#mario obstacles

[weirdmarioenemies]

Ahh... ze Koopa Cape. Beloved racing location with goofy silly funny music that everyone seems to love! I love it too, especially because of how mundane it is. The geography IS rather precarious, but for the most part, this place is all cliffs, water, and Koopa Shell-inspired buildings, which I assume are rentable bungalows. Relaxing around all the rushing water will make you have to pee extra often, so it's a great vacation destination if you've been having trouble with that!

The main attraction, though, is something really quite special! Koopa Cape has an enclosed underwater tunnel, where you can walk while viewing the ocean surrounding you on almost all sides! It's a marvel of architecture, a wonder of sightseeing! And yet, no one really talks about it! You'd think it would be more popular. There must be a catch. There's probably like, a small leak or something. Nothing dangerous, just enough to make it smell a bit too fishy and mess with the vibe. Something like that.

Name: Koopa Zapper

Debut: Mario Kart Wii

Oh! The catch is that the underwater tunnel has infrastructure designed for the purpose of "kill you". I must be honest, this is a dealbreaker. I would not patronize this attraction, knowing it has rotating electric mechanisms ready to be bumped into. Not worth it for the ability to look at a fish from a different angle than usual.

This seems like something Bowser would put in one of his racetracks, but nope, this is the work of sweet little Koopa Troopa. It even looks like a Koopa Shell, so you can tell they're really proud of it. What the hell! Though I must give credit where credit is do, because it does display the correct number of scutes (thirteen) on the shell's carapace, even if it's probably not at all intentional.

They really ought to remove this thing. I can't imagine any actual use it has. It's like one of those deathtrap vehicles that exist in Bikini Bottom solely to mutilate Squidward at inopportune moments.

Wow! Well, what do you know! They listened to the Shelp (like Yelp but also like Shell because it's for turtles) reviews, and the Koopa Zapper has been removed. Hooray! Let's see what the tunnel looks like now!

Ah! Its top half has been removed and it is now your average Mario Kart 7 Underwater Section With Cheep Cheeps In It. I would be even less able to survive in this version!

IN CONCLUSION: Koopa Cape does not care one bit for the safety of its patrons

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Icicle

Debut: Cold

What is this, a crossover episode? That's right! From nearly the very beginning- since Mario Bros., to be precise- Mario has worked closely with the world's second most beloved public domain ice shape, Icicle!Plenty of us are familiar with Icicle. When it's cold enough, dripping water can freeze into a spike, which, in Mario's case, could potentially fall down and cause quite a booboo.

And it can do that in our case, too! Do you ever think about that? There is a non-extreme weather condition that leads to the formation of temporary SPIKES in our environments. Often dangling right above sidewalks! They're genuinely dangerous! Icicles are an incredible phenomenon. I've never been harmed by one, but I do know it can happen. Also, I've seen one moment of Grey's Anatomy ever in my life, and it happens to be the scene where someone is impaled by a falling icicle. Ouch! Right in the anatomy!

Thankfully, real icicles are not as HOSTILE as the ones Mario has to deal with, because in Video Games World, icicles just LOVE to fall when a scrimblo walks underneath them. Even when it's too far away to justify it as being vibration-based. These slippery spires are doing it on purpose! Mario has also encountered Huge Icicles, which are large and tough enough to stand upon, and one of those would probably do just fine as a table in a snowman's house. Just like an icicle would be a perfect weapon for a snowman, and also a perfect gardening tool, and also a perfect carrot substitute, because a snowman eating a carrot would be almost cannibalism. No, I don't think a snowman eating snow or ice would be cannibalism. We carbon-based creatures eat carbon-based food all the time! Now calm down and imagine a nice bowl of Cream of Icicle Soup.

Honestly, I just wanted to gush about icicles here and used Mario as an excuse. I hope that's okay. If it's not okay, I will not repent. But another thing that makes icicles so video-gamey is that they have, basically, an elemental counterpart, in stalactites! It's almost like convergent evolution, except they are not alive, and never were. And just think of the name! Stalactite. Even if icicles didn't exist, it would make all the sense in the world for a game to reuse the graphic, tint it blue or white, and you got an ice variant! Except they would have called it Stalactice! Unfortunately, I have never in my life encountered a Stalagmice...

There are so many variations of the humble icicle in the world! Have you ever heard of sapcicles? They're incredible! Nature's frozen treats, beloved by all manner of creatures! But please do not lick the sap of a tree you don't know well. Sapcicles are thought to be the way that indigenous Americans first discovered the sweetness of maple sap! And what about brinicles? Underwater icicles! Lethal to any poor, slow-moving echinoderms that may be underneath as they fall... and of course, there is our most beloved elemental spire: the grass/ground type Carrot! The world is full of so many shapes and structures, and I hope you now realize how much fun you can have when you really think about something you once took for granted!

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Snow Block

Debut: Super Mario Kart

Super Mario Kart is such a funny game! It really makes me giggle to play. This is because, though it is the progenitor of such a legendary franchise, it is not a good game. There is fun to be had, but that fun will be janky as can be, and the visuals probably some degree of disorienting! I'm sure this game was impressive at its time, and I can respect that. And I can also call it bad!

No course is quite as funnybad as Vanilla Lake 2. The sequel to Vanilla Lake 1, a course that is also quite bad, but the developers thought "We can do better. We can make it worse." and they succeeded! Great job!

Vanilla Lake sounds like a delightful place. A lake is already a nice place, and this one is VANILLA! You could slurp up that water and it would be a delicious flavored beverage! Except, sadly, it wouldn't. These places are just NAMED after foods, and don't have anything to actually do with them. But maybe you would still like the flavor of Vanilla Lake, if you like the taste of non-running water that has been passed through the cloacas of no doubt plenty of hibernating turtles! You would also probably get salmonella because of that. I don't like salmonella, so I would not drink it.

Now that you are immersed in the world of Vanilla Lake, let us focus on its very special inhabitants! Snow Blocks! Blocks, made of Snow. That is definitely a Mario shape for snow to be in. But watch out! If you crash into them, you will stop and lose all momentum just like this post.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Barrel Bomb

Debut: Mario Kart Tour

I gotta be honest, all this time I thought this thing was just called Obstacle. That was much funnier to me. Is it ok if I start this post over and you all pretend its official name is Obstacle? Thank you so much.

Name: Obstacle

Debut: Mario Kart Tour

Yep. That sure is an Obstacle if I've ever seen one! They really named this thing Obstacle. I can't say I disagree! It has a bright red Bowser face, and best of all, its metal rims have spikes like the spiked bands Bowser wears. This barrel isn't just designed that way, it's wearing accessories! It's wearing spiked bands, and technically, it has a face, so I think Obstacle counts as a member of the Koopa Troop. It hangs out with them, and one day, hopes to maybe even drive a kart of its own...!

Obstacle is like the evil version of the DK Barrel. Donkey Kong? Now that guy is my funny friend. If one of HIS barrels is in the way, it's probably not too intrusive, and might even have goodies inside! It might also have him inside! Remember the recent confirmation that Kongs are not apes? That makes it more likely that wooden barrels are their eggs, and they are full of albumin. Be careful breaking them... you might be in for a Wet Surprise! Don't act like it's weird, Yoshi's whole brand is eggs and we let that happen!

Don't even think about crashing into Obstacle. You'll be obstructed if you do! Maybe you'd think "This obstacle is a bad guy and I should kill it by running it over with my car" (and you would have a point because this barrel is clearly the moral scum of the earth, quite frankly), but impact with Obstacle will cause you to Explode. It will also explode if it from afar with something such as a shell, which is utilized in some challenges to defeat large groups of Goombas. You might think Obstacle was just trying to hang out with the Goombas, but remember what an utterly reprehensible villain Obstacle is. I bet it stationed itself there on purpose, so that it could sacrifice itself to destroy its supposed friends. Irredeemable!

My favorite thing about Obstacle is that they are Bowser-branded at all, here in this game where Bowser and his cronies are playable. A Bowser face to communicate "Bad! Stay away!" when you could easily be playing as Bowser. It makes sense from a game design standpoint, but it's still silly! Obstacle will make no exception for its boss. Maybe the Koopa Kingdom is the most notable exporter of obstacles in the Mushroom World, and Bowser provides the Obstacles like BaNaNa Boy provides the bananas! He should have given them a better name, though. "Obstacle"? That's so vague!