I wish everyone on the internet knew about The Mangler. You put a link to a web page with text in it, and then you laugh for about three hours. (Enter the URL of an HTML page and press Mangle. For best results, choose a document that contains several pages of text.)
Over the years I've entered web pages with my own stories, and saved the funniest lines (Italicized comments are my own) :
There was a blank slot in his face, her breasts pressed against the resistance of whatever was coming out of them.
(I don't want to know what was coming out of them. That puts a blank slot on my face, too. )
Her hair smelled like the sunset.
(Ahhh, inhale that sunset. )
He tried again and drank the last of her face.
(And then he drank the last of YOUR MOM.) )
Then he smoothed his hair back. Breathed. He was in his stomach.
(Cozy and warm. And moist. And a bit acidic. )
He tried to get the key into the side of a woman, ingratiating and solicitous.
(That's not where it goes, damn it. )
He had seen this woman on his face and "Something is very badly wrong with me, he thought , even as he was.
(Again, there's a time and a place for everything. )
There was a bright side to everything. One bright side to everything. One bright side to everything. One bright side to everything. One bright side was that, whoever the hell had gotten into him.
(Always look on the bright side! At least someone had gotten into him. )
Slowly he remembered the color white.
("Kind of pale? Opposite of black, I think." )
She tries to form something coherent to yell to him, but all she can come up with your mother.
(I usually resort to that, too. )
Shop for groceries (toothpaste, floss, soap, possibly hair-dye, don't forget!) Stop to pick up a little tsundere .
(I totally ran out.)
I am going to get sick or die. And to eat tons of incredible artists.
(Which, obviously, is not too good for you.)
He said, "It's nice in here. I want a big blue wobbly thing that goes over the side. That the man in the ass. :)
(Umm. *cough*)
I know it was Summer. I adore summer, but I need to write like a blob.
(That's what agents are really looking for.)
He accidentally killed her during a fight with the ridiculous power tools at 8 AM so I swing back around (one-way tide, what?) and go out the revolution, and then he accidentally killed her during a fight with the Obvious Bat.
(Must be awful to be killed with power tools at 8 AM, but just mortifying to be killed with the Obvious Bat.)
Note to future self: After Penn, take the water-slides.
Much quicker way back to LI.
And some of my fanfics, too!
No, but I was given pills to counter the growth but I wore a dress once on a filthy, stained bed.
(Resident Evil 4: The Deleted Scenes.)
His movements had caused the wounds in his own package to make sure he was going from bad to worse.
(When your movements are causing wounds to your own package, dude I don't even know what to tell you.)
She nodded shortly and left with the IQ of his own package.
(It just kind of followed her out of the room.)
Thoughts of Luis were never good ones; he kicked that man directly out of his pants.
(Oh well. That's what fanfiction is for.)
Eames shrugs and casually chews on his thigh.
(Way to be casual Eames!)
The coat ends up being a dick about it and reading into it, also fun, for me.
(Even the coat was being a dick about it!)
But Arthur's need for clothes is a disturbing one.
(I AGREE WITH THIS. DOWN WITH CLOTHES. YOU DO NOT NEED THEM.)
Arthur... Something shaking, something shaking him, hands on his ass?
(Yes? Is it asking me? My answer is yes.)
And I highly recommend falling onto an air mattress, asshole.
(Take my advice, asshole!)
I want everyone to go out and mangle everything, then post the choicest lines!
