Everyone who's ever been involved with Roc or has known him is coming end from out of state to show their love and support. Elsa and Prince plus her siblings came along... Tara and Julio drove separately because of a fight earlier. Ray came along with his "new girl". Some family of Kelsi's tagged along and Roc's whole family arrived right after Kelsi and Prod pulled up.
This day was a very saddened, gloomy day for everyone. People in the church just sat there in disbelief of the passing of Roc. No one truly believed the news. It just didn't seem real. You see someone one second breathing and then the next lifeless.
*A/N: Elsa and Abbie May made up on Twitter... Elsa and Prince met after they talked for awhile. Right now Julio and Tara aren't at the best terms right now.
*A/N: Cameron (Cam Cam) Jordan August, Roc and Kelsi premature baby will be mentioned and seen many times in this chapter*
When I arrived at the church, I just sat there in disbelief. How could someone I love, die so young? Before I had gotten out of the car, I killed the engine and retrieved my keys out of the ignition. I reached over to the passenger seat to pick up my purse. When I got out, the cold-brisk air bruised my face. My emotions swirled all over in my head. I didn't know what to think anymore. My heart dropped when I saw his mother proceed into the church. It's all my fault, all my fault. With each step I took, I was very hesitant going into the church. I couldn't help but look up to the many morals on the ceiling. It amazed be how beautiful it was. I remember as a little girl when I'd go to church, I would always be amazed at the morals on the walls.
When I made it down the aisle to the front row, I could feel stares burning into my skin. Like I was a target.
So many people I loved was here: Elsa, Prince, Prod, Ray, Julio, Abbie May, Gloriana, my family, his family. But the one I wanted the most was my little stinker, Cam Cam. The nurses said that he won't be out of the hospital for months because he's so young.
I proceeded to my seat next to Elsa and Prince.
"Hey", she whispered slowly. "You hangin' in there?"
"Yeah, it just hasn't hit me just yet", I forced a smile.
"Where's Tara? She texted me earlier and said she was coming. Did you see her?"
I turned to look behind me, "Nope. She hasn't returned my calls today. I'm sure she'll be at the dinner or something".
“Ok”, she reassured me with a squeeze of my hand.
It just didn't seem real. Everything around seemed like it froze in front of me and I was the only one sitting there. He was my heart, my soul, my everything. And now he's gone because of me. I told him to open the front door that night. I did that. And I'll never be able to forgive myself over what happened. I always said that I couldn't leave without him and now its all coming true, I just can't.
"We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Chresanto August, also known as Roc. He lived a wonderful life, supported by his loved ones. Even though his life was cut short, we are here to remember the joyous memories we shared with him", Pastor John exclaimed.
I couldn't help but realize everyone staring at me for some sort of a reaction to what the Pastor had just said. In defeat, they didn't get what they were expecting.
Elsa nodged me, "Tara just arrived. Turn around", she whispered.
I turned around to see Tara dressed in a black/blue dress, with her hair flowing down her shoulders. She sent me a small smile as she sat right behind me. I couldn't tell what was going on between her and Julio but it just didn't sit right with me. They made no eye contact at all.
I looked all around to see who all was here from my family and his; his mother sat to the left side of me on the left side across the aisle from me, front row. His dad sat adjacent from his mother, and next to him was more extended family, who all looked rather familiar. Next to me was Elsa and Prince, which followed next Julio, Ray, Prod, Gloriana. Then behind me was my mother and father, Tara, and more friends of Roc's.
Something didn't feel right, I couldn't put a finger on it but it didn't.
In front of me, there was a picture of Roc sitting on a canvas with many roses surrounding it. His casket wasn't here because the doctor's weren't finished with his autopsy.
"We'd like to have a few friends and family to come up and speak about Roc", Pastor John added while walking off the stage.
I looked all around the church once more to see who would come up first... when everyone just looked at me. Without a second thought, I stood up and headed up to the podium.
I wiggled the microphone, adjusting the height, "I'm gonna try not to cry up here but I won't be keeping that promise." I forced a smile before continuing, "We all know we came here to celebrate Roc's life. We shouldn't be here mourning over the lost, but over the amazing life he lived. I know he'd love for us to be happy that's he's in a better place." I sniffled even though I wasn't crying.
"I've known him for all of my life. He'd always be the one making me smile, even though I didn't really want to. I loved him so much and I know he loved each and everyone in this room right now. "
My mind started to pick out the many memories I had with him, " I remember in the fifth grade when he stood up for me against this other girl. He said, "Leave my girlfriend alone". I chuckled, whipping my eyes from the tears forming. "He was always there for me and always had this sort of love for me. He taught me so many things and I just wish he was still here. Making us laugh like he'd always. And for our son..." I trailed off noticing a glowing, silhouette at the front door. I started to squint my eyes, when everyone turned to focus on the front door, only to see nothing. The silhouette flowed through the back of the room while my eyes were glued to it. It disappeared once I blinked once more.
I continued, "He always knew the right things, when to say them. He always protected and loved all of his family and friends. For our son, I hope he grows into the person, my boyfriend was. He lived such a great life". I shook my head, trying not to blame myself once more about the situation.
I felt this eery feeling again as I looked up once more at the front door to see...
Not in an human form, but more of an angelic form..
It felt like I was the only once who could see him coming down the aisle replacing were I sat and smiling.
I smiled nervously, "And if he was here right now, I'm sure he'd be smiling", and with that I ended my speech, walking over to my sit, where I still saw Roc sitting down.
Without a second thought, I sat on top of him. It felt like he was really there, comforting me like he would always do and smiling. I could feel many stares as I smiled randomly from time and time.
The next person who seemed to do there speech was his mother. The rest of the family and friends just wrote letters to put into his casket for the funeral.
She walked hesitantly towards the podium, adjusting the microphone before she could speak.
"My boy, my baby boy..." she trailed off, tears overwhelming her face. "This wasn't supposed to happen to him. He had such a big life ahead of him. He wanted to be in the NBA and focused on his music. It wasn't supposed to happen this way", she shook her head. "Their son will never have his father to ask questions to, say I love you to every night, play basketball with. I loved him so much but i didn't tell him enough. He was my whole life, my first born. My other kids looked up to him so much. They were so inspired by his motivation with everything he did. To his girlfriend, who he loved more than his life itself. He would always tell me everyday how much he loved you, Kelsi. He'd always say, "I love my Kell, kells. She can drive me insane some times but I love her mama. I really do". She chuckled. "We were all here to celebrate one life that will never be forgotten. My son, Chresanto August, was an amazing person with a huge heart. I love him so much and we will all miss you my son". She exited, with the help from Pastor John, off the stage to her seat.
More and more people started to go up and say there speeches. The spirit, I'd felt/seen had left soon after his mother finished her speech. I felt like Roc was there the whole time, pushing me through and keeping me strong.
After the memorial ended, we all came together and ate at a local restaurant in downtown New York. It wasn't a lot of people who attended the memorial because of the plane flights, so we all took about three long limos to this French restaurant in downtown NY.
I nudged Elsa and Tara, who sat right next to me, "Sit next to me".
With a quick nod, they agreed.
The driver was so kind to open the door for us, when I notice the driver look familiar.
It was Roc... again. Smiling from ear to ear.
I swear he's reincarnating himself too well. As we all trailed out of the car, he grabbed my hand making me jerk back.
"I love you baby", he winked, before releasing my hand and heading back to the limo.
"Come on girl, what are you waiting for?" Elsa urged, chaining her arm in mine.
The food was amazing. This night was filled with fun, no drama. There wasn't any sadness because we dedicated this night to Roc. He made all of our lives easier in different ways. He made us smile, laugh, cry, etc. I'm gonna be the one to miss him the most because of our beautiful son. He's gonna be the reason why I stay alive because he's the only thing left of Roc.
This night was amazing. The food was great, no drama. Roc, was such an amazing person and will be missed. I just feel so bad for Kelsi and little Cam Cam. She'll be a single mother and trying to live on her own with a child. I just hope everything goes right for her and Cam.
One thing I knew I had to fix was my relationship with Julio. He blew up on me the day after Roc died when I stayed with Kelsi, about having his space and going on this full on rant. We didn't talk at the memorial nor the dinner.
I walk into our kitchen, meeting his eyes at the refrigerator.
"We need to talk... now", I said sternly, never taking my eyes off of him.
"I told you how I felt. That should be the end of it. I need my space and your obviously not giving it to me", he pointed out the obvious.
"Where am I suppose to go Julio? Hm?" I threw my arms in the air, while they slapped my thighs.
"Home. Where you belong at the moment. I'm tired, so leave", he began walking up the staircase.
"i just never know what to do or say to you anymore, Julio", I walked over to the closet near the front door. Grabbed my leather jacket, pulled out the keys and went out the door.
Our relationship was going so well, until he started being a douche all of a sudden. I know if it were Ray, he'd never do this to me. I just had to give him his space so he could just shut up and come back to his senses.
Can a guy get his own space? I mean I love her to pieces, but it just seems we've been attached at the hip and I hate that. She's just a little bit clingy. I just need to clear my head. Tonight is just not a good night.
Tonight highlighted all nights. We all came together besides our differences and celebrated Roc's life. The food was on point, as always. My baby and I are both on good terms. She's now ok with the police. She just has probation, for the marijuana use. She's now staying at my house because of the many people out to get here. Her little brothers and sisters are still here, with their mother still missing.
When Elsa and I came home from the memorial and dinner completely exhausted, lodging all over the couch before tip-toeing up the stairs making sure everyone else wouldn't wake up.
I cursed to myself, when the door to my bedroom squeaked.
"Are you gonna go to sleep or no?" Elsa asked from before me as we both trailed towards the bed.
"I mean do you want to or...?" I kind of knew what she was getting to, but I was too tired.
"I just miss us hanging out and never getting to see each other", she slide closer to be nuzzling her head into my chest.
"We should just go to bed, I'm exhausted. We have tomorrow to do something together with the kids", I look down to her, fighting sleep that was overcoming her eyes.
"Night baby", she mumbled.
Next thing you know it, we were both sleeping, peacefully.
I turned over gently trying not to awake Elsa, who was sleeping still on me.
It was my phone, it kept illuminating motioning that I had a text from: Abbie May.
The last time she was here, it didn't really go well as planned.
I'm downstairs in your kitchen. I had one of your spare keys, so I'll just sleep down here tonight.
Great. I hope Elsa doesn't kill me when she finds out Abbie May is here again.
I tossed and turned trying to block myself from the sun, groaning slightly.
I turned over to see the once occupied spot by my side... empty. I looked all around the room, until I heard running water coming from my bedroom. I stood up slowly, walking towards the door.
When I opened it to see Bobbi and the rest of them standing in the mirror getting ready for the day.
"Do you guys need any help?" I asked.
"Does it look like we need help?" He shot a strong glare at me.
"You know this whole I'm a badass scheme won't get you in life.. I know you're trying to be a good big brother to you other siblings, but you need to learn how to respect the people trying to help you. Now where's your sister?" I said sternly, this kid had the nerve to be talking to me like this and I'm the one idiot who let's them all in my house.
"Grocery store", he looked down ashamed.
"Ok, you guys hurry up. Be downstairs for breakfast", I gave them all a once over before turning around, jogging downstairs.
I walked over to the counter, noticing two small notes from: Elsa and Abbie May.
Bae, I'm just going to be out at the grocery store getting food for all of us. I saw Abbie May sleeping downstairs when I got up... I'm not mad, she later texts me saying why. But I should be back in a half an hour. Love you.
I stepped out for a bit, I should be back in about 20 minutes.
I continued towards the refrigerator to prepare breakfast for everyone; getting out some eggs, bacon, orange juice and milk.
I could hear the kids tip-toeing down the staircase, walking over to the couches watching tv.
They all looked depressed, worried, and scared.
I pulled a small pan out of the Lazy Susan, preparing for the eggs. I cracked eight eggs in the pan, and pulled out a spoon out of the drawer mixing them all together.
I felt someone else' presence in the kitchen with me, I turned around to see Bobbi.
He focused on his shoes, "I'm sorry about being such a douche earlier and ever since we came. It's just---"
"Don't worry about it", I waved my hand dismissively. "I understand, lil' man".
"Ok, thanks for having us at your house", He smiled slightly.
"Anything for my girlfriend's family", I slapped his back.
He chuckled and turned away back to the couch.
I heard the jingle of the front door move when both Elsa and Abbie May arrived at the same time.
"Well, well, look who it is. If it isn't my two favorite girls", I winked.
"Babe, don't even start", Elsa smiled while coming over to me and placing a soft, kiss on my cheek.
"My prince! You making breakfast for all of us?" Abbie squeaked, clapping her hands together.
"Yes, I'm almost done", I kissed Elsa forehead.
She placed all of the groceries into my refrigerator before wrapping her arms around my waist, placing her chin on my shoulder.
"I envy you guys..." Abbie mumbled.
Elsa eyes widened, "You what?" she said sarcastically.
"I said I envy you guys. Are you death", she cocked her head side ways.
"Hey, hey, hey. Don't start this again, girls".
"She started it, babe", Elsa pocked out her bottom lip.
"And I'm ending it. Now I can't finish breakfast with you behind me", I said reassuringly.
I woke up to the birds chirping, trees swooshing , and the aroma of New York filled my whole room. I came into realization that I wasn't at Roc's house... I was at mine. I forgot that I came here last night. My parents were understanding about it, which I'm glad. My life just doesn't fill complete anymore, since he's gone. I would always wake up to him, looking at me with his smile. That's one of the things I loved about him. He'd turned the craziest situations into good ones.
"Honey, here. I made you some breakfast. I hope you like it", my mom slowly, but surely, came around my bed and handed me a tray of my favorite breakfast food; lucky charms, french toast, orange juice, and strawberries.
I shook my head, "You didn't have to do all this for me, mom".
"Kelsi, you've been through a lot these past few days. I just wanted to do something to cheer you up." She placed her hands on her hip.
"Thank you", I smiled while eating some of the strawberries.
Before she walked out, she turned around, "Oh, and the hospital called today about Cameron".
My heart started to race, "W-what they say? Is he ok? Is he still healthy?"
She chuckled and nodded, "Yes, he's just fine. She said he's healthy and still breathing. Do you want to visit him later today?"
I stopped eating my strawberries, "Uh, what kind of question is that mom? Of course I want to see my son", I chuckled, almost choking on my berry.
"Well hurry up eating, put your clothes on, and be ready in about thirty minutes", my mom pointed her finger, before walking out.
I ate my breakfast faster than I've ever eaten it before, nearly spilling my orange juice all over my bed. I hurried into my bathroom, turning on the shower water, grabbing my drying down out of my cabinet and shutting the door.
I felt over for a short towel for my wet hair, before stepping out of the shower. The cold air soothed my skin, as my body still dripped in water. I wrapped my body tightly with the another towel. I turned the knob of the door out of the bathroom and into my room. I walked my over my dresser next to my bed, searching for some fresh undergarments, a floral tee, high-waisted shorts and cheetah wedges.
"Kelsi, you have five minutes!" My mother yelled from downstairs.
I rushed my clothes on and headed back to the bathroom. I opened the drawer under the mirror to pull out my tooth brush and makeup.
I dabbed the foundation on my face, covering some the discoloration on my nose. I brushed blush on my cheeks and stroked mascara on my eyelashes, giving a natural look.
I ran out of my room and downstairs, "I'm ready mom!"
"Ok, c'mon. The car is already running. Go." She rushed us both out of the house and locking it.
When we arrived at the hospital, my heart began to race. This was the place were everything happened... two events that I'll never forget. Our baby boy, Cameron Jordan August and my boyfriend dying. I'd never forget how I felt that night. And I'll never be able to forget myself either.
My mom knew what I was thinking/feeling at the moment, before grabbing my left hand in hers squeezing it.
"It's all gonna be alright baby, it's gonna be okay", she kissed my hand softly.
I nodded, not even noticing a tear falling down my face, "I know, I know".
She parked the car at the emergency room exit, killing the engine and taking the key out of ignition before even getting out.
I sat there, took a deep breath and got out of the car.
"Is his body still here?" I asked without a second thought, opening the hospital door open for my mother.
"Yes.. I meant to tell you that earlier."
My heart froze at her answer, "I have to go see him... now."
"Now! I don't care! Our son is here and he's here. I have to see him mom." I said sternly, while pressing buttons waiting for the elevator.
"Alright. But we have to ask the nurses where he is and if they say no, try not to fight with them". She warned me.
"This is my boyfriend I'm talking about, of course I'm gonna freak out."
The elevator door opened, we both got in.
I pressed the third floor aka. autopsy area.
I felt like I pressed that button so many times, just waiting to get out and find Roc.
The elevator door slid open.
I ran so fast to the nurses desk, which was right around the corner from the bathrooms and other things.
"Hello. Could you help me find the autopsy for Chresanto August, please?" I asked with all the demand and anger I could muster in my voice.
"Uh, ma'm you can't go back there. Only doctors can be back there." The little ginger-headed girl sitting behind the desk admitted.
"Well, how would you feel if you saw you own boyfriend die right in front of you and triggering you into an early labor? Hm? Oh and yes, I had my baby because of it. You can't just sit back there and tell me there's nothing to do", I stomped my foot to the ground in frustration.
"No, don't honey me, mom. Just go check on Cameron upstairs." I urged.
She left me at the desk by myself.
"Ma'am, I'll have to check with the doctors to see", the nurse added.
She turned beside her and grabbed the phone, pressing a few numbers, "We have someone up front wanting to see her boyfriend for the last time down in the autopsy room." She turned to me and whispered, "What's his name?"
She continued, "His name is Chresanto August. He's been down there for about three days I think. But she's demanding to see him. Is that possible?" She nodded her head multiple times, before hanging up the phone.
"What'd they say?" I raised my eyebrow.
"You can only stay down there for about fifteen minutes. That's it. No longer or removed from the hospital. They are very strict down there young lady, so behave yourself."
I waved my hand dismissively, "I will, I will."
"Go down that hallway, turn right, then make a left to his autopsy room", she pointed.
"Ok, thanks. Can I have your name?" I questioned.
"Sandy Miller. And yours?"
"Kelsi Monroe. It's nice to meet you", I shook her hand firmly.
She chuckled, "Now go on".
I ran as fast as I could to the room she directed me to, and finally arrived at the room. I pushed it open slowly, catching a glance of his lifeless body laying on a long, rectangular lab table. There was a short, white paper just covering the bottom half of his body.
I walked slowly next to the lab table, feeling his chest trailing up to his cheek. It was so hard seeing him laying lifelessly on this table. No heartbeat. No smile. His skin even looked like it was loosing all of its cover. I couldn't help but break down to my knees on the ground, and cry.
We were just together for a short-period, but we still had that friendship. Why did this have to happen to him? He didn't do anything wrong.
I began to feel over his bullet wounds, which became scars because they took the bullets out.
"Why did this have to happen to you? You didn't do anything wrong to deserve this. I just need a sign, something baby to tell me that your not gone. I love you so much and I hate to see you leave. We've been through so much and I'll never forgive myself for letting you open that door. And our son... he needs you Roc. You can't leave us both. I can't leave without you, and I'm barely getting through it now. I saw you at the memorial yesterday, and I know your somewhat alive, but in a different dimension than me. And if its too late to bring you back, just look over our son and I and protect us please, Roc. Please. I know I'm being selfish, but I need you more than anything", I wiped my tears that began to overwhelm my face.
I heard the door open behind me.
"Honey, are you ready to visit Cameron?" I didn't have to turn around to know who it was.
"Mom, not right now. I need a moment. Get the doctors in here... now, please". I urged her once more, still hovering over Roc's body.
"I think its too late, Kelsi. They can't do anything now. I'm pretty sure they already put chemicals into him getting ready for his funeral", she came closer rubbing my back.
"No, no, no. This isn't true. Just call the doctors in here", I whimpered.
She did as I told her and within minutes three doctors accompanied my side.
"Hello, I heard you wanted us to help you..?" One of the doctors asked, while rubbing my back.
"J-just resuscitate him, please", I whimpered once more.
"We'll try our hardest. We didn't get to put any chemicals in him just yet", they all looked through cabinets for two metals bars.
"You may need to back up while we do this", one of the male doctors added.
"Ok", I walked over towards my mom who comforted me in a hug.
"Let's start off at 100 watts.." one of the female doctors proclaimed.
An electric shot, shot through his whole body. They checked for a pulse. Nothing.
The same electric shot flowed through his body. Nothing. His body didn't respond at all.
Memories of our relationship flowed throughout my mind. The doctors voices became a complete blur.
"And this is why I love you..." When I tell you I love her I mean it from all of my heart. I've known this girl for so long and I fall in love with her more everyday. I couldn't live without her... I just couldn't.
"I love you too. I gotta go though.." She blushed, scooted close enough to peck me on my lips. Her lips were amazing, I tell her that everytime. I'm just head-over heels for her.
My eyes pinched as more and more memories I started to remember.
"KELLLLLLLLSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!" Roc ran to me so fast... I've never seen him run so fast. He picked me up and spun me in the air. His mom just stood their smiling the whole time. He put me down and starting to kiss me softly.. I missed the feeling.
"Mom, did you know about this?!"
"I told her a week ago... Yesterday was my last day in London. They said they didn't need me any more, so I'm done and I'm back for good. I missed you so much, baby. I'm glad you were surprised."
"I've missed you too so much. My mom has probably been annoyed for the pass two weeks because I would always talk about how I missed you." He wiped a tear from his face.
"D'awhhhh, don't cry Roc. I'm here now."
More and more tears became to fall and overwhelm my face. The doctors continued to resuscitate him, my eyes blurred still holding my mom tighter.
He put on "Think Like A Man" on first... we laid on his bed cuddling up under his sheets. It was about five minutes into the movie, when all the guys started to make a bet.
"If you ever did this to me, I'd kill you", I chuckled.
"Babe, I wouldn't even try...", He began to kiss me softly again. I could feel his hands run through my hair and on my chin. This moment was perfect.
My mom started rubbing my back slowly when she knew the doctors couldn't do anything else to bring him back. It was too late.
"Babe, look at this. I'm fat!!" Her beautiful face frowned in just seconds.
"Because you think your fat... your no where near it. Your beautiful", I slowly walk over to join her at the mirror. I gently grab her waist and begin pecking her neck.
"Roc..." She moaned softly.
"I love you baby. I can't wait until the life inside of you sees this crazy world. i'm glad your my baby momma", I slightly chuckled.
She held her stomach, "Oh my god!"
Concern flashed through my eyes, "Kels, what?!"
"It kicked.." Her eyes brightened within that moment, I just knew the baby heard us. She guided my hands around her stomach to feel the baby kicking. Tears of joy filled both of our eyes.
One of the doctors turned towards me after the tenth try, "I'm so sorry, honey."
I cried even harder in my mothers arms, not believing what the doctors told me.
"Let's go honey, Cameron is waiting for you", she turned us around and we left the room. I took once last glance at the autopsy room.
My mother led me down the hallway where the elevators were. She pressed the upper arrow, for up.
We waited for the elevator door to open so we could go into the elevator.
"We got a pulse!" one of the doctors ran down the hallway to meet my mother and I.
I didn't take any second thought, and ran for my life to the room I just left out of.
I busted through the door, to see the once lifeless body breathing. They had oxygen connected to him, with IV's a wires connected to him.
I ran to his side, "Baby? Can you hear me?"
His eyes flickered open, "Kelsi?" His voice came out huskily.
