Heart of Worship
I was first drawn to a charismatic church because of the atmosphere of worship—the music truly lifted my soul, almost like being at a live concert. It was during these moments of praise and worship that I felt most connected, even though I wasn’t a great singer. My favorite part was how the songs moved me, not through talent but through the emotional power of the music. It was like a stress release, and I felt compelled to join the choir for a short time. The music became a personal outlet, and despite my lack of skill, it helped me feel closer to God.
The song “Heart of Worship” was the first one my friend taught me to play on the guitar. Even though I still can’t play well due to postural issues, I remember the chords to that song, though they’re imperfect. It remains special to me, a reminder of that time when I felt more connected to worship.
But as much as I was immersed in worship, I eventually drifted away from it. Music became less of a focus, even though I still enjoyed listening to it. It’s strange how deeply music can influence emotions, especially for someone like me who’s so sensitive. Music can heal or harm—its power is undeniable. Sometimes, I feel that musicians, with their stage presence, can create a magnetic influence over others. People worship artists, just as much as they worship in church, and that power is both beautiful and intimidating.
In my own journey with God, I’ve been told that worship should come before prayer and Bible reading, but I struggle with that. I find it difficult to find the motivation to sing or pray. Even though I love music and words of affirmation, it’s hard for me to truly engage in worship. I feel disconnected, like I’m just going through the motions without really inviting God into my heart.
I also struggle with reading the Bible. I often treat it as information to absorb, not as something that should transform my life. I read it but don’t yet apply it to my daily experiences—it’s not yet life-giving knowledge to me. I know I should be meditating on the Word, allowing it to shape my thoughts and actions, but I often feel like I’m missing that connection. I want to apply what I read, but I don’t always know how.
I haven’t truly followed Jesus as His disciple. I can’t obey His word, let alone surrender or grow in faith. I feel like I’ve been stuck in the same crisis for so long. With each passing year, the fear becomes stronger. The world feels overwhelming and loud, and sometimes I just want to shut it out. But then, I have so many questions, so many things I want to say, but no one seems to be listening. I feel like a failure, and the weight of that is hard to bear.
As much as I desire to trust God, I can’t seem to let go of the control. I’m afraid I’m not enough, and the fear of not measuring up holds me back. But despite all the doubts, I still hope that God will help me in my unbelief. I’m still learning, still searching for a way to surrender.
Convicting and powerful in its simplicity, this modern classic is what happened when a pastor dared to ask the question, “What are you bring
Ref: https://www.crosswalk.com/church/worship/song-story-matt-redmans-the-heart-of-worship-1253122.html
