From Nao (captainkjones) to Baby Bowtie (marlaineanderose)
'If the Fates Allow"
Rating: NC-17 (here there be smut and cursing) Word count: 12, 487 Warning: Just a lot of cursing and very explicit sex scene. Summary: Four spirits. Two boys. Several Christmases.
Comments: Merry Christmas! I'm sorry for anything wrong with the fic, such as grammatical errors and such. I hardly had time to write it. But well...this is how I interpreted your prompt. I hope you enjoy!
“What are you doing for Christmas?”
Sebastian furrowed his brow, wondering how on earth he’d managed to get Peggy from the front desks voice so perfect, until he looked down and realized it was because Peggy from the front desk was standing right next to him.
Sighing to himself, Sebastian took off his headphones, and gave her a curt smile as he replied, “I really haven’t planned on doing anything. I guess I’ll do what I always do on the weekends.”
He hoped that was enough, but he knew it wasn’t. Sebastian mentally counted down the second it took for her to respond, hitting pause on the song in the meantime.
“But Sebastian, you can’t go clubbing on Christmas Eve! No one is going to be there,” she said, rolling her eyes and laughing that pathetically high pitched squeal of hers. Sebastian made the mistake of looking down at her, and she smiled wide before adding, “Won’t your mother miss you and want you home?”
Practically laughing at the idea of his mother, or his family in general laughing at him, Sebastian shook his head. “Peggy, my mother wouldn’t miss me. She wouldn’t care if I were there either. There are plenty of parties going on around the city, I’ll pick a club and go there.”
He gave her a quick smile, before straightening up again. He glanced at the floor they were on, before noticing they weren’t even close to the bottom. Sighing, he waited for what she would say next.
Her voice was small (which Sebastian had previously thought was impossible for her) as she said, somewhat sadly, “But isn’t it depressing to be alone on Christmas Eve?”
The answer was simple, and yet for some reason Sebastian took a while to answer. He cleared his throat, his eyes watching as they approached the bottom floor. He shook his head finally, and answered, “I won’t be alone, I’ll be in a club full of people.”
What would a forty year old woman with a family understand about him, Sebastian thought? Her idea of Christmas and Christmas Eve included children and family, something that Sebastian tried to avoid at all costs. The numbers got closer, and they were only two floors away from the bottom.
“Sebastian,” she said, her voice suddenly happy. He furrowed his brow and looked down at her, because somehow while he’d been in his head, she’d been trying to figure something out. Her smile was huge, and it made Sebastian want to step back in fear for what this crazy, red headed woman had up her hideous fuchsia cardigan sleeve. “Why don’t you come over to my house for Christmas?”
It literally took all he had in him not to laugh. Younger Sebastian would have in a heartbeat, but Sebastian now knew that being an adult meant feigning graciousness and being somewhat nice. Sadly, it wasn’t what he liked to do, but he’d learned that laughing at someone’s face was something that should typically be avoided, especially if you wanted to keep your job.
So instead, he smiled, forced before he shook his head and said, his voice dripping with as much pretend gratitude as he could manage, “Oh Peggy, that’s really, really sweet of you. But I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I wouldn’t want to impose.”
Peggy looked up at him, and opened her mouth to say something, but by then the doors had opened. Sebastian thanked the great powers of the universe, and quickly turned to her, his smile genuine this time, talking quickly before she could get a word in, “Thank you, Peggy. I hope you have a lovely Christmas and New Years and I’ll see you back in a few days!”
Sebastian put on his headphones as soon as he was out of the elevator, his designer shoes clicking against the tiles as he smiled, happy to have dodged that bullet. Christmas might be a time for family for other people, but the only thing he wanted to do this Christmas Eve was get piss drunk.
He was grateful to be out of the cold as soon as he got into his apartment building. Sebastian hugged himself in an attempt to warm up as he climbed up the couple flights of stairs it took to get to his apartment, whistling softly to himself as did. He’d turned off his headphones, putting them in his bag as soon as he was at his door. Sebastian pushed his keys into the lock, only to find it was already unlocked. A wide smile spread onto his lip.
The door opened with just a push, and he stepped inside his warm apartment, taking his time to take off his coat and put his bag down. But that smile stayed on his lip as he walked further into the hall, until he stopped as it opened up to the living room. Because right on the couch sat a dark haired boy and Sebastian’s smile widened.
“Hey you,” he drolled out, laughing happily when his voice made Blaine jump at the sound.
Blaine turned around at his voice, and smiled at him as he saw Sebastian walking closer. Sitting up on his knees and leaning forward into the couch, he looked up at him and said, “Hey. Sorry, I let myself in with the spare key when you didn’t answer your text messages.”
“No biggie,” Sebastian answered, shrugging nonchalantly as stepped closer. He moved forward until he stood over Blaine, his hands rising to run through Blaine’s ungelled curls. It had taken him years to convince Blaine to stop gelling his hair, but he’d finally gotten it to work out. One day Blaine would thank him.
His eyes closed at Sebastian’s touch, and he let out a soft little hum. For a moment, Sebastian was mesmerized by his face, before he leaned down and pressed his lips against Blaine’s without a second thought. Because this was what they did now. Blaine lifted his arms and wrapped them around Sebastian’s neck, causing Sebastian to lean down further and turn a simple kiss into a harder one.
` His lips slid open, and Sebastian couldn’t help but smile as Blaine let out a tiny moan the second their tongues met. He could feel Blaine start to give into him, and he sucked his lips into his, prolonging it as much as he could.
Pulling away, Blaine’s lip snapped back as he smiled at Sebastian, rolling his eyes as he said, “You really don’t waste any time, do you?”
Sebastian’s smile was wide, and he shook his head as he leaned closer, touching his nose to Blaine’s as he whispered, his voice amused, “Should I?”
The only answer he got in return was a tiny shake of Blaine’s head, and it was all he needed. Sebastian leaned his head back down, his fingers burying hard in Blaine’s hair as he crashed their lips together again. It was rough, it was unhindered; it was exactly what he needed after a shitty day of stupid questions.
Sebastian pulled away for a second only to jump over the back of the couch, just as Blaine leaned back against the arm rest. He smiled up at Sebastian, and Sebastian could do nothing but smile up at him as he leaned down to kiss him again. His stomach flipped at the moan that had left Blaine’s lips, and his hands moved down Blaine’s sides and up under his shirt. He could feel Blaine shiver at his touch, but he didn’t pull away. In one deft, swift movement, Sebastian pulled away and pulled off both Blaine’s sweater and shirt, leaving his beautiful, tan skin exposed to Sebastian’s hungry eyes.
“Fuck you’re hot,” he managed to rasp out, before he leaned forward and began sucking on Blaine’s neck. Sebastian marveled at the warmth radiating off his skin as he sucked hard, biting down lightly and hoping to everything he left a mark.
Blaine was moaning underneath him, his arms pulling up at his shirt. Sebastian ignored him though, moving his lips down over his collar bone and starting to press kisses over his warm, beautiful skin. But Blaine kept tugging and whispered, his voice breathless, “Off.”
Rolling his eyes as he sat up, straddling Blaine’s lips, Sebastian pulled off his own sweater, before he started undoing the buttons of his shirt. He hadn’t thought this through though, and although he’d hoped on teasing Blaine, Blaine took things into his own hands. Quite literally as well. Blaine leaned forward, and quickly started undoing the buttons of Sebastian’s jeans, before pulling them down.
Sebastian had half a mind to push him away and keep toying with him himself, but within a second, Blaine had pushed down his boxer-briefs and had his hand wrapped around his semi-hard dick. All Sebastian could do was moan, and he closed his eyes tight and bucked his hips into his hand as Blaine tightened it around him. He cursed under his breath, opening his eyes, looking down to find Blaine looking up at him with a wide smile.
Somehow, it was as if Blaine read Sebastian’s mind. He leaned forward and opened his mouth, taking his cock in it. Sebastian gasped, before his hands quickly grabbed the back of Blaine’s head, if only to steady himself and keep Blaine’s perfect mouth there. He bobbed his head up and down, his tongue swirling around his head. For a second, Sebastian was sure Blaine just wanted him to cum in his mouth, before he realized the amount of spit he was using. Blaine wasn’t just giving him a blowjob to get him off. Blaine was getting him ready. That thought made him groan out.
Which only earned him a wide smile from Blaine as he pulled his mouth off of his dick, but not before placing a kiss right at the head, which made Sebastian laugh. Sliding out from underneath him, Blaine pulled off his jeans and boxer-briefs as quickly as he could, before settling back down on the couch. Only this time he was on his stomach, with his knees underneath him and his ass pointing straight up. He turned his head to look up at Sebastian, a beautiful blush spread onto his cheeks as he simultaneously spread his cheeks. “Please,” he moaned out, his eyes pleading.
How could Sebastian even start to refuse him? Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t. Blaine was begging for it, and Sebastian needed to give it to him. Taking off his pants and briefs completely, Sebastian positioned himself behind Blaine, sitting down cross legged on the couch as he looked at his puckered hole. He moved his hands over Blaine’s, and spread him, holding back a low groan from leaving his lips as his bit down hard on them. Without a second thought, without even caring, Sebastian leaned forward and brought his lips onto his asshole, licking it slowly.
Blaine let out a low moan, and Sebastian smiled as he stuck his tongue out, running it over him somewhat teasingly. But he couldn’t tease too much, if only because both of them knew just how much they wanted this. He licked until he felt Blaine had relaxed enough, before he slipped his tongue inside of him. He got a grunt from Blaine in response, and as he felt Blaine push back onto his tongue, Sebastian brought his hand down to his cock and stroked himself as Blaine fucked himself onto Sebastian’s tongue.
“Now,” came Blaine’s desperate cry, and he could tell that his legs were shaking. Sebastian smiled as he pulled his mouth away, before pressing a kiss against Blaine’s perfect ass. But he couldn’t wait anymore. He needed to me inside of him, and Sebastian quickly shifted so that he was on his knees. Spitting down onto his dick, he didn’t care if it was going to be a tight fit without any lube; he held his cock as he aligned himself with Blaine’s ready asshole.
It took a moment, but Sebastian got his head past Blaine’s sphincter, and after that both of them just sighed. His fingers dug deeper into Blaine’s skin, pressing into his hips as he moved Blaine back onto his dock. Sebastian moaned, and Blaine pressed his head down against the arm rest as he hissed out. It was so raw, and Sebastian thought his body would cry out and cum from just the way Blaine was clenching down onto him. He gasped out, and shivered when he finally had himself fully sheathed inside of Blaine.
Sebastian took the moment to lean forward and kiss Blaine’s back, letting him get accustomed to the size even though they’d done this plenty of times. Sebastian bit playfully at Blaine’s spine, getting a sharp squeal out of Blaine that made both of them laugh. He leaned forward more, and pressed a kiss right at the back of his neck, which caused Blaine to turn his head and look back at him. This was the only slow moment they’d had since Sebastian had walked in, and they took it in as if it lasted for hours. Blaine’s eyes were huge, and Sebastian stared for a while, before he leaned forward and captured his lips in a slow, languid kiss.
But it was broken as Blaine moved his ass forward slightly, beginning to fuck himself slowly on Blaine’s dick. And Sebastian wasn’t having any of that, as sexy as it was. Pulling away, he smiled wide at Blaine’s pout before he straightened his back. With his hands still on Blaine’s hips, he gripped him tight and pulled his ass forward, setting a quick, rough pace.
The couch started squeaking, and Sebastian was sure the couple down stairs would complain like they always did whenever he was too frisky. But he didn’t care. He kept moving his hips at the same pace, slamming into Blaine’s ass hard, making him moan out with each movement.
“Fuck me hard,” Blaine said, his voice low and rough and absolutely delicious. Sebastian smiled wide and picked up the pace still, one hand moving from Blaine’s hips to slowly travel up his back. He got a shiver from Blaine’s body in response, and he rammed into him as his hand found Blaine’s shoulder. Holding on, he pushed him back harder, moving them in tandem so that they met in short, quick, rough movements. Blaine had his head leaned back as he gasped out, short of breath as he kept repeating the same word “fuck” lowly under his breath.
And even though Sebastian wanted to stay buried inside of him for days, even though he wanted to stay inside of him for hours fucking him until Blaine was a mess, Sebastian knew he couldn’t. Reaching around with his other hand, Sebastian grabbed Blaine’s cock and stroked him, timing his strokes perfectly with his thrusts into him.
Within minutes Blaine screamed out, much louder than he usually was as he came into Sebastian hand. His body shook and contracted around Sebastian’s cock, and for a moment Sebastian was sure he would lose it and cum inside of him. He slowed down as Blaine came down from his high, watching the way his back expanded and fell at every heavy breath. His hand moved from his shoulder to slowly trace over his skin, but not once did Sebastian forget that he was still rock hard inside of Blaine.
Neither did Blaine though, apparently. Turning around as he pulled out of him, he lay down on his back and scooted forward. With a smile up at Sebastian despite his heavy breathing, Blaine opened his mouth, and took Sebastian’s hard, dripping pre-cum cock into his mouth, and Sebastian swore he saw stars. All Blaine had to do was twirl his tongue over his head and press the flat of it against his slit and Sebastian felt a twisting in his stomach. He pulled on Blaine’s hair as his hand reached out to bury itself there, and Blaine took the signal to know he was about to cum. He lowered his mouth fully onto Sebastian’s cock, and hallowed out his cheeks as he sucked up, and Sebastian came in an instant, shooting into Blaine’s mouth.
They lay naked on the couch, Blaine holding Sebastian to his chest, Sebastian’s head against Blaine’s heart. He could hear his heartbeat, and he closed his eyes and let himself be wrapped up by the sound of Blaine’s breathing and his heart. Sebastian was utterly spent, and he knew it was getting late and he needed to get up and go get ready if he wanted to go out tonight, but right now he was content where he was.
He hummed out softly as Blaine started playing with his slightly damp hair, and smiled against his skin when Blaine pressed a kiss onto his head. There was something about the way Blaine touched him that just beat every other guy he’d ever fucked, and Sebastian just hoped this wouldn’t end. He felt himself start to nod off to sleep, but was woken by Blaine’s soothing voice.
Only his words weren’t so soothing.
“I wanted to ask you something,” Blaine said, his lips close to Sebastian’s hair, muffling his words somewhat. But Sebastian still heard them, and he groaned as he pressed his face into Blaine’s chest. Nothing good came out of a sentence starting like that.
Turning his head, Sebastian shifted so that he could look into Blaine’s eyes without straining his neck, but stayed close to Blaine. Raising his eyebrows, he asked bluntly, “Am I going to hate it?”
From the way Blaine bit his lip, Sebastian could tell this wasn’t going well. Blaine cocked his head to the side, before he let out a long sigh and nodded. Sebastian pulled away from him instantly, but Blaine reacted faster, wrapping his arms around Sebastian and saying, “No, no. Please just hear me out, okay? You might not hate the idea, Seb. Just listen.”
He raised his eyebrow at Blaine and gave him an incredulous look, but Blaine wasn’t backing down. All Sebastian could do was sigh and he leaned forward into his arms, and said once he had hooked his leg over Blaine’s, “Fine. Pitch it to me.”
Sebastian smiled at Blaine’s laugh, glad that he had gotten the reference to his job. But he could see the slight nervousness behind Blaine’s eyes as he took a breath and started talking, his fingers conveniently running over Sebastian’s skin to soothe him at the same time, “I was thinking. You haven’t gone home for Christmas in years, and you know I have a late train back to Ohio. So I was wondering if you wanted to come with me and spend Christmas with my family. And then there’s a reunion with everyone from McKinley too tomorrow. I really don’t want you to be alone.”
And although he hadn’t laughed at Peggy’s face, Sebastian laughed at Blaine’s. He scoffed, before he shook his head and said, without needing to think it through, “No. I’m absolutely not going to go back to Ohio and spend Christmas with your family and your public school friends.”
Blaine frowned hearing that, and rolled his eyes before he looked straight at Sebastian. “You’re seriously going to stay here by yourself at Christmas?”
“Nope,” Sebastian said, smiling wide as he shook his head again. “I’m going to go out clubbing tonight, and I’m going to bring someone home. I won’t be alone.”
He watched as Blaine’s lips tightened into a line. Blaine opened his mouth to speak, before he shook his head and closed his eyes, as if to gather his thoughts. His eyes opened again after a beat, and he asked, his voice even, “If you’re worried about them thinking you’re my boyfriend, they know about us. They know we’re not together.”
Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh, and he raised his eyebrow as he asked, “So what, they all know we’re fucking?”
Blaine sighed, but nodded. Sebastian could tell he was hardly in the mood to deal with him right now. “Yes, they know,” he said, looking at him. “So they won’t bother you.”
But Sebastian couldn’t deal with this anymore either. Pulling away, he got up from the couch and started walking towards his kitchen, not caring if he was naked. As he walked, he said, “Blaine, I’m not going to your family’s dinner party or to your Glee club reunion. I’m not hopping on a train with the guy I’m fucking who I’ve gone to school with for years to go eat with people who hate me.”
Leaning forward as soon as he stood in front of his fridge, Sebastian reached in and grabbed a water bottle. He took a slow drink from it, and out of the corner of his eyes saw Blaine, equally naked, standing against the door frame.
“You don’t have to be such a dick, you know,” Blaine said, his voice a strange mixture of anger and disappoint meant as he crossed his arms over his chest. “They don’t hate you.”
Sebastian laughed as soon as he was done drinking, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and he raised an eyebrow at Blaine. “You can’t be serious,” he said, with an amused smirk. “Blaine, they hate me. I can you just imagine the dinner conversations? ‘Why yes, Mrs. Anderson, I do remember almost blinding your son.’ ‘What was that, Kurt? Oh yeah, I am the guy your ex’s been fucking regularly for almost six years now.’ Blaine, drop the subject.”
As he moved past Blaine to walk into his bedroom, Sebastian could feel him being followed. He counted to three, and right on the mark, Blaine started.
“Is that all I am to you? Just the guy who you’ve been fucking for months? After all these years, that’s seriously all I fucking am to you?” Blaine said, practically screaming as he followed Sebastian into his bedroom.
Sebastian just sighed, and turned around as they stood in the dark room. His voice was honest, almost achingly so as he answered, “Yes, Blaine, that’s all you are to me. I’m not your boyfriend, and I don’t really owe you anything. So I’m not going to go to your Christmas dinner, but thank you for the invite.”
Standing there for a moment, Blaine’s chest was heaving from anger as Sebastian stood there calmly. He waited for Blaine to say something, and as he opened his mouth, nothing came out. Instead, Blaine shook his head, and turned around sharply before heading out of the room.
Sebastian glanced down, before he nodded once to himself and moved towards his dresser, picking out an outfit to go out in. He was trying to pick between the black shirt or the white one, when Blaine appeared in the doorway of his room again, now fully dressed.
They looked at each other for a moment, and Sebastian understood without Blaine needing to say it that this was going to be the last moment they were getting together like this. But when Blaine finally spoke his voice was laced with disgust and anger as he said, “Merry Christmas, Sebastian.”
The door was loud as it slammed, but Sebastian made no reaction.
This time as he walked up the stairs, he was singing show tunes, something Sebastian claimed to hate. Blaine was rubbing off on him though, and he groaned at the thought, but it wasn’t enough to kill his buzz. Sebastian was alone, unlike he’d told Blaine. But he was piss drunk, just like he’d promised himself he would be earlier today. He caught himself as he tripped slightly on the stairs, and laughed loudly at himself.
“Stupid stairs,” he mumbled, petting them softly before he stood up again and managed to walk the rest of the way. Sebastian frowned when he saw the door would need the key to open, and fumbled with it for a moment before turning the key and stumbling inside. He stifled his laughter, and began to strip out of his clothes even before he’d closed the door.
His feet dragged him to bed as he wore nothing but his tight boxer briefs and socks, and Sebastian unceremoniously fell onto his bed as soon as his legs felt the mattress. He a loud groan, he slid his drunk and sore body up until his head rested against the pillow, and fell asleep without so much as a second thought.
---
There was a loud bang, waking Sebastian up in an instant. His head shot up from the pillow, and his eyes went wide before he looked around the room to see what it was. As he did, his eyes caught the clock. In large blue numbers, it read 1:30, and Sebastian gathered that somehow he’d only been asleep for less than an hour.
“Merry Christmas,” he mumbled to himself as well, as soon as he noticed that it wasn’t Christmas Eve anymore.
But there was still noise coming from somewhere in his apartment, and as Sebastian glanced over at his door, he saw a faint stream of light coming from his living room. Without thinking, Sebastian instantly reached for the baseball bat he kept by his bed. Chicago was a dangerous city, and he wasn’t going to take any precautions.
He held the baseball bat high as he got out of bed, pulling the covers back. Slowly and quietly, he walked from his bed towards the door, silently twisting the door knob and opening the door to see what was going on.
The TV was on, and Sebastian remembered a movie he’d seen years ago about a girl and a well. He took a deep breath, his fingers gripping the baseball bat tighter as he stepped forward into his apartment, looking for whoever was in it.
That was when he noticed someone’s head sitting in the couch, and he instantly remembered Blaine sitting there earlier today. Closing his eyes as he tried to gather his thoughts and focus, Sebastian walked towards the couch. He came up behind them, and acting on instinct, quickly swung the bat.
But the person didn’t flinch. Whoever was sitting there didn’t seem fazed by the fact that they’d just been hit in the head with a metal baseball bat. And it was all because Sebastian had swung it, and instead of hitting them on the head, the bat went straight through their skull, as if they were made of air.
As if they were a ghost.
Sebastian’s eyes went huge, and he didn’t notice he was shaking until the bat dropped out of his hands and hit the floor with a loud thump. That made them turn around, and Sebastian’s eyes widened as he stood face to face with no one other than his own father, his features only half distinguishable in the faint glow of the TV.
A wide smile, unlike any Sebastian had actually seen on his father’s lips, spread onto his “father’s” face. But his voice was the same as he said, “That’s one way to greet your dad, kid.”
---
“What are you?” Sebastian finally asked, after turning on the lights and putting on a robe. He sat on the arm chair near his couch, looking at what he could only describe as some sort of apparition in the form of his father.
His “father” straightened up, pulling his lapels until they were perfect and leaned forward. It was so strange to watch, as it was a perfect imitation of his father’s stance whenever he was about to give a speech. Sebastian sat there in both horror and amazement as he said, “I’m just a spirit, taking the form of your father to get a point across. Your father’s the perfect example of the fate we’re trying to get you to get rid of.”
Sebastian’s eyebrows furrowed, and instantly he looked up at him, but all he saw was his father’s blank, but serious stare looking back at him. With a sigh, Sebastian ran his fingers through his hair and asked, “What in the fuck are you talking about? Am I high right now? Did someone slip something in my drink?”
The spirit’s expression didn’t change, and Sebastian cleared his throat. “What you do in your spare time isn’t up to us, Sebastian. You could be, but I assure you what’s happening right now is as real as everything else in your life.”
There was something about the “it” was speaking that made him shiver, and Sebastian looked away, unable to look it “his father” for too long. His head was spinning, and he was certain that this was nothing but a figment of his imagination, and yet Sebastian had to ask, his voice stuttering.
“Why my father? What fate does he represent?”
His “father” looked at him, and with a deep sigh, stood up. Sebastian watched as the spirit in front of him started pacing back and forth, in the exact same way he always did when telling Sebastian something. But then he stopped, and turned to look at Sebastian directly.
“Your father is exactly what’s going to happen to you if you keep living like this, Sebastian,” he said, his tone dark. “No, actually, your fate would be worse than your father, because at least he pretends to have a family. You know what your father does. You know that he’s an unloving, strict man who has been cheating on your mother since you were young. He cares about no one but himself; just like you.”
Even Sebastian was hurt by those words. Frowning, he shook his head and said, standing up so that he didn’t feel so small, “That’s not true. I care about a lot of people.”
The spirit laughed, and it was the only thing that didn’t sound like his father. It was a low, booming sound, but there was something about it that chilled him to the bone. Sebastian hated being laughed at to begin with, but right now it was making his skin crawl.
Calming themselves down, the spirit shook its/his head at Sebastian and said, “And yet you’re alone on Christmas. You push everyone away, and you’re going to end up alone and miserable for the rest of your life if you don’t listen to what we have to say.”
Sebastian’s eyes fell upon the lamp, and for a moment he tried concentrating on waking up. He decided he didn’t like this dream anymore, and yet every time he looked up, his father’s image was still right in front of him, staring at him as if waiting for him to say something. With a shaking voice, Sebastian finally asked the question that had been on his mind, “What do you mean by we?”
“There are four of us,” the spirit said, and Sebastian’s eyes went huge as he slumped back down into his chair. “Three spirits will visit you tonight, each with a message to show you. Each of them will show you something in your life, and you may or may not like it, but they all have something important to tell you.”
With a nod, Sebastian ran his fingers through his hair again, his breath shaky as he let it out. Looking up at the spirit before him, Sebastian asked, his voice filled with desperation, “And what if I don’t want this to happen? What if I don’t go with them?”
He watched as the spirit lifted its shoulders, his “fathers” shoulders, into a shrug. “Then you’re never going to know what it’s like to be loved. You’ll never know what it’s like to fall in love.”
Sebastian opened his mouth to say he didn’t care for love, but somehow, his words were stuck in his mouth. His body was shaking, and all he could do was look up at his “father” as he started walking closer to Sebastian. Slowly, the spirit stepped forward until it stood right in front of him. Their eyes met for a moment, and Sebastian shivered as the spirit lowered its hand and brushed it through his hair.
“This is your chance to turn your life for the past twenty seven years around, Sebastian,” came the voice of the spirit, now completely unlike his fathers. Sebastian realized he’d closed his eyes, and as he opened them, he saw nothing but a sphere of light before him, and felt a radiating heat. As it slowly dimmed, the lamp in the corner turned off with it, until Sebastian was left alone in his dark living room, surrounded by his impending doom.
It was safe to say Sebastian could hardly go back to sleep. For some reason, too, he kept the bat in his hands as he sat up in bed. He was waiting for any sign of life. He was waiting to yell at the top of his lungs for when this next “spirit” came. Because there was no way on earth he was actually going through with this. He’d figured out the only logical explanation was that someone had slipped something awful into his drink, and Sebastian was having a ridiculously bad trip right now.
The worst trip in the history of drugs.
However, sometime around two in the morning, there was a noise again. Sebastian breathed in, but this time he was ready for it. He kept the grip on his bat as he walked out of his bedroom, his movements not as slow as the first time. The living room was lonely, the TV was off. Instead, this time, there was a light coming from the kitchen. Sebastian swallowed hard as he held his bat high.
But as he walked into his kitchen, he saw the last thing he was expecting to see. Right in front of an open fridge with food all over him, sat well…him. Only he was much smaller and wearing bunny footie pajamas. Sebastian couldn’t quite pinpoint his age, but he guessed this was him at around seven.
His eyes went huge and he didn’t let go of the bat as he stepped forward and asked, “Who are you?”
Little Sebastian looked up from the box of yogurt he was eating, and smiled wide as soon as he saw Sebastian. He giggled as he put his things down, leaving the mess on the floor as if he didn’t care or have enough manners to clean it up, which Sebastian knew he had at that age, and walked right up to Sebastian. His hand was out held, and his smile was more innocent than Sebastian remembered any of his being. “I am the ghost of Christmas past,” he said, his voice high and just like Sebastian’s at that age.
Furrowing his brow, Sebastian shook his head and mumbled, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
And yet somehow, the spirit who looked like himself shook his head, and kept smiling as it answered, “No. I’m not. I got distracted by your fridge, but I’m here to teach you about your past.”
Shaking his own, actual head, Sebastian walked up to the fridge and began picking things up. As he did, he said, occasionally glancing back at the miniature version of himself before him, “Thank you, but no thank you. I’m going back to bed and forgetting all about this.”
There was silence for a moment, and Sebastian smiled to himself as he figured he’d finally shaken these spirits away. Moving over to the garbage disposal to throw away the opened yogurt, he didn’t even look over his shoulder to see if he was alone now or not. He didn’t need to, anyway, because a second later, a piercing scream started.
Sebastian’s eyes went wide and he turned around to find Little Sebastian standing there, his hands in fists with his mouth wide open, screaming at the top of his lungs. And he remembered that sound, he remembered it because it was the exact same sound he himself made at that age whenever he wanted something.
And he also knew the only way to get him to stop was to give him what he wanted.
Hesitantly, Sebastian stepped forward until he stood in front of himself. Taking a breath, he crouched down and stuck his arms out, holding onto his shoulders in an attempt to calm him down. With a small, extremely forced smile, Sebastian said, “Okay. I’ll promise to go with you. All of you.”
The crying stopped, and instantly Little Sebastian smiled that innocent smile (only it wasn’t so innocent anymore, Sebastian thought now that he knew what a tricky devil he was) as he wiped a stray tear away from his eyes. “Good,” he said, his voice somehow higher than before. “Let’s go!”
---
Sebastian found himself out on the snow in nothing but his robe, still holding a bat. One moment he’d been standing, holding onto a spirit that looked like his little self, and the next he was standing in practically ankle high snow.
And yet somehow he wasn’t shaking. The snow touched him, but didn’t melt, didn’t burn. Sebastian smiled at this, and for a second forgot all about his nightmare and started twirling around happily. He forgot about the way Blaine had left him, he forgot about the fate that apparently awaited him, he forgot about how lonely his apartment was back in Chicago. But that was when he noticed he wasn’t in Chicago anymore.
It was also when he noticed he knew exactly where he was.
They were standing outside of Sebastian’s childhood home in Ohio, back when they had lived in the outskirts of Columbus and not Westerville. This was his last house before he’d gone to Paris. The stately house had not aged a day, and Sebastian felt a tug of a smile spread onto his lips as he looked up at it.
“Are you done?” said his younger, high pitched voice, his tone impatient.
Sebastian then remembered where he was, and looked down before he found where he was standing. “Little Sebastian” stood by the window, where Sebastian hadn’t even noticed a light was streaming in from.
“Someone lives here now?” Sebastian asked as he stepped closer.
Shaking his head, “Little Sebastian” just kept looking inside, until he finally lifted a finger and pointed, indicating that Sebastian needed to look for himself.
As he stepped closer, his eyes went huge. Inside was his old family room. Inside there was a Christmas tree and stockings and toys. Inside there was a fire burning bright. Inside his father and mother sat in big chairs as they watched a much younger version of both Sebastian and the spirit open a present.
“Is that…” Sebastian asked, his voice trailing off as he stepped closer, pressing his fingers against the glass. Even if he couldn’t feel the cold of the snow, somehow he could feel the warmth of inside.
He looked to the spirit for an answer, but all it did was nod. Sebastian kept looking inside, watching as his much younger self finished opening the present to find a toy car inside. And for some reason, his face lit up, and for some reason, he instantly got up and ran to hug his father. Sebastian felt a pang in his heart, before he scoffed. “Why am I seeing this?” he asked, his voice bitter.
“I’m trying to remind you your life wasn’t always so lonely, Sebastian,” the spirit answered, his eyes on the scene in front of him. “This was before your father started his first affair. This was before you caught your mother crying in the living room when you were my age. This was when Christmas was warm for you.”
The scene in front of him changed, and somehow the fire seemed to dim although it stayed a light. The room became more crowded, and the image of the one-time happy family was lost in a sea of adults standing up and talking, all of them holding wine glasses. This was a scene a lot more familiar to Sebastian than the previous one, and yet it left him with a knot in his stomach, the warmth of inside suddenly lost.
“Your parent’s annual Christmas party,” the spirit said, and Sebastian nodded instantly. He remembered them, how could he forget.
He shook his head and scoffed, before looking down at the spirit and saying, “If you’re trying to tell me there’s some sort of happy memory in here, you’re lying. There’s nothing happy about this.”
“Little Sebastian” finally turned away from the window, and looked up at Sebastian. There was sadness in his eyes, and he shook his head as he finally said, “No. There’s nothing happy about this. This when you started pulling away from people, Sebastian.”
For some reason, Sebastian looked back at the scene. He watched as a very young teenaged-self walked into the room, his hands in his pockets, his head down. He couldn’t have been a day older than thirteen, and the knot in his stomach tightened as he was flooded with feelings of how it had felt to be so alone. He remembered the months that followed, and the way he had turned to anyone for affection. He remembered the arms he had crawled into just in hopes to lose the feeling of loneliness.
The scene before them went dark, and everything else did as well.
---
When things came back into light, they no longer stood in the snowy lawn of his old house. Instead, they were at a much familiar parking lot of Scandals, no snow on the ground, but from the way mist formed with his breath Sebastian knew it was still winter. There was an ache in his stomach, and he looked down to see “Little Sebastian” was still with him.
“Where are we now?” he asked, but got a shake of his head in reply. Sebastian rolled his eyes and wondered where that happy boy had gone, unaware of how much that thought actually meant.
The side door of the seedy club opened, and Sebastian furrowed his brow as an eighteen year old him stumbled out, surprisingly alone. He furrowed his brow, and forgot all about his little spirit self as he stepped closer to try to see what he was doing. Sebastian watched as his younger self reached into the pocket of his jacket and made out with a pack of cigarette, hitting the side to make one slide out before he took it into his mouth. Reaching for a lighter, his teenage-self lit the cigarette, and took a slow drag from the cigarette.
The scene seemed inconsequential. It was just like any other night that year. What lesson could come from this? But then the phone rang, and teenage Sebastian instantly reached for it. Sebastian watched as he pressed the phone against his ear, his smile wide as he spoke, “Killer? What are you calling for?”
Older Sebastian’s eyebrows furrowed, and he whispered Blaine’s name as he kept watching. He watched as the smile fell away from his face, he watched as he threw the cigarette onto the floor and stomped it out. He saw the way he ran his fingers through his hair and said, “Killer, calm down. What’s wrong?”
There was silence as Blaine spoke, and Sebastian turned back to look at “Little Sebastian” as he asked, “What is this?”
The spirit stepped closer, his voice and face suddenly serious beyond what his years should allow him. Nudging his head towards teenage Sebastian, he said, “This was the night you and Blaine actually became friends. He called you because he was in New York with Kurt and he felt lonely because he didn’t really feel like he was wanted there. You kept talking to him, standing like that in the cold for hours until he fell asleep.”
Sebastian looked back at the scene, and noticed the caring, concerned crease in his eyebrows, and the way his voice was lower, soother. Sebastian was rushed with overwhelming feeling, and softly to himself, he whispered, “I remember.”
If “Little Sebastian” heard him or not, he didn’t know. Instead he just stepped forward until he stood right next to him. They watched the scene for a second, watching as teenage Sebastian’s mouth curled into a smile, and he laughed. Sebastian couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen himself smile like that. Or more so, he could; and it was only around Blaine.
Looking down at the spirit, their eyes met as “Little Sebastian” said, his voice now just soft, “This was the happiest Christmas you’ve had in years.”
---
Everything was dark again, but slowly as Sebastian blinked his eyes, everything came into light. Around him, a plane came into focus. He was sitting in a seat, and when he looked over he saw “Little Sebastian” still next to him. Sebastian felt like rolling his eyes, and wondered when on earth this was going to end.
As he opened his mouth, “Little Sebastian” held a finger to his lips and smiled suddenly. Whispering, he said, “Don’t say anything. You’ll wake them up.”
And before Sebastian could ask who he meant, he looked over at the aisle across from them and saw a scene he remembered as clear as yesterday, if not clearer. There he was, holding a sleeping Blaine in his arms despite the fact that they were on a small airplane back home for Christmas. He looked at the smile in his face, and the way Blaine as so comfortably pressed into his chest.
This was their sophomore year of college at NYU, and Sebastian remembered Blaine convincing him to come home for Christmas. He remembered that flight and the way they had laughed until they were tired. The way they had played around at the airport as they waited for their flight. He remembered the radiant smile on Blaine’s lips every time Sebastian hugged him. This was before they started fucking, this was them as best friends.
This was the happiest Christmas Eve he’d ever had.
---
Sebastian wasn’t sure if he could take anymore. That knot in his stomach was tighter than it had ever been before, and he honestly felt like he was going to throw up. Sebastian couldn’t help but remember the last scene and want to cry knowing that Blaine and he had fought just a few hours before. The happiness surrounding that night in the airplane and airport was stripped away by the fact that he had ruined it all.
The dimness was coming into focus again, and Sebastian wasn’t sure if he could do this one more time, let alone two more times with the next ghosts. His heart was aching, and he sighed as his old apartment from his senior year at NYU came into view around him.
“I can’t keep doing this,” he managed to croak out, looking down at “Little Sebastian” who’s expression was back to blank and dark. Too dark for someone that young.
But he reached out for Sebastian, touching his arm softly, and said, “This is the last one from me, I promise.”
All he could do was nod, before he looked around and waited for the scene to start. And with the loud opening of his bedroom door, Sebastian had a feeling it was about to start.
Out he walked, just twenty-two years old, shirtless but wearing boxers. His expression was tight, and Sebastian waited to see who followed. Behind him was Blaine, wearing the same thing as Sebastian as he followed him. The scene was eerily similar to what had happened earlier today to himself.
“It’s just Christmas, Sebastian!” Blaine called out, his voice loud. He sounded hurt, and Sebastian knew without remembering what he had done that it was his fault. “Why the hell do you hate it so much? You don’t even need to go to your family’s house, you can come to mine.”
He watched as he turned around to look at Blaine, his eyes glaring and yet his voice cold as he said, “Why? Give me one good reason why I should go with you, Blaine. I’m not your boyfriend, and it doesn’t make a difference if I’m here or there. So go have Christmas with your family and I’ll be here, with half our other friends who hate their families.”
Blaine’s face fell, and he watched as he sort of caved into himself as he walked back into Sebastian’s room. Sebastian stood there in his briefs, as if time had frozen.
His heart was beating wildly, as he noticed the eerie similarity between the scene at the moment and the scene early on today. How many times had they had this conversation? How many times were they going to keep having it? His heart clenched. Sebastian stepped forward and looked at himself; and without thinking, knowing full well he couldn’t hear him, started yelling, “What are you doing? Go after him. Go tell him you’ll go with him, you idiot!”
But Sebastian didn’t hear him. Instead, he stepped forward into his bedroom only to have Blaine walk out fully dressed a moment later. He brushed past Sebastian, and for a moment he thought that was it. Until Blaine turned around, and hugged Sebastian from behind. They stood like that for a few minutes, and Sebastian watched as Blaine kissed his back and whispered, “Merry Christmas, Seb.”
The scene started to dim, but older Sebastian shook his head. He started following his memory of Blaine as it fated, until he walked out the door and disappeared, not turning around despite the way he was calling out his name. His memory of himself stood in the doorway to his room, before he stepped inside and slammed the door. Exhausted and unable to take any more of this, Sebastian slunk down onto the door and started sobbing.
He cried, wondering how on earth Blaine had kept coming back to him after the way he treated him. He wondered how many times he’d said those words that looked like they slapped Blaine in the face every time he said them. How many times had he told him he wasn’t his boyfriend, only to invite him over a week later and treat him like he was? Everything around him darkened, and he sobbed, his cries only getting louder as he felt a hand on his back.
“Little Sebastian’s” voice was distant as he whispered; “We’re done.”
When he woke up, Sebastian was on the floor of his kitchen. But from the darkness around him, he could tell it was still night and that this wasn’t over. He still had two more ghosts to go, and as he wiped his tears away as he managed to pick himself up from the floor. His head was banging, and he had a feeling it wasn’t just from the fact that his body was dehydrated.
Everything in his apartment seemed normal, and Sebastian rubbed the back of his head as he stepped out of his kitchen turning on the light. He didn’t even bother with the baseball bat, telling himself he’d pick it up in the morning. Seeing as everything looked normal, Sebastian sauntered his way back into his bedroom, and fell down onto his bed face first, hoping this was done.
He was asleep for maybe five minutes until he heard a piercing voice that was all too familiar.
“Sebastian!” Peggy’s voice called out, high pitched and happy as ever. “Wake up! We have work to do.”
Groaning, he turned onto his back and looked up to see Peggy standing over him in his bed. Shaking his head, Sebastian buried his face in his hands and mumbled, “Peggy, or whoever you are, please go away.”
She laughed though, and shook her head as she reached forward in an attempt to shake Sebastian awake. Sebastian rolled away, and hopped out of bed, if only to stop himself from being touched by the middle aged secretary who worked at the advertisement firm he worked for.
Once up, he looked down at her and she just smiled up lightly, in a very un-Peggy manner, as she said, holding her hand out just like the previous spirit had, “You can call me Peggy, since that’s how you know me. But my official name is the Ghost of Christmas Present.”
Sebastian just nodded, running his fingers through his hair before he tightened his robe around himself. Sitting down on his bed, he said, his voice deadpan, no evidence that he was crying earlier, “Let me guess, you’re here to show me how my Christmas could have been if I had just gone with Blaine to Ohio?”
“Peggy” just shook her head though, before she sat down next to Sebastian. Putting her hand on his knee, she said, “Sadly, no. I’m going to show you exactly what’s happening right now without you.”
His heart, which he had thought was tight against his chest before, tightened even more, and Sebastian had to take a shaky breath before he nodded again. He didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to keep doing this. His body couldn’t take anymore, but he knew the only he could be done with this was to actually go through to the end of this. So he just nodded, and looked to meet her eyes.
“Okay.”
---
Sebastian could feel a floor underneath him, and soon a room he didn’t recognize came into view. Peggy sat next to him, but as soon as everything came into focus, she stood up and started making her way towards the door. He figured he had no other choice but to follow her down a very familiar hallway. He looked back, and realized they had been in his old room. His old room that had been remodeled into a guest bedroom, as if any remembrance of the fact that he used to sleep there had been wiped away by his parents.
There were distant voices, and Sebastian furrowed his brow as they kept walking through the large house. He knew the way, and yet he still followed Peggy as if he didn’t. But he had a question he needed to ask her.
“Why Peggy?”
The spirit turned around, and smiled again before it shrugged and turned back to look ahead. The answer came a second later, in Peggy’s annoying voice, “Aside from Blaine, Peggy is the most constant person in your life, Sebastian. Isn’t that sad? You hate her, and yet she’s the only person who’s constantly been around.” They walked down the stairs in tandem now, and the spirit looked over its shoulder and at Sebastian as they continued, “Her ‘hello’ every morning when you walk into work is the only thing in your life hasn’t changed in years, Sebastian.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but the argument fell flat as soon as he stepped into his living room. Around him, people his parents age walked around and drank, laughing at boring jokes. It was like every other Christmas party they had had, and Sebastian once again didn’t see what he had to learn from this.
They kept walking, and Sebastian picked up a wine flute as one of the waiters came around with a tray full. Drinking it in one sip, Sebastian hissed lightly and looked at Peggy. “My parents have a Christmas party every year, what’s the difference?”
Looking up at him, Peggy leaned closer to him as she pointed across the room to a young, handsomely intimidating man with perfect posture. Sebastian watched him as his father walked up to him, patting him on the back as he pushed him towards a group of people. They instantly started talking to him, and Sebastian noticed the ease at which he spoke to them, truly unlike the fake ease he tried to put on whenever he was at one of these events.
“That is William. William has been working for your father for years. And tonight is the night your father is going to announce that William is going to be his successor,” Peggy said, in a voice that didn’t really remind him of Peggy at all.
Sebastian had to scoff, before he shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. “So what? I knew I wouldn’t be chosen, so I don’t see why this is important.”
His voice trailed off as he watched as his mother came up to both of them. He watched as his father leaned forward to kiss her, and how it didn’t seem forced. He watched as she brought William something to eat, and his heart tightened at the sight.
Peggy, while that scene had played out, had moved in front of him. Sebastian looked down to look at her, his eyes meeting hers as she said, “Your parents love him like he’s their son. And it’s mostly because they don’t have a son to love.”
He listened to her words, but looked up to look at all three of them. William looked nothing like them, and yet somehow standing in the middle of them, he looked more like their son than Sebastian thought he ever would. His heart was beating loudly, and the scene started to dim around in once again. But just before it faded out, William looked up and met him straight in the eye, holding his stare until he disappeared into darkness.
---
He really wasn’t sure how much more he could take. How many more times would he have to live through this fade in and fade out of scenes as if his life were some poorly edited movie? He felt like he was about to throw up, and as an unfamiliar kitchen faded into view around them, Sebastian was shaking his head fervently, repeating, “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this, I can’t do this I can’t do this.”
But Peggy’s spirit had none of its counterparts nosy caring personality, and Sebastian, who thought he’d never miss that, all of a sudden wanted it more than anything else in the world. Instead, he just felt her arm on his shoulder, which made him look down at her as she nodded his head in some strange way to show that she understood. “This is the last one for me.”
Sebastian decided to take comfort in those words, and took a deep breath before he nodded himself. She smiled curtly, and opened the swinging door of the kitchen to reveal a living room filled with laughing kids around his age. And instantly he recognized every single one of them. Santana sat on the couch, a wine glass in her hand as she laughed at something Brittany was saying. Sam stood near the fireplace, doing some strange impersonation that had Tina, Artie and Mercedes laughing at him. Rachel was playing the piano in the corner as Finn looked at her. All of these people he’d distantly known once upon a time. All of these people Sebastian only hardly tolerated, and yet for some reason he felt lonely watching the happiness of the scene in front of him.
His eyes glossed over the crowd as he looked for him. Sebastian searched until his eyes hit very familiar dark hair. Only it was gelled down, as if all his hard work had been for nothing. Blaine was sitting at the window seat with a cup of hot chocolate in his hand. He was smiling, and that’s when Sebastian saw he wasn’t alone. In front of him sat Kurt Hummel, with a similar smile on his face. Sebastian’s heart clenched ready to explode as he watched Kurt’s hand move forward and squeeze Blaine’s knee.
The touch was enough to have him turning around to look at Peggy in an instant. “Why this? Why am I seeing this?”
Peggy just tilted her head up, and raised an eyebrow, before she said, in the tone that Sebastian associated so heavily with her, “Sebastian, I think you know that. Now that he knows for sure how you feel, Blaine has no one to hold on to his feelings for you.”
His voice was stuck in his throat, and he felt the room start to twirl as he heard that. When he finally managed to speak, his voice was shaking as he asked, “His feelings for me?”
Sebastian could just barely see her head nodding, but the room went dark again as it spun out of control. Sebastian was left in the darkness with the words, “He loves you,” ringing in his ears.
This time when he woke up, he was once again on his bed. But there was no noise. There was just an overwhelming need to get out of bed. His feet were heavy though, and Sebastian felt as if his body weighed a thousand pounds as he crawled out of bed and slowly began to move from his bed towards his door. It was closed again, but then he remembered that “Peggy” and he had disappeared from inside of his room.
And as he walked closer, a warm, bright light appeared at his door, and opened it for him, revealing a dark room. Sebastian had no choice but to follow the light.
It was dark as he stepped inside and started walking, but Sebastian kept following the warm light. It flickered like a candle, and yet he could swear he saw a face in the light.
“Who are you?” Sebastian asked, his voice small and tiny and very unlike himself. For a moment it appeared like the light had turned around and looked at him, but it said nothing and kept floating forward, causing Sebastian to keep walking into the endless void.
As the light grew brighter, Sebastian saw a room slowly come into view around him, until it wasn’t a room, so much more as a large, spacious apartment. He kept walking until he finally stepped in, and the dark void behind him disappeared and turned into the rest of the apartment. Sebastian stood there without so much as an explanation as to what he was looking at or where he was. He waited to figure things out. Waiting in hopes that it would all be over soon.
The phone started ringing, and Sebastian sighed as no one got it. He moved to try to pick it up, but as he did, it just kept ringing. It kept ringing until his machine got it, a robot voice telling them to leave a message. There was a beep, and it started.
“Sebastian?” The voice was his mothers, and he closed his eyes tight. “Sebastian, we just wanted to call to wish you Merry Christmas. Your father can’t come to the phone, and I can’t be here for long, but Merry Christmas. Remember to send Thank You cards to anyone who sends you presents. Bye.”
And that was it. No ‘I Love you’ nothing about her presents. Nothing. And that was when Sebastian looked around the apartment and saw there was no tree, no trace of the holiday around him. It looked like his current apartment. Only bigger and emptier.
Sebastian hugged himself even though he was warm, and turned as he heard the door open. He watched as a middle aged version of himself walked into the apartment, holding his mail in his hands. Sebastian stood as he watched him look through the stack as he put his designer brief case down, and watched as he chucked a letter into the garbage by the door and continued to walk into the apartment.
He studied him as he walked in, looking him over. Sebastian had to say he approved. He’d aged well, and although he looked older he still had his classic good looks. It made Sebastian smile. But there was something about the way he held himself that made Sebastian want to gag. He was regal, he was stiff, and there was something lifeless in his eyes. Sebastian watched as he undid his tie and flung it across the room, before moving to the kitchen. As Sebastian moved to the garbage, curious as to what the letter he had thrown in was, he looked up once it was in his hands as his older-self came out of the kitchen with a bottle of whiskey in his hands. Shamelessly, he tilted his head back, and took a long swig from the bottle.
His stomach felt queasy.
Sebastian’s fingers trembled as he held the letter, but his curiosity got the better of him as he saw who it was from. From Blaine Anderson, it said in the corner, and Sebastian’s heart tightened to the point where Sebastian was sure he was going to faint. He opened the letter with shaking fingers, pulling out the card.
It was a simple thing, with a big “HAPPY HOLIDAYS” in bright red letters with a blue snowy scene behind it. Sebastian felt a small smile tug onto his lips, but it soon fell the second he opened the card and looked inside.
Because inside there was a picture of Blaine and his family. A picture of Blaine with his arm around Kurt, and a curly haired girl in between them in a beautiful red dress. At the very bottom is said, wrapped up in a wreath, ‘Happy Holidays from the Anderson-Hummel family’, and Sebastian could have gagged at the very sight of it.
He tilted it up, even though he wasn’t sure if he could take anymore, until he saw a note in what was unmistakably Blaine’s handwriting. His heart fell down into his stomach at the thought that this standard card was probably all he ever got for Christmas from Blaine.
The note at the top read, “Seb, I hope you’re having a great time. Come visit us one day, I miss you. And I wish you could meet Rose. You’d like her. Merry Christmas, Sebastian.”
There was no ‘love Blaine’ at the end. There wasn’t anything but those three words to close the message, and Sebastian felt tears swell up in his eyes. But as he turned his head to look over at what his older self was doing, he just sat on the couch, still drinking straight from the bottle. And the world around him caved.
Sebastian’s knees buckled and he fell onto the floor, burying his face in his hands as he couldn’t stop the tears. He didn’t want this for his future. He didn’t want any of this. He knew he pushed people away, and he knew he hated the idea of having to be around your family because of a socially constructed holiday, but he didn’t want to be alone anymore. His heart felt full, but at the same time empty, and Sebastian just wanted to feel whole again.
“I don’t want this,” he choked out, as he opened his eyes to look up at the light spirit, at the ghost of Christmas Future. He shook his head and kept saying it over and over again as the light grew bigger and bigger, until the entire apartment was enveloped in light and Sebastian was swallowed with it.
This time when Sebastian woke up, there was light outside. At first, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what time it was, he didn’t know if it was all over. But when he opened his eyes, he got all the answers. Sebastian knew exactly what he needed to do, and he couldn’t explain why he had leaped out of his bed a second later.
He just knew this was a beginning, and he wasn’t going to take it for granted. Not anymore.
Sebastian almost didn’t shower, but remembered he had to as he jumped into the shower, taking the fastest shower in his life. It was like he was on auto pilot, his body telling him to get ready so that he could get out of his life. As he got dressed, Sebastian reached under his bed for his suit case, quickly loading it with everything he could find, and figuring he could buy the rest when he got there. And as he closed the suitcase and finished getting dressed, he knew there was something he had to do before he left.
It was a miracle he had found some place early, but he did. Without thinking, he bought everything he saw fit, finding a gift for everyone and more. He didn’t think twice. He just knew that it was now or never.
It had taken a few calls and a bit of snooping, but Sebastian figured out where Peggy lived and took the subway there. The house was small, but it looked like her, and Sebastian smiled at the thought. For a moment, he debated dropping the presents at her doorstep and leaving, but that wasn’t the point.
He took in a deep breath as he rang the bell, and waited for her to open it.
And luckily for him, it was Peggy who opened the door. Her hair was a mess, and she wrapped her robe tight around herself as she saw Sebastian, his hair still wet from the shower standing outside her door, standing right outside of her door.
“Sebastian?” she stuttered out, her eyes huge.
He managed to smile, and it didn’t feel forced. With a nod, he held out the presents in his right hand, and said, his heart racing wildly, “I got you something. And your husband something. And your kids. There’s also some wine for your lunch, or breakfast, or dinner, whenever you celebrate Christmas.” Sebastian took a breath, not noticing he had been racing as he spoke. He chuckled at himself, before he smiled widely at her and said, “I came by to say Merry Christmas, Peggy.”
Peggy’s eyes went huge, but she smiled and stepped forward to hug Sebastian tight. And although Sebastian was in a hurry, he reached out and hugged her back. They stood there for a few moments, before Peggy pulled away and asked, still smiling, “Would you like to join us for Christmas, Sebastian?”
His heart warmed at the invitation, but he shook his head. “No thank you, Peggy,” he said, smiling up at her as he stepped down a step on her stoop. “Maybe next year? This year I need to go apologize to someone and if I don’t get on a plane within an hour, I’ll be too late.”
Peggy just laughed, before she nodded. Sebastian smiled at her, before he stepped off her stoop and ran off.
---
If his heart had been racing earlier, his heart was pounding now. Sebastian didn’t know if he could do this, but he took a breath and told the taxi to wait there as he looked up at the large house he remembered from high school. He hadn’t seen it in years. Yes, Sebastian knew he should have gone to his parent’s place first, but right now this seemed more important. Right now, he needed to patch things up with him. If everything worked out right now, he was sure he could find to fix things with his parents.
He took a breath, and stepped out of the taxi onto the snow covered ground, and hugged his coat to himself as he walked up to the house. He was shivering, but it wasn’t the cold. Sebastian Smythe was nervous beyond words, and he wasn’t exactly sure if he was being crazy, or if he was doing the right thing.
But if he didn’t do this, he knew how his life would turn out. And that was the last thing he wanted.
As he walked up to the porch, Sebastian breathed in and closed his eyes, before he lifted up his hand to knock on the door.
The wait was brutal. Every second dragged on like a year, and Sebastian wasn’t sure if he knew what he would do if someone else answered the door. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to speak, or if he would just go running in the opposite direction. Everything was spinning, and he knew that the only thing that would keep it in place was if he opened the door.
Slowly, almost teasingly, the door opened. Sebastian held his breath, until he looked down at Blaine, his hair messy and his eyes half closed as he rasped out, “Sebastian?”
It took all he had not to make some pathetic noise at the sound of his name, but instead Sebastian just nodded, smiling softly. “Hey,” he said, his voice soft and uncharacteristic which he could tell Blaine also thought from the way his brows furrowed. “Am I too late for Christmas?”
They stood there for a second, and Sebastian took the moment to look Blaine over, finding him adorable in his Christmas pajamas and messy hair, wanting to see him looking like that more often. His heart was overwhelmed, and Sebastian’s breath was shallow as he tried to keep himself from passing out. Everything was happening so fast, and his heart was racing in anticipation of being rejected. Until finally Blaine’s lips pulled into a wide smile, and he shook his head. “It’s never too late for Christmas,” Blaine answered, before he held the door open for him.
Sebastian’s lips turned into a wide smile, and he stepped inside of the house, letting Blaine close the door behind him.
He didn’t care if there was a taxi waiting with his presents and luggage outside. He didn’t care if he still had to visit his parents. He didn’t care if this meant he had to sit through a dinner with Blaine’s parents and then one with the Glee club. He didn’t care that he was in for the most completely awkward Christmas in the world. Right now, all he cared about was that this was everything he wanted.
Because Sebastian had no idea what the future held. He had no idea if Blaine would kiss him back after Sebastian confessed his feelings. He had no idea if Blaine was going to let him kiss him at New Years. He had no idea of they were going to go back to Chicago and look for an apartment together, and get married before they both turned thirty. He had no idea if there were children in their future, or if maybe they just got a lot of animals. He didn’t know what the future was like now.
But he’d take his chances.