#manofcolour

[transbrownnonbinaryguy]

Top Surgery Pre op

So I had my top surgery pre op appointment today as i have my procedure tomorrow and I just wanted to talk about how it went incase folks are wondering/want to know what it is like:

I met the patient coordinator who I have been in contact with about regarding my double incision with nipple graft procedure 

I met the doctor who went over consent forms, asked if I had any remaining questions and looked at my chest really briefly

the nurse took side and frontal photographs of my chest so that the doctor can look at it and figure out the formula for where my incisions need to be

went over my prescription medications (Tylenol 3s and pre op pill) feel free to message me questions if you have any 

[transbrownnonbinaryguy]

moment when someone outs you. so not okay. to out anyone. ever. under any circumstances

[transbrownnonbinaryguy]

oh my gawd 35 days until my surgery!

[transbrownnonbinaryguy]

Skipping class this morning was so worth it for sleeping in and eating chocolate peanut butter ice cream for breakfast. Self love is revolutionary shit

[transbrownnonbinaryguy]

What resources have folks given their parents about transition?

Trigger warning i talk about what my mum said out of fear of me transitioning and it is pretty intense around like death stuff.

Okay so today, I come home from school. My mum has never really communicated her feelings about my transition to me verbally and she's kind of just been like whatever makes you happy everything is good. I guess she like googled testosterone or something and cancer came up. so she like emails me saying that Testosterone might make me die and get cancer. Shit. like that was really hard to hear; maybe even more harder for her to say i don't really know. and then she said i was messing up my body and it was really hard to hear. but in some ways at least she communicated something with me. I wish there were more parent support groups that were helpful or something and i know pflag and stuff has resources for parents. do folks have resources they have shared with their parents regarding transition? I feel like I have shared a fair bit of good stuff with my mum, but I am curious to see if there are resources that I am missing/want to take a look at or share with her. anything would help and thanks so much, Zain

[transbrownnonbinaryguy]

on super complicated dad stuff

Trigger Warning brown dad stuff & talk of violence 

I think one of the reasons that I never really thought about Testosterone was an option more so until recently is because of my complicated relationship with my brown dad.

growing up he was violent verbally, physically and emotionally towards me and my sister and my mum. He still is in ways that are emotionally and verbally harmful and it hurts a lot. I have a lot of anger, rightly so and upsetness towards him for how he treated me my mum and my sister growing up

He says misogynistic shit and has very traditional ideas of gender roles and is also stubborn so the combination is just toxic a lot. I was worried that taking Testosterone would mean I might become him or something. That might sounds silly, but for the longest time I really was up until recently. I know I am not my dad at all but like when you grew up with so few male role models in your life and the one person was not the person you saw in yourself, it was definitely what I thought and internalized.

I know I am not him and I think so differently about life and I really carry myself in a lot of different ways. I am really glad now to have brown desi men in my life whom I can relate to and connect with. it makes my heart feel really good considering for most of my life I didn't have this. 

[transbrownnonbinaryguy]

Just paid off half of my surgery bill today. I have worked so much to get this surgery; i can't even. I feel like I might have chronic fatigue from everything I am doing -3 Jobs and school. *deep breath*

[transbrownnonbinaryguy]

On Reproductive FtM/having kids stuff...?

Trigger Warning I talk about: Eggs/reproduction/surgery/pregnancy/options and thoughts about being a trans* non binary brown man who may some day want to use my eggs to have kids or maybe not.

So something that has been on my mind a lot lately is reproduction and shit. I mean I do not desire ever to be pregnant ever. But lately I have been thinking about my eggs. Like I am only 23 years old I don't even know if I want to have kids; I mean I have thought about being a foster parent/adopting in the future but I haven't thought a lot about my eggs because I feel weird that I have them in the first place. But I was thinking about maybe storing my eggs in the future? I mean I am so unsure and I don't care at all about bio when it comes to kids, but I figure even if I don't end up using my eggs maybe someone else could use them. I don't really know where to begin with this. I feel so vulnerable writing about this. I am also aware that talking about this can be really triggering for folks which is why I put the TW. Have folks experienced thinking about this? I am planning to start Testosterone soon so like I am just wondering - If I wanted to store my eggs, what kind of surgery would I need and like would it cost money? I am seeing my doc in a month so I can probably ask them about these things too. It has been really difficult for me to carry these deep and vulnerable thoughts on my shoulders and I really needed to write about it to see if other folks experienced thinking about this. I feel like I am young and like it feels like such a heavy thing to think about. Ugh and this whole eggs thing is so confusing to me because I am just this brown guy. so many feels.

Also I am interested in if folks could recommend resources/articles/books/blog about trans* men/nonbinary folks raising or having kids either through adoption or just whatever Do folks have any resources they could pass on to me? would appreciate anything you could offer <3