The Heartbreak Series
A Short Overview of Mark’s Love-life Throughout the Years
Mark-centric AU
Pairings: markhyuck, markten, yumark, renmark, jenmark, lumark, and side!johnten
word count: 3.4k+ words
written in bullet form cus I'm a lazy shit
unbetaed so read at your own risk lmao
very self-indulgent; i.e., I just really wanted to hurt Mark... sorry Mark
suggestive themes. contains swearing and mentions of alcohol, drugs, sex, and cigarettes. reader discretion is advised!
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MARKHYUCK - “The timing wasn’t right”
Mark didn’t hate Donghyuck when they first met; he just didn’t get him
Where Mark was quiet, respectful, and peace-loving Donghyuck was loud, brash, and always spoke what was on his mind without any regard to anyone’s feelings
But somehow everyone loved Hyuck and Mark couldn’t understand why
Until he took the time to properly get to know him
That was when he realized how irresistibly magnetic he was
He was funny in a crass way
And was horribly honest (for better or for worse)
He knew the best ways to rile people up but somehow always smiled his way out of any fight
And god was his smile beautiful
He made you want to be his friend with a single look
But understanding this didn’t mean understanding his own feelings (especially as a supposedly “straight” Catholic boy), so nothing truly develops between Mark and Hyuck aside from a weirdly tense friendship
Where Mark was constantly craving his attention
And Hyuck was constantly torn between giving it to him or staying away for his own sanity
They move away from each other after high school and end up in different universities so they don’t hear from each other again until years later
MARKTEN - “the mentor”
Mark was in his first year of college when he realized he might not actually be straight after all
Being away from his Catholic parents and being exposed to other types of people really helped broaden his horizons
But meeting Ten was the turning point
They kissed during a game of Truth or Dare and the next thing Mark knew was that Ten was bringing him home to his bed
The morning after a confusing but terribly pleasurable fiasco, Ten was laughing at Mark's naivety because
(1) he hadn’t left like most guys do after a one night stand and;
(2) Mark was a cuddler when he was drunk off his ass
A literal octopus that pouted and whined and unconsciously sucked hickies unto exposed pieces of skin he could reach overnight
Mark tries to make sense of what happened
He thought that he and Ten HAD to be a thing now after what they had done (and they had done a lot)
Mark doesn’t really understand yet the concept of a one night stand
Ten explains to him that they don’t have to date or be exclusive (Ten just doesn’t roll that way)
They can just keep things casual between them
But poor Mark just looked so lost
So Ten takes him under his wing
Ten spends the next few months helping Mark explore his sexuality
They try different positions and different roles and even have a few threesomes with Ten’s more regular hookup: Johnny
Ten goes to great lengths to teach Mark about the wonders of hookup culture and one night stands and bars with sexy drunk men and sex full of passion but without any of the strings attached
He does all this before sending him off into the world like a chick leaving the nest
But Ten is still Mark’s favorite go-to for a long time
He just never had a chance with Ten
Not really
Especially not with Johnny always around
YUMARK - “the first heartbreak”
Yuta was Mark’s first boyfriend
He was known around the school as the problem-kid in Johnny’s year because he had skipped and flunked so many classes, has repeated his 3rd year twice
He was also notorious for his black-painted nails, devil-may-care attitude, and smoking on school grounds
He was the type of boy your parents warned you to stay away from
And he was also Ten’s go-to supply for happy pills and alcohol whenever he hosted parties at Johnny's frat house
Mark had known about him for a while
Had heard about him from all his seniors and even his batchmates
But they first meet at Ten’s graduation party when Mark was in his 2nd Year
By then Mark had been well-taught and fully immersed in hookup culture and he wanted to try his hand on someone different like Yuta
He let the older boy take him to his dorm room which smelled of weed and cheap beer
This isn't really what Mark would call attractive
But somehow spending the night with Yuta made Mark crave more than was deemed healthy
Even Ten wanted him to stay away from Yuta after hearing he had slept with him
But something about his aura made Mark fall to his knees
So they spend a few more nights together wrapped up in each other’s embrace
Yuta showed Mark things that Ten didn’t dare (and that was saying something as Ten was quite kinky himself)
Mark would probably never disclose to anyone the kind of shit he and Yuta regularly got around to doing
But one of their tamer endeavors, and one that they particularly enjoyed doing, was fucking raw while they were high or drunk
During this time their inhibitions would be completely thrown out the window and their fucking would often border on dangerous
Like fucking on the windowsill with the window wide open
Despite living on the 3rd floor
On one of those blurry nights where their vision was hazy with smoke and their throats burned from liquor, Mark blurted out that he had fallen in love with Yuta
Yuta didn't exactly reply
But he pulled him into a kiss and they didn’t speak of it again
They spent most of their free time together making out, fucking, or chilling at Yuta’s dorm with bongs and Japanese horror movies after that
They skipped classes to go on long drives to the countryside where they’d happily fuck in (and occasionally on) the car
Mark picked up smoking as a habit after having been given the task of carrying around Yuta’s lighter and lighting his cigarettes for him
The hefty metal had ‘N.YUTA’ messily carved into its body with a box cutter
And carrying it around made Mark feel useful, powerful, and gave him a sense of purpose
But he didn’t realize how dependent he was becoming or how much of his life he was slowly ruining
Mark lived in this toxic relationship believing Yuta needed him
Yuta told him that he needed him
When in reality it was actually Mark who needed him to feel alive
One day the relationship took a nosedive when Mark finds Yuta cheating on him with Winwin
Mark had never known what rage felt like until that moment
Mark cried angry tears
And he threw the metal light out the window, shattering the glass and causing Winwin to wince at the probable cost of the damage
Yuta tried to apologize but ultimately they decided that the relationship had already died months ago
They weren’t good or healthy for each other
And this was apparently just an incident waiting to happen
So they broke things off without another word
Mark has long since forgiven Yuta but only because it was in his nature to do so
But despite having uttered the words “I forgive you” he still feels the sting of heartache every time he sees Yuta and Winwin together
Because he couldn’t deny that Winwin made Yuta better than he ever could
RENMARK - “the one that got away”
Renjun was unique and enigmatic in many ways
He was smart, funny, artistic, and had a great personality, but was closed off and always kept his guard up
He made Mark want to use big words he otherwise would never use on a daily basis (like Abstentious, Deleterious, and Grandiose) simply because it made him smile
And Mark really loved his smile
Renjun would tease him for it, saying Mark probably didn't even know half the words he spewed out
But Mark could handle a few hundred blows to his ego if it meant Renjun would look at him for a few seconds longer
Following his relationship with Yuta, however, Mark just couldn’t find it in himself to ask the damn boy out
Renjun wasn’t an overly affectionate person and was stingy with skinship
But that made it all sweeter when he would lean against Mark while laughing his loud, full-bellied laugh at something Mark had said
Mark avoided smoking around Renjun because he had said once that he didn’t enjoy the smell
And he had associated cigars to his absent father
So regardless of the heavy withdrawals he experienced, Mark eventually quit smoking altogether because Renjun was less likely to recoil from a hug if he smelled more like sweat than if he smelled of burnt nicotine
Mark thought that maybe this was Renjun making him better (the same way Winwin had made Yuta better)
This made Mark think "Ah yes, he's the one"
But he wasn’t
He knew he wasn’t because of one night where Mark invited Renjun to his dorm to watch a movie over some beer and popcorn
They watched Love, Rosie, because Renjun wanted something cheesy to cringe to
They weren’t cringing though
Instead, they had the lights dimmed and the movie set to a low volume as they seriously talked about what could’ve happened if Rosie and Alex had just confessed to each other sooner
Hearing Renjun’s thoughts made Mark want to confess his love for him sooner too
And it was a little deeper into the night when Mark was on his 5th bottle and Renjun was on his 3rd that Mark found himself staring at Renjun’s side profile
He allowed himself this moment to trace the boy’s features
From the soft curve of his eyebrow down to his dainty ears and his perfectly carved out jaw that was hidden underneath a smooth expanse of unblemished skin
When Mark looked up again, Renjun was staring back
A moment passed where Mark’s heart felt like it was trying to jump out of his chest
And then he was leaning in and kissing Renjun on the lips
It wasn’t rough or passionate
It was slow and all-encompassing
All sighs and deep breathes before a gentle brush of parted lips
Renjun ended up on Mark’s lap, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes closed like he was scared to know if this was real or not
But he knew it was real because he was holding unto Mark’s shoulders for dear life while Mark held him gently by the waist
Renjun sleeps over at Mark’s that night but they didn’t go beyond soft kisses and lips against smooth skin
Mark thought it was perfect
But when Mark wakes up the next day, Renjun had left him a note on his bedside table that said
“Please, let’s not talk about last night.”
So they don’t
Because when they meet again, Jaemin was all wide smiles and sparkling teeth
“I finally got the courage to ask Renjun out, and he said yes!”
Mark tries his best to forget about his crush on Renjun because he still wanted him around and because he couldn’t ruin his friendship with Jaemin
Even if he couldn’t rest his hand on his lower back or press gentle kisses on his forehead, having him around was enough
Mark tells himself that this is enough
Seeing Renjun happy, even if it was in the arms of another, is enough
Renjun’s presence and his friendship is enough
It was Mark that wasn’t enough
MARKJEN - “the rebound”
Mark wasn’t enough for Renjun and Jeno wasn’t enough for Jaemin even when they both gave their all for the other
Mark still avoided smoking around Renjun but without the boy teetering him down his withdrawals became too hard to resist
So he allowed himself a butt or two whenever he was out, drinking his sorrows away with Jeno
Jaemin and Renjun’s relationship became their common denominator and they decided, after multiple bottles of whiskey and gin, that they should fall into bed with one another
Sex with Jeno was surprisingly rough and fast-paced
There was no love there; just calloused hands on his body and teeth marking his tanned skin
And a battle for dominance which Jeno was surprisingly unwilling to relinquish
After having been emotionally used by Jaemin for years, something snapped in Jeno that made him refuse to bend over for anyone ever again
And Mark, after having Renjun take everything he could give, was happy to let Jeno take the reigns and give it to him harder than anyone else ever did
They didn’t fall in love with one another
They never shared gentle kisses or whispered sweet things to one another
But between them bloomed a strong friendship that helped patch the emptiness in their hearts and anchored them back to the ground all the way until graduation
MARKHYUCK (2) - “it was you all along”
Of all the people Mark thought he’d meet on the bus, he didn’t expect Donghyuck to drop unto his lap (quite literally) during his commute home
After suffering multiple heartaches throughout his years in college, Mark thought himself too old to believe in fate or soulmates
He instead believed in the art that is hooking up with strangers he would meet at bars (Ten liked to call it “going back to his roots”)
(Not that Ten had any right to speak when he and Johnny were getting hitched in two month’s time)
But meeting Hyuck had him thinking that maybe fate wasn’t all just a can of baloneys
Even after Donghyuck had quite literally fallen unto Mark’s lap, he still had the audacity to get mad at the older boy for sitting in that particular seat that he could’ve fallen into without incident
And Mark could barely believe his ears at the words
Donghyuck was still just as brash and rude as he was when they were in high school
But the mischief in his eyes was aged, more mature, and less childish
Clearly, he's seen and experienced things and grown up a little
Even if it wasn't obvious
Perhaps they shared a few experiences between them?
Mark didn't have time to ponder on this as he was completely stunned to silence
Mark got up from his seat and offered it to the angry boy, who wasn’t really all that angry to begin with because he didn't know what else to do
Donghyuck was hesitant but he eventually sat down on the chair that Mark offered
It was the wrong decision though as Mark decided to stay rooted to his spot, right beside the seat, a little rigid and causing Hyuck some intense discomfort
Mark stared down at Donghyuck who was getting red from all the attention
After barking out a “what?” Mark asked the first thing that was on his mind
“Do you want to get some coffee with me?”
Of course, Donghyuck was taken aback
But the guilt of having stolen Mark’s seat and STILL acting rude despite all of that made Hyuck turn away with a blush high on his cheeks and a silent “sure” falling from his lips
The silent 'sure' that made a smile blossom on Mark’s face so Donghyuck didn’t really mind (to him, Mark was still as handsome as he remembered)
They stop by the first Starbucks they see and sit down to catch up
Mark finds out that Hyuck had just started working at the same company he and Johnny worked at
Donghyuck was also scheduled to move into the same apartment complex Mark lived in–albeit on a higher floor
Something pleasant wriggled inside Mark at the knowledge that he could potentially be spending more time with Hyuck depending on what department he'll be working in
He was pretty fucking convinced that it was fate paying him back for all the years of heartache he endured
Mark quickly offers Donghyuck his assistance for the move but the younger of the two quickly rejects, telling him that he was plenty capable of doing it on his own
Mark wanted to argue further but he feared it would scare Hyuck away, so he let it be and simply settled with buying the boy jjajangmyeon to celebrate getting his own place
They quickly become close friends after that and Mark takes Hyuck as his + 1 for Johnny and Ten's wedding
Mark decides that slow and steady was a good move for him and Hyuck
But what he didn’t anticipate happening was Donghyuck meeting Jeno at the wedding and seemingly becoming infatuated with the other boy
Mark was starting to think that life was a bit too unfair to him as he watched Hyuck and Jeno become fast friends
He wanted to scream and retaliate
And tell Jeno to stick to his lane as he was already flirting with Jisung anyway
But instead, Mark runs away wanting to spare himself another heartache
And Hyuck was left to stand there, baffled by Mark's sudden inattention
LUMARK - “it’s not me, it’s him.”
In a desperate attempt to forget about Hyuck, Mark starts sleeping around once again and meets Lucas
He was a boy his age who he likened to a giant puppy
A puppy he definitely shouldn't have met at a gay bar because he was much too kind for his own good
Lucas is as sweet to him as life is cruel
On the first night they met, Lucas had bought him a drink, danced with him on the dance floor, patted his back while he hurled into a toilet from drinking too hard, and then let him cry on his shoulder after bringing him back home (supposedly to make out so more but that didn't exactly go as planned)
A week later and Mark finds himself getting picked up after work every single day
He walks him home, regularly takes him out for dinner dates, and even asks him if he wanted to move in after his lease was up
All within a month of dating him
Once again Mark finds himself thinking that maybe Lucas is the one even if he knows very well that he didn't deserve the giant puppy
He couldn’t deny, however, that the relationship fell short
Lucas was very kind about this and asked Mark if maybe there was someone else
Technically there wasn’t
But really... there was
Because Mark couldn’t get the thought of Donghyuck out of his head
Mark blurts this out one night but hastily explains to Lucas that nothing is going in between him and Hyuck
Mark could never cheat on anyone after suffering so badly with Yuta
And Mark hasn't really been out to see a lot of his friends since he met Lucas (mostly to avoid Hyuck) so he didn't really have the time to cheat on him
He will just try harder to love Lucas as much as Lucas loved him is what Mark says
But all Lucas says in response is “I am not Donghyuck, and that's okay."
MARKHYUCK (3) - “say yes”
After the relatively peaceful breakup with Lucas (who agrees that they should at least remain friends), Mark is once again alone in the world
Mark and Donghyuck still work for the same company and still go home to the same apartment complex
But where Mark used to have Lucas pick him up and walk him home, he now had no one to spare him the uncomfortable small talk that Hyuck has insisted they have
“What happened to Lucas?”
“We broke up.”
“Oh.”
“What happened to Jeno?”
“He’s with Jisung.”
“Oh!”
Mark was clearly taken aback as he knew Jeno used to flirt with Jisung long before he even met Hyuck
Shouldn’t having them hang out make Donghyuck uncomfortable?
Just like before, Mark was deeply baffled by Hyuck’s behavior
“Is he not crushing on Jisung anymore?”
“He’s literally head over heels in love with him.”
“Then why’d you let them hang out?”
An uncomfortable silence envelops them that causes Mark to look up at Hyuck properly
“... cus they’re dating?”
Mark was confused by this
It’s true he hadn’t been with his friends in a while, completely focusing on Lucas and avoiding Donghyuck
But he couldn’t have possibly missed something this big
“I thought you and Jeno were dating? You two became so close after the wedding.”
This time it was Donghyuck who gave Mark a confused look (although his was laced with anger)
“Mark Lee you can’t be that fucking stupid! I was asking him to help me ask you out.”
A whirlwind of emotions washed over Mark as he stared at the angry boy in front of him
He found it more and more difficult to do anything BUT stare at Donghyuck; he just had that effect on him
He stared so hard that he didn’t realize they had reached their stop and that Donghyuck was getting off the bus
Mark allowed his body to move on autopilot as he helplessly followed Hyuck into their apartment building
As if he was watching his life pass by like a movie, Mark watched as Hyuck pressed (slammed) the button for his floor for him and allowed himself to be pushed out of the elevator when he had reached his supposed destination
But instead of walking to his apartment, Mark turned back around to the closed elevator and stared some more
When the elevator doors opened again to reveal one of his startled neighbors, Mark suddenly snaps out of his trance-like stupor
What the fuck was he doing out here?
As the moments before suddenly rush back to him, Mark makes a move for the elevator (even getting slammed between the doors as it was closing) to go to Hyuck’s apartment
He bangs on the door loudly, not bothering to put down his suitcase that was undoubtedly scuffing the wooden door
Donghyuck flings the door open angrily to yell at Mark but is instead cut off by the older boy’s voice
“What do you mean ask me out?”
Hyuck stared at Mark in disbelief for a moment before attempting to close the door on his face
Much to his delight and Donghyuck's anger, Mark’s reflexes were much faster than either of them knew and he easily pushes himself into the room to simply ask again
“Hyuck, what do you mean ask me out? You were going to ask me out?”
“Yes you big oaf, I was going to ask you out! But your stupidly small brain encased in that big forehead of yours decided to date Lucas before I even had the chance.”
Mark bites back a smile but ultimately fails as he backs Haechan further into the apartment
“Ask me now.”
“What?”
“Ask me out now.”
At this point, Donghyuck looks downright murderous but Mark pays him no heed as he keeps smiling down at Hyuck
“I’m not asking you out anymore, Mark Lee.”
“Then I’ll ask you.”
“No you won’t, I’ll say no.”
“Go out with me, Donghyuck.”
“No!”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to anymore!”
“Please?”
Hyuck stared up at the soft, pleading look on Mark’s face and feels himself crumble for a moment
So he turns away from temptation, a scowl deepening the lines on his face
Mark only follows his gaze and smiles back at Hyuck
He could see the younger boy's resolve breakaway but he also knew that Hyuck was a stubborn bitch
So finally, in a last-ditch attempt to get what he hoped will make them both happy, Mark decides to take Donghyuck’s hands in his and looks directly into his eyes
“I know I was a dick, Hyuck.. but please give me one more chance? Go out with me...”
Hyuck seemed like he was at a loss for words
The last of his dignity and his inflated ego had been chipped away and he felt like he was suddenly laid bare in front of Mark
Completely and 100% at his mercy
So instead of dignifying Mark’s begging with a response, he looks away once more and gives him a curt nod
The small affirmation, however, lights up Mark’s face and he hurriedly throws his arms around Hyuck and pulls him into a tight hug before spinning him around once (completely ignoring the shrieking it caused)
When Mark pulls away, Donghyuck's face is flushed red and he's scowling at him once more
But that didn’t dim Mark's smile at all
Instead, he asks Hyuck if he could kiss him
And Donghyuck, of course, says yes
