#maria notes

[thehyperspacesystem]

I am not plural, I have a fucking disorder. It's not the same experience.

I experience myself as simultaneous, parallel states of consciousness that can blend with each other or interfere with each other. Awareness can be shared between states or mental and emotional processes can continue outside of my awareness. Some states have different senses of identity. But in general, I find the alters as seperate people narrative popular online alienating, as I do not experience myself this way.

For those states that have their own sense of identity it is never the less a useful model to embrace the felt sense of personhood that comes with the experience and talk about them as if they were a seperate individual and to dialouge between them.

Most of us however, do not feel like a person. That my brain could not give me a self is very much a felt experience for most of us.

[thehyperspacesystem]

So you want to develop a DID/OSDD mobile app: A reality check

To even consider this you need to have experience with at least the following:

Graphic Design (for icons, etc)

Human Computer Interaction (user interface design)

Database design and administration. This includes things like migrating to a new schema as the app grows and changes are needed without breaking it for anyone who is using the app.

REST API design and development, this includes things like API Version management so that your app doesn’t break for people who haven’t updated yet.

Backend / server development

Mobile UI development whether that’s jetpack compose or swift UI or whatever applies to the platforms you are targeting.

Programming In Kotlin, java or swift (depends on platform)

Writing and running automated tests

Automated UI Testing

Continuous Integration

Server administration or cloud dev ops

Technical Support

Debugging

Release management, which includes google play / app store polices and requirements.

(if targeting both iOS and android) cross platform development experience

Bug tracking / Project management

Backup and Disaster recovery.

Security (this includes incident response when your app gets hacked, which it will eventually).

Legal and Compliance (DID/OSDD related data could be considered health data and is subject to laws about how data is processed and stored in certain countries, which the vast majority of DID/OSDD apps are probably breaking).

Developing bug fixes and updates (google play requires an app to be updated every so often or it will be removed, I am unsure as to what apple’s policies are)

Fixing security vulnerabilities (yes you will have them)

That’s a lot of skills for one person to have. I have assumed that you are already an advanced programmer in at least one programming language. That’s not enough.

All of these things take a lot of time, and you only have one body. You probably also already have a full time job.

In an actual software company, there would be a full-time employee responsible for each of those areas who specializes in doing just that.

There is a reason all the apps developed by a single person don’t work properly. There is no such thing as a full stack developer anymore, there hasn’t been for years.

[thehyperspacesystem]

woah. An alter I have never been aware of before called Autumn has just dumped info about our actual system structure and confirmed that we are polyfrag.

she explains it that the main gang cannot figure out what our system structure is because we're like programs running in a virtual machine trying to figure out what programs are running on the host or in other VMs. We are simply not meant to know all of it.

details below the cut

there is back stage cast of about 8 parts previously unknown who are like the host operating system and hypervisor in our computer analogy who keep everything running.

I don't know how to feel about these revelations.

Some useful things have come out of finding this out, it turns out that the ability to hear everyone can be switched on and off and groups of who can be aware of each other can be arbitrary reassigned.

I lasted 5 minutes with unrestricted group assignments. I can't cope with being aware of that much internal communication traffic. I changed back to the way things were. It was set up that way with internal communication and awareness of other parts being heavily restricted for good reasons.

We are not "bad at" internal communication, it was simply turned off and we somehow forgot the proper way to turn it on.

It would appear that the system the main gang is aware of is just a virtual system inside of another system and I get the feeling that Autumn was not meant to tell us this information.

In our computer analogy, Autumn seems to be the system/network administrator.

She has also said there is more to say that is not OK for us to know at the moment.

*sigh* I had started to suspect we were a polyfrag system, but I really really didn't want it to be true.

fml

[thehyperspacesystem]

It's been an eventful day internally, but what started as me simply asking everyone to each choose an emoji to represent themselves with ended up snowballing into us finally being able to map the entire system.

We had previously been unable to do this and the results were very surprising. There are 29 named alters, we don't know about fragments yet. There are a few more alters that must theoretically exist because of our splitting pattern which I know better than to post on a public website. But this is everyone that anyone could communicate with. With all the switches to add answers, I forgot why i wanted everyone to do this. But it had a good outcome. I was probably going to use the emojis as tags or something.

[thehyperspacesystem]

For once I am not depersonalized, i'm fully myself and that was a bit rough actually having pesky emotions.

I spent the afternoon listening to my favorite P!nk albums and dialogue journaling to catch up with everything and then going through the past 5 days entries. I also had a look at our notes on known alters and it's a disaster! Some alters have been logged twice or even three times under different names and some states of two alters blended together have been counted as a new alter when it isn't.

It's very easy to get this kind of thing wrong, let this be a cautionary tale for all the new systems out there. While our system has a whole bunch of fragments that each do certain tasks, we don't actually have that many named alters. Like i'd be surprised if there was 20 named alters. It's just that the rest of the gang have counted everyone twice and made other mistakes.

[thehyperspacesystem]

If you have switched to a dumbphone and miss the notes app, you can text yourself. Put your own number in as "self" and then send a text to yourself. My phone has a voice recorder that I sometimes use, but if you are in public or something and don't want to speak out loud, you can text yourself instead.

[thehyperspacesystem]

I am going to have to get my system to start tagging posts for which alter wrote them so I don't look at my own blog and wonder if I have been hacked. Probably alters who have different views writing and not a hacker since I have 2fa turned on

[thehyperspacesystem]

Just finished writing an extensive wiki style guide to how to be disabled in our Obsidian system journal for the others in our system who are not up to date on how to deal.

I am basically our system's occupational therapist at this point, since we don't have an actual one yet. I do have a referral to a real one though, i don't know how long that will take so i am doing what I can.

The guide itself is specific to our body, illnesses / medical conditions, abilities and home though, so is probably only useful to our system so I am not sharing it.