no matter which of my ships i put him in, mattsun is always the levelheaded one. matsuhana? makki is a damn goofball what do you want. matsuiwa? we all know iwa's got a temper. matsukuro? girl please. and i live for teasy mattsun, for steady shoulder to lean on mattsun, for endlessly calm and relaxed mattsun, for mattsun turning his partner into a blushing mess by looking at them and relishing it, that's why i love these dynamics so much. but i know mattsun falls first. i know he tosses and turns at night, trying so hard to rationalize the things he's feeling and to convince himself that it's nothing, growing anxious at the emotions only becoming stronger with time and pushing them down again and again and again until someone finally musters up the courage to confess and he will never tell the love of his life that they were the reason he was once on the brink of losing his mind.
A/N: Holiday season is over and, hopefully, I'll have a bit more time for writing! Thank you so much to @myreygn for her kind support ☕✨ I hope this meets your expectations and you enjoy it!
Just as a little disclaimer, this fic is a little different from what you usually see in this blog! So please, have that in mind before readind :)
Summary: Matsukawa Issei is learning how to be in a relationship and all that it entails, so when his lover is having a hard time, what will Matsukawa do?
Words: 3,519
Matsukawa never thought that someone else's pain would hurt him.
He had made very strong connections with his volleyball team in high school, and even after several years he continued to communicate with them. The joys of his friends made him happy, but if he was honest, he forgot about them after a few weeks.
Their sadness made him sad too… for only a couple days. No foreign emotion was enough to affect him in his daily life. Why would he worry day and night about someone else's problems? Why would he feel his heart swell with happiness upon receiving good news about someone else's situation? Why would he get mad at someone else's frustrations? He didn't understand it and thought he never would... until he met Kuroo Tetsurou.
Well, until he really met him, because he already knew him. He knew who he was and how good he was at volleyball. He knew about his high school team and his stats, but after highschool, he had the opportunity to meet Kuroo Tetsurou not as another player who was competing against Aoba Johsai to be the best team in Japan, but as someone who made his stomach feel ticklish.
Someone who made his cheeks flush like a kid when he spoke too close to his ear. Someone he looked forward to seeing every day. Someone he eventually learned to call boyfriend and someone who taught him that you can really feel another person's emotions as if they were your own and if he was being honest, that was the most strange thing of all.
Matsukawa still wasn’t used to it and at first he hated how deeply invested he felt in Kuroo’s personal feelings. He felt suffocated and almost broke his relationship with Kuroo, but the love he felt for him was definitely bigger than all those emotions that made his heart clench.
However, Matsukawa has been tested again. Kuroo and himself had been riding a roller coaster of emotions for several days now: in addition to finals that always felt like a noose around their necks and volleyball practices that they simply couldn't stop doing, Kuroo's family had been through a situation in relation to his grandfather going to the hospital that had scared them excessively.
Matsukawa had felt his hands tremble seeing Kuroo in such anguish, and the anxiety within his heart made him want to crawl out of his skin. He had mentally exhausted himself trying to find a way to convince Kuroo that his grandfather would be fine, though he never thought it could be so hard.
In the end, Kuroo’s grandfather was fine and stable and he was going to be out of the hospital later that week. Matsukawa had felt exhaustion after hearing the news, relief rushing through his body leaving him a little dizzy and even a little hungry. He couldn’t focus on the rest of his classes that day and the way back home was a blur as he kept falling asleep on the train. He simply wanted to collapse in bed and sleep for four years straight, but there was just something that kept him wide awake.
“Are you on your way?” A charming chuckle from the other side of the phone made his heart jump as he stepped out of his shoes.
“This is the third time you call in one hour,” Kuroo said and Matsukawa smiled brightly. “I am on my way. I’ll be there in five or less.”
“Great. I’ll be waiting,” he promised, throwing his backpack somewhere, not wanting to know about school for the rest of the day and the weekend.
“Sure you will,” Kuroo chuckled again. “I’ll see you soon. Bye.”
He hung up and Matsukawa threw his phone onto his bed to take a quick shower before Kuroo arrived. Excitement rushed through him. He and Kuroo would spend the weekend together at Matsukawa's house, ('My parents are going on vacation for a few days. Let's relax together at my place, okay?' 'Hmm? Do you want to assault me?' 'Huh? Was I too obvious?’), Mattsun wanted so badly to just hang out with Kuroo after the stressful week they had been through.
Besides, he could tell that Kuroo hadn't been sleeping well. The circles under his eyes were very deep and his skin lacked color. He knew that Kuroo had it even worse than him, so he couldn't help but worry about his health and hoped that Kuroo could rest together with him, he deserved it, after all.
“Welcome to my house, handsome,” Matsukawa said as soon as he opened the door to Kuroo. “Did you miss me on your way here?”
Kuroo laughed softly, stepping in and barely having time to take off his shoes before Matsukawa was stealing kisses to his lips. “I couldn’t miss you much with you calling every five minutes, you know?” He said, laughing and pushing Matsukawa when he squeezed his side playfully.
“Well, I was calling you because I missed you, duh.”
Kuroo rolled his eyes fondly and his backpack was removed from his shoulder, along with his jacket, with a swift move before Matsukawa gently cupped his face between his slightly cold hands. Kuroo didn’t react to the coldness, his cheeks were even more cold and Issei gently caressed his cheekbones to help them warm up. Kuroo sighed, a little smile adorning his features. He leaned into the gentle touch, his body moving closer to Matsukawa’s.
Matsukawa scanned Kuroo’s face. His handsome boyfriend really looked tired, shadows under his eyes, droopy eyelids and slow blinks, even his breathing was slow and even as if he could fall asleep at any second.
“Did you have any sleep?” He asked gently, pressing a kiss to Kuroo’s forehead.
Kuroo closed his eyes, humming softly. “A bit,” he said, yawning right after. “I might need more sleep, though.”
Matsukawa smiled and nodded, “me too. You can shower if you want, I’ll make you some tea.”
Kuroo whined, “that sounds good, but I can’t walk, I’m too tired,” he said, leaning his full weight against Matsukawa, making him gasp and quickly wrap his arms around Kuroo’s waist. “I wish I had a boyfriend who could take me- ack! W-Wait, not pick me, just take me- Issei!”
Matsukawa simply laughed as he easily threw Kuroo over his shoulder. Kuroo, with his long legs and arms, didn't know what to do besides gripping Matsukawa’s clothes, holding for dear life as Matsukawa walked him to the bathroom. Once there, he placed Kuroo back on his feet.
“You are a menace! Who told you to- ahahaha! That tihihickles!” Sweet, uncontrollable giggles filled Matsukawa’s ears as his hands sneaked under Kuroo’s shirt, fingertips lightly tracing the soft and warm skin of his sides. Kuroo squirmed and jolted when he felt the teasing touch climbing to his ribs. “Issehehei! Stahahap! Whahat are y-you dohohoing nohow?!!”
Matsukawa grinned, his smile playful yet tender as he looked down at Kuroo giggling like a kid. “I am trying to help you take your clothes off,” he said calmly, chuckling to himself when he teasingly scratched at Kuroo’s highest ribs and he shrieked with laughter, arms clamping to his sides.
“I cahahan do thahahat mysehehelf!” Kuroo laughed, his back pressed against the cold tile of the wall as he squirmed from side to side, trying to pull Matsukawa’s hands out from under his shirt that had been raised to his chest already.
“Didn’t you say you were so tired, though?” Matsukawa said over Kuroo’s laugh. “Now, raise your arms so I can take your shirt off.”
“Ahahare y-you cr-crahahazy?!” Kuroo squeaked, opening one of his eyes to look at Matsukawa. “Dohoho y-you reheheally thihink I’m gohohonna do thahahat?”
“Do it or I’ll do it myself.”
“D-Dohohon’t be mehehan! Issehehei, just lehet me- eek! N-No! Hohold ohohon!”
Matsukawa laughed under his breath as he gathered both Kuroo’s wrists in one of his big hands and lifted them up above his head. Kuroo started laughing right away, especially when he saw Matsukawa’s hand getting closer to his body, but Issei didn’t touch him directly, simply grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it all the way up until it was off.
Matsukawa grinned mischievously as he looked at Kuroo’s flushed face, his arms still pinned above his head. “Was that too hard?”
Kuroo shook his head, “n-no, so now l-let me go. I’m getting cold…”
Matsukawa hummed, “Nope,” he said and his free hand quickly found one of Kuroo’s underarms, his fingers quickly wiggling against the spot, sending Kuroo into hysterics right away. “This is punishment for not trusting me.”
“Nohohot thehehere!” Kuroo shrieked with that hyena laugh that never failed to make Matsukawa laugh too. “I hahahate yohohou!”
Matsukawa gasped, his fingers increasing in speed, causing Kuroo’s knees to give up a little as he threw his head back, exposing the beautiful expand of his neck.
“You are just being mean with me, Tetsu,” Matsukawa mumbled, puckering his lower lip in a pout. “I also wanted to help you with your pants.”
Kuroo shook his head, his cheeks flushing at Matsukawa’s words as tears of laughter clinged to his lashes. “Nohohoh! Lehehet gohohoho nohohohow! ISSEHEHEI!”
—
“We barely fit in here.”
“You’re lying! There’s plenty of space,” Matsukawa said and Kuroo chuckled as he purposely wiggled closer to Matsukawa, noses almost touching.
“Look how close you are to me,” Kuroo faked a whine, intertwining his legs with Matsukawa’s. “I can barely move here.”
Matsukawa rolled his eyes playfully, his arms tightening around Kuroo’s body. It felt so good to be together like this. Matsukawa’s nose tingled with the scent of his own shampoo coming from Kuroo’s hair and he inhaled deeply, pressing his nose against Kuroo’s temple. Matsukawa thought that he never wanted to let go of him.
He had missed him; with the whole situation with his grandfather, school and volleyball practice, Matsukawa felt that he had barely had a chance to see Kuroo for the past few days and he just missed him, even with Kuroo between his arms, he felt that their proximity wasn’t enough and he imagined himself melting into Kuroo, forming just one being that could be together forever.
Would Kuroo laugh if he said that out loud?
“I missed you.”
That was Kuroo’s voice and Matsukawa felt pure love rushing through him, making his heart swell and beat fast against his chest and he blushed, thinking that Kuroo might be able to hear it.
“I missed you too,” he whispered, kissing Kuroo’s forehead. “I’m happy you are here.”
“I’m happy I’m here too,” Kuroo whispered back, nuzzling his face against Matsukawa’s neck. “You are making me feel sleepy,” he yawned. “I might… fall asleep soon.”
Matsukawa chuckled, kissing Kuroo’s forehead again. That was exactly what he wanted. He wanted Kuroo to fall asleep because he knew he hadn’t been resting well and it pained him because he knew his lover had been worried sick and he knew he always brushed it off when he was with Matsukawa, so Issei just really wanted him to relax and sleep.
Someone mumbled a goodnight and then someone else answered with an ‘I love you’ and then someone said ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’ and someone else whispered ‘I love you’ again. Matsukawa wasn’t so sure who said what, but it didn’t matter because they both quickly fell into a peaceful and deep slumber.
It was some kind of dreamless sleep, exhaustion turning your brain off as soon as you closed your eyes. That kind of sleep that made you forget who and where you were. Or at least that was what it felt to Matsukawa.
At first, when he opened his eyes with a startle, he really didn’t know where or who he was. It was dark around him and there was this constant noise ringing in his ears that just wouldn’t let him concentrate. His heart was pounding and in his mind he heard his conscience screaming at him to wake up, to come to his senses; to realize that the noise he was hearing was Kuroo's piercing screams.
“Tetsu!” Matsukawa sat up right away. “Tetsu! What’s wrong?! What’s happe-
Only then, Matsukawa noticed that Kuroo, still laying beside him, was still asleep, but Matsukawa was petrified. Kuroo was crying and screaming and flailing around as if he wanted to fight something off. Despair, pain and pure fear overtook his features. He was sobbing with agony, his hands shaking as he gripped at his clothes.
Matsukawa had never seen him like this before, no, he had never seen anyone acting like this before and he didn’t know what to do. He was frozen, staring at the person he loved the most writhing in fear, screaming as if he was being killed. Cold sweat made Matsukawa’s scalp prickle and it seemed like the urge to scratch at his head finally pulled him out from his trance and quickly reached out for Kuroo’s shoulders, shaking him almost violently.
“Kuroo!” Matsukawa yelled, his hands shaking just as hard as Kuroo’s and his stomach twisting in knots, making him nauseous. “Tetsurou! Wake up!”
His voice was a plea, no matter how much and how hard he shook Kuroo's shoulders, he just wouldn't open his eyes, yet his crying and screaming continued to echo in the whole room.
A feeling of overwhelming panic rose in Matsukawa's chest and he began to hyperventilate a little as he realized that no matter what he did, Kuroo simply couldn't wake up. What should he do? Throw water at him? Give him a slap? Call an ambulance? He had never been in a situation like this and it seemed idiotic to him to look for information right at that moment, but… what could he do?!
“Tetsu, please!” He tried again, shaking Kuroo once more, even harder this time. “It’s me! Issei! Matsukawa Issei! Wake up! You’re fine! It’s a nightmare! Please, wake up!”
Kuroo sobbed heavily and Matsukawa felt like crying himself too until he felt hands gripping his arms, fingernails digging into his skin.
“Issei!” Kuroo screamed, sobbing like a scared child before he opened his eyes widely, taking a deep breath as if he had emerged from under water.
“Tetsu!” Matsukawa felt relieved and he let out the air he was unconsciously holding when Kuroo finally woke up. “Tetsu, you are fine. I’m here, you see? Everything is fine.”
Kuroo was still panicking, looking around the room and only then Matsukawa noticed that the lights were still off.
“Shit,” he said, hurriedly getting up to turn on the light, but was stopped by Kuroo’s arms wrapping around his waist.
“Don’t go!” He begged, his body shaking in fear. “Don’t leave me, please!”
“I won’t! I won’t, my love. I’m just gonna turn the lights on! I promise!”
“No! Please! Don’t leave me!”
Kuroo refused to let go and Matsukawa chose to turn on the lamp beside his bed and sat down back in bed, his arms immediately wrapping around Kuroo, embracing him tightly and gently rocking him like a mother lullying her precious child. He could feel Kuroo trembling, he could hear the hiccups and soft sobs and even feel Kuroo’s heart beating hard… Matsukawa was scared. He was truly scared.
His hand, also shaking, was rubbing Kuroo’s back gently, comforting. He didn’t dare to speak, fearing that he’d startle Kuroo all over again. Goodness, he didn’t want to see him like that ever again, he didn’t believe he could stand it. He also couldn’t understand what had just happened, was he actually dreaming? Was this actually a nightmare of his?
“I am sorry.” Matsukawa jolted, but quickly tightened his embrace around Kuroo. “I am so sorry, Issei,” Kuroo sobbed again, tears falling down his cheeks all over again. “I- I didn’t- I couldn’t- I just didn’t think this would happen, I’m so sorry! I scared you, didn’t I? I’m the worst, I’m so sorry you had to see that! I-
“Shh,” Matsukawa shushed, kissing Kuroo’s shoulder before gently leaning back so he could see Kuroo’s face, his heart clenching in his chest. “There is no need to apologize, Tetsu. You are fine. You are safe. I am with you,” Matsukawa whispered, his hand cupping Kuroo’s wet cheek. He looked at his golden eyes and felt something uncomfortable twisting in his chest, oh his lover looked so sad, so regretful. Why was his beautiful boyfriend so scared?
“I am sorry,” Kuroo repeated. “I should’ve told you about this before, but I was… embarrassed,” he admitted sheepishly. “It's so childish. Having night terrors at my age, it’s just… stupid. I should be able to control myself, but this happens every time I get stressed and with school and then my grandfather and I haven’t been able to sleep properly and now we’re here together after so many days and look what I just did! I’m so sorry, please forgive me,” Kuroo begged, looking at Matsukawa with tears in his eyes. “Please, don’t leave me, Issei. I didn’t mean for this to happen, I’m sorry I-
“Tetsu!” Matsukawa said, grabbing Kuroo’s trembling hands. “Tetsu, breathe with me, okay? Breathe in… and breathe out. Good. Breathe in… and out… can you do it again?”
Kuroo nodded and he took a deep breath. Matsukawa helped Kuroo (and himself) to regulate their breathing and once he saw Kuroo a bit more calm, he dared to speak again.
“I am not mad at you, Tetsu,” Matsukawa said with a tender voice. “I won’t leave you because of this. I was just… scared and didn’t know what to do. You just wouldn’t wake up,” Matsukawa cleared his throat, hearing his voice getting watery. “I don’t think you are childish at all, but I do think that you should have told me beforehand that you were having such a hard time and that this could happen to you, Tetsu.”
Kuroo frowned, nodding shyly. “I am sorry,” he repeated, squeezing Matsukawa’s hands between his.
Matsukawa nodded, “I am sorry you went through this, Tetsu. I know you’ve been under a lot of stress lately, but everything will be better from now on,” he said, with a reassuring smile. “You know I’m here for you, love. I have never been good with dealing with other people’s emotions, but… with you it’s different, Tetsu. I understand you and I feel your pain and happiness. So please, trust in me a little more, yes? I will always be by your side and we’ll work what we can together- Oh goodness, please don’t cry, did I say something wrong?”
“No, silly,” Kuroo sobbed, trying to hide his tears. “You said everything right. You’re so cheesy and I love you.”
Matsukawa blinked and then sighed and let out a little chuckle. “I love you too, Tetsu,” he said, gently pulling Kuroo’s hand away from his face to press a kiss under one of his eyes. “I truly, truly love you.”
Kuroo sobbed softly and Matsukawa kissed under his other eye, his cheeks, his nose and finally his lips. A tender, chaste kiss to show his endless affection for this man in front of him. Kuroo melted under the affections and wrapped his arms around Matsukawa’s shoulder.
Matsukawa wasn’t sure how much time they spent holding each other, sharing small kisses and shy smiles as their hearts slowly calmed down. Kuroo talked a bit about his night terror and stopped when he started shaking again, Matsukawa held him, grounding him and letting him know that he was not alone. Kuroo calmed again and they held each other so tightly and tenderly, until their legs and arms got numb and their backs started to hurt.
“Thank you, Issei,” Kuroo whispered and Matsukawa grinned, making Kuroo grin too. “I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep again for a bit, but you can come back to sleep again.”
Matsukawa rolled his eyes playfully and hugged Kuroo tightly, pushing him back into their lying positions. Kuroo giggled, holding onto him as they snuggled under the blanket.
“I’ll stay up with you, then, until sleep comes and claims us both,” he said and Kuroo laughed and Matsukawa felt warmth spreading in his chest. “You find my words funny?”
“Oh not at all, you’re so poetic,” Kuroo teased, giggling when he felt a quick scribble against his spine. “Dohohon’t stahart thihis!”
Matsukawa smiled brightly, “maybe I can tire you out so you can sleep again?”
“Issehehehei!”
Listening to Kuroo’s bright laughter and giggles was way better than hearing him cry and scream, but even if Kuroo were to fall victim to another night terror, Matsukawa would be there to help him wake up and to assure him that he is the best thing that has ever happened to him, that he is fine and safe. He would be there to calm his anxieties and help him when he was panicking. Because Matsukawa loved him madly and because thanks to Kuroo, Issei had understood that if you love someone, their emotions become yours, but yours also become theirs and that was a beautiful thing worth living.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
800 followers drabble giveaway part 2!
MatsuKuro for @takagikeijii!
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Haikyuu!!
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Matsukawa Issei
Characters: Kuroo Tetsurou, Matsukawa Issei, Sawamura Daichi, Iwaizumi Hajime
Additional Tags: Post-Canon, University, Established Relationship, their friends want to set them up for a blind date but they are already dating, Domestic, Fluff, Attempt at Humor, Sexual Humor, hinted IwaDai
Summary:
“You were right,” he says. “Iwaizumi called, wanted me to meet a friend of a friend. Someone from my university.”
Kuroo, in reply, bursts into laughter. His laugh is the ugliest thing Mattsun has ever heard since the day Oikawa invented his whiny voice, still, this is the laugh that had captivated him all those months ago on their first volleyball practice together as university students.
“So... Do you want to go on a blind date with me?” Mattsun asks, smirking.
In which Daichi and Iwaizumi try to set up their friends, but said friends, unbeknownst to them, are already dating.
Issei isn’t sure why he’s kept track, but it is day thirteen when he sees Kuroo again, lounging on the cobblestone walls beside his iron gate, a lazy droop to his eyes and cheshire flash of teeth.
“You live nearby?” Issei asks.
Kuroo doesn’t answer. When Issei considers it, he’s not sure why he asked because surely Kuroo couldn’t form human words with a cat mouth. Maybe he thought Kuroo would nod or shake his head. He opens the gate to his home with a painfully loud creak of metal, clammors it shut without another thought and almost opens the door to his flat when he sees black in the corner of his eye.
“I don’t want you in my house.” He says bluntly, gently scooting Kuroo to the side away from the door so he can open it, but stops when Kuroo slinks back in front of the door. He doesn’t know quite how to describe the face Kuroo gives him, but it makes him think that Kuroo has an awfully unattractive face for a cat.
~Sneak Peak for the @middleblockerzine!!
Preorders open tomorrow, May 1st 2018!
:o cee went to sleep??? looks like your hq bfs learned u a thing hehehe || “You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?” with kuromatsu bc im actually 5'1.02/155cm huhu
“You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?”
Giant comforter swung over your shoulders like a cape, you looked even smaller swamped by its size. Kuroo was sitting on top of the kitchen counter, holding up the box of cookies over his head. You just wanted to stay in bed and get on with the little series marathon you were doing with the boys, but Kuroo insisted to make it harder for you.
“Well, you can always beg for it,” Kuroo says with a sly grin.
You shake your head. You’re not really in the mood for this today, not when you stood up midway through an episode for the damn cookies. “No, I’m getting those myself,” you say.
“Oho? How will you?”
You chuckle before suddenly, Kuroo watches you float up in mid-air. It takes him a moment to recover from the shock; a moment you use to grab the box of cookies from his hands and press a kiss on his lips.
A second pair of lips press against his, and it’s at that moment that Kuroo realizes Matsukawa had been hiding in that damn comforter the entire time. You high-five Mattsun as the three of you trudge back to the bedroom to resume the marathon.
After some dejected silence, Kuroo sighs. “That’s not fair,” he says with a pout.
