Cold Awakening | Rachel & Maya | Convo | 28/05/2014
Characters Involved: Maya Andreyev & Rachel Berkley
Time Frame: During the Night
Location: Rachel's Apartment
Word Count: 1,687
A blur of colors appeared behind Maya’s closed eyes, her unconscious mind shaken by the voices that echoed through her ears, screams, angry and hurt alike, demanding from her to open her eyes … to become aware of her surroundings … of the horrible events taking place around her. A sob filled the air and she threw herself from one side to the other, unable to recall where she was or how she had gotten here while still asleep but in the terrifying state of paralyzing oblivion and startling awareness. Someone whimpered and it wasn’t until a few moments later she came to realize that it was her releasing the sound. Her eyes wouldn’t open while her body was ready to run away, escape from whatever was haunting her and it was then she couldn’t help herself but scream.
Rachel awoke with a start when she felt a hand hit her face and then the following scream that strapped any remnants of sleepiness away from her person. She was alert and quickly scanned the room for possible intruders before she realised that there was no one there and that only the brunette woman lying next to her was the source of the loud noise. Quickly she sat up and put her hand on Maya’s shoulder, worry on her face. “Maya? Maya, can you hear me?”, she urged and hoped that she would get a reply. She didn’t know what could produce such a violent reaction but she figured that it was most likely a nightmare of some kind.
Another sob escaped her lips before her voice broke. Some faces she couldn’t recognize, others were painfully familiar. Most of them were dead others went missing, some were killed by her own hands and others were victims of destiny. But they all blamed her for their fate and Maya was certain that she had been guilty. Her name was called, at first in agony than utter fury before concern grazed the voice that then turned out to be a female’s. She clung to the body next to her, only for the blink of an eye before her own finally shot open and stared at Rachel’s worried face, unable to muster up a single straight thought. “Идут … Идут …“
Rachel’s expression changed from being glad that Maya was awake to puzzlement when she heard her words. “Кто?” She was sure that there was no one coming and that her words stemmed from her nightmare, but she wanted to understand the brunette because that was the only way to maybe soothe her. Carefully, she pushed stands of hair out of Maya’s face and then took one of her hands in hers and held it, hoping that the physical contact would make the transition from dream to reality a little easier for her. She didn’t want her to suffer but she knew that even someone who was cheerful so often and so obviously must’ve had a troubled past to end up where she was now. Sometimes those memories would haunt you.
“Все.“ she breathed, realizing then how warm tears ran down her cheeks as she stared at the other girl. Their faces were still consuming her thoughts like an echo, like memories of something very horrible that just wouldn’t let go of you. She winced as if in pain and in a way that thought was even accurate as her heart contracted as if being squeezed by an iron grip. Maya had tried so hard to banish those memories, to make them vanish, but to no success if this moment was any indication for that failure. The nightmares didn’t come too often, considering that she thought of the people she had lost every waking hour, leaving Maya to assume that her body and mind needed its break through out the night and that this was her punishment for believing that life wasn’t as bad as it seemed. After all her day with Rachel had helped her to forget, even if only for a moment.
Rachel frowned at the answer still not sure what she was thinking or rather who she was thinking of. It didn’t help much that she was still talking Russian. Should Maya start explaining more then the blonde might feel at a loss with her own vocabulary which didn’t even come close to the brunette’s. “Кто все, Maya?” She wanted to understand the fear that was present on her friend’s features and she wanted it to disappear. “You need to talk to me.” Her voice was soft but there was a sense of urgency beneath it as well.
“Все.“ she repeated, a gasp escaping her lips before she covered her ears for a moment as if she could blend out the voices that wouldn’t leave her alone. “Everyone, Rachel. Everyone. I have hurt them all, they are dead because of me. Papa, Ryan, Madden and Sofia … Dimitri was right to leave me behind, I can’t protect anyone …“ she blurted out before a new stream of tears rolled down her cheeks. “Why can’t I protect the people I care about?“
Rachel released a shallow breath of air when finally Maya talked in English again. Still her words were beyond the agent’s comprehension. How could someone so caring for others be responsible for the death of them? They also made the pit in her stomach open, when she recalled the pale dark-haired agent whose life she had saved. It was the only one of the names that she recognised and it made her remember the regret that she had felt at her passing. It could’ve been avoided. She felt like every reply she would think up would be a lie since she asked herself that question on a daily basis. She wanted to find an answer to it but it just never came to her. “I don’t know.” Her hand squeezed Maya’s not only for the other woman’s sake but also for hers. “Who were they? Ryan? Madden? Dimitri?” Maybe she didn’t want to tell her but Rachel wouldn’t let herself think of the people that she had failed to protect. She couldn’t break down again.
Maya only shook her head, realizing that it pained her too much to think yet even talk about them. Dimitri, who had left her when she was no longer of use to him, who didn’t stick around long enough to actually get harmed by whatever curse followed her throughout every day of her life. Madden, whom she had tried to warn that his relationship with a fellow recruit would eventually be found out and leave both of them to die. But other than her poor attempt to talk some sense into him she had done nothing, and in the end they had to pay the consequences. And then there was Ryan … and at the mere glimpse of the boy’s face she started crying once again. Hadn’t it been him who once used to soothe her nightmares? Hadn’t he always been there for her even when he believed to be bad for her? They had had so much in common, so many demons that haunted them which just drew them together more. In a way, he had been her sanctuary, the one to protect her from any harm. Until the day he died. “I … I miss them. Why aren’t they here anymore? Why has he left me? He … he knew I couldn’t do this without him. I told him, I asked him to stay with me.“
Rachel listened. What more could she do than listening? She had lost her family; one by one they had been ripped from her or abandoned her. Marius and her other friends, her new family, had left her to die and rot in prison. She knew what Maya was talking about but the thoughts rarely became too dominant in her mind. There was no healthy way for her to deal with them. She swallowed hard before wrapping her arms around the seemingly fragile body of the other brunette, pulling her into her arms and holding her there. “He would’ve stayed if he could have. I’m sure of it.” Sweet words and most likely a lie. Rachel hadn’t known the man Maya was talking about and she felt angry at him for leaving her friend even though she was entirely unfamiliar with the circumstances. It never was right to cause pain in someone willingly by following a selfish impulse. Nothing would make her do the same to those she cared about. The warmth of the other body so close made her remember the way she used to cuddle Jeremy after they had been taken from their home at nights. It was hard to not fall in with the tears that her friend was crying at the memory. Rachel didn’t want to remember the tender young boy who must’ve grown so much.
She didn’t mind the physical comfort Rachel was offering and instead leaned in further more as her head rested on the girl’s shoulder as soft whimpers shook her body. “It should have been me … not him …“ Maya then whispered before closing her eyes, her fingers holding on tightly to the other girl’s shirt while still shaken up from her previous nightmare yet at the same time being too exhausted to stay conscious. “I … I was ready to die …“ she the breathed, the words accompanied by an exhale of air as her eyes stayed closed for the rest of the night.
The words were troublesome and made Rachel want to pull the brunette even closer. It took her a while to realise that Maya had fallen asleep again. She was glad that sleep had taken her once again and was hoping that it would be a dreamless one. Yet just in case that another nightmare would shake her, Rachel didn’t close her eyes nor let she go of the other one’s body. She was hoping that she might feel safe, just for the moment. So she just listened to Maya’s breathing, trying to not let the memories take a hold of her.
