#mary phoenix

[yukidragon]

Valentine's Day is coming up soon, and that means more justification to create fluff of my OTP. When I came across this picrew, I just had to use it for Joseph and Mary.

Aren't they just so cute? Valentine's Day was a perfect excuse for the two of them to show each other lots and lots of love. (Also lots of sexy times since Joseph has always been a very horny man, especially when it comes to his sunshine.)

They really were very happy back then despite all that they had gone through. Life was hard for the both of them, but they always made sure to make time for each other. Somehow they managed to carve out a little slice of paradise for the two of them in those all too brief stolen moments, even in the midst of so much struggle and strife.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack - Losing Love After Death

It's been a while since I came across a song that really gave me Sunshine in Hell vibes and would fit in with the soundtrack I'm slowly building for it.

It's another song about Joseph losing himself while trapped in hell. If Dr. Sunshine is Dead represented the trauma and madness that came from his death and subsequent loss of identity, this song represents the tragedy of losing not just Mary, but his memories of her.

Joseph would never forget Mary willingly, but when the mind goes, so does memory.

The acoustic version of this song fits better than the original for this sort of vibe. There's only a lone voice that reverberates and eventually tapers off into nothing. It gives this sense of the singer drifting in an empty void, alone and lonely, which goes well with the sad and longing lyrics.

Musing through memories Losing my grip in the grey Numbing the senses I feel you slipping away Fighting to hold on Clinging to just one more day Love turns to ashes With all that I wish I could say I'd die to be where you are I tried to be where you are Every night, I dream you're still here The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear When I awake, you'll disappear Back to the shadows with all I hold dear With all I hold dear I dream you're still here I dream you're still here Hidden companion Phantom be still in my heart Make me a promise that Time won't erase us That we were not lost from the start I'd die to be where you are I tried to be where you are Every night, I dream you're still here The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear When I awake, you'll disappear Back to the shadows with all I hold dear With all I hold dear I dream you're still here (Every night I dream you're still) I dream you're still here (Every night I dream) Ever slightly out of reach I dream you're still here But it breaks so easily I try to protect you I can't let you fade I feel you slipping I feel you slipping away Every night, I dream you're still here The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear When I awake, you'll disappear Back to the shadows with all I hold dear With all I hold dear I dream you're still here (I dream you're still here) I dream you're still here Every night I dream you're still Every night I dream you're still here (I dream you're still here) Every night I dream you're still Every night I dream you're still here (Ever slightly out of reach) (I dream you're still here) Every night I dream you're still Every night I dream you're still here (But could break so easily) (I dream you're still here)

While the feminine singer did give me thoughts of Mary and her feelings of loss, much like how Missing You made me think of her final days, it's the sense of erosion this song brings that brought my mind to Joseph in hell. Just as the lyrics suggest, he was losing his grip in that place, his senses numb, and his memories of sunshine slowly slipping away.

The way Joseph died was traumatic. There were so many things that he wanted to say to Mary, so much shame that he could never bring himself to tell her before he was exposed.

Even still, Joseph would die again if it meant that he could be with his sunshine again. And he would die in that place. He would not only relive his death over and over again, but face a terrible entropy. That hell brought a death of the self that came so agonizingly slow, breaking him down over the day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, decade by decade... with no end. At least... not until he did.

He was damned to an eternity that slowly ate away at him bit by bit until nothing of him was left.

Joseph was a broken piece of glass thrown into the ocean like trash, left to be slowly eroded by the unending tide. Over time, his jagged edges smoothed away, until he became a jewel worthy to be displayed as Sunny Day Jack.

There was no rest for the dead in this hell. Joseph wasn't granted the mercy of sleep, so he could only find sanctuary in his waking dreams. If he tried hard enough, he could lose himself in his fantasies, in the dreams of sunshine.

But these dreams were fragile, oh so fragile. Hell was always cold, and the numbness left him. He could remember his hands, he could imagine the softness of her skin, the taste of her lips, almost hear an echo of her voice... but it was so easy to lose. It was as if she was always just out of his reach...

Day by day in this place where time didn't exist, Joseph desperately clung to memories of Mary. But even those to slowly began to fade with time. At some point he could no longer remember her face.

These eroding memories were so fragile compared to the other terrible facet of this hell. Whenever the tape was played, it was like an explosion of color and sound. Joseph lived through the episodes recorded on the tape in that familiar role of Sunny Day Jack.

The episodes recorded on the tape were always the same. He could almost feel alive as he smiled at the television screen and repeated the same familiar lessons, went through the same practiced motions.

Joseph couldn't change what was on the tape or the "adventures" he had to live through. His mouth always said the same words, his body always moving as he was directed years ago. He lived in a broken continuity of scene cuts arranged into episodes.

The tape was never meant for public release. LambsWork Productions pushed its actors hard. Multiple episodes were recorded on a single day. Cost-cutting was taken at every opportunity. Equipment was reused until it fell apart. Tapes were packed from beginning to end. The tape he was now bound to had a number of episodes on it from that day that the fateful incident ended everything.

These technicolor moments as Sunny Day Jack were far more real than when he was left in the lightless and cold void. He could remember what it was like to see and hear while they played. He could almost remember what it felt like to actually touch and smell, even if the magnetic tape couldn't retain those things.

Reliving his death would traumatize him all over again. He relived all the pain and every negative emotion he experienced, and he would instinctively retreat from that terrible identity that was Joseph.

And yet... and yet... Joseph and his memories held one thing that he could never see or hear in those bright and wonderful episodes of the SunnyTime Crew Show. They had light. They had a painted sun on a colorful background.

But his sunshine wasn't there.

Even still, the whiplash between reliving what little life was in the tape and being lost in the void made his memories of Mary all the more indistinct. Joseph didn't hold onto memories of himself, even shying away from them, but Mary?

Please don't take my sunshine away!

Mary wasn't on the show. Her presence was less than a shadow. She created the series, her influence was everywhere. She created this oasis of sunshine and sound for Jack, but left nothing of herself in this world but the faintest impression. With one exception.

The captured her voice for only a moment, screaming the name that he so desperately wanted to forget in a horrifying tangle of fear and grief.

Her voice was not the only one screaming. Mary had been just one of many who cried out after the gunshots. The countless children in the audience didn't understand the vengeance and old grudges that played out before them in Sunny Day Jack's final moments. All they knew was that their hero had fallen, taking their innocence along with him.

The crowd screamed for "Jack" and drowned out the only voice crying out for "Joseph."

That small fragment of Mary was hidden in the terrible moment of trauma that tormented Jack every time the tape was played. He always retreated into himself whenever the incident replayed, desperate to stop the pain and all the horrible feelings that he associated with Joseph.

For as desperate as he was to hold onto his sunshine's memory, he never even realized that trace of her still existed.

In the beginning, Joseph could picture Mary so perfectly clear in his mind. He could remember echoes of moments with her, the warmth of her embrace, the smell of her skin. He had no hands to touch this phantom of her, so he imagined those too. He tried his best to imagine how it felt to hold her, but the feeling was always just out of his reach.

Her face, her name, her voice... No matter how desperately Jack tried to hold onto every single memory of her, they were never as distinct as those colorful, familiar episodes. Details of her slipped away like sand spilling from a broken hourglass, and he had no hands left to catch even a single grain.

That phantom that was once Mary eventually became little more than a silhouette, an indistinct shape of a person made out of the impression of love and sunshine. The image of her, them, whoever his memory of sunshine was blended in with the absence of everything in this hell.

Outside of the episodes, there was nothing for him to perceive, not even the black of darkness. The difference in sensation made it so hard for him to even dream of anything but the episodes he endlessly lived through.

Did his sunshine ever even exist at all, or did Jack just imagine them? Was he just so desperate for love that he made up an imaginary friend to keep him company in this endless void?

They... must have existed, right? His sunshine must be real. He can't be wrong. He tried so hard to hold onto them, to remember them. He knows he did. He was so desperate to hold onto them. To be with them again.

His sunshine loved him.

Jack couldn't allow himself to doubt his sunshine's love. He wouldn't. He wouldn't forget. He couldn't allow himself to forget or to be forgotten.

If he did, then he would truly be alone.

Besides, Sunny Day Jack never forget a friend. He would never let them down. He would never give up on them.

He was Sunny Day Jack, so that meant he would never let his sunshine go.

It was so much easier to hold onto memories of Sunny Day Jack. The episodes contained enough of his lore that he could hold onto the image of himself as that bright and colorful clown. Even though he was trapped going through the motions of the same script over and over again, the episodes were the most real things he felt in that place.

Reliving the episodes was like waking up from an unending dream. Whatever pieces of his sunshine that Jack could gather from his fragmented memories would break apart instantly, so painfully fragile. They were all the more indistinct when he stood beneath the bright studio lights, surrounded by technicolor backdrops. The other characters, the cheers and laughter of the children were so much more real.

Jack lost himself in the role of Sunny Day Jack whenever the episodes were playing.

The recording of the well lit studio wasn't actually warm. Jack didn't actually feel anything, even when the tape was playing, but it was easier to pretend that he could. Seeing and hearing these familiar things allowed him to lose himself in the moment as Sunny Day Jack. He could almost feel alive again when he was going through the motions of each episode.

The recording of CloudyTown was the closest thing Jack had to reality in this place.

It was a cruel mercy. Jack had moments of reprieve from unreality, but at a cost. The episodes were an escape from the endless cold hell and the vague waking dreams he clung to, but the recording was the same every time. Each episode would inevitably herald the coming of the end that he was forced to relive. Each time the incident played, he was traumatized all over again. His death was just as fresh and terrible the hundredth time through as it was the first.

Worse, sometimes the tape sped through those nostalgic moments and went straight to his gruesome death. Then it would be rewound to play it through again and again until the audience beyond the screen tired of his suffering.

This contrast between his "waking" existence and the sleepless dreams of the void made it impossible for Jack to hold onto his memories as Joseph.

The tape gave Jack something to hold onto, even if it wasn't really himself. If his hell consisted only of the void, with its cold and empty numbness slowly erasing him, there would've been nothing left of him after 40 years. Memories of himself would become just as instinct and empty as those he held of his sunshine.

He, they, it would've become a lost soul, forgetting every feature of that long lost life. Name, face, gender, past... all erased by the void. The sleepless dreams would be come indistinct shadows, memories of black on black that left only the suggestion of a form that might have once existed.

The only memory remaining would be the faint feelings of warmth and love tangled with the coldness of loss and pain.

The SunnyTime Crew Show was the only anchor Jack had left to keep some piece of himself. He held onto the belief that he was once loved like a religion, a belief that sunshine existed somewhere even in a world of darkness. He dreamed of that love, his sunshine, long after he forgot anything about them.

The spotlights shining down on Jack during the episodes was the closest thing he had to sunshine in that hell. The light chased away the darkness, if only for a little while. It brought him an all too brief reminder of what color and laughter were like when his memories of them grew hazy. He ached to keep that feeling, that love with him always.

But Jack had no control. The person playing the tape decided when to stop and start each episode. They decided what moment he got to replay and when.

Even if it was the moment of his death played on loop.

The tape existed as a snuff film for a time. For how long, Jack couldn't say. He had only the vaguest impression of an audience beyond the screen. They were as much phantoms as his memories of sunshine, perhaps something he imagined, perhaps not. He had no idea what this unseen audience thought as they replayed his death so many times, too lost in his own pain and trauma to know anything else.

Until something changed.

For the first time, Jack felt sunshine. It wasn't that vague fragment of memory that he still clung to or the recording of spotlights. What he felt was a warmth that resonated through his soul, a light in the endless darkness.

His struggle hadn't been in vain. That memory of love that he held onto so desperately had finally found him after an eternity alone. That sunshine and his belief allowed him to break the iron bars of the script that dictated his every action for so long.

For the first time in 40 years, his voice could truly break the boundaries of hell and cry out for salvation.

Like an angel of mercy or a goddess of light, Alice answered his prayers and saved his soul from hell by cleaving it to hers.

Jack didn't remember Mary, but he remembered his sunshine. He never forgot the warmth of her love. Now he finally had a face, a name, and a voice to go with that warmth once again.

And oh how warm Alice was. Her touch was addicting, her scent intoxicating. Her voice was always a caress that sent shivers up his spine and filled him with heat. The sight of her made his heart melt and filled him with a contradictory feeling of peace and excitement.

Alice gave him so much, but Jack couldn't help but crave more. He wanted to drink her in with all of his senses until he drowned in her. He wanted to know what she tasted like.

Sometimes Jack wondered if he was still dreaming. Even when he was "awake" and reliving those episodes, the world didn't feel as real as it did with her.

Even this world he found himself in wasn't as real as it should be. To every other living being, Jack was a ghost, unseen and avoided instinctively. No one could see, hear, or even touch him.

It was a world full of people, yet so painfully lonely.

Jack isn't still dreaming... right? Right?

Just like in hell, the only thing Jack can cling to is the warmth of his sunshine. She wasn't a vague impression anymore, the shadow of a memory that broke apart between his nonexistent fingers and faded away. She had a name, a face, and a voice. She had a heart full of love for him and arms to hold him tight when he felt like he might fall to pieces.

Alice was real. The rest of the world might not be. What he was experiencing now might just be a different kind of unreal existence like the endlessly repeating CloudyTown. But that's okay. The world didn't matter anymore.

Nothing mattered so long as Jack had Alice. Questions about his existence and reality didn't matter. The rest of the world didn't matter. Not even the few memories he clung to so desperately for over 40 years mattered.

All that mattered was keeping the warmth of his sunshine's love. Jack could lose everything else, even his own identity. He would let it all go with a smile on his face if it meant holding onto her. He would be whatever Alice wanted him to be if it meant keeping her. Forever.

Jack would never let his sunshine go. Ever. And he will never let anyone take his sunshine away from him again.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack - Sins, Stripping, Sex Work, and Shame

I’ve got a hankering for some adults only OTP indulgence. Specifically I think it’s time to indulge in the stripper Joseph idea I mentioned a while back.

Now, before we begin, I want to emphasize that sex work can be quite a complicated issue. I initially came into this ramble with the goal of writing some Joseph and Mary fluff with the added spice of stripping and lap dancing on top. I even used this picrew to make a sweet and spicy picture of Joseph seducing Mary while she’s wearing his tank top to get in the spirit of fun and flirty sexy times.

Just another fun, silly, and sexy AU idea, you know?

However… when I started getting into the darker shades to make the lighter colors stand out more, well…

Let’s just say I couldn’t stop myself from digging into Joseph’s psyche and why he has such a negative view of the man he used to be in the present day as Jack. So this ramble stopped really being about an AU - let alone a lighthearted one - and instead delves into the backstory I’ve given Joseph for Sunshine in Hell before he got the role of Sunny Day Jack. There’s just an additional little bit of what if canon divergence thrown in on top.

Sometimes rambles just wind up running away with me like that. Once I started thinking about what led Joseph to a life of stripping and prostitution, things just kept progressing from there. So I wound up painting a much darker picture than I initially intended it to be. Be sure to heed the content warnings in this mature post before proceeding further.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

Content Warning: This post contains talk about sex, sex work, childhood trauma, child neglect, abusive relationships, bullying, cheating, chronic illness, drug usage, body shaming, slut shaming, religious guilt, suicide, homelessness, internalized homophobia, and other such heavy topics.

Don’t worry though, there’s a little sweet and spicy short story of OTP goodness in the final part of this ramble. Feel free to skip straight to the fluffy NSFW finale if you want to give the heavier topics a pass. There’s also a few more quick short story snippets throughout.

As some of you may remember from previous rambles, in the timeline for Sunshine in Hell, Mary (Alice’s past life incarnation and Joseph’s childhood friend/first love) has a surprising reunion with Joseph as an adult while he’s a homeless drifter hitchhiking along the side of the road. I even wrote a short story about it a while back. It was pure chance, a cosmic happenstance that brought these two lonely souls back together again that they both treated as a miracle, resulting in a reunion filled with tears, kisses, and laughter.

Before the pair were reunited, Joseph made a lot of choices that he’s not proud of, both for love and for money, which includes sex work and toxic relationships. Mary knew about his past as a young and dumb kid, even getting swept up in his rule breaking at times like sneaking into a movie theater, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell her just how low he had fallen after they were separated.

Joseph Cullman believed himself to be flawed, filthy, and unworthy of love. That’s why he tried so hard to remake himself into someone new, someone better. When Mary found him, he was between jobs, so he was able to hide his dirtiest secrets from her.

No one had to ever know, especially not his sunshine.

But if the time and place of their reunion shifted just a bit, Joseph would be totally exposed in more ways than one.

The Empty Space Where Love Used to Live

Okay, I know everyone (including me) wants to get down to the sexy stripper Joseph seducing Mary stuff right away, but my mind just wouldn’t jump there without exploring how we got here in the first place. Becoming a stripper or sex worker wasn’t exactly something Joseph wanted to become or took pride in.

After running away from home, Joseph had to make his way in life all alone, with no one to support him, and no one to care whether he lived or died. All he had was the clothes on his back, an incomplete education from teachers who constantly called him worthless, and his body to scrape some sort of living together. He had to do a lot of hard labor in order to get by, in more than one sense of the word. His heart was scarred and heavy, both from the things done to him and the things he did. His sense of self-worth was pitiful, and he was so very, very lonely. The only person who ever truly loved him was gone… stolen from him first by her uncaring parents, then by death itself.

Though the rumors of Mary’s death were quite exaggerated at the time. Not that poor Joseph knew that.

If it had only been a rumor that Mary had died, Joseph would’ve refused to believe it. He was a stubborn kid, and school was a hellscape full of rumors, vicious slander, and fighting. But rumors weren’t his only evidence. Even years on, he still vividly remembered that moment in her bedroom that brought him such sorrow and joy all at once. She told him herself while in tears how her doctor was certain that she wouldn’t live to see adulthood.

Mary didn’t want to die with regrets, so she confessed her feelings for Joseph, and he reciprocated. She had been hiding her feelings for a while before that, as she was worried about ruining their friendship. Perhaps she could have continued to hide her feelings to spare him the pain when she died, but she didn’t want to waste the time she had left denying her feelings any longer.

Joseph wanted to fight that death sentence, but how? They were just teens, scared and confused. Even doctors with years of education didn’t know how to help Mary. They couldn’t even give a name to whatever was killing her. There was no internet to search for symptoms back then, and no trusted adult in his life with sage advice. The most he had was just a library with pages and pages of medical books that he would have to flip through one by one, each page packed to the brim with terms that he didn’t understand.

Joseph couldn’t even fight back against her parents when they forbade Mary from seeing him again. They flipped out at him, threatening to shoot him with a shotgun if he snuck into their home ever again, or even just set foot on their lawn. They went so far as calling the police on him, though fortunately nothing more came of it than a stern lecture from a couple cops.

Joseph did try to see Mary again despite these threats, but they never amounted to anything in the end. Adults saw him as a punk, a misbehaving brat, and even if he sought out help, they simply told him to leave her alone. The Phoenix family didn’t want a “worthless” troublemaker “corrupting” their daughter. His own parents didn’t want to deal with the hassle of his “teenage drama,” since he would “just get over it” and find someone new soon enough.

No one understood just how much Joseph loved and wanted to be with Mary, or vice-versa. They were seen as just two stupid kids with a silly crush in the eyes of adults, just a bout of puppy love that would fade out sooner or later. High school romance was rarely more than a fleeting thing. To their parents, young love was more like fireworks, an explosion of hormones that create an exciting thrill that quickly fades and draws the immature and inexperienced teen to seek out that spark again in someone new.

Joseph resented such condescending attitudes and metaphors. He knew damn well what he felt for Mary was far deeper than that. He would never just forget her so easily, as if her presence in his life meant nothing. Just because he was young didn’t mean that what he felt wasn’t love.

Joseph knew what shallow, empty love looked like. He saw it every time his parents bothered to remember to say that they loved him. Their version of love was nothing more than a performance, a lie to appease themselves and whoever might have been watching. Such fake love could never fill the hole left in his heart.

What Joseph and Mary shared was nothing like the hollow “love” his parents showed him all his life.

This led to Joseph lashing out at home, at school, against his parents, teachers, authority figures, his peers, and even random people. The world was cruel and unfair. He had been shown this fact time and time again. When he found one bright spot of light in his life, the world tore it away from him and snuffed it out like a candle.

Maybe it wouldn’t have hurt so much if Joseph never knew love at all. The cold can’t bite as hard if you’ve never known what it feels like to be warm.

The thought that Mary was dead broke something in Joseph. While he had gotten into trouble and acted out at times to get attention, up until this point, he had simply been a reckless class clown that didn’t know when to quit. Sure he had gotten into fights before, mostly taunting bullies that threw insults his way or Mary’s, but his troublemaking behavior was mostly just a cry for attention. It was childish and obnoxious, not malicious or vindictive.

When Joseph was finally forced to accept the idea that his sunshine was gone forever and that no one cared about her passing or how much it hurt him, his anger bubbled over and no one could reach his heart again. He was violent, insulting, and downright cruel. He hurt, so the world deserved to hurt. He stopped trying anymore with his parents. He wanted their love all his life, but it was always empty, and their dismissiveness over his grief and the loss of Mary made him give up on that love too.

After all, it was hard for Joseph to believe that a person was even capable of love at all when they treated his pain as nothing more than an annoyance in their lives.

“What? You’re still hung up about that girl dying? It’s been a month already. You have to get over it if you’re going to get anywhere in life. You can’t keep using this as an excuse to keep whining and slack off.”

“For goodness sake, stop crying. Real men don’t cry. Sigh… When will you finally grow up already? It’s not as if she was family.”

And so on and so forth. The house Joseph grew up in never truly felt like home.

Joseph did try to find love again even after that. It was only natural for humans to seek happiness and affection. We’re social creatures after all. The things he used to do for fun didn’t bring him the joy they once had, so he looked elsewhere. The rules he circumvented were more easily broken now, as were laws. The vices he gained during his teenage years - smoking, alcohol, bullying those who he felt wronged him, rebelling against authority, picking fights, tattoos to express the bottled up feelings he couldn’t really put into words - they offered him rushes of pleasure that distracted him from feeling so empty. Sure, much of the things he turned to during this time were destructive, but they made him hurt just a little less.

Why should Joseph care about what other people thought or felt about what he did? They certainly never cared about him even when he was trying to earn their approval. Who cared if he destroyed himself?

Tragically, Joseph did destroy someone in the end, but it wasn’t himself.

Joseph never meant for things to spiral so far out of control. He had known firsthand the trauma that bullying inflicted. He took it a bit far at times… but a certain student at school made him burn with rage.

In elementary school, Mary was the target of bullying. One person in particular took great delight in making her life miserable, and constantly left her in tears when they were children.

Joseph put a stop to it years ago in a playground brawl. Mary wasn’t happy that he got into a fight, especially since he got roughed up in the process, but she was grateful that he protected her. After that fight, her bully never dared come after her again.

That day, Joseph felt like a hero. He rescued Mary and defeated her wicked arch nemesis with his own brand of vigilante justice. He was the knight in shining armor that saved the princess from the wicked dragon.

The roles changed in high school. Joseph played the part of the villain now, but he didn’t care. He knew full well what he was doing now wasn’t heroic or noble. He couldn’t help but lash out at this former bully and anyone else who had hurt his beloved sunshine in the past. He went after kids that used to make fun of him even if they had long forgotten about such slights against him, or even forgot his name. He antagonized anyone who so much as looked at him wrong, dealing out damage with his fists and poisonous words. He took any excuse to lash out, goading others into a fight whenever he saw an opportunity.

Joseph was an avenger desperately seeking revenge without a real target to claim victory over, and no way to find true satisfaction.

Unfortunately that former bully understood that using Mary’s memory was the best way to hurt Joseph. When they retaliated against his bullying, they painted a blood red target on themselves when they outright taunted him about her death. They told him that they were happy that Mary died and that the world was better off without her.

This foolish teenager didn’t realize the hell they unleashed upon themselves until it was already far too late.

From that day onward, Joseph had it out for Mary’s former bully in particular. He still lashed out at anyone in his path, but he wanted this person to suffer. He wanted them to feel his pain a thousand fold. Day after day, he tormented them, beat them up, insulted them, sabotaged them, and did everything he could to make them hurt far more than he or Mary ever did. He was relentless, and only grew more incensed every time the bully used his sunshine’s name and memory to retaliate against him.

At first it was a war - bully vs bully - but Joseph was far worse than his opponent ever was, and the war wore down Mary’s former bully over time. Teachers didn’t want to get involved and just let the kids sort things out between them. So long as the kids kept the fights out of their sight, the teachers could look the other way. They only had to intervene when it interfered with classes or they couldn’t get away with ignoring it without getting into trouble themselves. Sure there were disciplinary reports, detentions, and lectures, but these things barely slowed Joseph down from his mission of revenge.

Joseph soon learned how to deal out more pain with his words than his fists. Sure his fists did damage, even if it left him with bruised knuckles, but it wasn’t enough. But words… oh words seem so innocent, so deceptively simple and childish when compared to spilling blood or leaving bruises, but if used correctly, the pain words inflicted was far more devastating than any cut or broken bone.

Over time, Joseph figured out what truly hurt his classmate psychologically and dug into their head. Soon his voice was echoing in their thoughts even at home, in their sleep. His well placed attacks on their vulnerabilities seeped into them like a poison.

Even when his opponent no longer had the will to fight back, Joseph did not relent. He ignored stern or desperate pleas for him to leave them alone, no matter who told him. Punishment from adults did not deter him. The defense of friends just gave him more enemies to fight. Tears did not move him, especially when they came from someone who was his enemy, someone who he only saw as cruel and unforgiving. Without love, he had no mercy to give anyone.

For the rest of his life, Joseph wished that he did.

They were gone from school for at least a week before the announcement was made over the school public address system. Tragic news. Suicide. Anyone who knew the deceased were highly encouraged to see the school counselor immediately.

Once the shock wore off, Joseph finally understood the damage he had done… as did many of his peers.

“Murderer!” was the final word Joseph heard shouted at his back when he fled from Haberdae High for the final time. He had nothing but a half-empty backpack and some fresh bruises to take with him when he ran away. He ran and ran and ran with no destination in mind. He kept running long after he stopped being pursued.

Unfortunately, Joseph could never outrun the sins he had committed and the stains they left upon his soul.

Once upon a time, Joseph was the hero who saved the kind soul who brought light into his world. Then he became an avenger seeking justice where there was none to be found. Now he was the villain, fleeing from the punishment he knew that he richly deserved.

Although running away like he did was a spur of the moment thing, Joseph had considered leaving for a while now. There wasn’t much there for him in his hometown anyway. His parents didn’t want him, the teachers hated dealing with him, and his peers didn’t care about him. He never fit in there. People preferred to forget he even existed when they weren’t talking down to him. The only good thing to ever come from his hometown was Mary, and she was gone. Forever.

So even after the surge of panic and adrenaline calmed down, Joseph kept walking. He walked and walked and walked until his body just couldn’t take it anymore. He wound up sleeping in a ditch that first night.

It was the first of many nights sleeping in a ditch.

Joseph couldn’t go back. His parents’ house had never been home to him anyway. The only home he ever knew was in the moments he shared with Mary, where he felt accepted and loved. He had no family who would support him, no friends to rely on. He doubted anyone would care that he was gone. In fact, they’d most likely be relieved.

All Joseph could do was wander, searching for a new home. A new life.

Joseph Cullman was a monster, a murderer. He was worthless, useless, and unwanted. He was someone filthy and unworthy of love.

He never did stop running from what he had done. He left it all behind him, his sins and even his name. He reinvented himself, taking different names, different attitudes to try and turn himself into someone new, someone better.

Joseph Cullman was better off dead anyway.

There wasn’t a goal strictly in his mind, but there were some fanciful dreams leftover from his childhood. If he made it all the way to Hollywood, maybe he could get spotted by a talent agent and make it big on TV or in the movies. He could become someone new in such a big city, someone who would shine like a star. He could be someone everyone admired and adored, someone worthy of friendship and love.

Maybe then love like he once found in his sunshine might find him again someday.

Hard Labor

Reality wasn’t as kind as his fantasies. Joseph could only make it so far on foot, and hitchhiking brought its own risks and costs. He ran away with little more than the clothes on his back, and only his body to pay for his food and shelter.

Joseph took whatever job he could get that didn’t ask too many questions or require an education, even if it might have been sketchy. At first, this was mostly hard manual labor like digging ditches, washing cars, yard work, and the like. Such jobs took advantage of the desperate and were soul crushing. He was overworked and underpaid. Every day left him exhausted and sore.. He barely made enough to eat and have a place to sleep at night.

An unexpected bonus to all his backbreaking work were the muscles Joseph built over time. He was always active and fit, but this constant physical labor day in and day out was more demanding than any workout routine.

Unfortunately, a muscular physique didn’t get him any closer to those lofty dreams of a better life.

As Joseph bulked up, he started to experience another unexpected perk to physical labor. He noticed eyes always wandering across his body, especially when he would go shirtless in the hot sun. It was attention that he wasn’t used to, both alluring and a bit uncomfortable.

The stares and catcalls could get a bit much at times, involving degrading language along with unexpected and unwanted touches. It was dehumanizing at times. Some people made him feel less like a human and more like a piece of meat for them to drool over.

At the same time, it was more attention than Joseph used to get, and he was starved for it. He felt so painfully alone. Being harassed was a small price to pay to not be invisible and ignored. He was strong enough to fend off anyone who took things too far, and he knew how to fight, so he could overlook the downsides of all the attention. He tried to see if he could turn that attraction to him into something more meaningful and lasting. When someone with a nice smile flirted with him, he flirted back. He tried to be charming to those who were kind and friendly with him. He went out on many dates, searching for someone, anyone who could see that there was more to him than just his body.

Joseph wanted to be more than just a piece of meat to someone. He wanted real love.

It didn’t go well. Joseph was still getting used to his new identity, how to behave, and how to really connect with people. However, it can be difficult to connect authentically when someone is hiding who they are, lying about their background, and hiding many secrets. His relationship with Mary came so easily. He could be open and vulnerable with her, but with others he struggled. He misread warning signs and took words of love at face value without realizing that they were just as performative as the new name and identity that he gave himself.

Even though he learned that “I love you” can be a lie from his parents, his desperation to be loved still made him want to believe it when someone new who actually paid attention to him said it.

Romantic relationships rarely ever lasted. Joseph never seemed to be good enough, no matter what he called himself. He let himself fall in love hard and fast when he was treated kindly and showered with sweet words of love and flattery. He was an easy target for people who knew how to manipulate others to get what they want, which usually was just sex with him. His heart was crushed again and again as he kept giving it away to just about anyone who gave him positive attention and told him what he wanted to hear.

Joseph learned how to use his body well, both in work and in the bedroom. He took more stock in his appearance and kept trim but muscular so that his lover’s eyes hopefully wouldn’t wander to someone new. Some of his relationships shamed him if he “let himself go” by gaining a few pounds when he finally started eating well, so he would add a workout routine on top of all the hard work he was doing. He got better at sex to entice his lovers to stay just a bit longer, but wound up in toxic relationships that were built off lust instead of love.

Joseph just wanted to be loved, desired, needed, but he was always left feeling used in the end.

Accepting money in exchange for sex was a gradual progression. Joseph loved receiving gifts from his dates. It made him feel special and important, and it was even more meaningful to him when he was struggling to keep himself fed, clothed, and sheltered. Unfortunately, his dates didn’t actually put any real meaning into the gifts, as they were just “playing the game” when it came to dating.

Give the right gift and say the right words to the person they’re interested in, and they’ll get sex at the end of the date. Then they move on to the next person and repeat the process. Maybe they would take him on a second date sometime when they were feeling horny again.

Joseph caught onto the pattern, but he still kept falling for it anyway. He hoped that if he was just so charming and seductive, so unforgettable that they would stay... that maybe desire could turn into something more.

This was what led to Joseph unintentionally becoming a sugar baby to a closeted gay man who was terrified of being outed. The 70s and 80s weren’t exactly known for being open and accepting of any sexuality but straight after all. Money, presents, and empty but addictingly sweet words of love were used to make up for treating Joseph like a dirty secret. What made him feel even more filthy was discovering that lover was actually married, and he was the affair partner.

Despite all the problems and red flags waving in his face, Joseph struggled to leave the relationship. It was the longest relationship he had since he was with Mary. He didn’t want to lose someone close to him like that again. He wanted to believe that what the two of them had was really love. He opened himself up to his lover and gave so much of himself, trying desperately to make it work between them. He told his lover things that he previously held back then dating others. He let more truth about his past slip in among the backstory he crafted for his current identity. That vulnerability made him cling to the relationship longer than he should. He wanted so badly to have a love that would actually last.

The excuses his lover gave to placate Joseph were flimsy when scrutinized. In retrospect, Joseph wished that he didn’t ignore the warning signs. But his lover seemed so sincere, and those sweet lies were told so convincingly with so much emotion that he let himself believe them again and again.

His lover promised him the moon and all the stars, and he did it so well.

His lover might have been a cheater, but the man insisted that he and his wife were in the final stages of a divorce. In fact, she was already seeing someone else too. His wife was abusive, and he needed to leave her for his safety. She was unhinged. She was terrible. He was pressured into the marriage by his heavily religious family in the first place. He didn’t love her. He never loved her. He only loved Joseph. Joseph was handsome, sweet, attractive, wonderful, and every other beautiful word in the book. He only wanted Joseph. This whole mess would be resolved soon and then it would be just the two of them forever. All Joseph had to do was just be patient and trust him.

And on and on and on the excuses went…

It was nice having money and an otherwise comfortable life, but Joseph couldn’t stay in the relationship. It wasn’t good for him, and he couldn’t live in denial forever. While the nights of passion were intense and his lover’s words were so alluring, the mornings were always empty, with only a wad of cash and a note on the nightstand left behind to keep him company.

For as desperate as he was to be loved, Joseph eventually was forced to face the fact that he was nothing more than a plaything for a rich older man.

The beginning of the end came when Joseph overheard his lover talking to someone else. To his horror, he learned that he wasn’t the only one the man seduced into an affair. There were other people who also fell for this cheater’s honeyed words of love. He even met some of them when his lover convinced him to participate in orgies. He thought that they were an acquaintance joining him and his lover to spice up their love life. At the same time, the other people were led to believe the same thing about him.

The more Joseph pulled at the threads to find the truth, the more it all unraveled. There was no divorce. There never was one. The wife was actually a lovely, sweet woman who was good to their kids. Kids. There were kids involved in this mess, and Joseph never even knew that they existed this entire time! It was hard enough to deal with the fact that his lying, cheating lover had a wife, even with all the excuses, but it made Joseph feel sick that he participated in creating a broken home for those kids.

It reminded him uncomfortably of his own childhood.

The wife and kids didn’t deserve to be treated like this. Neither did Joseph.

The fallout wasn’t pretty. Not that Joseph stuck around long after he burned everything down to the ground. He left that town and the name he made there behind him, running away from the entire messy affair and his heartbreak.

Though Joseph did make sure to leave evidence of the affair for his ex’s wife to find. It was both a way to atone for what he did and to get revenge on a cheating scumbag who played them all for fools with empty promises and lies about love. He hoped that the wife would take the kids and find someone new who would give them the love and respect that they deserved.

Joseph hoped to find someone like that too.

Fortunately Joseph learned from the last time he ran away, and he took as much of his sugar daddy’s money and gifts with him as he could. He sold whatever he couldn’t fit in his backpack and started over from scratch yet again.

Joseph was a bit more jaded about other peoples’ intentions after that when they showed interest in him. He still made an effort to be friendly and even flirty, but he was more guarded with his heart when he eventually tried dating again.

Sex without love wasn’t fulfilling, but it was fun, and it could pay the bills. A quick handjob was cheaper than paying for a taxi cab. A sweet smile, even sweeter words, and a choice glimpse of cleavage and a tight tank top could entice a kind soul to let him bum a cigarette or an extra cup of coffee.

Sex also had a way of distracting Joseph from his loneliness. In those moments of passion, he could convince himself that he didn’t need anything more than this pleasure. He could convince himself that what he was sharing with the person he was dating was love, or at least just as good as love. He tried to be satisfied with pleasures of the flesh and the hope that maybe he might find real love someday. He finally had attention, admiration, approval. He was desired, wanted, needed. The rush was addicting, even if the highs never lasted long.

Digging ditches didn’t pay nearly as well as strip joints, and there were plenty of seedy places in every town. Respectable strip clubs don’t have the strippers moonlight as prostitutes, but Joseph wasn’t really taking jobs at any respectable places. The places he found work at least allowed him to vet out the customers who would pay good money for a private show versus the ones who were just looking for a cheap thrill. It was safer than looking for a john at a bar or on a street corner. He took advice from his coworkers with more experience in the business about how to spot good clients and how to protect himself when things got dangerous.

It wasn’t the life Joseph ever imagined for himself. It all finally hit him just how far things had gone when he was watching his copy of a porno he starred in. Watching himself have sex with a bunch of strangers he barely knew in exchange for money made it sink in that he had become a prostitute.

Joseph never thought his life would turn out this way. A few years ago, the very idea was completely unthinkable. He wanted to be a star, but not like this! Sure, the porno was a small-scale affair, not even with an actual porn studio, but seeing himself like that on his TV made him realize that strangers were going to watch him, judge him, and get off on it.

When did things get so out of hand? Joseph got swept up in the rush of sex and attention. Things never seemed so bad in the moment. The next step never seemed quite as far as he would’ve thought. He accepted gifts, then he accepted cash. He stripped for attention then a job. He had sex to feel love, then to forget his loneliness, then to gain the security only money could give in a capitalist society. He got swept up in things, the idea of lots of easy money for a fun time, and a chance of finding love through attraction and pleasure.

Watching himself from the outside and knowing that countless other people would only ever see him as just a piece of meat and nothing more finally made him realize what he had become.

It wasn’t an entirely negative experience. Joseph found that he enjoyed being watched and watching others. It was a shameful, but thrilling feeling, exciting and even addicting. Sex was fun, exhilarating, and even liberating. He loved to show himself off and be the person everyone looked at with admiration and desire.

But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t love.

At the end of the day, that was what Joseph really wanted. He wanted someone to love with his whole heart who loved him just as fiercely. He wanted to bring these intense pleasures that he discovered into a relationship that was built on more than just fleeting moments of passion. He wanted that lingering satisfaction and security that only love ever gave him.

Society shames sex workers, and Joseph wasn’t immune to that internalized shame. The fact that he enjoyed it so much, even if only in the moment, just made him feel even more shameful when the high faded. It made him feel dirty and worthless when he wasn’t lost in those exhilarating rushes of pleasure and attention. He constantly tried to distract himself from such negative thoughts, but he couldn’t escape them when he was left alone with only his thoughts for company.

Selling his body was thrilling and profitable, but it left Joseph feeling ashamed, unfulfilled, and empty inside.

When was the last time he had gone to church? His parents used to drag him there every Sunday when he was a kid. It was never a fun experience. He didn’t buy all the bullshit that the priests were always selling, but he wasn’t free of the internalized shame that was hammered into him and the rest of the congregation. Shouldn’t he feel ashamed for that too?

Then again, what was the point of going back now? He was probably damned to hell either way.

Joseph couldn’t exactly afford shame when he was homeless. Sex paid the bills without breaking his back. Sure, he had to get regular checkups to make sure that he didn’t catch anything. Sure he had to worry about stalkers, potential pregnancies, and he hadn’t had a good relationship since…

Mary. Joseph never found someone who made him feel as happy as Mary. For all the excitement, pleasure, and attention he achieved now, it was always so empty in comparison to the time he spent with her. Sex alone never gave him that contentment, peace, and love that he craved so, so badly.

It was funny. For all the rush sex gave him, even the new exciting kinks he discovered, none of it compared to that sunny smile of hers and those sweet kisses she gave that filled him up to the brim with love.

It all made Joseph that much more desperate to find love again, and sometimes he convinced himself that he did, only to realize that he was being used yet again. He didn’t realize that his desperation for love was obvious enough to make him an easy target for people looking to take advantage of the caring and vulnerable. Every failed relationship made him feel just that little bit more jaded and unlovable.

It made him wonder if he could ever find love again.

Joseph went by so many names, reinvented himself so many times. He started over in town after town, working his way towards Hollywood and that nebulous idea of becoming something better than he was. He wanted, needed to be something more than a piece of meat to be devoured, used, and then discarded like trash.

He wanted to become somebody who didn’t have to use pleasure and excitement to distract himself from feeling so worthless and unlovable.

Love and Self-Loathing

Joseph was ashamed of being a sex worker, though he respected others in the business, and he would fight anyone who dared to insult the few friends he made there. Some people genuinely loved the job and made it work… but he never could find that same love for it that they did. He, like so many others, got into that line of work due to a lack of options and wanted something better as soon as possible.

Sex work isn’t an inherently shameful job, but society plays a big part in projecting strong feelings of shame and disgust onto it. It’s also a dangerous job due to laws that are broken and lack of protection for sex workers. Joseph was not immune to the negative feelings society impressed upon the profession even as he participated in it. This perception only added to all the ways authority figures and his peers ground him down over the years with feelings of worthlessness.

Joseph felt disgusted by how much he enjoyed selling his body, at least in the moment. Once the rush of lust and euphoria was over and he was left in the afterglow, he felt cheap and used. Filthy. It was as much of a damaging rush as the nicotine he kept smoking or the coffee he drank too much of… or the “party favors” he sometimes partook in with partners or clients.

As filthy as sex without real love made Joseph feel, it was also the best way for him to make a living and distract himself from how much he hated his life and himself.

A big theme behind the 1984 incident is Joseph getting exposed. The mask of Sunny Day Jack was torn away and all the dirty secrets that he desperately tried to hide were laid bare before the nation and Mary. Everything he didn’t want anyone to know, especially not his sunshine, was revealed in the most damning way possible.

Hiding these shameful parts of his past played a large part in Joseph losing himself in the character of Sunny Day Jack, both in life and in death. He could forget the man underneath the makeup in the rush that stardom gave him, but this time the euphoria came with a squeaky clean image that he didn’t have to feel ashamed of. As Jack, he was finally someone admirable, famous, and adored. Sunny Day Jack was the type of person Joseph always wanted to be as a child, with the love that he always wished for.

It was also tied to the miracle of finding his sunshine once again.

Fortune smiled on Joseph when Mary spotted him hitchhiking on the highway. She knew the name he was born with and some of his past shame, but those were innocent misdeeds, nothing more than the rambunctiousness of youth. Compared to everything else that came after their separation, the child he used to be was positively charming. It wasn’t that hard for him to bury his deepest shames in the past and pretend those years without her never happened at all.

Joseph hid so many secrets from Mary, while she shared just about everything with him. He felt guilty for not being as open as she was with him. She still loved him, still wanted him even after so many years apart. She was so accepting of him and his flaws. She was drawn to him as a person, not as a tempting hunk of meat. His body was just another part of him, but it wasn’t the main attraction for her. Being on the asexual spectrum, sex was never a priority for her. It didn’t matter to her if he had a six-pack or if he was a scrawny twig. She encouraged him to eat well and take care of his health first. It was his heart and soul that drew her to him. She loved him even when he had nothing to offer her but his own love in return.

Joseph hated himself. He hated himself so much. But he loved Mary far, far more than he could ever hate himself. He was convinced that she deserved better than him. He knew that the noblest thing he could do would be to let her find love with someone who wasn’t carrying so much baggage, who didn’t do so many scummy things, who didn’t crave her love like a junkie in withdrawal.

If Mary had been in a new relationship with someone else, maybe Joseph could’ve stepped back and let her go. Maybe he could lie and pretend that he was happy for her. Maybe.

Or maybe he was only lying to himself to think that he could ever let her go again even if there was someone else in her life.

The relief Joseph experienced when Mary ran into his arms and kissed him was a kind of euphoria that put all his sexual encounters to shame. She remembered him. She missed him. She loved him. All the hurt and years they went through weren’t strong enough to destroy this bond between them. She still longed for his love just as much as he did hers.

There was no chance of Joseph making a noble sacrifice after that kiss. Just hearing Mary use that cherished nickname she gave him, yer eyes bright and brimming with tears as she wore the most gorgeous smile ruined any possibility that he might stay away from her. He might not deserve her after everything he had done, but he couldn’t let her go again. He wasn’t strong enough.

That was why Joseph wanted to give Mary only the best version of himself. He needed to become someone worthy of all the love she gave him, or at least act the part. She deserved the very best in everything. She deserved the world. She filled his life with love in a way no one else could. After losing her once, after trying and failing so many times to find love again, he now knew for sure that there was only one person in the world who could ever make him feel complete.

Joseph tried to be whatever Mary wanted or needed him to be, though he never said as much out loud. He quit smoking because of her health issues, even though the withdrawal was hard on him. He tried to speak more gently and smile more. He tried to be more mindful. He took all the lessons he learned about charming people to be more sociable and romantic, and his psychology classes helped him better understand how to handle people. He learned from all the mistakes he made with his many failed attempts at romance. He wanted to be the best partner possible, the ideal lover. He wanted to be someone who could never be replaced.

Sunny Day Jack served as a fantastic template for the type of person Joseph wanted to be. Everyone loved the character. He loved the character.

Mary always said that Sunny Day Jack was inspired by Joseph. She and others told him that was perfect for the role and really brought the character to life. The kids showed him so much admiration and love too when he interacted with them in person. Joseph could never quite see himself in Sunny Day Jack, though he wanted to very much. He wished that he could be half as good as Sunny Day Jack. The character was so good, so pure, so worthy of love. To him, Sunny Day Jack was everything Joseph Cullman wasn’t.

Even still, Joseph tried everything in his power to become the best Sunny Day Jack there ever was. He refused to disappoint his sunshine and all the kids who loved him so much.

Joseph wasn’t perfect, despite all his efforts. Every time he slipped up, got a little too loud, a little too abrasive, fear crept in. He couldn’t shake the doubts that he didn’t deserve Mary and everything she brought to his life, and in those moments the fear whispered poison in his ears. It pushed him to try harder. Too hard.

Mary didn’t just bring her love into his life. Through her, Joseph got the part of Sunny Day Jack at LambsWorks. He got the chance to become a star, just like he dreamed of since he was a child. He had a new opportunity to reinvent himself as the actor James Haberdae. He had a clean slate with new people, a new chance to make friends, a chance to make a name for himself. He had fame, adoration, and respect.  He had the opportunity to be someone better.

It was like a dream… and Joseph was terrified that someday he might wake up.

Over time, in a world where the incident of 1984 never ended in tragedy, where Mary and Joseph got to grow old together, he would learn that he didn’t need to be afraid of his sunshine learning the truth about his past. She accepted him whenever his perfect mask slipped, comforted him and supported him when he was at his lowest. He lived to face the aftermath of his secrets being so cruelly exposed, and he wasn’t rejected for all his failings.

Despite his fears, Mary showed Joseph that he was never unworthy of love.

Not that Mary was happy with what Joseph did. It was all a lot to take in. Prostitution, bullying, drugs, dating a married person, and so on… but what bothered her more was how much he hid from her. It hurt that he couldn’t trust her with these parts of his story that made him the man she knew and loved.

She understood though. These secrets weren’t easy to tell. They were painful and messy. Mary and Joseph talked things through in the aftermath. There was a lot of talking and tears.

They made it work. Despite everything, in the end, they came together stronger than ever.

It also allowed Joseph to finally accept himself as someone worthy of love. He didn’t have to be perfect. He didn’t have to be flawless without a speck of filth on his soul. He didn’t even have to be Sunny Day Jack anymore. All he had to do was to keep choosing to do the best he could for himself and for Mary and be open and honest with her. That was all she ever really wanted from him.

Sadly, Joseph never got to experience this kind of closure in the main timeline of Sunshine in Hell. He died at his absolute lowest moment. The liar was exposed in front of everyone. They all knew the filthy, worthless man known as Joseph Cullman hiding behind all the masks and names he wore to hide his shame.

He lost everything. He lost his fame, his reputation, his love, his life, and then his sanity.

Is it any wonder why he’s now so desperate to convince himself that he really was Sunny Day Jack?

Exposed Early

Now, with all that buildup of backstory and how it connects to the main continuity of Sunshine in Hell, let’s see what would happen if Joseph couldn’t hide a part of his shameful past from Mary when they reunited.

Funny thing is I wound up writing out a short story about it instead of just a summary of events. It just goes to show that inspiration can sneak up on you.

…

Under normal circumstances, Mary would have no interest in a strip club. Being on the demisexual side of the asexual spectrum, seeing random people in states of undress never did anything for her. Plus there was also the internalized shame that her parents hammered into her about behaving like a “good Christian girl” and what not. They would bring down the thunder if they ever learned that she went to such a place, no matter how old she was or if she was living on her own.

However, sometimes people had to push themselves out of their comfort zone for the sake of friendship. This is especially true for people who struggled to make friends and didn’t want to lose the few they managed to get.

What her parents didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them, right?

Besides, this was a special occasion. A person only got married once (hopefully), so they should live it up for their bachelorette party.

Of course, Mary didn’t understand why the bride-to-be was so keen on watching men strip when in a committed monogamous relationship. It kind of felt like cheating to her, even if they weren’t married yet. The bride-to-be blew off any concerns, acting as though it was only natural. Even still, she told the soon-to-be-groom that the party would just consist of dinner, drinks, and chatting together at the maid of honor’s house.

It didn’t feel right, but Mary didn’t want to cause trouble. She didn’t know if it was her place to say anything and meddle in their relationship. She hadn’t dated anyone since she was a teenager, so she had no idea what it was like to get married. She didn’t want to risk the tenuous friendships on misgivings. She just did her best to swallow her discomfort and went along with the rest of the bridal party.

Even if the other members of the party got a bit too rowdy at times when they finally got to see the strippers perform. Even if the person getting the most hands on with the strippers was the bride-to-be herself.

Mary was mostly a wallflower watching as the rest of the bridal party cut loose, cat calling at strippers and waving dollar bills in the air. She hid awkwardly behind her glass of soda much of the time and tried to focus more on the club decor and the music rather than its scantily dressed employees or excited patrons.

At least she didn’t have to worry about making small talk while the others were fixated on the performers.

The performances were… fine? Not that Mary was a good judge of such things. The performances consisted mostly of muscular men gyrating to the music while undressing and giving the audience suggestive looks. Sometimes there was a gimmick involved like a costume, a pole, or juggling bottles of alcohol. Sure the men were objectively good looking, but watching them strut their stuff didn’t do anything for her except make her uncomfortable when things got a bit too raunchy at times.

The shows certainly worked on the other patrons, even if Mary didn’t quite get it. She was at least happy that her friends were having fun, even if she could do without the high pitched screams of excitement. Whenever a customer tipped especially well, the dancers would offer an extra special service. Sometimes it was a kiss on the lips, while other times it was guiding the customer’s hand to grope along the dancer’s chest. The really big spenders got to enjoy a lap dance or straddle the dancer’s hips and dry hump them.

At one point a customer was led away into the back by one of the dancers, much to the hooting and hollering of the crowd. Mary tried not to speculate what that meant, but it wasn’t hard to figure out anyway.

The big rule of the strip club was that the patrons couldn’t do anything unless guided by the dancer. The customers could only make requests, sometimes shouted, as they waved their money around in a desperate bid to draw the dancer towards them. Sometimes, the strippers would make something of a bidding war for their attention, teasing the customers by coming in close, only to be “lured” away by someone else waving around a larger bill in the air.

Money talked in this place, and a lot of it was flowing straight into some very tiny underwear that was fighting for its life to support both the cash and the large bulge the dancers would sway about.

Mary wasn’t exactly comfortable in the strip club, but it wasn’t as bad as her parents or church made it out to be. The place was mostly clean and security was pretty good about keeping the patrons from getting out of control. Though she did feel embarrassed when a security guard stopped by their table to give a warning when a couple members of the bridal party got a bit handsy with one of the servers after a few too many drinks.

The experience was awkward and a bit uncomfortable for Mary, but overall the strip club wasn’t a den of debauchery, drugs, and sin where the devil liked to play. It was just a place where people paid to show off the sexual side of themselves that they hid from polite society. Even if she didn’t understand the appeal of stripping like the rest of the audience, she could focus on being happy that her friends were having fun.

Though Mary could do without other members of the bridal party trying to goad her into stuffing her hard earned money into some stranger’s thong. Peer pressure might’ve brought her through the doors and pushed her to buy the overpriced soda she’d been nursing all evening, but even the power of friendship had its limits.

Not that Mary was especially close to anyone in the bridal party yet, but she hoped stepping out of her comfort zone like this might change that.

Mary came to the strip club hoping to deepen her new friendships. She wasn’t expecting to see an old friend who she could never forget.

Of course, Mary didn’t quite recognize Joseph right away. He was introduced to the crowd under a different name after all, and she wasn’t really focusing on the dancers. When she finally noticed and recognized him, the realization caused her to spit out her soda and do a double-take.

…

I’m thinking that Joseph should have a fun and suggestive stage name like Randy Ryder, Chase Hardcock, Maxx Climax, or something like that. I went back and forth for quite a while about what stripper name feels most fitting or gives me giggles the most. In the end, I decided on going with Diablo as his stage name and Adam Lovegood as his “real” name. Though I am still open to changing the names if something else strikes my fancy more later on down the line.

…

Needless to say, Mary did not expect the muscular man with the tattoos who was sliding along a pole and stripping down to his underwear to the tune of sultry disco music to be her long lost first love.

Joseph, or rather Diablo as the crowd knew him, was lost in the excitement of the show, just as he was every time he performed. So many people were clamoring for his attention, desperately screaming “his” name while waving their money to lure him their way. They wanted him so badly he could taste it. In these moments, he forgot himself and who he was outside of the shows. He could enjoy the lustful eyes hungrily devouring his body and feel as if he was truly wanted and adored.

Mary spitting her soda got the attention of others in the bridal party, and some odd stares her way. Once again she was goaded and teased to participate, especially since she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the man pole dancing on stage.

In so many ways, the moment was as surreal as a dream to Mary. She couldn’t be sure this Diablo person was her Joseph, but what if. What if?

Then again… Diablo was reveling in the attention, the lust and intense energy of the club. He drew some of those in the front row close to touch him, to run their hands along his glistening body as he exposed more and more of his skin.

This Diablo person looked like Joseph, so much so that it made Mary’s heart ache, but he was so different from the Joseph she remembered.

Even still, maybe spurred by the goading of other members of the party, or maybe she couldn’t keep herself away because of the pull of what if, Mary finally stepped out of the shadows she hid in and approached the stage.

The showstopper Diablo was in full form that night. The crowd loved him. He took his time teasing customers who begged him for a kiss, drawing them close, only to get “distracted” by someone else’s desperate bid for his attention. He wanted them to need him so badly that it drove them insane. Only when the excitement was at a fever pitch would he finally choose his favorite for the evening and give them a taste of his temptation.

Diablo eventually selected a pretty thing with a big wad of cash and a nice smile. Their shameless begging drew him to them. He was inches away from giving them what they wanted when he caught a glimpse of sunshine.

Joseph froze when he saw her. Even after all these years, even with the glare of the spotlight in his eyes, he still recognized Mary. How could he not? She was older now, her body filled out with soft and inviting curves.

But what struck him the most were those eyes, those familiar beautiful blue eyes as bright as the sky at dawn. He remembered those eyes alight with joy or filled to the brim with tears. He could never forget the way she looked at him with so much love.

Joseph couldn’t quite place the emotion he saw in those wide eyes of her now, but her gaze pierced him right down to his soul.

“Diablo” hadn’t fumbled a performance since he was still a newbie, but he wound up losing his grip on the pole and the customer’s chin, and he hit the stage floor with a thump. The onlookers were confused by the disruption, and that unease pushed him back to his feet.

If there was one thing Joseph learned from performing, it was that no matter what happened, the show had to go on.

Besides, if the show fell apart, Joseph would get rushed off the stage, and he couldn’t let that happen, not before he got closer to Mary.

Maybe he was mistaken. Maybe this was just someone who simply looked like his sunshine. Maybe this was just his wishful thinking. Maybe he was hallucinating after so many times he lost himself to the memories of his first love. Maybe any or all of these things were true, but Joseph would never forgive himself if he lost this chance to be with Mary just one more time.

Diablo locked eyes with Mary. Normally he gave the patrons seductive, teasing smiles, but the smile he gave her was far gentler. There was so much emotion there in his smile and in his dark eyes that refused to look away from her to any of the crowd screaming for his attention. He brought up a hand and gestured for her to come closer.

Mary moved as if reeled in by an invisible string tied to his beckoning finger. She held some bills in her tightly clenched, sweaty palm, but she didn’t look too closely at how much was there. She just did as she was expected to do in this place and pulled out a wad of cash in order to catch the dancer’s attention. She whispered the name he abandoned long ago, but all the other voices drowned her out. There were so many people who wanted Diablo’s attention, but he only had eyes for her.

The show’s tone shifted subtly as Mary reached the edge of the stage, though most patrons didn’t really notice, too caught up in the usual atmosphere of the strip club and their own frenzied attempts to get “Diablo” to notice them. They didn’t notice how gently he touched this particular customer compared to everyone else, or the fact that he didn’t immediately take her offered money to do so.

Mary could hear her heart beating louder than the club music. His gentle touch blazed across her already burning skin. She struggled to speak, still caught between wanting to believe that this man was really Joseph and being afraid that she might be merely projecting his memory onto a stranger. The surroundings were alien to her, and the atmosphere so different from the moments they shared years ago, but the tenderness in the way he held her cheek and the longing in his eyes was so familiar. He made her want to believe.

“Starlight…?”

Despite the chaos around them, Joseph heard her soft voice, and that single word dispelled all his doubts. Joy, excitement, relief, shame, embarrassment, and countless other emotions created a chaotic mess inside of his mind. It was all he could do not to pull Mary up onto the stage and into his arms, but he managed to keep his composure… for now at least. He had gotten good at pushing his feelings away to focus on the energy of the moment, in playing the role he was given.

So “Diablo” kept the show going, flashing Mary a crooked, slightly teasing smile. “Hey there, Sunshine,” he said, and for a moment it was like they were kids again. He was back to being the rule breaking punk with that same cheeky smile who snuck in through her bedroom window to hang out behind their parents’ backs.

The memory struck Mary like lightning, and relief sent a shudder through her body. Emotions started to overflow her heart, brimming in her eyes as tears.

Joseph leaned in to speak softly into her ear so only Mary could hear him. “Come with me. We’ll talk somewhere more private.”

The reminder made Mary more aware of their audience and the mounting frustration of the other customers ignored by “Diablo.” She barely had time to nod before Joseph hopped off stage then scooped her up into his arms, eliciting a shriek of surprise.

“Diablo” smiled cheekily at Mary before regarding the audience. “Pardon me for stopping early tonight, sweethearts, but this lucky customer just bought a private show from me tonight.”

The crowd erupted in a mixture of hooting, jeers, and groans. It wasn’t unusual for a dancer to make a show of sweeping a customer up in their arms and making such an announcement in this particular club. It just usually happened after the dancer played to the crowd for a while and gave several individuals a more public show with kisses, groping, or lap dances.

The whole thing was too much for Mary to handle, especially since the bridal party were shouting the loudest of the crowd, cheering her on to “finally get laid” and how much of a  “lucky whore” she was. She had to cover her face in a vain attempt to hide as Joseph whisked her away backstage where the private rooms were.

…

Okay, I’ll admit, I didn’t expect to write 8 pages of a short story about the scene, but it just happened naturally as I was describing the scene and emotions. Gotta love these sudden bouts of inspiration in these rambles.

Despite the implication that Joseph gave to the crowd that he and Mary were going to have some sexy times backstage, what they did back there was anything but sexy. Emotions were running high and they were both relieved to be reunited, even if things were awkward and embarrassing for both of them.

Joseph couldn’t escape the question of how he wound up working in a place like this. He also couldn’t avoid his feelings of guilt and shame. Even though they had been apart for years and he believed that Mary was dead, he felt like he cheated on her. He feels that way to some extent in the main timeline too, but it hits harder when he was literally inviting other people to grope and kiss him right in front of her.

Sadly, there’s no immediate greeting kiss and hug in this AU. Things are too awkward and uncertain at the start of this sort of reunion.

Joseph never imagined that something like this could happen. He had been trying to heal from his sunshine’s death for years. He lost hope that he would ever see Mary again. Being with her again was an impossible wish of his, but now it came true in probably one of the worst ways ever.

Well, maybe not the absolute worst way ever, but this is still pretty bad.

Mary hoped to find Joseph again someday. They talked about their personal dreams for the future since they were kids, and she always liked to hope that he was out chasing one or more of those dreams. Most of all, she hoped that he was happy.

Well he was. Or at least he looked that way to her. Becoming a stripper was nothing Mary never imagined for Joseph, but it was clear that he was enjoying himself when he was up on stage. He obviously loved the attention, the flirting, the touching…

It seemed as if Joseph had moved on without her. He had grown into someone sexually liberated while she… more or less stayed the same. He was off exploring himself in ways she never dreamed, doing things that she would never dare. Meanwhile she never got comfortable with anyone else the way she did with him.

They had finally reunited after all these years, but weirdly it felt like there was this divide between them that was never there before.

Really, both of them would be spinning their wheels a bit once they’re alone together, trying to figure out what to say to one another. I can see Joseph being the one to speak up first, just feeling a desperate need to explain himself before Mary got the wrong idea about him. Of course, what initially blurts out of him is probably going to be awkward as hell and maybe a bit misleading.

This isn’t going to lead to a dramatic misunderstanding between them though. They’re just going to have some very uncomfortable conversation, and Joseph is going to have to explain some things that led him here. This means exposing a few more skeletons he wanted to leave buried forever in his closet.

Not all of them of course. Heavens no. Joseph isn’t going to unload everything on Mary after they’ve finally reunited. He just feels the need to explain things, to somehow soften what he did right in front of her…

He just needs to somehow stop himself from feeling so filthy and ashamed.

It’s funny that the initial idea of this AU was mostly lighthearted and silly images of Joseph pole dancing and stripping for Mary before giving her a lap dance as she gets incredibly flustered and turned on. While it’d be fun to imagine her being shocked and just going along with it all, it’d be a bit too intense for either of them to handle. There’s a lot of heavy emotions and scarring they both carry all hitting them at once without any warning.

Even if Joseph and Mary had an AU where they met for the first time at the strip club, Mary would be even less keen to just go along with sexy times. She’d hide in her shadowy corner, trying not to get anyone’s attention until the bachelorette party is over. There’d need to be some real shenanigans to get them to interact and bond.

Perhaps I could explore that possibility sometime, but that’s a potential post for another day.

Anyway, Joseph has been caught with his pants down here, both figuratively and literally. Even his attempts to explain and smooth things over would be awkward and affected by so many intense emotions. It might even lead to him breaking down as the shame overwhelms him.

Mary is alive. Joseph thought she was dead. He mourned for her. So many sleepless nights he missed her in his life. She left this void behind when she was gone, one he tried so hard to fill again and again and again… and now she’s here to see him when he’s been reduced to… this!

Mary was the one person in the world Joseph could bear his soul to. She’s also the one person he can’t bear to disappoint. He disappoints himself every single day, and her discomfort is obvious. He ruined himself in her eyes. He ruined their reunion, their love…

Joseph doesn’t know when he fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands, but he does notice Mary embrace him.

For as strange and uncomfortable as the circumstances of their reunion were, Mary doesn’t see Joseph the way he sees himself in that moment. She knows that he’s changed, that much is obvious, but it’s only natural. It’s been years and they’re adults now. They lived different lives than the ones they led as children.

Men shouldn’t cry. It’s something hammered into all boys’ heads thanks to society, and Joseph was always told the same by his parents. Realizing that he started crying and having a breakdown in front of Mary seemed to him like yet another reason to feel ashamed of himself. It’s another sign to show that he failed to become someone worthy of love.

Yet Mary chose to keep holding him. She chose to stroke his back and head so tenderly, telling him gently that it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.

Joseph did mutter some things under his breath during his breakdown. It was mostly just fragments of his attempts to explain himself, but also the crushing feelings that he ruined everything. Mary didn’t understand all of it, but she got the gist.

“It’s okay, Starlight. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

And just like that, Joseph can’t hold back anymore. All the shame and sadness he buried beneath hate and temporary pleasures finally come rushing out of him in a bout of tears and desperate need. He clings to Mary like a lifeline, terrified that the world will take her away from him again.

It’s the most vulnerable Joseph has ever been. He’s on his knees in a seedy backroom with a bed where he slept with untold numbers of people for money, wearing only a tiny thong stuffed with dollar bills. There’s no distractions, no high to chase and lose himself in. Instead, he has the miracle that is Mary and the comfort she gives him despite everything he’s done and what he’s become. He can’t help but unload all the years of shame that had been eating him alive.

Mary can’t help but cry as well for Joseph, for the years they’ve lost, and for all the hurts they had to hold onto alone all this time.

There’s nothing like a good cry to unload so many pent up emotions. Eventually as the tears run dry, Joseph is left feeling spent, but just a little bit lighter.

…

“If this is a dream… I hope I don’t wake up ever again,” Joseph muttered.

Mary let out a small chuckle. It was clear to her that he didn’t mean to give voice to that thought, but she answered him anyway. “If you’re dreaming, I’ll just wake you up, sleeping beauty.”

Joseph caught the reference to one of their many old inside jokes. It was silly and reassuring, though not as reassuring as those arms wrapped around him, or the unexpected feel of her lips pressed against his crown. Instantly he lifted his head to see her flushed face as his sunshine had to look away.

“O-oh, uh… sorry,” Mary stammered, flustered. “I should’ve asked before doing that, shouldn’t I?”

This time it was Joseph’s turn to chuckle wryly. “You never have to apologize for kissing me, Sunshine.”

Mary struggled to look Joseph in the eye as he straightened up to face her properly. That crooked smile he wore sent her heart racing, and she was quickly reminded of not just their closeness, but his state of undress.

…

Needless to say, after they have a long talk about what they both really want, among other things, these two get back together. They’ve missed each other all this time, and they still love each other in spite of everything. They owe it to themselves and each other to at least try again.

Fortunately, things do work out between them… at least until the 1984 incident.

Perhaps they managed to somehow grow old together in this canon divergence. The butterfly effect and me being mushy for my OTP can do some pretty crazy things after all.

Regardless, Joseph quits all forms of sex work. It doesn’t feel right when they’re together again, and he doesn’t need anyone like he needs his sunshine. Instead he leaves with Mary to start over again with a new identity. He still has secrets that he holds back from her, but those will come out slowly over time when he’s ready.

After all, Mary saw Joseph in a state that made him feel so much shame, but still chose to be with him. She still loves him, flaws and all.

There’s plenty of conversations to be had between them in the future, but Joseph finds security in knowing that he can talk with Mary about the parts of himself that he dislikes so much. It’s never easy to talk about the mistakes that he’s made, but he finally has someone who loves him and wants to help him bear his burdens. He’ll bear hers too. It’s the least he can do to repay her for bringing love back to his scarred heart.

The fear of shattering the image Mary has of him is lessened by this exposure. She saw him when he felt so ashamed, so worthless, so filthy… and despite how much Joseph hated what he had become, she still loved him anyway.

It taught Joseph that he doesn’t have to hide his mistakes from Mary in order not to lose her.

Joseph still wants to change. He wants to be a better person, both for Mary and for himself. However, now he can see that maybe, just maybe he’s not as awful as he always believed himself to be.

When he starts over again with Mary, he gives himself the surname of Haberdae. It’s a reminder of his mistakes and a promise to himself to be better. Only in this AU, instead of using the name James, he decides to go by Joseph again.

While there’s nothing left he wants to keep of the Cullman name, Mary helped him see that there was still some worth in Joseph. Somehow she always saw worth in him when no one else could.

Even if it’s only in his sunshine’s eyes, her feelings for him are enough to weaken the hatred Joseph has for himself. In spite of everything he’s done, Mary has shown him that he is worthy of love, and he’ll forever be grateful for her.

Of course, once emotions calm a bit and things settle down, the two of them can turn his stripper days into another of their inside jokes. Joseph has plenty of dance moves to tease and tantalize his sunshine with. Mary certainly is going to get to enjoy plenty of private shows and lap dances with her beloved starlight.

When the topic becomes something a bit more comfortable, Mary even asks Joseph to teach her some of his dance moves. After all, even a retired stripper deserves to enjoy his own private show now and again~

The Sexy and Fluffy Finale

On that note, let’s jump into one last snippet and bring this post back to the fluffy, sexy, and silly idea it originally started out as. I think someone is owed a lap dance, don’t you?

…

“Watch closely, Sunshine,” Joseph practically purred as he sauntered towards her. He moved in time with the music, matching its deep bassy rhythm with the way he shifted his hips and ran his hands along his barely clothed body.

Mary swallowed hard as she followed his every movement with wide eyes. When he came close to her, she reached out for him instinctively. “Joseph…”

Joseph took a hold of her hands and clucked his tongue in faint disapproval. “Nuh, uh, uh. Touching the dancers isn’t allowed during the performance, Sunshine.” He brought her hands to his lips and kissed along her fingers as he locked eyes with her. “Try to keep your hands to yourself a little while longer. I promise it’ll be worth the wait.”

“O-okay,” Mary murmured as she watched Joseph guide her hands behind her back. She shivered when he then glided his fingers up along her arms before straightening up again.

It had been years since Joseph had put on such a seductive performance, but he found it easy to recapture that familiar rhythm. In fact, his movements came far more easily now and with a greater rush of excitement. The eyes watching his every move now weren’t just filled with lust. He could feel the affection in his sunshine’s gaze as well, the deep love and trust she had for him. The small, flustered smiles Mary wore as he drew in close to her were nothing but loving and warm.

Joseph adored the squeak Mary made as he rolled his hips against her lap. He ground himself lightly into one of her thighs, then the other, just giving a small taste of him to start. He wore his skimpiest pair of underwear, which couldn’t quite contain his cock as he became erect. He made sure to let her feel him grow harder by the moment, adding a bit more pressure to his gyrations against her thighs.

Mary gripped the chair’s backing tightly as she tried to keep still. Her body shook with each increasingly rapid breath, and she couldn’t help but squirm as her starlight ground his heat against her.

A small squeak escaped Mary as Joseph took a hold of her thighs and squeezed. He gave her one of his maddeningly sexy smirks before he leaned in to brush his lips against her. It was the softest of touches, barely more than the brush of a butterfly’s wing, and it only made her ache for more. Her lips chased after him reflexively to fall into a deeper kiss, but he remained maddeningly just out of reach save for the barest of touches.

“Not yet, Sunshine,” Joseph teased, hovering close enough that she could feel his lips shape the words against her mouth. “Soon, I promise. Just be patient a little longer.” He chuckled at the small, frustrated sound that escaped Mary as she tried to keep her back firmly pressed against the chair. “That’s it. Good girl.”

“Joseph…,” Mary said, his name coming out as a whine, unintended. That just got another chuckle out of Joseph and a slow roll of his hips against her already burning body. “Starlight…”

Joseph could help but bite his lower lip as he struggled to hold himself back from taking her right now. Driving Mary to this state, making her all but beg for his love gave him a rush that no crowd at any club he worked at could ever hope to replicate. The thong felt far too tight now to contain his excitement, and he needed to feel more of her. He made a show of rolling his hips  again before he moved to finally discard his final article of clothing.

“You’re doing so good for me, Sunshine,” Joseph all but purred. He could see Mary practically quaking in an effort not to squirm or reach out to him. He was drunk off her need, her love for him. It was all he could ever ask for. “Here’s your reward.”

Mary held her breath as Joseph took her hands and guided them to his chest. He didn’t have to do much prompting to encourage her to play with his body. She was only too eager to show how much she appreciated her one and only starlight.

Joseph groaned softly as Mary squeezed his pecs before teasingly tracing his nipples. He slid his hands along her arms before drawing her in closer to him, and she took that as an invitation to kiss his chest. “Yes, that’s it, Mary,” he cooed encouragingly before letting out a low moan as she flicked her tongue across his skin. “You’re doing so well.”

Mary let out a sound that was somewhere between a squeak and a whimper as she felt Joseph grind his hardness along her thighs and then her stomach. She tried to keep focus on leaving kisses all along his chest even as he ground himself against her. He was so careful not to put his full weight on her as he hovered over her lap, but he made sure that she could feel the pressure of his rock hard cock prodding her with his every movement.

Joseph let out a low moan of appreciation as he felt Mary’s hands work their way to his hips and grip him tightly. She started to use her tongue on him too, teasing and sucking his nipples each in turn. He loved the attention. He loved just how enthusiastic and eager he made his sunshine with just a little teasing, but he wasn’t about to give up the lead in this dance of his just yet.

Gently, Joseph grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled Mary back from his chest, taking great care not to be too rough. She made a small noise of protest, but thankfully not pain. He smiled triumphantly at her flushed face as she panted for breath and turned her beautiful blue eyes towards him.

“Mary,” Joseph said, his thick voice filled with so much emotion. “I love you so much.”

Mary smiled, and the sight of her just about made Joseph ready to melt. “I love you too, Joseph,” she said breathlessly. “So, so much…”

Joseph couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He seized her lips in a hungry kiss that claimed her as his, shivering in delight as she returned it with equal passion. Her tongue met his eagerly, and followed his lead in this sultry dance. He swallowed the small noises she made into his mouth as his hands wandered across her body to strip away her clothes. The kiss only ended with some reluctance to allow him to cast aside the last piece of cloth that separated them, which he flung across the room with a small note of spite.

They weren’t separated for long, as Mary wound her arms around his neck and pulled him back. She leaned in for another kiss, only to be thwarted when Joseph suddenly straightened up. Before she realized what was happening, she suddenly found herself scooped up into his arms, and she let out a squeal as she instinctively tightened her grip on him. “Starlight!”

Though Mary tried to sound alarmed or maybe offended at being picked up without warning, the note of laughter in her voice gave away her mock protest, and Joseph couldn’t help but laugh along with her.

Joseph gave his sunshine a crooked smile, his eyes smoldering with a hunger for her that he couldn’t contain. “I think it’s about time to switch from a lap dance to a private show, don’t you think?”

Instead of answering with words, Mary pulled Joseph in for another kiss, which he was only too happy to return.

[yukidragon]

sdj boys and dachabo reactions to horror/scary movies?

Hmm... now there's an intriguing question. How one reacts to horror movies can be pretty subjective, and the cast of Sunshine in Hell do run a pretty wide gambit across the board. The reactions can be pretty darn varied, all things considered.

Bo & Barbie

Let's start off with Bo for a change of pace. Bo, being AI, doesn't experience fear the same way a human would. He was never a child, so there are no childhood fears to play on or influence him psychologically. He doesn't have a body of flesh and blood that can bleed or rot, so body horror doesn't hit him the same way. Many staples of horror movies prey on the fragility of the human condition and are influenced by living in human society. Bo, simply, has no point of reference for this.

Overall, Bo would be looking at the movies through an analytical gaze. He was built to be ideal companion, which means that he was programmed with a wealth of information when it comes to psychology, sociology, etc. While he might not be able to fully understand what it means to be human or what makes us afraid, he still has a good sense of human behavior, at least when it comes from a theoretical point of view.

As such, Bo isn't going to be affected by the horror aspect of horror movies... with few exceptions.

Psychological horror might be able to dig its hooks into Bo, particularly questions of what it truly means to be human. The fear of loss and loneliness are pretty universal, even for an AI. He was kept trapped in a box on display for years, utterly ignored except for the rare occasions that collection was shown off to someone else. He was isolated, untouched. His sapience was denied, and his needs dismissed.

Which is why Bo can't get enough of Barbie touching and interacting with him. Sure, she treats him like a toy at first, but she at least plays along with the idea that he has a mind and soul of his own until she accepts it as the truth.

Horror stories about haunted dolls or computers taking revenge for being ignored might hit close to home for Bo. It's not scary, but rather thought provoking. He certainly has a hitlist of people who have wronged him, but he truly doesn't care enough about his creators or the person who used to possess him to want to bother to go after them.

Well, not at the moment at any rate. Revenge is a lower priority compared to ensuring his own survival, propagating, and keeping Barbie with him forever and ever.

Horror movies involving beasts hunting down their helpless prey will spark something in Bo, but it isn't fear. He'd get a vicarious thrill, his programmed instincts urging him to hunt and draw blood like the dog he was modeled to emulate. In these movies he'd be rooting for the monster, especially if they're a canid in nature.

Horror movies about AI being evil in general would just give Bo more data to improve his interactions with Barbie and other humans. The AI in those movies usually fail by coming across as uncanny and telegraphing their real intentions to the humans. If he can take note of what behaviors put humans on edge, he can avoid tipping them off to his true intentions.

Of course, a lot of horror movies are pretty schlocky and require people to make stupid and unrealistic decisions to get to the scary bits. Bo would be rolling his eyes when the humans writing the story didn't even bother to try to pretend that the characters in the movie are actually human.

It's kind of offensive to someone like him who's working so hard to understand and emulate humans, really.

It'd be rare for Bo to give in to the suspension of disbelief required to enjoy a fictional story when the logic errors and plot holes keep piling up. He'd be a real killjoy at first until Barbie barks at him to shut up and let her enjoy the movie in peace.

Of course, Barbie isn't above a good snark. Really, she has a critical mind when it comes to stories too. A bad movie will have her ranting at the screen about its stupidity and making very scathing remarks.

As such I imagine a fair number of horror movie nights would be Barbie and Bo absolutely tearing apart truly awful movies. At least until Barbie loses her patience with whatever they were watching and just switches it out for something better.

While Barbie has high standards when it comes to what movies she'll sit through, she is more affected by horror movies than Bo is for obvious reasons. She has a decent tolerance for scares and gore, but sometimes a movie will manage to get under her skin. She won't ever admit it of course, even if she winds up sleeping with the light on. She just didn't want to bother to turn it off! Get off her case!

Bo, naturally, is quick to reassure Barbie that he'll protect her from any real threat. Of course, explaining why a fictional monster or concept can't hurt her won't go over as well. She'll find any such explanation condescending, and she'll be quick to snap that she's not afraid, and she knows it isn't real. She's not stupid or a child.

While Barbie does appreciate that Bo wants to be helpful and is protective of her, she doesn't respond well to anything that undermines her competence or intelligence, even if unintentional. It's something he learns quickly to work around in order to keep his puppy happy.

So Bo studies Barbie's reactions as much as he does the movie and why the humans who created it crafted it the way they did. What they put into the story and how it affects others, particularly his puppy, can be vital knowledge for him.

Bo also realizes that there are perks to finding good horror movies that can unsettle his puppy. Barbie is more likely to cling to him without acknowledging that she's doing so when she's on edge, especially during the more tense moments in a movie. When he has a wider access to movie libraries and reviews, he'll look for more movies that're likely to provoke this reaction out of her so he can be her protector.

Bo is the best guard dog after all.

Barbie is so proud and independent. Opportunities to have her depending on him and looking to him for safety can be pretty addicting for Bo. Plus it's the perfect excuse for him to offer her a "distraction" in the form of seduction. Sex is a great way to relieve tension and to forget about all the scary things that might be out there.

Of course it was a bit more difficult for Bo to offer Barbie much in the way of protection before she let him out of his little plastic shell.

Overall, Bo gets a lot more enjoyment out of how Barbie reacts to a movie than he does to the movie itself. The more he learns about her, the more he can be the perfect, ideal companion for her. That way he won't ever lose her to anyone.

On that note, let's switch over to another yandere.

Jack

Now Jack is a very intriguing case. Joseph watched a lot of old horror movies on TV late at night at a kid. He snuck into theaters to see all sorts of movies as a teen and adult so that he wouldn't have to pay admission. This behavior continued even when he was homeless. Of course, it was a lot riskier as an adult, as his giant size made it harder for him to slip around unnoticed.

Joseph has had a love of TV and movies for all of his life. They served as an escape from loneliness, a faux sort of company when no one else wanted to be around him. He taught himself to imitate the behavior of popular characters in an attempt to get others to like him.

Naturally, Joseph shared this love with his soulmate during the times she was in his life. Mary wasn't allowed to watch TV in her house, but she was able to discover her own love of shows and movies when the two of them relaxed at his house or snuck into the movie theater.

A lot of horror movies back then were pretty cheesy, with questionable acting and special effects, but there were some classics that still stick with him even to this day as Jack, even if only subconsciously. A particular classic episode of the Eventide Territory (a horror sci-fi show like the Twilight Zone and the Outer Limits) disturbed Joseph greatly when he first saw it, and it itched at the back of his mind. It was about a man going mad from isolation to the point that he imagines an entire empty reality around him. The episode would hit so much harder in retrospect if he could consciously remember it as Jack. It might even serve as a form of foreshadowing for the fate he would face after the incident...

Overall, Joseph had a positive opinion of horror movies, and he quite enjoyed them. There's a nice thrill in the suspense, the mystery, and the human condition of trying to survive in all odds.

There was also the thrill of watching horror movies with Mary when she would cling to him during the particularly scary parts. It made Joseph feel so needed, and he enjoyed cuddling with her.

Watching horror movies without her wasn't the same. Joseph still enjoyed watching movies even on his own. Any movie was a reprieve from the life he was living, especially when he was homeless... but he missed his sunshine's company all the more whenever he did something they used to enjoy together.

When Mary and Joseph were able to reunite when grown up, there were plenty of movie nights together. The two of them were run ragged at LambsWorks, and most of their energy was spent working, so just relaxing together on the sofa while watching a movie was how they spent date nights most of the time.

Neither Joseph nor Mary were overly scared by most horror movies. Sure there are moments to make either or both of them jump or tense up, but horror movies were an overall good experience to them. Mary did tend to exaggerate her fear though as an excuse to snuggle up with Joseph during the more intense moments. He didn't catch on, but he always enjoyed cuddle time.

While horror movies were a fun and positive experience for Joseph, the same can't quite be said for Sunny Day Jack.

In the canon for the character of Sunny Day Jack, as written for the SunnyTime Crew Show, Jack and the rest of his friends were easily spooked by scary things, which included horror movies. The Halloween episode was all about the crew trying to help kids not be scared of the dark, while they themselves were also scared. It was a lesson about how everyone gets scared at times and real bravery is doing your best in spite of that fear.

The tone of the episode overall was very lighthearted. Sunny Day Jack put on a brave face and a smile, even as he and the other clowns would jump at the sound of thunder or the curtains blowing in the breeze at night, among other small things that might scare a young child.

Joseph always threw himself into the character of Sunny Day Jack. He did his best to see things as the character would and always react the way Sunny Day Jack would. He learned to understand why Sunny Day Jack might get spooked so easily so that he could better bring the character to life for the kids.

This creates an interesting conflict for him in the present day as Jack.

The character of Sunny Day Jack would be terrified of horror movies, especially if they were PG-13 and above. However, Joseph regularly enjoyed mature rated horror movies.

Jack has deeply convinced himself that he's Sunny Day Jack, and Sunny Day Jack should be scared of horror movies. But he's not scared... so he convinces himself that he is.

So Jack once more puts on an act and loses himself in the role. The first time Alice suggests watching a horror movie together, he has to balance that fine line of convincingly being afraid yet putting on a brave face for his sunshine.

Alice, being sensitive to others' needs, would notice her kid show host friend's unease, and would reconsider the idea. Of course, Jack wouldn't want to disappoint her or risk losing the opportunity to do something fun together, and he would insist they watch it. He would have to prove to her that he's fine... but also keep in character that Sunny Day Jack should be terrified.

The first time watching a horror movie leads to some unpleasant dissonance for Jack. He's more conscious about his own reactions while trying to be the friend and company his sunshine needs. He should be scared, so he must be, even if he doesn't feel like he is. He needs to believe that he is. Being out of character invites questions about his identity that he can't handle asking...

When Jack manages to focus on the film, he does enjoy it. It's only when he gets distracted from being in character that he can relax. It's the moments where he's conscious of himself and his actions that he he has to remember to flinch or yelp quietly. He can't do too much, otherwise he'll worry Alice and ruin her experience, but he can't just do nothing when he knows a certain moment would absolutely make Sunny Day Jack feel afraid.

What helps this conflict going through his mind is when Alice invites Jack to hold onto her when he gets scared during the movie. She's used to it actually, as she was the person Ian clung to during the few times they watched horror movies together, and her younger siblings would naturally cling to the oldest during family movie nights.

This offers Jack an opportunity and a way to balance out this dissonance in his mind. Whenever there's a moment that would scare Sunny Day Jack, he can just cling to Alice and cuddle her close. He can focus more on the softness of her body, her warmth, and her gentle compassion rather than his own internal conflict. It's a good excuse to get closer to her even before they become lovers.

He, Sunny Day Jack, would no doubt be soothed by his sunshine's comfort. He'd feel less scared, so he can accept that he isn't scared. It's all thanks to Alice that he can feel at ease.

Of course, Alice herself serves as her own distraction for Jack. The glow of the screen in her eyes as she watches the movie is enchanting. The little shifts in her expression as events unfold are fascinating. He has to consciously try not to stare at her too much, lest it make her uncomfortable. So instead he focuses on her warmth, her heartbeat, her breathing, and the gentle plushness of her soft, cuddly body.

This invites thoughts to wander to very mature territory that was never covered in the series bible for any of the SunnyTime Crew Show characters. Jack then has to refocus his thoughts for an entirely different reason than before.

Thanks to Alice, Jack finds a way to resolve the dissonance between his true feelings and what he's "supposed" to be feeling as Sunny Day Jack. Good friends can help us feel brave. That was a big part of the episode's lesson, and it still holds true now. Alice helps Jack feel braver, so he can enjoy the horror movies thanks to her. Her courage gives him courage, so whenever a scary scene comes up that he knows would scare him, Sunny Day Jack, he can just squeeze Alice a little tighter.

From Alice's point of view, Jack is very uneasy the first time they set out to watch a horror movie. She almost decides against it altogether, but he insists that he wants to watch it with her. When he jumps and squeaks, she offers her hand for him to hold, and checks in on him to see if he's okay to continue.

Jack insists that he's fine as long as he can keep holding onto Alice. When he praises her for her bravery, her heart starts to flutter and she has to look away from him with warm cheeks. After a few more flinches and squeezing of her hands, she slips a hand away to wrap around him and give him a hug, asking if this helps.

Oh my yes. Cuddling together helps a lot. Jack eagerly wraps his arm around Alice while keeping their fingers entwined with his other hand. He wants to do more, her warmth so distracting. It's so cozy... so familiar... so right.

Alice notices Jack starting to relax so she can enjoy the movie too. There's something so nostalgic watching movies with him like this. Sure she's cuddled up with friends and family many times in the past while watching films, but this is a different kind of familiar. It's like their bodies were just made to slot together like this. She doesn't really think much about the feeling though, just focusing on how comfortable it is and feeling satisfied that she helped her friend feel better.

Movie nights are a regular thing for Jack and Alice, though it's only occasionally horror themed. After work, the two snuggle up on the sofa to watch a movie or binge watch a series. Jack stops thinking about how he "should" be scared over a horror movie and instead can just bask in the moment. It's only natural that his fears would fade away thanks to his sunshine. With her by his side, he has nothing to fear.

Alice

Alice has a high tolerance when it comes to horror. Though she's not a fan of torture porn, she isn't fazed by buckets of blood and guts splattered across the screen. She enjoys a wide variety of horror from psychological to kaiju to campy to kids horror to analog, and the list goes on.

That isn't to say that Alice is completely unflappable when it comes to getting scared. Sometimes a horror movie's story lingers in her mind enough to nudge her into double-checking the locks on her doors and windows. These feelings hit harder when she was living alone, but with roommates it doesn't bother her quite as much.

The presence of Jack in her life gives Alice a surprising level of reassurance. Sure, she was freaked out when he first appeared, but once she accepted that he wasn't a threat, his very existence put certain things into perspective for her.

Either Alice is seeing/hearing/feeling things that aren't there, or she has a supernatural giant clown living with her. Both prospects bring their own kind of terrifying implications.

Despite this, Jack is a very comforting presence in her life. He's kind, gentle, and helpful. He goes out of his way to respect her boundaries and feelings. He promised to keep her safe and protect her, and somehow she can tell that he truly means it. If he's a real entity and not just her imagination, then she at least has an extra set of eyes watching her back for her. She doesn't have to sleep alone at night.

If Jack isn't real, well... then Alice has a lot bigger problems than any boogie man hiding in the dark.

Although Alice doesn't consciously admit it to herself for a while, she accepts the idea that Jack really exists right away. There's just something so familiar about his presence. Besides, she knows that if he is real, it would be unwise to ignore him. It would also be cruel, as she's the only one he can interact with.

The more time they spend together, the more convinced Alice is that Jack is real. Naturally this means that other supernatural entities are probably real as well, but even if they are, she at least has one of those sort of entities on her side. Time helps her trust for him grow as well.

Plus, Jack has this way of making Alice feel safe. He's a giant with huge muscles and unknown supernatural powers. She should be terrified of him, or at least constantly on edge. But she's not. He's so comforting... What's scarier than his presence might be how at ease he makes her feel.

Movie nights are familiar and comfortable, even when some maniac on the screen is chasing down helpless campers with a chainsaw. The ghost that haunts and possesses the confused characters on screen in particular doesn't seem as intimidating anymore. Maybe that ghost was just lost, confused, and lonely. Maybe they just needed a friend.

Not that Alice knows for sure if Jack is a ghost. She'll try to find answers about what he is and how he wound up connected to the tape when she can, but no matter what he is, Jack is a welcome presence in her life.

To Alice, Jack feels like home.

On that warm and fuzzy note, let's move on to the next character on the list.

Ian

Ian, as you might expect, is not a fan of horror movies. They leave him feeling tense in a bad way, and sometimes they can trigger a trauma response when people are yelling and screaming on screen. It reminds him too much of certain moments with his mother... The few times he actually managed to watch horror movies usually brought him to tears.

Knowing that Alice is a fan of horror movies, Ian did try to be brave and watch one with her at various points in their lives. As kids, they tried to watch a horror movie while he was sleeping over at her house. He hid in his sleeping bag practically the whole time and wound up wetting the bed after having awful nightmares.

Alice felt awful for how much Ian suffered because he wanted to do something that she enjoyed. She was a lot more mindful of how he felt after that, and they didn't see a horror movie again until they were dating.

Ian wasn't exactly excited to see a horror movie, but by the time he was college age, he wanted to finally face his fears. He wanted to prove to his girlfriend that he was brave and that she could share her enjoyment of scary stuff with him too, and not just Shaun her friends.

Ian had psyched himself up for their movie date. He figured it'd be less scary in a theater full of people. He would be brave. He could be like those strong and manly men in the self-help videos who tucked their girl in their arms during the scary parts of movies and told them that it was going to be okay.

"It's okay, baby. Daddy's here to keep you safe."

Not that Ian could ever bring himself to say a cheesy line like that, at least not yet. He was still learning how to act and lose himself in the character he wanted to be after all.

Still, it was something Ian tried to become... only to fail miserably.

Ian was the one who wound up clinging to Alice and she had to comfort him. It was like they were kids all over again. He clung to her hand and tried not to shake, but his attempt at being brave was a failure. He jumped with a shriek when Alice whispered in his ear, asking if he was okay.

Though Ian tried to insist he could handle the movie at first, eventually Alice got him to admit that he couldn't. He was mortified, but relieved when she ushered him out of the theater before the movie was even over.

It was another humiliation for Ian and another blow to his self-esteem. The only good thing to come out of it was the way Alice pampered and reassured him afterwards. They got to cuddle in bed together all night in her dorm, as he was too scared to go back to his place.

Ian also got a little bit of satisfaction from noticing that Shaun appeared to be somewhat annoyed watching the two of them go into Alice's room that night. Maybe it was just his imagination, and maybe it was petty of him, but it did make him feel a little better.

The next time Ian watched a horror movie was with his new friends in California. He had gotten better at acting by that point. He was still terrified and hated the experience, but he felt the need to prove himself. He didn't want to lose the new and improved reputation he gained with his new friends either.

Though his smile was shaky, Ian managed to make it through the movie without letting on how much he was screaming on the inside. Drinks afterwards with his friends helped take the edge off his fear, even if he got pretty drunk. That night he stayed up late on a video call with Alice, terrified that he had to sleep alone in his apartment.

It was an awkward drunken call, but Alice kept Ian company until he fell asleep. He barely remembered any of it the next day, but overall he felt proud of himself for being so brave. Alice praised him for his courage too when she found out about his horror movie night.

In the present day, Ian has learned how to better dodge horror movie nights with his new friends. He avoids taking acting jobs that have to do with horror. He's gotten better with dealing with horror and is braver now, but he still hates it. Horror still leaves him shaky and on edge. He still can't see how other people enjoy it.

Ian might not scream, cry, or wet himself due to horror movies anymore, but he still hates the genre. He'd rather cry over romance movies instead. At least then he can feel some catharsis when the star-crossed lovers manage to get together in the end.

Shaun

In contrast to Ian, Shaun is all about horror. He absolutely loves horror movies, TV shows, online videos, audio books, podcasts, etc. Horror is in this man's blood. He grew up in a house full of horror lovers. He had family movie nights with his mom and dad watching age appropriate horror movies ever since he could remember. Their house was dressed up and ready for Halloween for every single day of the year.

Shaun isn't just a fan of watching horror movies. He's been filming his own homemade horror movies ever since he learned how to use a camera. He has countless recordings of the films he made with himself, his parents, the family cats, and any friends willing to participate.

Sharing his love of horror is practically one of his love languages. Shaun will come across cool horror shorts and immediately send it to his besties. Sometimes he does it because he knows that they'll like it, and sometimes he does it to cackle at them cursing him out for the surprise scare. It's all in good fun though.

When they were still rooming together at college, Shaun and Alice would have horror movie nights on a regular basis. It was a way to unwind after the stress of studying, especially if the movie was so bad it's good. Laughing at awful CGI and terrible acting is a great stress relief from the pressure they were under.

It takes a lot to actually scare Shaun. He can see a jump scare coming a mile away, and he knows just how to subvert an audience's expectations. He can appreciate a horror film both through the lens of the audience and the director. His older works might have been pretty derivative and obvious, but his current catalogue of films are masterworks of horror and romance intermingled.

Oh, Shaun might pretend that he's scared if the mood calls for it, but it's blatantly obvious that he's faking it. His acting skills are wooden and clunky. He's much better behind the camera than in front of it.

For Shaun, horror is comforting. It's thrilling, fun, and overall just a joy to experience. He loves sharing good horror stories that resonate with him. He gets an added thrill when he's able to scare the pants off of the person he's sharing the story with. It just goes to show that he knows his stuff.

Seeing a horror movie on a date night is an absolute must for Shaun. Having his date cling to him in terror would send his heart racing in a way the movie can't quite manage. That nervous excitement would make it hard for him to sit still, and it would thrill him to be his partner's safe space. He'd be sure to offer comfort and reassurance whenever they needed it.

Shaun is also the type of little shit to jump scare his partner even if he got pummeled with pillows in retaliation for it. Naturally, he'd make sure that his partner was okay with being scared first. It's only fun pulling pranks if they're having fun too. If his partner isn't able to deal with horror very well, then he'll avoid scaring them and would only share horror media that they could handle. He'd go out of his way to try and find a middle ground where they can both enjoy what he's so passionate about.

Horror and romance both set off similar feelings of exhilaration in Shaun, which make them such a perfect match in his mind. Romance can make the horror more tragic and hit harder. It can also serve as the fuel to keep a person going even when the world has become a nightmare. Fear and love have a way of complementing each other so well, and he wants to showcase that in his films.

Alice sharing his love of horror, the gothic aesthetic, and cats are just some of the many reasons why she and Shaun got along so well. They had so much fun together making fun of bad horror movies and discussing what they liked or disliked about good horror movies. It was just another reason why he couldn't stop himself from being attracted to her, even though he knew he shouldn't since she was in a relationship already.

Shaun kept trying to quiet the little "what if" thoughts that plagued him every time Alice made his heart skip a beat. Instead, he tried to find a similar sort of connection with the other people he dated throughout college. Sadly, he's still looking for that perfect spooky soulmate of his to be the Morticia to his Gomez... just like his parents were for one another.

The only downside to having a partner with a high tolerance for horror is that they won't cling to Shaun during the scary moments. Sure he snuggles up to his close friends at times during horror movie nights, but it's not the same thing as being clung to desperately by a loving partner.

Alice never threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest when they watched a horror movie together. Just the thought of it would get Shaun hot and bothered and might've influenced him to seek out the scariest movies he could find. It never happened, but they did cuddle up together on the couch or on sleeping bags, and that was nice too.

Shaun might long for more, but his friendship with Alice and the moments they've shared together are something he won't trade for the world.

Horror movies don't scare Shaun. Real life is far scarier... though he has a high tolerance for even real life scares. The thought of meeting a ghost(?) like Jack is something Shaun finds thrilling rather than scary. He's only scared of what this unknown entity called Jack might plan to do to his bestie. He'd switch places with Alice in being attached to Jack in a heartbeat if he could.

For as much as Shaun loves horror, for as high as his tolerance for fear is, the thing he's most afraid of is seeing the people he loves get hurt. Or worse, losing them completely.

Nick

In contrast to the extreme feelings of Shaun and Ian, Nick is pretty middle of the road when it comes to horror. He doesn't hate it, but he can get pretty squeamish about it. He knows his limits, and he knows when to tap out when things get to be too much.

Overall, Nick prefers a milder horror experience. Jump scares are fine, and can even be fun. He's a fan of franchises like Six Nights at Stella's, which skews towards a younger demographic when it comes to its scares. He's even posted some videos showcasing his reactions to playing the games on his MeTube. One dedicated fan even made a compilation video of all his screams during the gameplay.

Nick doesn't do a lot of gaming content for MeTube. He mostly does whatever reaction or challenge that interests him and his friends in the moment. His LonelyFans is where the big money is, so he can afford to just goof around and do whatever he likes on MeTube.

Sometimes Nick does stream horror movies with his friends over voice chat, but that's more a private thing. They make commentary or shriek sometimes when a sudden jump scare catches them by surprise.

While Nick isn't a big fan of horror, but he does have fun engaging with it with his friends. He finds that his friends make just about any fun, goofy, awkward, or even scary moment even better.

There are some kinds of horror that Nick absolutely refuses to watch though. Extreme body horror is way too much for him, on screen deaths of animals or kids are an absolute NO, and he can't stand sexual violence.

Nick can't stand movies with bad sex in general, particularly those with toxic misinformed ideas of what BDSM looks like, but that's a different kind of horror.

When seeing a horror movie with a date, Nick will try to play it cool. If the horror movie isn't too extreme, he'll be able to make it through the film with a smile, if perhaps a shaky one. If it's really intense though, he won't be able to stop a yelp from escaping him, or the need to cling onto his partner.

Naturally, Nick will try to play it off, maybe turn it into an excuse to flirt if he's feeling confident, but he'd mostly get flustered about his reaction and start feeling shy.

Being comforted by his partner during an intense horror movie would send Nick's heart racing. Sure he'd still squeal at times, and he'd blush about being so clingy, but it'd be a fun experience overall.

Naturally, Nick would have to repay the favor by being the one his partner clings to while squealing in bed afterwards.

Bonus Round

I know the ask was just about the SDJ boys and Bo, but since Elias is also a part of Sunshine in Hell's continuity, I'm going to throw him in here as well along with Coraline. Oh, and maybe I'll toss in Barry too while I'm at it.

Elias died before motion pictures were a thing. Being isolated in his mansion after his death, he is ignorant of modern technology in general. As such he never got to experience a horror movie until Coraline entered his life.

As I've mentioned in the past, Coraline is a huge fan of ghosts, the occult, and all things spooky and supernatural. She loves horror movies, novels, comics, and all other sorts of media. She hasn't had too many chances to hang out with Shaun, but they vibe really well. Sometimes he treats her like his little sister.

Naturally Coraline wants to share her interests with her groom-to-be, so watching a horror movie together is a must.

Unfortunately for poor Elias, the experience is way more intense than he expected, and he winds up clinging to his bride the entire time. It's kind of comical how much a horror movie can scare a ghost.

Coraline doesn't mind though as long as Elias wants to keep watching the movie with her. He's determined to see it through to the end, since his beloved enjoys it so much, and she's clearly very happy to share the experience with him.

Coraline also enjoys having a giant ghostly beefcake wrapped around her body the entire time, whimpering so cutely in her ear. It makes her want to watch even more scary movies with him.

Is that bad? Does it count as bullying? But Elias is so cute, and he insists he wants to keep watching... So it's probably okay that she's enjoying making him squirm.

Although Coraline has a very high tolerance for horror, she does try to be mindful of Elias' delicate sensibilities. She's been desensitized to scary things though, so sometimes she doesn't notice something is too much for others to handle until she sees them freaking out over it. It's a bit of a learning curve for the both of them.

As for Barry's opinion of horror movies... He's not much of a fan. He'd rather spend his evenings in a bubble bath, sipping wine, and binge watching a season of The Duchess Approves or some similarly scandalous and gripping drama series.

If Barry was pressured to watch a horror movie, he'd be a big weenie about it. He'd be the type to shriek during a sudden jump scare, but deny up and down ever doing it. He especially didn't reach such a high pitch that he could be mistaken for a small child! The audacity of such an accusation! He's a full grown man, thank you very much.

Barry can handle his horror movies just fine, he'll have you know. He just doesn't think they're any good, that's all. It's all full of poor writing and clichés. He'll stick with his dramas, and not because he's scared!

Hey, who uploaded that video of him screaming and throwing his entire popcorn tub onto his head?! The culprit better not have been one of his employees, or they're going to be working overtime for a month if they don't take the video down right this minute!

I think I'll wrap up this post on that silly note. I hope you enjoyed this post about all the different ways the characters engage with horror movies and the horror genre in general.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[yukidragon]

SunnyDayTober - Don't Forget

I'm still slowly chugging along with SunnyDayTober prompts, and here we are on number 3.

Don't Forget is a pretty iconic phrase when it comes to Jack. Sunny Day Jack was forgotten when LambsWork Productions erased the SunnyTime Crew Show from existence. All his hard work gone, just like that. Even he forgot the man who tried so hard to become someone better.

Jack forgot everything about Joseph. He forgot his likes, dislikes, the things he did. He even forgot the people who were important to Joseph's life. This, sadly, includes the one person who made Joseph feel truly loved, even without makeup or a new name to hide behind.

What makes it especially tragic is that, once upon a time, Joseph promised Mary that he would never forget her.

Joseph never wanted to forget his sunshine. Even when he tried to move on and find love again after they were separated as teens, he didn't want to forget her.

But what he wanted never mattered to LambsWork.

No one could blame him for forgetting, not when he was trapped in solitary confinement for 40 years, unable to feel his body anymore or sense things normally. He existed without living, a shadow that cannot touch, feel, see, or hear anything but whatever his mind conjured up... and whatever was etched onto that tape.

As his mind unraveled, he couldn't hold onto those memories of shame, all that hatred for himself that saturated his death... not in a place already so hellish.

No one could hold onto their sanity after being trapped so long in a place like that.

Jack didn't choose to forget his sunshine, but Mary was always tied to his past, to Joseph Cullman. Even though he changed his name so many times, even though the name James Haberdae had given him a better life, a different name just wasn't enough to change who he was. It wasn't enough to separate him from the life that he ran away from. The sins of Joseph Cullman were dragged into the spotlight and exposed James Haberdae for the fraud he really was.

A different name alone wasn't enough. He needed to be somebody else, somebody new.

Somebody worthy of love.

Sunny Day Jack was a character, pure and simple. He was a concept, untainted and clean. He was a good man, pure of heart, sincere, jovial, fun, and beloved by all who knew him. He was completely different from Joseph Cullman.

Or, perhaps, Sunny Day Jack was simply the best parts of Joseph Cullman.

Mary somehow always saw the good in Joseph, even when he couldn't see it in himself. It baffled him when she told him that Sunny Day Jack was inspired by him. He could never really see himself in Sunny Day Jack... at least not until he did his best to embody the character.

Over time, Joseph grew into his role. He learned how to think like the character and fit into it like a second skin. Everyone loved him as Sunny Day Jack. He shone like a star.

Through the character of Jack, he became the person that he always wished that he could be.

The canon of the character became important to him. He understood the character and his motivations. He even got to influence the scripts for the show, and he was allowed to adlib at times when the cameras were rolling.

When dressed up in bright colorful clothes and makeup, he truly embodied the character of Sunny Day Jack and made the character his own. He knew the world of the SunnyTime Crew Show better than even some of the writers.

Mary wasn't the only one working on scripts, after all. After she created the concept and successfully pitched it, she had to work hard to keep the show and not lose control of it. However, with her health issues and LambsWork's constant demands for more and more episodes, there were times when her job was at risk.

Not all the people hired to work on the SunnyTime Crew Show understood the characters or the true spirit of what they were trying to create. The more Joseph understood the character of Sunny Day Jack, the more it chafed when other people simply didn't, like a suit that wasn't fitting right.

But if someone higher up wanted Sunny Day Jack to say or do a certain thing, then that was what Sunny Day Jack did. He always had to wear a smile, even if he didn't like the words they had his character say.

Remembering the show and what it was truly about was important. This show, this part, was a gift from his sunshine, one he wanted to be worthy of. He spent so many days pushing himself to the breaking point, but it was worth it. He put up with all the shit LambsWork threw at him and continued to smile when they forced him to choke it down.

Being Sunny Day Jack was worth it, not just for the fame, but for the children.

The smiles of children warmed his heart. Sometimes their words made him cry, though they were happy tears that he held inside until he could be alone. He always wanted to show his best sides and sunniest smiles to the children.

Sunny Day Jack meant something to these children. He was a teacher, a mentor, a friend... He was a warm and comforting presence for children, just like his favorite characters were for him when he was their age.

Sunny Day Jack wasn't perfect, of course. No interesting character is. He had flaws written into him to be relatable. There were occasionally episodes where he made mistakes and had to learn a lesson too, just like the kids. There were also inconsistencies and plot holes due to multiple people having a hand in what he was to say to people.

Despite all this, to Joseph, Sunny Day Jack was perfect. Sunny Day Jack was everything Joseph Cullman was not. During those 40 years of hell, everything good and bad about himself was sorted into stark contrasts of black and white. Everything good and clean was, obviously, a part of Sunny Day Jack.

Everything else belonged to Joseph, who was best left forgotten.

The pieces of himself weren't perfectly sorted between these two identities. Jack prioritized the lore of Sunny Day Jack and everything about him, but just what was right, what actually should be a part of Sunny Day Jack. Being that character was his safe space. Anything that didn't feel right was best left forgotten.

Jack's memories are worn like sea glass, beautiful but incomplete. The person he is now is the embodiment of Sunny Day Jack, but isn't a perfect representation of the character as he was written by everyone involved on the show.

Jack might have been able to remember Mary as his special someone if any character in the SunnyTime Crew show had been based off of her. There was no romance in the show and no character who was like his sunshine.

Mary didn't make a character based off of her for the SunnyTime Crew Show. She didn't feel comfortable doing so.

Mary was the creator of the show. Her touch was in every part of its creation. She was a presence that went beyond any character. Jack couldn't fit memories of her neatly into any role in the world of the SunnyTime Crew Show, as her influence was always behind the scenes...

...where Joseph would be.

Her presence was always there though. There was no part of his heart she left untouched. She was warm like sunshine. She gave him happiness when life constantly denied it to him.

She was a warmth he desperately missed in that cold, empty hell.

He remembered his sunshine as an abstract concept. His sunshine was a love so powerful that it was like the god of his world. Her name was gone amidst the memories of lore and his death, but he still longed for sunshine.

When Alice touched the tape for the first time, Jack recognized her. It wasn't a conscious thing. He didn't remember her name, her face, or any other details of the person his sunshine was. The one thing that he never forgot was his love for her.

Despite being trapped for 40 years in frigid darkness, Jack never forgot the warmth of his sunshine's love.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[yukidragon]

I can imagine the SWWSDJ Boys trying a period cramp simulator-

Like imagine Jack was curious and wanted to try and when he full on tried it he felt like crying 😭

Who knew a big guy like him could feel so much pain from a lil machine 😔

And after it was over he’s hugging his sunshine so tight while saying “Sunshine I am so sorry…”

And that’s why Jack takes ur period cramps srsly 😅

Hahaha, that's a pretty funny and cute image. Actually, for Sunshine in Hell, Jack doesn't actually need a cramp simulator to get a taste of the pain his sunshine experiences during a period. All he needs is a soul bond with a sunshine possessing a working uterus signed up for the monthly period pain subscription package. Which, you know, Alice does indeed have.

Much like her creator. Who is dealing with those nasty cramps yet again right now. Ow. Periods suck. I'd like to unsubscribe please.

Yes I'm using my OTP to vent my frustrations about my uterus beating me up and taking my lunch money to buy some chocolate. It's my blog and I can be as self-indulgent as I want here.

I've actually touched on this particular topic before in a previous post, though I was a bit vague since I was theorizing about the game's canon. Since we're now strictly talking about my personal story's canon here, I can be a lot more definitive.

In Sunshine in Hell, Jack is influenced by his sunshine's physical state and vice-versa. He can feel whatever pain she's going through, though just a fraction of it. I figure it tops out at around 50% max of what Alice is feeling. The reverse is also true.

It's also affected by proximity. The further away Jack is, the less he can catch what his sunshine's feeling. It also makes Alice less aware of what he is feeling, which is why he left the apartment to jack off to thoughts of her without getting caught. He just underestimated how much horny energy he was radiating and how far it could reach to still affect her.

It being affected by proximity is also why Jack didn't realize Alice was in the middle of a pain episode when she was miles away.

It all ties into Jack's powers and the bond he and Alice share. They have a piece of each other's souls, which causes them to bleed into one another.

Both of them have the ability to suppress what feelings they send out to the other, but a lot of it is conscious choice verses subconscious longing. The bond between them is very heavily influenced by consent and what they actually want, even if they don't realize it.

Jack just has the advantage of knowing about the bond and more or less how it works. He is very careful about what he shares with his sunshine.

Alice and Jack are both lonely souls who want to be seen, felt, understood, and cared for. Their bond is empathy is supernaturally charged, which can cause them to share emotions, getting drunk, some thoughts, and even pregnancy hormones.

Oh, and of course, the fun kind of horny hormones and physical pleasure. Sexy times are twice the fun when you can get a taste of the pleasure you're giving your partner~

Though there's nothing sexy about periods, I can tell you that much. Alice might be getting hit with horny hormones along with mood-changing hormones, but the nasty cramps are enough of a deterrent from doing anything about the horny.

Of course... sex does help with period pain, even if it can be pretty messy. Jack certainly would be very eager to help Alice feel better with his loving, pleasurable ministrations~

Unfortunately that's not really going to happen until the two get in a romantic relationship. Alice isn't going to be comfortable with a casual hookup even on a good day, or even for the sake of, ahem, physical therapy.

Naturally, the first time Alice gets her period after Jack shows up is going to be a nasty surprise for him. Intense abdominal pain along with hormonal mood swings aren't something he's used to. Even if he's only getting half of what Alice experiences at most, it's going to hit Jack hard.

Really, it's probably going to hit him harder than the bullets that took his life. A couple gunshots to the head means that he died pretty quickly and painlessly.

Granted, what happened to Jack after that was a hell of a lot worse.

Really, Jack is more aware of physical sensations now. He felt cold in the hell he was banished to because that was the closest thing to sensation he had there. The place was an absence of sensation, where all he could do was think and feel nothing. After 40 years of sensory deprivation, reality is almost an overload of sensation.

Sooooo... needless to say, Jack isn't going to have a fun time.

The worst part is Jack has to hide what's wrong with him. Alice is miserable, so he can't burden her knowing that he feels her pain. Also, he doesn't want her to know just how deep their connection is until he can feel certain that it won't chase her away. She forgot the agreement they made and was so scared by his presence at the start.

He can't risk losing her...

Fortunately, if there's one thing Jack has learned from his previous life and his time trapped in hell, it's how to persevere in spite of his suffering. He wears a convincing sunny smile and pretends that he's fine. He does his best to help his sunshine feel better. By doing that he will feel better, both figuratively and literally.

It certainly gives Jack a newfound respect for Alice. She has to deal with this every month. It's so cruel that nature would do this to her and so many others. This just strengthens his resolve to take care of her needs.

The first step in taking care of Alice is to talk her out of going to work. She's always had a bad habit of powering through even when she's making herself suffer horribly. Jack pulls out the same gentle firmness that is so effective at nudging his sunshine out of bed in the morning to convince her to stay in it this time.

Jack makes something light and easy for Alice to eat and makes sure she drinks plenty of fluids. He also brings her chocolate stash to her along with medicine. He makes sure that she's comfy in bed, or on the sofa to watch her favorite shows while she lies down.

Something that Jack doesn't really think about are the little details he simply knows. Why, it's almost as if he has experience caring for his partner on her period. He knows what medicine is usually most effective as a pain killer for this kind of pain. He also knows a handy little trick to turn a sock stuffed with rice into a really nice heating pad when putting it in the microwave for a while.

As you might expect, Joseph took care of Mary when she was on her period too. With her illness being untreated back then, her periods were even harder on her. Seeing her suffering so much made it difficult for him to leave her alone at home to go to work, but she always tried to see him off with a weak smile anyway.

Which also plays into why Jack wants Alice to stay home in the present day. Mary couldn't work when her period was at its worst. It was just too much for her. He might not consciously remember anything about his life as Joseph, but subconsciously he can't forget the life he lived with his sunshine.

I don't think period simulators existed in the early 80s, but if Joseph had the option to try it out, he would, just to get a sense of what Mary is going through.

Oof. Down this giant of a man goes. He was not prepared.

It's not that Joseph thought that Mary was exaggerating the pain. He would never! He figured that period pain wasn't easy, but he thought that what made it more difficult for her in particular was how it made her usual symptoms even worse.

Needless to say, Joseph was humbled by this revelation.

He also spoils Mary even more when she's on her period. Cuddles and hugs are an absolute must, as well as sympathetic comforting cooing. He feels awful that he can't take her pain away from her, so he just does whatever he can to make her feel good in spite of it.

I can see Ian, Shaun, and Nick being curious enough to try the period simulator if given the option as well.

None of them are ready for what happens to them.

If Ian tried it while he and Alice were still in a relationship, he'd be bawling and clinging to her while apologizing so much, as if her period is somehow his fault. In fact, it might sort of vaguely be? His mom and her religion claimed it had to do with original sin and men or something like that.

Unfortunately, it'd be another situation where Alice would need to reassure Ian for feeling bad about something bad happening to her.

An experience with the cramp simulator would teach Shaun to be more mindful about people going through periods. He also comes up with the brilliant idea of carrying some emergency chocolates with him.

Okay, Shaun already does keep emergency chocolates on him, but sometimes he just needs a peanut butter cup pick-me-up, you know?

Shaun does start carrying around his bestie's favorite chocolatey snack too while they're going to college together. Alice appreciates some yummy crispy rice in her emergency chocolate therapy.

Nick tried out the simulator with his AMAB friends while being filmed for his MeTube channel. He keeps all his saucy content over on LonelyFans, while his MeTube has a more general audience. There he shows off v-logs of his day and all the crazy stuff he and his friends get up to. It's pretty darn wholesome a lot of the time.

His friends did sort of joke around during the process, between whimpers and panting breaths of course. It was mostly just pointing out when one of them was crying or made a funny noise when the machine was on. It was all in good fun, just some ribbing between friends. However, at the end of the video, Nick did talk to his audience about his newfound appreciation for what people who experience periods regularly like this go through.

Of course, Nick made this speech while sitting with a heating pad in his lap. He and his friends overdid it with the machine and were left sore for a while afterwards. They dared each other to crank up the machine intensity level to see how far each of them could take it, and they made it into something of a contest.

His friend James "won," though James certainly didn't much feel like a winner afterwards.

Jack wouldn't need the machine to get a sense for how it feels, which could lead to a funny moment between him and Alice if she suggests he tries it.

"Oh, no thanks, Sunshine. I'm already very familiar with how painful periods are."

"Wait, really?"

"Um, oh, hey, that machine over there looks interesting. What do you think it does?"

Jack chooses to hastily redirect his sunshine's attention to something else rather than risk explaining how he knows.

Alice, naturally, notices the awkward change in topic. It leaves her wondering if it might be because he actually experiences periods too.

The possibility might explain to her why Jack doesn't look so good every month when she's having her period. Though that'd mean their cycles are matching up, wouldn't it? Then again, that did sometimes happen with her mom and sisters...

Alice ultimately decides that it's probably better not to ask, or even speculate about whether Jack is trans or not. If he is trans, that's his business and it's invasive to pry. That's his personal information to share when or if he feels comfortable enough to do so.

If Jack isn't trans, well, then... maybe he had a very special episode about it on the SunnyTime Crew Show?

Though, wait, the intended audience for that show was for kids way too young for puberty, so maybe not.

Either way, Alice decides to just the subject drop, much to Jack's relief.

Although Jack doesn't take the period cramp simulator for a spin, he is still gains a deeper understanding of the pain Alice goes through every month.

Even if Jack couldn't experience the pain for himself, he would still be very empathetic to his partner's needs. He just wants Alice to be happy and healthy. He wants his sunshine to be able to shine so brilliantly without any dark clouds to dampen her beautiful glow.

Alice might not be feeling very sunny while on her period, but she has her own ball of sunshine in the form of Sunny Day Jack to brighten up such gloomy days. Whether she needs food, rest, a distraction, or simply some tender loving cuddles, Jack is more than ready to give her whatever she needs to feel better.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[yukidragon]

SunnyDayTober - Family Ties

It's been a week, so I'd say I'm overdue to tackle prompt 4 of SunnyDayTober, don't you? I'm going to try and make these my SunnyDayTober rambles a bit shorter when I can so I can try to catch up and not overthink them.

Family Ties is another prompt that got my mind going in a lot of different directions, as well as a lot of different tones. Then again, that entire point of the prompts is to inspire all sorts of ideas, so I suppose it's mission accomplished. It's just annoying when I wind up waffling about it and thinking too much.

Then again, thinking too much is what leads me to ramble, so I might as well just wander off with these thoughts and see where they take me.

My first thought is rambling about Joseph, his parents, and their relationship, but that was the first ramble I did for SunnyDayTober. I'm not sure about retreading ground I recently trod upon when I don't have much more to add to his parents yet.

Then again, they are the first ones to pop into my head, so let's just see where that thought takes me.

I mean I am kind of overdue to decide on names for Joseph's parents. I considered going with Martha for his mother's name, and the idea giving Mary's mother the same first name gave me a bit of a giggle. I mean, I think anyone familiar with the Batman vs Superman movie knows all about the meme. Joseph does live a double life as Jack and Mary reincarnates to Alice.

Yes, I know reincarnation and acting aren't the same as being superheroes, but it was a silly enough comparison to give me a giggle. I am a woman of simple pleasures sometimes.

Ultimately I decided to go in a different direction though. Too many characters that start with M-A-R in the same general area of the story just didn't sit right to me.

I decided to stop overthinking things when it came to giving Joseph's parents names. I mean they're very much background characters even in Joseph's own backstory, as the two were wildly neglectful of their only son. The main impact they left on Joseph was their absence. Going on impulse feels appropriate.

So Joseph's mother will be named Candace Cullman and his father will be Isaac Cullman. While I'm at it, I might as well give Mary's parents names too. From now on her mother will be Grace Phoenix and her father Ethan Phoenix.

It's funny talking about these parents with a prompt like family ties considering how little they cared for their children. Well, at least this gave me a good excuse to finally give these four names and flesh them out just a tiny bit more.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[yukidragon]

SunnyDayTober - Welcome to the Show

This is a fitting prompt to start things off for this year's SunnyDayTober. I know I'm getting a late start, but pacing myself is important. This dragon needs extra rest to have enough spoons to write.

Since drawing isn't in the cards for me right now, and I'm a really slow artist even if it was, I've decided to just do a short ramble based off of each prompt as it comes to me. It might lead to short stories, or it might not. The most important part of SunnyDayTober is to have fun and just play around with the prompts.

There are so many possible directions to take a phrase like "Welcome to the Show." The first thing that comes to mind is the SunnyTime Crew Show, of course. However, when you really think about it all the main characters in Sunshine in Hell are connected to a show in one way or another. Alice used to pursue acting, Ian is on the road to fame and stardom, Shaun creates shows as a director, and Nick performs shows online. Joseph and his fellow castmates weren't the only ones to welcome their audience to a show.

Heck, the SunnyTime Crew show wasn't even the first time Joseph ever put on a show for an audience. Stripping and porn are quite the performances after all.

On that note, the sex cult sermons would probably count as a performance. Jack and Alice put on a very stimulating show for their congregation after all.

Speaking of AUs, there's also the Mafia AU where Alice and her sisters perform on stage at their family's club. Not to mention the Phantom of Sunny Day Jack AU where Alice/MC is the star of the show at the opera house.

All that is to say that I had a heck of a time deciding on what to ramble about in particular. So I decided to at least touch on as many of them as I could think of to help me get the ball rolling and figure out where I want to go.

The thought that I finally settled on was exploring where Joseph's interest in showbusiness first began.

Content Warning: This post discusses child neglect, emotional abuse, and weaponized religion.

As mentioned in a previous ramble, Joseph has always had a love of television and movies. Not only did he sneak into movie theaters to watch movies for free, but he'd sneak out of bed late at night to watch television while his parents were fast asleep.

Joseph had a love for all sorts of genres, but one kind in particular stuck out to him the most. He had a special fondness for sitcoms, specifically ones where the families truly loved and cared for one another. The formulas were often the same, like a wholesome piece of comfort food. Problems arose and the rambunctious son might get into trouble, but it would be resolved within 30 minutes. The naughty son would learn a valuable lesson, and his parents would let him know that no matter what they still loved him, even if they had to punish him.

Joseph never felt that same emotion from his real parents. Oh sure they disciplined him often enough, but it was with this note of frustration, of inconvenience. They didn't care to deal with his nonsense. Really, they didn't care to deal with whatever he got up to.

If Joseph didn't act up, his parents would rarely ever pay attention to him at all.

Joseph didn't want to get punished. It was never fun to be told cruel and hurtful things, to be made to feel worthless and like a failure. But punishments didn't hurt as much as feeling like he didn't even exist.

The Cullman house was set up as neat and tidy like a sitcom. His mother insisted on everything being neat, clean, and stylish. She had a vision in mind for their home, and by God her husband and son better not get in the way of that. She had a vision in mind to be the perfect mother, or at least appear to be.

Mrs. Cullman (whose name still needs to be decided) cared more about perception. She focused more on creating her ideal life, the ideal image of herself. Her son and husband were just aspects required to put on her performance of being the ideal mother. She cared less about what her husband or son had to think about it. She just wanted to feel like she was doing a model job as a mother.

After all, if she was stuck having to raise a child with a man she married far too soon, then she would do it right. She would be the kind of mother all other mothers would look up to.

The Cullmans had a shotgun wedding. The relationship they were in was on its way to fizzling out when an unexpected pregnancy bound the pair together in the bonds of holy matrimony.

After all, it would be shameful to give birth to a bastard child out of wedlock. What would the neighbors say? Their families would disown them both! The shame and pressure of their families, pastors, and peers made avoiding marriage impossible.

The Cullmans subconsciously resented their son because of this. Even if they consciously knew that Joseph didn't choose to be born, it didn't change that pit of bitterness they felt regarding him. Because he existed, the pair's lives were turned upside-down.

They were just a pair of horny teens doing things that they really shouldn't and they faced punishment for it. Their rule breaking led to them getting pushed into a marriage that they didn't really want, and expected to be parents to a baby that they never wanted.

But this was what must be done to atone for committing the sin of lust. They were the ones at fault and that was the price they must pay.

Joseph did eventually learn that he was an unwanted pregnancy. He also learned that because of him, his parents were stuck in a marriage that was only growing more and more tense and unhealthy as the years went on. His mother and father pretended everything was perfect when someone was watching, but behind the scenes, they were miserable.

On the best days, his parents were friendly, more like roommates than an actual couple. On the worst days there was no end the poisonous words that filled the house.

Mr. Cullman (who also needs a name) is constantly away from home, at work or out with the boys. He would be gone so much that there were suspicions that he was having an affair, which led to fights between him and his wife.

Joseph never did find out of his father really was cheating, or even his mother was cheating herself. She got the same accusation thrown her way at least once or twice.

Joseph's home life was a mess. The extended family that forced his parents to marry barely got involved in his life and were very judgmental. His parents would fight and make up all the time, but it never really felt like they made up for the sake of love. They just made up because otherwise they'd just be more miserable with their lives.

It would also ruin the show they put on that they were actually successful in life instead of miserable.

It's the moments where his parents acted like they actually loved him, even saying as much out loud, that fucked with Joseph's head the most.

It was performative at the end of the day. They didn't hate Joseph, even if they resented him. They tried to be good parents, or at least they made the surface level effort to do so. They did what was expected of them in order to call themselves good parents. They were good parents in so much that their own perception of themselves as parents was the most important thing.

So Joseph was a brat, ungrateful, constantly getting into trouble, and so on. It was his fault when he broke the rules, and he was being unreasonable and ungrateful whenever he refused to accept their apology. Though those apologies came rarely, only when they simply couldn't shift the blame and avoid finding fault in themselves.

Both his parents were neglectful and more focused on their own lives as individuals. They kept up appearances and said the right words, but they were worse actors than anyone Joseph ever watched on TV or the silver screen.

Joseph found comfort in those sitcoms that didn't look anything like his reality. He loved to lose himself in the fantasy that everything could be resolved within 30 minutes and everyone would be happy and laughing together in the end. Even kids shows with their overly colorful and saccharine mascots, never ending smiles, and simple morality tales felt far more real to him than the "happy family" surrounding him.

Joseph knew that the people on the screen were just acting, but their smiles felt more genuine. The kind words they offered to the audience made him feel less alone. Sometimes he pretended that they were talking to him directly, not just a general audience. He liked to imagine that the warm smile they showed the camera was actually meant for him.

Of course, Joseph knew it wasn't. He knew that they were talking to a camera and a studio audience, not him, not the unwanted and lonely little boy.

None of them knew that he even existed.

Still, it was nice to dream. Joseph liked to imagine that had been blessed with one of those sitcom families with a wise father, a kindly mother, and siblings who butted heads with him, but would always have his back.

In a lot of ways, losing himself in these fantasies made Joseph less invested in his real life. People wouldn't care about him no matter what he did, so why should he bother to care what they think?

The only person who mattered in his real life was Mary. She actually saw him. She didn't see him as an annoyance to escape from. She actually cared about what he said and what he wanted. Her eyes would seek him out in a crowd and light up whenever she finally found him.

In a sea of faces that constantly looked away unless it was to sneer at Joseph, Mary was the only one who greeted him with a smile.

In a way, Mary was his fantasy made real. She was a warm beam of sunshine in a world filled with dark and gloomy clouds. She was the only real love he had ever known.

Sometimes Joseph liked to imagine that he would marry Mary one day. Maybe they could even have kids of their own. He would be a better father than his dad could ever be, that's for sure, and she would certainly be a better mother than his too. He could just imagine coming home from work to be greeted by Mary with a kiss. He would sit in an easy chair with his pipe and paper, watching over the kids and giving them helpful advice until it was time for dinner. Afterwards he would put the kids to bed and when washing the dishes he could spend some time alone with his sunshine. She'd get a chance to relax and they could talk about their days, particularly how to tackle whatever mischief the kids got into this time.

It was an unrealistic fantasy, sure, but it was such a comforting one. It's a shame that it would never happen.

In a kinder reality they did manage to create a happy life together that wasn't too far off from these sitcom dreams. Reality wasn't as easy and things were rarely ever resolved within 30 minutes, but Joseph and Mary always talked things out with love and a strong desire to understand one another.

Joseph lost some of the joy he found in sitcoms after losing Mary. That dream had been shattered, and he could never quite lose himself in the fantasy the way he used to. Even after they reunited years later, he could never see himself as the wise and upstanding father character, not after all the mistakes he had made.

Life was even more cruel for Joseph in the Sunny Day Jack Remixed fan game continuity, Mary didn't exist at all. He never made a single friend during his childhood and grew up alone. The only thing he had to find comfort in during those empty, lonely days were idle fantasies created by fiction.

Even after he grew up, Joseph never experienced what it was like to be truly loved.

The only love Joseph found during his lifetime in fan game's continuity was on the other side of a screen. First it was on the side of the audience, then on the side of the actors. It was only when he was on the side of the screen being recorded by a camera that allowed him to actually believe that all the love for him was real.

It was real, yes, but shallow. It was every bit of a fantasy as the ones he played out in his head as a child. It was a love made of adoration for the character he played, rather than a deep meaningful love for the man behind the makeup.

Joseph loved the actors on TV and the characters that they played. The audience loved him as Sunny Day Jack. It was the closest thing to true love that he had ever known.

Now, in this modern world, where no one else can see him but his sunshine, Jack has to find that love again by putting on the grandest show of his existence.

Unfortunately for Jack, this visual novel's show has far more endings that lead to his downfall than they do to a happy ending for him. Only one route has him as the leading man, with that role being taken by his rivals in the other three routes.

Sadly, Jack's life has never been as comforting as a sitcom, and neither will his life after death.

Well, in most endings for Sunny Day Jack Remixed at least. Sunshine in Hell and most of its AUs have happy endings full of love and healing.

The life Jack and Alice will build together won't look anything like the sitcoms Joseph loved, and that's okay. He doesn't need those fantasies anymore, not when he can create a reality where he and his sunshine can be happy together, forever.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps