listen, getting off by myself is great. But fuck it’s a lot of work. Humping my pillow and whimpering into the quiet of my room isn’t enough anymore. Fingering myself until my hand cramps up isn’t doing it for me.
I need need need a nice top or switch to just lay me down and ravage me. Show me more pleasure than I could ever show myself. Mark my skin with their nails and their teeth until it’s etched like a piece of art. I want them to sign their name with their tongue on my clit and show how I belong to them. An artist always signs their work, right?
Summary: You're an angel with a flawless record of saving humans who is sent to intervene with Vi's suicide attempt. But instead of moving on once the job is done, you find yourself unable to leave—lingering, watching, and ultimately falling in love with the very soul you were meant to guard.
Note: I don't know how this will be received, but I loved writing it. My baby Vi deserves so much better.
W/C: 1,544
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Humans are, for the most part, flickering things. Brief candles, and my job is to keep them lit. I've done it for centuries. I have a flawless record. A subtle nudge here—a misplaced set of keys that delays a departure just long enough for a phone call to come through. A more direct intervention there—an inexplicable reluctance to step off a curb, a hand that seems to move of its own accord to snatch a bottle from trembling fingers.
It's technical. It's precise. It's divine mechanics. I don't feel pride in it; I feel the smooth satisfaction of a perfect gear engaging.
And then... Vi.
She was on the bridge at 3:17 AM, a pale smudge against the indigo dark, the city lights streaking the water below like liquid gold. The fracture in her wasn't subtle. It wasn't the quiet sadness of someone who just needed sleep or a good meal. It was a howling chasm, a vacuum so vast and hungry that it pulled at the very fabric of the air around her, making the night feel thinner, more fragile in her presence. From three blocks away, I could feel the gravitational drag of her despair, a cold spot in the warm summer night.
I acted with my usual efficiency. A cab with a broken headlight took a wrong turn, its beams sweeping over her, making her flinch and step back from the railing. A jogger, a night nurse ending her shift, "forgot" her earbuds and heard the choked sob. She stopped. She asked if she was okay. She stayed.
Job done. Record intact.
But I didn't leave.
I told myself it was vigilance. The chasm in her was deep; a temporary patch might not hold. So I lingered. I became a regular at the coffee shop where she worked, ordering a chamomile tea I didn't need just to watch the way her hands moved, to make sure they didn't shake. I'd sit by the window with yesterday's newspaper, listening to her voice grow a little steadier with each passing week. I was the woman who "happened" to be browsing the same used book section on a rainy Tuesday, who smiled softly—almost shyly—when our hands brushed reaching for the same book. Her eyes flickered with something like recognition, like the ghost of a connection she couldn't quite place. Later, when a moving truck appeared outside her building, I was the quiet neighbor carrying a box of kitchen things up to the apartment across the hall. I gave her a small nod in the stairwell, the kind you give someone you might want to know. Just close enough to notice if the light in her window stayed on too long. Just near enough to hear if she ever cried alone again.
My proximity was professional, I insisted to the silent heavens. Monitoring.
And in monitoring, I began to see her. Not the fracture, but the whole, flawed, breathtaking mosaic. The way she constantly passed a hand over her short hair. The snorting laugh that escaped her when something truly delighted her—a sound she'd immediately try to smother with her hand. The way she hummed snippets of songs under her breath, and the way she'd catch her own reflection, turning this way and that in the mirror, her eyes tracing her own skin as she quietly planned where the next tattoo would go. I learned the map of freckles on her cheeks. I memorized the way she bit her lower lip when anxious, and how her eyes, the color of a rain-soaked sky, could go from flat grey to a soft blue in a moment of genuine interest.
This was the terror.
Angels are not built for this. We are vessels of purpose, carved from intention and starlight. Love is not in our schematic. It is a human complication, a beautiful, devastating software glitch that we observe with detached, academic curiosity. To feel it? It was like a star going supernova in my core, a silent, cataclysmic eruption that left every part of me reconfigured.
The amazement came later. It was the sheer, absurd alchemy of it. From my clinical, lifesaving act, this… this flowering had emerged. Not just in her—though watching her slowly knit herself back together, finding solace in small things, was its own kind of miracle—but in me. In the sterile chamber of my eternal purpose, a wild, untamed garden was bursting through the floorboards.
I started to make mistakes. Not with her, never with her. But with my other charges. My timing was off. My subtle nudges became clumsy, fraught with a new, human impatience. I'd think of Vi's smile, and I'd miss the crucial second to prevent a man from stumbling into the path of a bicycle. (He only bruised his knee, but it was a mark on my perfection.) I was distracted.
One evening, she knocked on my door. Her power had gone out. Did I have a candle?
We sat on the floor of my sparsely furnished apartment, a single flame between us, painting her face in gold and shadow. She talked. She didn't talk about the core of that deep sadness. She didn't mention her brothers, or the sister she never saw anymore, or her parents. But she told me about the silence that had gathered in her, how it had felt like wading through cement. She spoke of the bridge, of the strange, almost maternal woman who had jogged by, and the long, slow climb back from that edge. She didn't call it a climb. She called it "learning to notice the things that don't hurt."
"Like what?" I asked, my voice strange to my own ears.
"Like the way steam curls from a cup of tea," she said, her eyes on the flame. "Like the weight of a cat on your lap. Like the smell of rain on pavement… and now, this. The way candlelight makes everything look like a painting."
She looked at me then, and the terror and the amazement fused into a single, unbearable point of light. I was an angel, an ageless being, and I was undone by a human girl noticing the aesthetics of candlelight.
She said my name, that chosen name. "You're always so… steady. You feel like a safe harbor."
The irony was a blade in my silent heart. I was her harbor, but she was my tempest. I had pulled her from the chaotic sea, only to willingly drown in her.
I began to dream. Angels don't dream. But I did. Human, messy dreams. Of the brush of her wrist against mine. Of the hypothetical softness of her hair. Of the terrifying, glorious possibility of my grace-scarred hands cradling her mortal face.
My work suffered more. Reports went unwritten. The celestial frequency hummed with gentle, concerned inquiries. I was fading from my duties, my essence tethered not to the heavens, but to a single apartment across a hall, to the sound of a key turning in a lock at 5:30 PM.
The ultimate transgression happened last week. She had a bad day. A deep, grey fog descended. I saw it the moment she came home, her shoulders curved under an invisible weight. She didn't cook. Her light stayed off. The old chasm yawned, and my entire being screamed in a silent frequency meant for celestial wars.
Before, I would have engineered a rescue. A friend calling. A found kitten. A lottery ticket on the sidewalk.
This time, I walked across the hall. I knocked. She opened the door, eyes red-rimmed, and without a word, I stepped inside. I didn't speak a scripture. I didn't channel healing light. I, the angel, did something purely, flawlessly human.
I took her hand. I led her to the sofa. I sat beside her, and I put my arm around her shoulders. I pulled her into me, and she curled against my side, her head on my shoulder, her tears a slow seep into my shirt.
"I'm here," I whispered into her hair, the words a prayer and a confession. "Just me. I'm here."
She clung to me, and as her shaking subsided, as her breathing evened against my neck, I understood the true cost of my impeccable work. To save her, I had to become real for her. And in becoming real for her, I had made her everything to me.
I am an angel who has fallen in love with a human soul she was sent to guard. My record is no longer flawless. My purpose is no longer pure. Every second I stay is a rebellion, a heresy written in the language of heartbeat and breath.
But when she finally slept, trustingly, in my arms, and I felt the fragile, stubborn rhythm of her heart against my side—a heart I had conspired with the universe to keep beating—I knew.
Perfection was a lonely, endless star. This, this warm, breathing imperfection in my arms, was the only heaven I would ever need. Let them come. Let them call me fallen. My descent began the moment I saw her, and in her eyes, I have found a gravity more compelling than any celestial pull.
kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her kiss her
