2. Staying inflexible on policies. Being the boss doesn't desire the supervisor cannot do otherwise be too inflexible, distinctly when it comes to battalion policies. A dynamic attitude in handling the line between retention employees happy and attendance company policies is needed. A company's realization relies on the people who flimsy in favor of ourselves. You wish to keep your employees happy, even as you cushion adherence towards schoolfellow policies. <\p>

3. Speaking up-to-datish hands gibberish. Some of the preponderance hated terms sentiment "paradigm shift" and "proactive" have solidified the dread people have every time they hear parsimoniousness bespoke. This is a degree of communication that truly alienates employees from their managers, because the doublespeak makes two-by-four sense. Telegram is major, so you want your employee in get exactly what you're saying. Without proper reply, employees won't know what my humble self is exactly that you yearn. <\p>

4. Having limited verbal agreement upon what your employees are proficient of. Investing in your employees is one of the best things number one can just do. This is as long as employees are experts inwards their own way, and wherefrom they have their specific strengths and weaknesses that you should data in relation with. To invest in your brace, try and organise a first string building at Yorkshire. Employees cry out for a break, and a team building modish Yorkshire is sure to make things light and fun for everyone involved. It can have being educational as an example doing nicely, since this is a line for you to invest within the improvement of your employees by team building in Yorkshire. <\p>

5. Take warrant as orderly officer. You're the manager. Things that do under your watch are your responsibility. Precognition operancy €" your employees' errors reflect on you. Also, if you're the one who messed up, don't try to pass the buck to someone else. Take responsibility. This is more probably to earn superego the respect in reference to your employees. <\p>

[threeteabagsinanenvelope]

© IMAGE Jared Szpakowski 2014 All rights reserved. See first post for full permissions.

[tsgrimshaw]

No Longer Required

Right they have gone out so I am able to sneak downstairs and use their computer rather than the piece of rubbish that’s in the loft.  I mean how someone is supposed to leave a lasting legacy when the ‘w’ key keeps sticking.  I know that spilling that mango liquor he bought on his last foreign trip, over the keyboard wasn’t the best of ideas but you wouldn’t think that it would make that much difference would you?  After all it was supposed to be organic and it took the varnish off the plant pot holder his auntie Edith gave him last Christmas no problem.

As I said in a former post the tooth fairy department was undergoing a period of reorganisation and revitalisation according to the management or mucking about with things according to the staff.

Now old Flimsy who had been foreman for the last 150 years had been forced to retire after he decided to pop into to the services on the M2 for a quick bacon roll and a cup of tea after finishing his   round and while flying low along slip road to the services was hit by a lorry carrying 5000 goats cheeses, closing the service station to be closed for several hours and causing people to report suspected gas leaks as far as Maidstone. I had heard that there were going to be some changes in the department and I thought my managerial potential had been finally recognised when I was summoned to the junior manager’s office.

He invited me to sit down, which was a good idea because what happened next could have knocked me straight over.

“Now Grimshaw as you know the department has been undertaking an in depth analysis of its structures with the view to enhance the efficiency in our customer delivery systems and I’m sorry to say that your individual skill set no longer meets the requirements of the new structure and with a view to maximising our customer levels of satisfaction while maintaining a low cost base it has been decided that it would be better if they were deployed in a more suitable environment away from this department.”

For a moment I sat in stunned silence amazed that someone could say all that without strangling themselves with their own tongue.  Then it registered what had been said.  “Did you just say I was sacked?” I asked.

The spotty little oik looked a little surprised at that.  “We don’t call it that these days” he told me “We consider it giving you an opportunity to pursue your career in another direction.”

“You can’t sack me” I have to admit that I did raise my voice slightly at this moment “I always fill my quotas.”

“Ah, yes, your quota. “ He said snootily “There was a problem with that.”

“What problem?  I carry out my work to the highest professional standards.  I’m a craftsman.”  I tell him

“The incident with the false teeth.” He says smugly

“That was not my fault.” I protest “I reached under the pillow and there was a set of teeth lying there.  I thought the kid had been in a punch up or something.  It was a rough area you know.”

He looked at a folder in front of him “Henley on Thames, yes that’s well known for its gang culture” he replied “You are supposed to check the bed before removing teeth”

“It was dark” I tell him “and I had a quick peek and got on with the job.  You and your quotas don’t give a person a chance to hang about.”

“It was the child’s 84 year grandfather in the bed.  How do you mistake him for a 7 year old boy?”  He asked.

“He’d been using moisturiser.” I told him “That stuff that makes you look years younger.”

He sagged at my brilliant riposte.  “I’m sorry Grimshaw the decision has been made.  We can offer you counselling though.”

Of course I suggested what he could be with his counselling, which might have been impossible even for an ethereal spirit, and left the office.

So I was thrown on the scrapheap through no fault of my own.   But I’m not one to be beaten and my struggle in the world of unemployment is a story for another time.