#maz. e

[biwoc]

BIWOC's own Maz. E has written a response to an article in the British newspaper The Independent, regarding Jaden Smith becoming the face of Luis Vuitton womenswear.

[biwoc]

Can I follow you even though I'm white? Is it okay for me to reblog if I do?

Hi! 

It is absolutely fine for you to follow us. In fact, we encourage our allies to follow this blog so that they can learn about the issues biwoc face.

We are also happy for our allies to reblog our posts, though it would be good to exercise caution when reblogging asks. If any of your followers reblog our posts from you and add racist, misogynistic, transphobic or biphobic comments it is your responsibility to challenge that behaviour.

Thank you for your question and I hope you found this useful,

Maz. E

[biwoc]

Bicon day 1: Thursday 13th August

My sole thought as I dragged my suitcase up the somewhat ironically named Cripps Hill was ‘this better be worth it’ and, thus far, it has been. I arrived early, a good half an hour before registration opened, much too tired and anxious to talk to anyone so people watched instead. The first thing that struck me was the range of ages present. Whilst young people showed up as the afternoon wore on, I was more suprised than I should have been that so many attendees were middle-aged and older. With all the arrogance of youth I assumed that almost everyone else would also be young but there is a comfort in this revelation. Here a models of bi adulthood: people of a vast range of gender identities, alignments and presentations living with their bisexuality beyond the ‘phase’ of youth. I met up with the one friend I have here (though I hope to make many more) and we chat, me complaining about my now-dead laptop, them showing off their new wigs and acrylic nails as we waited for the evenings entertainment to kick off. After a takeaway dinner, there was a pub quiz which we arrived late for. Just as we were resigning ourselves to hovering at the edge of the table and observing, someone kindly let us join their team. We contributed a little and laughed a lot and though we did not even come close to winning, I left feeling less anxious about the weekend.

[biwoc]

When it comes to sex I find I'd rather have men loving on me and women for me to love on. Is this weird/bad?

Hi there, 

When it comes to sex, my general rule of thumb is this: provided all parties involved are consenting adults, no one is being hurt, and everyone’s personhood is being respected, it’s probably OK.

By all means think about whether your sexual preferences are overly coloured by systems of oppression, since introspection is generally a pretty healthy thing to do. 

In short, provided you’re respecting the full personhood of those you have sex with (and everyone else, for that matter), it’s not weird/bad. 

I hope you found this useful

Thank you so much for trusting us with such a sensitive issue,

Maz. E

[biwoc]

Do you know of any organizations for a bi WOC in the NYC area? I have suspected that I am bi since I was in college, but I don't feel I can come out to anyone I know. My family ranges from tolerant (i.e "It's just a phase. I'm sure you'll find the right GUY.") to believing that anything that isn't straight and marriage is a tool of the devil or white colonists. My friends aren't LGBTQ to my knowledge and they have the usual stereotypes. I'm sick of being alone.

Hi,Thank you for your question. Bi people in Boston are a little spoiled for choice with support and social groups which can be a little annoying for those of us living elsewhere.I do not personally know of any such groups in NYC. But, the bi resource centre does have a list of bi groups across the world.http://biresource.net/bisexualgroups.shtmlI'm also opening this up to bi people living in NYC. If anyone recommend intersectional support groups and social spaces our anonymous asker would benefit from, that'd be wonderful.I hope you soon find somewhere you can be authentically yourself, in all that you are.Best of luck,Maz. E

[biwoc]

Anger, Activism, and Attention

Dear Bi women of color community,

We are writing this open letter to address our observations regarding anger, activism and attention.

Anger can get people to listen and follow you on Tumblr, Twitter, FB and Instagram. Anger can also incite fear, anxiety, and turn people away. 

Anger, like stating: Fuck you and your fucking white supremacist patriarchal cis gender heteronormative standards. You are bullshit. Fuck you biphobic assholes who rape, assault and emotionally torture us Bi trans and cis women with your presumptuous shit. Fuck you if you presume we are all femmes with light skin privilege. Fuck you for not recognizing that we are genderqueer, genderfluid, studs, bois, butches, and androgynous. Fuck you for assuming and NOT ASKING a damn question nor engage with us.

Now did we get your attention? Did that provide you with warmth, comfort, a feeling of safety and rejuvenation? Did that bring you closer to the bi community and increase your sense of bi pride?

Depending on your culture expressing incessant anger, complaints or frustration is a method for solidarity and brings people together. However, expressing incessant non constructive anger also can bring disharmony, anxiety, agitation and lack of harmony on the inside - throwing off a general sense of self and community wellness. Balance and clear communication is key.

BIWOC is an organization that supports for its followers, fans, volunteers, online and offline community members to share ALL emotions. Our spaces are NOT just for incessant non constructive anger.

We are not in the business of cussing in all our posts to drive a point, even though we know that if we do so we can draw more followers. We are in the business of building a community that allows folks a break from non constructive anger, break and stop mental health bigotry, decrease emotional isolation, and cease emotional toxicity and biphobia. We are in the business of providing a space in which to heal. We are in the business of emotional support.

In community, 

Maz E and gwendolynwriter

[biwoc]

i am bisexual and in a relationship with another girl. i really love her. she told me in the beginning of the relationship about a threesome she had and first it was just a nice information but when she went on about the guy she slept with, I feel shock creeping inside of me. now thoughts are giving me pain about how i can't satisfy her and that I may not be enough for her. i think it's stupid but what can i do to help myself out of this cycle of bad thoughts and feelings?

Thank you so much for trusting us with this sensitive issue.

This is a difficult and complicated issue. Internalised misogyny can really damage our relationships and, for biwoc, this is further complicated by any internalised racism and biphobia we may hold.

Firstly, I would suggest examining your own feelings. What is it that makes you feel inadequate? Seek out essays, articles and artwork created by other women in relationships with women who struggle with similar issues. Use their experiences to inform you own but remember that yours will be different.

Once you have managed to deconstruct your feelings somewhat, talk to your partner. Tell her how you feel and what you need from her in order to manage these feelings. This may be just asking her to tell you that she loves you more often, it may be changing the way she talks about her romantic/sexual history, it may be talking more about what you need from each other, or something else entirely.

Finally, affirm yourself. Remind yourself that you are enough, that your feelings are always valid, that you deserve love and happiness. Figure out how best that works for you. Some people listen to uplifting music, some (like me) say affirming mantras, some directly challenge negative thoughts. There are countless ways to do this.

Through everything, remember that you are not alone! There are countless women who are struggling or have struggled through similar problems, and there are resources out there to help.

Thank you again for your trust and I wish you all the best,

Maz. E