good fucking night
i cant deal with this shit anymore
so you dont wanna guilt trip me
guess what youve said the EXACT things TO guilt trip me
YOUVE put too much effort into this friendship?
i dont even know if this IS a friendship anymore
i dont know what you fucking want from me
okay so you dont fucking like yourself i get it
stop taking it out on me
ive got enough shit on my plate with college getting a job dealing with idiots at a new college moving out ive got a fucking life
i dont hate you
but i dont know what you want from me anymore
im upset im angry and yeah im fucking hurt because my character doesnt matter to you
the way you worked it out and the way you yelled at me to shut up and stop just fine
i stopped and then you get upset and say oh i didnt mean to
im sick of shit like that
im fucking sick of it i grew UP with the whole yell scream oh i didnt mean it im sorry
im fucking done with it
my muse is PART of me and when you hurt him you end up hurting me and vice versa and i fucking get that
i am in a fucking relationship with luke who runs the bro and john crocker blogs
not everything is about YOU you dont know shit about my life because you dont even ASK and when i try to ask about yours you close up on me
thats not friendship
i wish you would have just had john break up with dave and left him broken and bleeding or some shit rather than disappear
tahts fucking the worst thing
imagine how it would be for john when he and dave were dating if dave disappeared
fucking think about it
she didnt have john dump him
heres a goddamn explanation
[8/14/2012 1:51:27 AM] Dave Strider: john forgot everything
[8/14/2012 1:51:30 AM] Dave Strider: and p much disappeared
[8/14/2012 1:51:45 AM] Dave Strider: dave doesnt know if johns dead or alive
[8/14/2012 1:51:53 AM] Dave Strider: hes NEVER gonna stop searching
[8/14/2012 1:51:58 AM] Dave Strider: hes never gonna fuckign give up
[8/14/2012 1:52:06 AM] Dave Strider: hes gonna fucking destory himself like this
[8/14/2012 1:54:49 AM] Dave Strider: unless i make him forget john
[8/14/2012 1:54:52 AM] Dave Strider: as a mercy idea
[8/14/2012 1:55:02 AM] Dave Strider: or i change his memories
[8/14/2012 1:55:13 AM] Dave Strider: because john was daves grounding for the longest time
[8/14/2012 1:55:24 AM] Dave Strider: it wasnt just an alt john
[8/14/2012 1:55:26 AM] Dave Strider: it was HIS john
would you preferred that i have sat here and cried with an ache in my chest because dave was desperate and hurt miserable worried and shit because JOHN WAS MISSING?
because dave couldnt find his BEST FRIEND and his BOYFRIEND?
so that youd feel enabled and happy because wow dave actually cares about john and loves him and was hoping that dave would fucking stay with him forever because thats what he was going to do and now its a blank space because i couldnt handle destroying a character that is a PART of me?
thats what roleplaying is the fucking character is a part of you you have extra emotions but you learn to fucking DEAL with them
so fucking sorry for 'losing' me or some shit but you act like i dont matter and that my feelings dont matter
you act like you fucking give a shit about me ooc
and you want to rp with me then its suddenly nothing nope you dont want shit you want me to shut up to stop to go away
yeah you didnt mean it
sure
the shit you said and the way you acted yeah you meant it its kinda fucking obvious
yes im mad im hurt im upset and maybe IM the one who is now overreacting but honestly i cant vent at you on skype because you get upset and dont let me talk without cutting off and not talking at all because then you say youre being dumb or stupid or some shit then i spend the rest of hte time trying to get you to fucking TALK TO ME LIKE AN ACTUAL PERSON
like a goddamn friend
im bad with small talk
its a fucking guy thing most guys i know dont small talk over random things
fuck if i know what you want from me or my muse
but until you figure that out
im done
you are the only one who has lost sleep or has fucking CRIED over this shit
then you treat yourself like shit
and dont eat or sleep and its like its my fault
you need to GROW UP and take care of yourself you arent a little kid anymore
i cant force you to do shit but you could at least get fucking sleep and eat
and then you talk bad about yoruself and whenever i try to fucking help you get upset and mad and shit and make ME feel like shit
im just trying to fucking help by giving you space and not fuck up myself here
if you dont fucking get that i dont even know
i dont know
i dont even know what you want from me or my muse anymore
you need help and a fucking therapist or some shit
you sure as hell wont let me help you because i bother you and upset you and shit so ill just leave you the fuck alone
AFTER we have a serious discussion of what the hell you want from me because the last thing i need is to try to check up on you and to find out youre all up and sorry about shit you 'didnt mean' to happen
we can talk tomorrow if you fucking want to or if im fucking up to doing anything but puking my guts out from the emotional backlash that youve thrown in my face
im sorry if THIS is a guilt trip but im tired and im worn out but you need to hear this from me because im seriously tired of the emotional shit im dealing with