(Post Cyber Knights) Hey, Natasha, how are you feeling?
She has spent the past hour talking and laughing with Ziggy, talking out the past months, feeding her pretzels and goat cheese (they really had more than a justifiable amount of snacks at the table after getting those but who cares) and sometimes, seemingly randomly, hugging each other.
“I don’t know, it’s a lot of things at once, but for this once… none of them is bad? That’s a new kind of complicated to get used to I guess.
“I’m so happy to have Ziggy back. I know that she was around, and we could even talk through the app, but still… having someone become a staple of your life without you realizing, but being separated by an invisible wall… it’s was a lot to deal with, and I’m just happy we’re back to normal. Or not-normal. Whatever it is, I’m glad to be back.
“But it’s more than getting a friend back. For months, while I was Sylvana, I thought it was all about safety. Getting to do the things I couldn’t otherwise. Expression without revealing myself. Only when I lost it… I realized that they didn’t just take a mask. It was like they stole a part of me. My identity. That’s not something anyone should be allowed to do, but the Guardians did it anyway, in the most degrading, dismissive way they could. They did it like they were taking away an expensive toy from a kid who failed to follow their rules.
“And now, thanks to Naota, Yuu and everyone else, I’ve got it back. I didn’t used to like when people did things for me, because I got used to thinking that it was a trap. But even when it wasn’t, it made me feel in debt. But thinking about ‘repaying’ something like this… when someone gives a taken part of you back, it just feels like it sells the gesture short. Guess I’ll just have to do my best to keep earning the trust they have in me.
“And that’s not all they did. Because now, with these new Miraculous, the Order is finally not hanging over our heads. That’s huge. Guess now only Naota gets to decide if we can keep the Miraculous? Which, I know, still not the same as if nobody had a word in it. But I understand we’re throwing around world-changing powers here. We need some level of accountability. And if someone has to play that role… honestly, I’d have it be her over anyone else. I don’t just trust her as a friend… guess I also trust her as a leader? Even when her plans grow too big and complicated even for her to easily keep track of, she’s always has the best possible outcome in mind, but also without losing sight of the personal costs people have to deal with to get there. I don’t even know can someone function with that many thoughts all at once. My mind would just collapse like Firefox when you have too many open tabs.
“But yeah. Guess what I’m saying… if there’s one person whose command I’m okay to follow, even if it doesn’t make sense for me at the moment… it’s her?”
She takes a break, because that was kind of a lot. Then starts to feel awkward, because after a rant like that, it kinda feels like she should cap it of with something meaningful.
“Guess all in all… when I first become Sylvana, I mostly saw it as a chance to stick it to my asshole adoptive mother. And ironically, that’s exactly what we’re trying to do now. But in the meantime, it became more than that. At some point it became about our right to be ourselves and to fight for a future we get to shape instead of others choosing for us. Which is… awesome? Kinda like my life became a YA novel. It was crazy, and I have a feeling it will only get crazier from here… but I’m ready.”