This first year of sharing my art has been like a condensed version of the story of how my life began. It has been a series of stops and starts—seeking, roaming aimlessly, roadblocks, selling myself out, being afraid and intimidated but pressing on anyway, learning from my mistakes and making more mistakes. It’s been tough and a lot of the time I feel like a lost sheep who just can’t seem to find a place to fit amongst my more traditional counterparts. On the other hand, I have learned so much. I have found a new way. I am not lost, but walking by faith instead of sight.
On this journey I have found the most unlikely cheerleaders spurring me on, and I have encountered those who don’t seem to understand my journey or why I have left the traditional path, where I never should have been in the first place, to pursue a fantasy. The truth is, I’m walking through open doors and avoiding doors that are closed and trying not to accumulate any bitterness or ill feelings along the way. I’m taking my cues and reading the lines written specifically for me. I’m learning press on fearlessly and not take things too personally when it doesn’t go the way I want it to go. For too long I have been trying to pigeonhole myself into being what I thought I was supposed to be according to a world that doesn’t even know or understand who I am. Life hasn’t put me on a linear path. I have had to sacrifice many of my dreams and goals to be a good wife and mother, which I happily chose and still choose to do. I wouldn’t trade it, but in order to keep myself intact along the way, I have had to stay busy, creative and do whatever I could to work around the land mines of life to produce something that gave proof of my existence. That would prevent me from merely becoming a tree falling in the forest or possibly disappearing into the landscape altogether. Life lived well requires intentional action, bottomless grace and balance. What is interesting is that it is those twists, turns, mishaps and unexpected roadblocks that have taught me to see things differently. I have learned to adapt and survive. I have learned to appreciate deeply. That is my story.
I’ve never been able to wear only one hat at a time. To me, that would be like wearing a cloak of invisibility. I have to keep all of the parts of me alive and well so I have learned to walk this tightrope bravely carrying whatever life throws at me and hopefully demonstrating gracefulness along the messy way throughout this delicate dance of uncertainty. I try to step intentionally and patiently, looking for open doors to walk through but not allowing myself to become distracted by the disapproval of the nine-to -five crowd. Many interpret that as indecision or flightiness. They don’t understand that it is survival for me to keep moving and creating, and that is okay because it’s not their job to walk my path. It was given to me because I am the best one to walk it. I only wish it wouldn’t have taken me forty plus years to figure that out. My faith continues to grow with every determined step, and my art continues to improve. By creating and giving and producing beauty, I am becoming me. I’m so grateful to be able to find my way and have the opportunity to pursue myself as God intended me to be and return all the glory to He who lovingly created me. For all those who have supported me on this journey so far, I love you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I challenge you all to support someone who is stepping out in faith to use their gifts to add more color and light to this dark and sometimes angry world. Encourage these dreamers and trailblazers and outside-the-box thinkers, for they are the ones with the courage to create new and colorful pathways for the rest of the flock to explore and enjoy. They are the innovators and problem solvers. They help us to see differently and appreciate things more deeply. They take us places we would never dream of through their unique ability to dream in bold and wonderful color and detail. I can hardly imagine where we might be today if nobody ever wandered just a bit off the beaten path or strayed ever so slightly from the flock.
Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.