Sep 29, 2024
"Haha, I'm so OCD"
KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND.
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"Haha, I'm so OCD"
KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND. KILLING YOU WITH MY MIND.
Tried sleeping for most of the evening then waking up at 1 am last night and it didn't work out for me. I was still so tired that I went back to sleep. It's okay though since I didn't really expected too much work for myself that time.
I was so mentally exhausted from my OCD I felt like I was losing it. I was so tired. I wanted to chop my hands off. Nothing makes sense to me. I'm tired.
People be saying that they're so "delulu" until I bring up my paranoia and delusions and suddenly it's no longer a safe space 🙄
Mpox has been reported to be in my province. I think I'm gonna end up killing myself if I hear anyone in class having it.
I need to one day explain to people how problematic it is to water down disorders and mental illnesses in casual speak.
But isn't most of the association/stereotypes about OCD positive and accurate to you?
Yeah, no, here's the thing. Yes, I hate contamination. Yes, I'm obsessed with sanitizing everything I touch. But everything I do in relation to contamination is rooted in anxiety and trauma. And no, me being organized has nothing to do with my OCD.
I still hear people use OCD so casually when what they might mean is behavior similar to perfectionism. I still hear from my professors how they'd prefer if a student has OCD so that they could have neater and perfect output on school work. I still hear people refer to traits related to Autism as OCD because of the perfectionism stereotype. Like at that point, you're better off not saying anything since you clearly have no clue what you're talking about.
And if I do bring up OCD most people don't take it seriously since they already have a preconceived notion of what OCD looks like.
I have to explain how debilitating it is to my life and how it's not me being a "germaphobe". That I end up breaking some of my devices because I keep pouring alcohol over them. That I end up damaging documents and items because I spray them with alcohol for falling down the floor. Or that wounds on my hands have a hard time healing because of me pouring/spraying alcohol 3-5 times every few minutes.
So please, I need you all to stop using psychological terms in casual speak. It makes it harder for us to be taken seriously.
Went shopping in the supermarket today using a basket. Worst experience I had the entire week since my contamination OCD makes me lose my mind on everything I come in contact with.
I really hate the feeling of distrusting my reality. I hate thinking that someone replaced my sibling for a demon like that. I hate having the first thought after waking up that "THAT'S NOT MY MOTHER". My pragmatic world view be damned. Like, I hate how my irrational thoughts are as smart as me and that I couldn't even trust myself sometimes. Like, I could NEVER be too sure of myself no matter how much I rationalize my situation.
I feel better right now. But God did I hate that. I really hated that.
Been on and off of this site again. I have many thoughts but not enough time. So many thoughts indeed. Like everybody needs to touch some grass and I need to casually talk about my anxieties and paranoid thinkings to my family more.
Cause like it's somewhat interesting to see their reactions. Like finally opening up how I sometimes think that the devil is after me or that I have derealization issues sometimes. Like I just keep too many secrets.
My therapist bringing up my symptoms are.....interesting. My mom and dad ofc being more ableist somewhat and being more understanding as time goes on. Like me bringing up how I have mild symptoms of certain things like psychosis or smting. Not an actual diagnosis but just symptoms.
Also, I may not want to ever go hungry ever again 'cause the last time I havnt eaten for 28hrs I just crashed and felt like everyone was after me and then I fell asleep and woke up loosing it at around 2am. Weird how I survived that 'cause I have diabetes too.
Yeah I'm a mess.