#derealization

[sassy420princess]

And yk what, I dont think Katy perry kissed a girl and liked it

[sassy420princess]

Today I had a misogynistic thought so I request to be baptised in monster once again to be re-woken, please and thank u

[eye-of-toad]

Smart guy with known disassociation, depersonalization, and derealization issues goes to see Backrooms alone at night.

Smart guy leaves and realizes he is very dumb.

[lotttie1111]

⋆˚꩜｡ “are you even listening??”

the state I’ve been in my whole life:

[noplaceb0y]

Diagnosed with fucking ADHD WTF XD??? istg i dont have fucking adhd and yet diagnosed im actually going to end it, they js diagnose me and put me on pills, no help whatsoever just pills genuienly im ending it after i change my name so in my grave itll be engraved.

nothing is fucking real and what do i get? adhd fucking nice W psychologist im just gonna end it and now i wait knowing my end anxiously tomorrow or in some months its the fucking end

[misscammiedawn]

There's a lot to hate about AI but one that really gets under my skin in particular is that it throws my derealization symptoms into overdrive.

I recently saw a video essay with a presenter that was pinging my uncanny valley spider-sense but wasn't overt enough to classify it as This Is Fake™.

The "presenter" was doing a bunch of things to subtly flag that they were real. Audio errors. Misspoken words. Shuffling and banging the microphone by mistake. Fidgeting with their outfit and hair.

All these little human things that are by design supposed to make you register this thing as safe and human.

So I dug through a bunch of their other videos watching for things. Looking at the creases of clothes. The way fingers moved. The way shadows blended on walls and such.

Anything I could to make this uneasy feeling go away.

Comments section didn't help as I'd imagine 97% or more of the comments are bot accounts. No one mentioning the potential AI oddities and if they did I'm sure the creator would have deleted the comment.

So, I kept watching... and the more I searched, the more uneasy I felt. Even typing now the sensation of "...am I wrong...?" keeps pinging. Because maybe there were after-effect filters used or some other form of blended reality that can muddy the water.

The thing is, though. After falling so deep into the Must Verify Reality section of thinking, I've not stopped. I'm watching a movie trailer and wondering if the actors are real or not. I'm looking at the coffee stains on my counter and wondering if they're real or just there for authenticity. Scanning memories and asking "can we prove our telehealth therapist was ever real?"

For the most part we manage our CDD symptoms fairly well. We can usually rely on objective reality to ground ourselves when symptoms flair up or have trusted people to tell us if we're perceiving things correctly. We can let the little things go like seeing things in peripheral vision or becoming convinced that users online are people from our past stalking us.

We can just "and how would your reactions change if that were true?" the question and disregard it.

But when I am lead to a point of which I cannot trust my ability to tell if something is real or fake to this level it starts bleeding into everything and it's making me feel like throwing up.

I consider myself pretty well managed in my ability to function. I'm struggling on this one. I cannot imagine how bad it must be for those who have not been provided as much understanding external support and care.

It's deeply troubling.

[wemadehell]

[braaainwaaash]

photo by @psychodelic6 on instagram <3