whadda heck. this is just BT being a straight-up brat about having to take a bath.
[ao3 link]
BT is human-esque in more than one way: he’s proven a sense of self, intelligence, compassion, moral reasoning, independent decision making, and countless other feats for an AI to achieve. More than once, his Titan’s very-real, sentient thoughts had saved his life. It led to the two of them being revered and--much to his chagrin--relatively popular around the base.
BT may be eerily human, it’s true--he’s also as irritatingly stubborn as a mule.
“Come on,” he begs. “The quicker we start, the quicker it’ll be done. Right?” He nudges his friend’s enormous pede. Moot sits between them, eagerly watching them trade words in between digging a muddy, dirty hole.
“Correct.” BT blinks owlishly down at him with a cyan optic from where he’s planted himself in the field.
“So, why don’t we just get it over with?”
BT narrows his optic’s shutters in a frown. “I do not want to.”
“Moot will,” he challenges. “Moot’s up to take one right now. Look at her.” Both their gazes shift to the dog. She pauses in her digging and her tail wags as she’s paid attention to, although she’s clearly confused. “She loves them.”
“Some breeds of dogs are known for their addiction to water,” BT says. “Some are known for their dislike of it. Some Titans are more likely to deal with being cleaned because they enjoy it more. I do not.”
It takes all of Cooper’s willpower to not turn to the skies and scream. Moot has perked up at the idea. “I know you don’t want to,” he reasons, “but it’s gotta be done, big guy.”
His Titan shifts on his pedes, thinking. Absolutely thinking of another way to pry his way out of it. Guaranteed.
“It necessarily does not need to be done at this time,” BT retorts. His core is tilted quizzically, almost daring Cooper to continue challenging him. “It can be postponed.”
“Okay, you’re right there--” he mentally berates himself for giving the Titan that much leeway in their argument--”but we have the time, right now, to do it. And get it out of the way. So you don’t have to do it later, when you’ll likely want to do it even less.”
BT’s inner workings rumble as the Titan ponders the point. “But I do not want to do it right now.”
He resists dragging his hands down his face exasperatedly. “Buddy, please. Don’t be such a baby about this.”
“I am approximately 3.8 years old,” BT smoothly retorts. “I am no newborn.”
“Fine, sorry--you’re being a toddler about this. My mistake.”
The Titan finally seems to be offended by the comment. “That is directionally correct. What does that comment imply?”
“It means you throw a fit when things don’t go your way!” Cooper huffs. “That’s what toddlers do! Probably about taking baths, too!”
By now, a few other SRS members have stopped to watch the debacle. They’re not-so-subtly cackling at the two of them. In the hangar, he can hear someone start pressure-washing their Titan. Intentionally-- it has to be. He’s certain. My Titan behaves better than yours.
“I’m gonna get Briggs out here,” he warns. “You know you can’t disobey her.”
BT huffs air out his vents. “She will listen when I express my displeasure.”
“I doubt it. MOB is the same way about getting cleaned. If anything, she’s going to be harder on you. Because you’re both toddlers.”
“MOB has an attitude that needs adjusting.”
Oh, he’s going to lose it. He swears he is. “And you’re saying you don’t have an attitude?”
“I am logical in my decisions,” BT counters. His hands flex either angrily or bemusedly. Cooper’s too caught up in his own turmoil to pay that much attention. “As I have said: it can be done at a later date and time, Pilot.”
“Okay,” he says through a sigh, “what is your reasoning for throwing a tantrum?”
“Correction. I am stating a fact. There is no ‘tantrum’ involved here.” BT looks straight at him, defiantly. “The reason we should wait is because there are other opportunities to spend time in a more efficient manner currently.”
“Like what?”
“Training,” BT offers. He thinks he has a solid point. His voice is getting that amused and cocky little lilt to it.
“You realize we can train after getting washed, right?” Cooper shouts.
“Correct.”
“So, why don’t we just do that?” Finally, he’s got a defense to hide behind. There’s no way he’s giving it up.
“Illogical,” BT shrugs simply. “During training, we both would accumulate dirt and grime that would undo your work. It would have been in vain.”
His hands come up to rub his palms over his eyes exasperatedly.
BT tilts his datacore again. “You are upset because I have proven a point, are you not?”
By now, the accumulation of SRS members, as well as their Titans, and hangar workers has grown. He can still hear the pressure washer being used. It scrapes against his nerves. One of them crows out, “You need help, Coop?” and the others chuckle.
“No,” he says firmly. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
“You sure? We could do what parents do with toddlers and just carry them where they need to go. We’ve got a Legion.” Said Legion jolts at being mentioned and shifts from foot to foot nervously.
He seriously considers it. For as much as his Titan is publicly humiliating him, he should. A Legion would easily be able to handle the lithe frame of a Vanguard. BT seems to figure out he’s considering it. Moot is still obliviously digging her hole in the ground.
You wouldn’t dare, he says through the Neural Link.
I absolutely would dare, Cooper snaps back.
BT is definitely glaring at him now. He swears he can feel the heat of it. He can hear the Titan’s joints creak as he tenses. Cooper preens as he shouts back to the others. “May just take you up on that offer.”
“You will not,” BT says aloud.
Cooper stares straight back into the cyan optic. “I will.” He turns back to the Legion and the other Pilots. “Come on over.”
The Legion’s Pilot slaps it on the plating of its foot affectionately, gesturing it towards Cooper and BT. “You heard the man.” Tentatively, the Legion starts making its way over to the two of them. It seems just as reluctant to be told to do this as BT appears.
He hears a squelch of static leave BT. The Titan heaves another sigh, before turning and trodding towards the washing bay, not sparing a look back. He can't help but imagine a toddler storming off after losing an argument.
Cooper positively brightens. He throws a wave to the Legion and its Pilot in gratitude before following BT.
He’s sulking; his twenty-foot tall war machine is sulking at being forced to get cleaned. BT’s steps are purposefully heavy and Cooper swears he can feel a familiar glare on the back of his head as they go to the washing bay. Moot follows both of them stride for stride, well aware of what’s coming.
As soon as the water hits the Titan, BT pulls his armor plates in, clamping them tight to his form.
Cooper resists the urge to sigh out loud. “You can’t do that.”
BT refuses to meet his stern gaze. “The water is cold.”
“And? You’re a big guy, you can handle it,” he teases lightly.
Again, BT narrows his optic. If looks could kill, Jack would be pushing up daisies right now. “Too cold. Approximately 13 degrees Celsius. Intolerable.”
“Even so, there’s no way to warm the water enough to make you happy. If we had it your way, it’d be scalding.”
“It would not be ‘scalding’.”
“It absolutely would be.” Cooper dares his Titan to argue further with a look. “Tell me, what temperature did you have in mind?”
“Something warmer than the current choice.”
Were his hands not occupied with the hose and a bucket, he’d drag his hands down his face in exasperation again. “Bring me up.”
Reluctantly, BT lowers to sit on his haunches. One hand comes out to let Cooper sit astride it as it carefully brings him closer.
It takes noticeable effort to clean his Titan. BT does everything but cooperate while he works, refusing his requests and even ignoring him temporarily. He clamps his armor tight to his base skeletal frame. Cooper has to threaten to douse BT with the hose at random to get him to comply.
He figured being washed off after a hard day would be a nice thing to undergo. While humans and Titans do vary vastly, there’s still that considerable amount of similarity between them. Some people enjoy cold showers. Moot doesn’t mind the cold water. Why is BT making such a fuss?
When it comes to wiping dirt and grit off his Titan’s SERE, BT somehow gets worse. When the damp towel first touches the core gently, he looks away.
“BT,” Cooper deadpans.
“I do not like the sensation.”
“Cool. Let me do this so we can get it over with.” He cranes to reach the far side of the core.
BT’s optic narrows in a grimace. Cooper is confident BT knows that he is being as gentle as possible here. There’s no way he’d allow himself to do anything relative to harming his partner. Could it be past memories causing issues?
He pauses. Something clicks in his head. A grin splits his face, even though he tries to hide it. “You’re ticklish, aren’t you?”
Immediately, BT denies it. “No.” He refuses to elaborate. The answer is short and curt.
The exact actions of someone in denial.
Jack decides to test his theory. Delicately and with a feather-light touch, he drags the towel along the blunt edge of armor on BT’s shoulder.
He seems to be right. BT reflexively clamps the armor down and suppresses a shudder.
“Oh, geez,” he can’t help but sigh, “my Titan is ticklish. Not only does he act like a toddler, and not only does he pout, but he’s also ticklish.” He sneers mischievously. “Wait until the rest of the hangar hears this.”
BT shifts to look straight at him. “Do not.” It’s as close to a threat as he can get.
“But what if I did?” Cooper presses.
His Titan struggles to keep up the intimidating demeanor. Eventually, BT relents. “If you keep silent about this…”discovery”, I will cooperate for the rest of your given task.”
Cooper can’t help the triumphant smirk that crawls across his face. “Deal.”
The rest goes quickly. Turns out, washing a Titan is significantly more feasible when said Titan is being blackmailed (that’s such a harsh term, he thinks) into cooperation.
Once they’re finished, BT looks just like a sodden, miserable, angry cat. Muddy water has accumulated on the floor where it hadn’t drained quite fast enough to keep up with the flow. Moot has worn herself out, flopped over in front of the bay.
“Was that so hard?” Jack asks as he tosses the soggy and dirty towels into a basket.
BT glares at him. “Yes.”
“But did you die?”
“I have been through an adjacent experience to death,” BT points out.
Cooper rolls his eyes. As he stoops over to pick up the miscellaneous brushes and sponges he had used to clean BT, he doesn’t notice the Titan shifting his pede towards the massive puddle of muddy water. As he straightens back up, BT purposefully flicks his pede through the water, absolutely blasting Cooper with the cloudy water.
“There.” BT sounds proud of himself. “Now, it’s your turn.”
