#marsi rants

[marsidotcom]

everytime i see a chunk of text in a post with no breaks or paragraph segmenting i just IMMEDIATELY scroll past- like idc what tags it has i can’t read that !! i’m sorry !!

[chocolatemarsmallow]

The smol meme is so hilarious to me

It is literally how we Filipinos pronounce the damn word if we say it with our typical accent. It usually gets pronounced like "i-smol"‎ and it is the cutest thing ever. Whenever I see it on my dash I'm all "heh it still sounds the same"

[chocolatemarsmallow]

[chocolatemarsmallow]

[chocolatemarsmallow]

I haven't had such a vivid dream in a while.

It wasn't even a nightmare. It was just a plain normal kind of dream, with daily things happening. Without the proper context, an outsider wouldn't get it. Not to me. Holy shit. I thought it was real, but some elements in the dream convinced me that I was really asleep and dreaming it up. It wasn't the make-your-heart-race-intense kind of dream either. It's literally a day-to-day scenario, with some certain factors thrown in. Long story short, I havent't felt that scared about a dream in a while either, coz it really could happen. And like hell I'll let it.

[chocolatemarsmallow]

Do you guys know a great and foolproof way to fake your death?

There’s someone who has forgotten I still have feelings that got hurt. I was disobedient sure but their reaction was over the top and unnecessary.

I want to seem dead in their eyes and I want to see that agony so they can fucking remember that what I do isn’t fucking harmful at all. That what I am isn’t the lowest of the low that has no future and will level up to nothing.

My point is I want to fake die. (Sherlock fans I am not joking)

Btw I won’t be blogging from our P.C for a while. That means the GIFs I have planned and the requests will be put on hold. I’ll still work on em ofcourse

[chocolatemarsmallow]

Good thing there were no classes today, otherwise I wouldn't have come at all.

TRIGGER WARNING.

ALSO WHINY LITTLE SHIT WARNING.

Edit: I put a Read More

Theyre at it again, judging me so hard just because of my hobbies. If i spent the late hours of the night out playing basketball with my friends or reading a fucking book or just sleeping i probably wouldnt even be called out at all. BUT JUST BECAUSE IT ISNT A FUCKING BASKETBALL BUT A MOUSE AND KEYBOARD UNDER MY FUCKING HANDS AND A MONITOR IN FRONT IF ME AND NOT A HUMAN IN THE FLESH I AM AN ABUSIVE SHIT AND I DESERVE TO HAVE PC PRIVILEGE TAKEN AWAY.

I am sick of it. Sick of having my weight and appearance constantly scrutinized by the very people im taught to be perfectly comfortable with. So sick of hiding what i do online, dismissing it as watchng movies while actually reading interesting stories of real people and real social issues or fangirling. So sick of trying to make time for running for THEM rather than myself. So sick of not being able to talk back when THEYRE in the wrong of an argument. So sick of being a girl, even if I dont and shouldnt really have a fucking problem with it.

IF I WASN’T A FUCKING GIRL I WOULDN’T BE CALLED OUT FOR ACNE OR NEWLY-GROWING UNDERARM HAIR. If i wasnt a girl i could get away with being a jerk. If i wasnt a girl i would have to clean the toilet seat after i piss coz i dont have to fucking sit on it now, do i? If i wasnt a girl i would be free to get comfortable clothes in the mall and not be questioned when i get a shirt from the men’s section. If i wasnt a girl i could jack off as often as i need to and not be judged coz its fucking natural.

I like being a girl, its me and I am happy that i dont suffer the way others do. Suffer the pain of being in the wrong body. But if i keep living like this ill end up like that, and its odd enough that i dont label my own fucking sexual preference. I dont want to make myself something im not. I dont want to wish to harm my body. I dont want to make things any more complicated.

But one day I just might snap.

[chocolatemarsmallow]

Confession: I want to be dead for a day.

1. I want to see if my siblings can survive.

I want to watch them squirm and grimace as they're forced to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen. Oh the horror! Our sister's gone and we have to do this all ourselves! UGH we're supposed to switch off the lights when we leave the fucking room??? boohoo what's this sponge and soap for? How do you wipe the plates dry? WHO'S GONNA MAKE COFFEE SHAKES NOW??? I NEVER KNEW HOW ANNOYING IT WAS FOR HER OH GOD WHY

I want to see how they fix the computer and organize files properly. HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? HOW DO YOU TORRENT I WANNA WATCH THE LATEST HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER IS THIS THE RIGHT TORRENT OH MY GOD THE PC JUST WENT NUTS IT'S A FUCKING VIRUS HELP US SIS oh wait she's dead

Also I want to hide their stuff till they pull at their hair in frustration when they become late to school.

2. I want to see if it affects my parents the way it should/I think it would. To see if they might actually miss my staying up till ungodly hours on the computer. To see if they really meant it when they yelled at me about how I need a social life. To see if I really was a delinquent if when I tried to follow their advice and asked if I could sleep over at my best friend's house. To see if my overweight body really obliged them to tell me to go on a diet or exercise. To see if my hobbies were just as bad as frequent alcohol drinking and drug use. To see if my decent grades actually satisfied them. To see if they regret calling me out when I refused to sleep for days working on major school projects. To see if they really thought of my face as indecent, with all my acne from those sleepless nights. To see if they thought of my introvert personality as truly strange. To see if they won't secretly long for a sarcastic reply from someone every once in a while. And to see if I'll just one day disappear from their thoughts altogether.

3. I want to follow my friends around just to hear what they say about me. I want to see which ones shed tears after hearing of my death or will continue to. To see which ones will bother to show up at my funeral. To hear in their conversation among themselves what they truly thought of me. To see if someone will use my story in an emotional post on facebook or here. To see if they'll toast a cup of milk tea or a bottle of beer or a shot glass in honor of me. To see if my subtle coercing will get them to take it easy on vices, be it studying or smoking or drinking or whatever. To see if they remember me for my fondness for maths or my fluffy hugs or my fiery temper. To see if they knew I didn't like sitting with my back facing the door of a room, that I relied on my nose often, how competitive I actually was, that I trusted those I came to know on this website, that I had to hold back my tightly-clenched fist when I see a mirror sometimes. To see if they'll keep a picture of me somewhere in their wallets or an album, and tear up when they look at it 10 years later. To see if the friends I loved really loved me the same way.

My mind's pretty weird today. YAY OVERTHINKING!