#maple bacon chips

[addicted-to-gubler]

Maple bacon chips are like the most Canadian thing ever 😂😂

[sentimental-apathy]

[chiptina-blog]

Ka-bacon! The Shot Heard 'Round The World

Chip: Kettle Brand Maple Bacon Potato Chips

Grade: D

Hello. And welcome back to The Hater Hour with Chiptina. Tonight's episode smells like Beggin' Strips and tastes like obscenity. But fear not. By its end, you'll be glad you stayed tuned. I've got some bacon revelations to serve up, brought to you by all natural green solar wind biodiesel, which is part of the Kettle Brand promise of pure gorgeous naturalness. It's Non-GMO Project Verified! Don't know what that means? Good! We're happy to have you. 

That said, these chips just plain confound me. They slap you across the mouth with a zap of sugary tang which quickly disappears with naught but a puff of delicate smoke in its wake. That smoke I guess is meant to signify the bacon portion of this mixture, but honestly, it's not bacon-y. It's just smoky. And sucky. They forgot the most important part of this recipe: BACON. 

Now, I've expressed my specific distaste in the past for those who put maple syrup on their bacon, mainly because I find it offensive, mainly to my heritage, as a German Czech Irish Swiss Scottish Dutch French English American. Mine is clearly a pork-loving people. But it seems that everyone nowadays has some kind of fascination with the mystical beauty and comedic properties of bacon. 

Everyone loves bacon and everyone knows that everyone loves bacon. So some fiends of this earth have taken it upon themselves to test your faith in bacon. They will bring your tender tastebuds to the brink of insanity and then thrust you back into reality, laughing maliciously and quite probably drunkenly. Drunk. With power. Power all too precious for the true bacon believer to surrender to these mocking heathens.

So I will not sit idly by as chipmakers and snack typhoons chuckle chubbily in their snug leather desk chairs and play our musical gamut of emotions like a fiddle, knowing full well we will weaken at the knees at the mere mention of the magical meat. I will pass judgment on their feeble attempts at inventive snack creation. Are they so base and apathetic that they cannot produce something innovative or perhaps even something that actually just tastes remotely good? Well then no wonder the government shut down. 

But why is bacon such a fertile medium for comedy, drama, a campy domestic maple-slathered way of life? It seems the world has an all-too-thorough fascination with making the subject of baconians piety and conviction into a punchline. One need not look any further than Epic Meal Time than to see how bacon is used to sensationalize a common dining ritual. And its even crept past the point of quirky amateur comedy to full-blown cultural obsession. I have just today learned of the Bacon Film Festival occurring in New York this month. Yes, short films about bacon in all forms and in all kinds of sultry positions. But quite frankly, it seems too gimmicky to yield anything of value in either the cinematic or culinary art world. But then again, perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised. One never knows when it comes to bacon. You just gotta have faith.   

Bacon Film Festival link: https://www.facebook.com/HormelBacon/app_536736799730626

Love & 'taters, get at me haters, 

Chiptina