#martyrinflames

[arc-sunsymbols]

please, don’t ignore me.

soft angst—☼

      “I’m not, I’m not trying to. Alright? And .  .  . I’m sorry.” Jess didn’t deserve to feel the butt-end of their stress, especially when she had nothing to do with it. “I thought you might just, y’know, want space .  .  . away from me?”

[failedhero-archive]

“I’m not attached, I’m just comfortable with what I’m familiar to.”

Dean doesn’t say anything at first. Can’t. His brain moves too fast to pin down the correct words. “Then leave him cause Sam is in love with you- has been for years” he can’t believe he’s doing this. He can’t believe he did this. 

Sam is the most important person to him and yet he fucked his girl. The girl. Jess who started it all and Sam who Dean watched fall apart after her death. He’d had to drag. Sam. Out. Of yet another fire because he wouldn’t leave her in there to die alone. Now Dean understands and wishes to Christ he didn’t. 

“You gotta leave him cause he’ll never leave you and you can’t keep doing this to him Jess. I’m done. Were done. This is it and it’s over.” But even as he says it- he knows it’s not. 

[failedhero-archive]

“ this can’t happen again. ”

No. It can’t. What they did was a mistake even if it felt good- even if Dean now understood why Jess fucked Sam up for all those years. There’s something about her that is just- radiant. They can’t make have this lapse in judgement again. One time- well Dean can say they were drunk and it happened on accident. Sam would be mad but he’d understand. But any more than that-

So why does he want to kiss her so badly?

[arc-sunsymbols]

@martyrinflames​

      “I shot God once .  .  . I think there’s something wrong with me.”

[smmie]

@martyrinflames   asked,   ‘   💛   ′   𝐌.     /     send  ‘💛’  for  a  moodboard  about  our  muses’  relationship-  i  wanted  to  portray  a  full  range  of  original  sam/jess  aesthetic  while  being  vague  about  if  the  time  context  was  past  or  present;  i  wanted  it  to  be  able  to  be  seen  either  way.  uhhh  timeless  ✨🍒  i  hope  you  like!  <333

[failedhero-archive]

“You cannot do what you did last year.” ( @ dean )

What did I do last year..... He was too drunk to remember. Maybe that’s the issue. Is that what she’s talking about? Is this a not so subtle reminder that he lay off the sauce. Anyway he’s already three eggnogs deep at this point so he shrugs and gives her a hardly convincing “Sure thing blondie” 

[failedhero-archive]

“Is it considered Christmas wine if I drink it on Christmas?” ( @ dean )

“You know I said the exact same thing about scotch earlier so yeah, I think we’re safe.” The more he hung out with Jess the more he understood what Sam saw in her. Sam always used to talk about the similarities between the two of them but Dean could never wrap his head around it. He’d never spent any time with her and it was hard to see how a complete stranger could be anything like him. 

But she was. “You sticking around for Christmas then blondie?”

[arc-sunsymbols]

i shouldn’t have come here.

soft angst—☼

      “Please don’t say that.” It was all he had to offer, unsure of how to speak to the near stranger standing across from him. Whoever they might had been before, they were far from it now and Sam didn’t know at all what to think. “I’m glad you did, alright? I mean, yes, this is .  .  . a lot, but we’ll figure it out.”