#mcalhen rant

[mcalhenwrites]

Hmm... on the D*s/ney thing. We need to work as a country to crack down on these monopolies, bc they’re smothering creators, and I’m very much a person who feels that if you’re upset by lack of lgbtqa+ content, there’s plenty of indie creators doing what you want/need. I hate M*rv*l for the most part, and I’m tired of finding out that something is related to D*s/ney. But I also really LOVE KH and the occasional D*s/ney movie, I’m known for liking Stitch.  And I can’t imagine being a parent who is gonna tell their kid, “No, sorry, honey, I know alllll your classmates are going to be watching Fr*z*n II and you wanna see it and you’re crying, but have you considered sucking that up bc I hate their coporation?”  A little kid is not going to understand being fucking left out of something. Trust me. I was that kid who never got to go to the theatres and was mocked bc by the time the VHS came out, all my peers were onto the next thing. And yes, the mocking bullying thing is a problem, but lmao if you expect that your hatred of a corporation is going to fix that, too! It’ll still happen, and if you advocate physically dealing with those bullying kids to teach them a lesson, you’re especially scum. And you certainly won’t be teaching them kindness, nor will you influence over what other kids do as much as you think. The fact is: the bullying will still occur. And this isn’t like... every kid is consuming media beyond their age group bc of lack of supervision, this is kid-friendly material being denied to kids to punish them for consuming media by a company you hate! I very much spent time and money on indie artists. I support my fellow writers. And I advocate for dismantling these terrible monopolies.  But this reeks of “Why do you shop at W*lM@rt, when they’re so terrible?!” - and yes, I realize that’s about food and clothing access, things far more important than media, but my point is about where the blame lands. It always lands on the fucking consumer. And I won’t pretend that we don’t have choices. I’m very much on top of a mountain screaming out my lungs bc I know so many struggling artists and writers whose media WOULD BE UP YOUR ALLEY! That’s mostly bc I’m tired of hearing that it doesn’t exist. People do need to learn that you can access content that’s less terrible. But I also feel that we all have our... well, guilty pleasures?  And KH has been something that’s been helping me deal with my anxiety and depression. I have a party on khux and do pvp now, two things I couldn’t stand to do. I made a public twitter that wasn’t for my art so I could finally interact more with people. I’ve been working on posting more about my own stories and trying to interact more with artists and writers who are lesser known to boost them, too. Y’know, things that actually make a difference, not “I’m shaming people for their consumerism while telling people to go knit and play D&D” - but I don’t see lists of “here’s a bunch of up and coming artists and writers you could support”  I WONDER WHY THE FUCK THAT IS LMAO maybe...maybe the point was to feel empowered bc a shitty company makes you feel helpless and you lash out at people who are weaker than going against D*s/ney rather than look for viable solutions that would let people enjoy content and reform the media we consume. bc if you support certain things and get others into it, and THAT is what becomes the popular media... there might be a difference. And again, this is more than just about consumerism. Actual laws need to be made. We need to advocate for changes. Force liveable wages and tax the hell out of these companies, and probably legislation involving things I won’t quite understand but hopefully have the outcome of dismantling all these monopolies.  But I prob can’t expect much support for indie creators. When they are remotely imperfect, they get dogpiled... something that doesn’t happen to these corporations. Hmmm it’s like going after the small people is...a habit. Or just another hobby. edit: btw this matter isn’t totally black and white, there are plenty of series I stay damn well away from (anything made by D/avi/d C/age for instance), and I’m not saying boycotts are wrong, tho I’ve seen how ineffective they can be esp when a lot of people cannot or will not give up media (just bc you do doesn’t mean others will). It’s important to still have these discussions about D*s/ney and why. It’s not invalid to pass up their media and continue spreading information about how they own. (I meant to add this last night but got ahead of myself in wrapping it up.) And another thing that I meant to add was how people can’t just “make their own” bc of budget, and I think that’s also important to address. That doesn’t mean pass up supporting indie artists, tho, and it doesn’t mean that you can expect them to pull money out of their asses either. (Support will fund them and give them a chance to build their own companies in some cases!) Changes have to be made, but they need to be made at multiple levels here. 

[mcalhenwrites]

Oh, I’m gonna get some crap for this, but if Nameless Star is actually Stella (that’s what I’m calling her for now, temporarily), I’m reaffirming my post-KH3 opinion that Versus XIII was going to treat women exactly as FFXV did: enjoy the fridge, girls, you’re in one :)  Between the kidnapping, hostage situations, and deaths when there are already so few female characters... yeah um. Adding yet another one looks pretty bad! At least Strelitzia is already dead, but if NS isn’t her, then... I guess she might be gone for good. And sure, KH characters never “stay” dead but it’d be kinda less terrible if we saw a loooooot more of the male characters die or maybe if there weren’t so few girls to begin with that weren’t tormented and mistreated and killed and kidnapped and held prisoner for man pain hasldkfjsl hahahahahaha at least some of them have useful buffer medals that will repeatedly save my ass but even Hector has a medal so I guess the dead are allowed that much

[mcalhenwrites]

honestly, if you feel the need to throw original works under a bus to lift up fanfiction or you feel the need in reverse to insult fanfiction as lesser in quality than original, you can fuck the sun - both are valid - many original authors have written fic - many fic authors have written original or have ocs - it’s all hard work in different ways - try encouraging people to create and not insult one creation for another - basing original on what published works are most popular to say fanfiction is better written completely negates the fact that the publishing industry is a business, and many fic and original writers alike are often interested in truly writing stories despite this - never mind that original authors have been told to change things in their works to meet publishing criteria (which includes erasing representation - I’m not referring to people who are told to change typoes)  - and if they don’t change it, their works never hit the shelf - and they have to afford to eat, too - that doesn’t stop some of them from still passing up publishing to keep true to their works and original vision - fic writers on the other hand are giving you material for free from that same love of writing - look at all that love for characters and story and writing! - no idea is truly original, it’s how it is written that matters - every story is worthy to tell - trying to put a negative light on something doesn’t mean you’re going to redirect it somewhere else, it only means that you’re now insulting something else in order to defend the other! why? sounds mean to me! - so in closing: both are fucking amazing

[mcalhenwrites]

Indie creators are often going to give you more of what you want than mainstream creators in terms of representation. Supporting them is imperative to changing industry standards. That doesn’t always mean turning your back away from the big fandoms, but sometimes it does mean giving something the more deserved attention for doing things right.  (I’m also going to add that all this “fic writers are better than original” shit? Stop with it. A lot of this indie content comes from fic writers who struggle to get their original works out there. Yeah, your faves are producing their own content. Another reason to start caring.) I’ve ranted about this a million times on this blog, perhaps less so in these past couple of years than I did before. A good reason for this is that I was sucked into a big fandom of my own, where the best I’ve got is a million hints that one guy loves another enough to end his own life and vocally damn the rest of the world for this one man. I know my ship will never be canon, and honestly, it wouldn’t be so bad if they’d at least bother to confirm that one of them is gay. The other one gets killed, anyway, though that’s a problem regardless of his sexuality. That’s just bad writing. /coughs I mean, indie writers are fucking petrified to see people tear apart other writers. Everything about this current Vtrn shit makes me nervous to even bother to share my stuff. I don’t think anyone is entitled to anything other people make, but I do think there is room for criticism. (And it can be a delicate line, because some criticism isn’t going to mesh with other criticism. There’s quite a thick line, though, for stepping into threats. Y’all know where that line is and cross it anyway, and fuck you all for that.) As a creator, you can’t always make other people happy. That’s a fact. It is upsetting that people are pushed by studios and publishers and such to make characters straight, cis, white - and oftentimes, they want male writers who write male characters, period.  Don’t beat yourself up if you enjoy something mainstream, of course! Just...be aware that if you do crave something, you sometimes have to dig past the popular stuff. I know that’s easier to grab. Trust me, I know. But please, if you notice indie creators upon your dash, add their books to your to-read list. Consider looking into those movies. You might not enjoy their stuff, but you gave them a chance, just as you did with the mainstream stuff. I know people might read this as my wanting this attention on my stories, and I’ll not pretend that wouldn’t be nice? But this is about so much more than me. There is a reason I’ve been screeching about Yuhki Kamatani for ages. An asexual nonbinary mangaka from Japan has written several works where they’ve provided representation for trans, intersex, gay/lesbian characters. (And different body types, like Katarina - who is absolutely threatening in a physical fight!)  The business model is that they want to appeal to the biggest audience and sell the most games/books/movie tickets/etc. But lesser known writers (not just indie, but them too), are out here offering their hearts in their work. That’s important. I remember complaining about this, and someone I had to later block misinterpreted my posts as being that I didn’t want gay representation. ‘Cos I came off way more salty about it back then. I’d blatantly stated that people say they want representation and then they DON’T ACTUALLY GO FOR IT. They’d rather yell at people like Jo/ss Whe/don and Mo/ff/at and all the others to fix things! And flat-out, I still see that shit. You think mr straight white likes ‘em young is gonna give five fucks about your gay pairing unless they’re for-the-male-gaze lesbians? AHHHhahaha good luck. He’s doing fine, he’s rich, he has his formula. And trust me, people will forgive them for doing ANYTHING, but...indie and lesser known creators? Oh, they had BETTER not fuck up. And good job, you destroyed their entire careers by ganging up on them. Meanwhile people like Dvd Cge still make whatever they please and make bank. So this is about more than people not being able to afford going to the movies or something. This sometimes involves people having no issue putting down three times as much money as a movie to buy a game from someone that they disagree with. Sorry to whine about this shit again, I’m just very exhausted by this shit happening over and over again all the time. I wonder how many followers I will lose for this one? Hmmm. (And yeah, shit like this used to mean drops in followers, especially any time I insult the holy fucking man M/of/fat. Still remember that time someone pointed out his “diverse” women as a joke to show they were all the same brunette in a power suit with their hair styled similarly and my follower count dropped by 7 in like 20 min of reblogging it. \o/ And I recognize that a lot of people do want lgbt+ characters and it’s a struggle to get them in mainstream. They are trying. That’s pretty admirable, at least, though I won’t deny that I think sometimes it turns out to be a bit of a disaster. I hope they continue to push. They’ll make changes from the inside. But I still feel that we as consumers (yes that’s me, too! I’m not just a writer!) need to be vigilant in supporting the less popular people who’ve been writing what we want from their hearts and similar wishes. Ultimately, I can’t tell anyone what to do. What to watch, what to play, what to read. What to consume. Again, I like some stuff that can fall under, well, insufficient? When it comes to what I want to see. And representation doesn’t make something good, but that’s more reason to keep hunting for the good stories. I promise they’re out there. It’s a search. Keep a flashlight handy.

[mcalhenwrites]

I went to look up the weather, and the news hits me with yet another story in my fucking city about how someone murdered their toddler. (Often a parent and the step-parent or boyfriend/girlfriend are involved; less commonly both parents but I’ve seen that happen almost as fucking often.) Thousands of kids up and get lost in the goddamn system, but at least if these fucks would just hand their child over to child services and say, “I’m too incompetent, please put my child up for adoption”, it would be fucking better than murdering an innocent child.  And honestly, if we’d stop condemning methods of birth control, that would be fucking helpful, too. If we’d stop condemning adoption and stop banning people from adoption so children wouldn’t literally disappear out of the system, that’d be nice. If we’d value children outside the womb and stop making a big deal out of a cluster of cells that only formed a few weeks ago and isn’t viable outside the womb, that’d be fucking amazing! (Don’t fuck with me on this, I was quite attached to my cluster of cells enough to name them, and parents are allowed to mourn the loss of an unborn child, but it will never, ever mean as much to me as the importance of treating a BORN child with the respect and love they fucking deserve.) This is why I get mad about abuse. This is why I’m distraught about mistreatment. And then I see tons of people just keep having kids, as if they’re nothing, as if it’s just part of an everyday thing, nbd, have another, and another, and... Well, who cares if they’re treated well? Fed? Educated? Clothed? Sheltered?  And when you kill a kid, a few years in jail is all. Harm them, and it’s almost meaningless to society. But get caught with a joint and enjoy your long prison sentence...!  I don’t even have the capability of taking care of a kid, but I’d rather someone just thrust a kid at me and said, “Here, take it! I can’t deal with it!” than see them abused and/or murdered. jfc, if you do shit like that to a kid, you are trash.

[mcalhenwrites]

Derrick was a terrible father.  Maybe not the worst. I think he cares, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t normalize abuse.  Still wish that snap pivot 4koma had been the actual event in the game, I dread that scene ‘cos I wanna hug Jude so much. Yes, Derrick, he did something stupid. And now he doesn’t like you even more than before, and he’s less likely to listen to you. I’ve seen people say Jude was in the wrong, but no one ever thinks about how Derrick could’ve prevented the whole thing by being less aggressive and cold.  (I sure as hell wouldn’t listen to Derrick if he was a jerk in how he assessed Milla’s health and handwaved any suggestion of treatment. Terrible bedside manner, how does he have a clinic...probably because it is the only one.)

[mcalhenwrites]

Something else I won’t add to that post but will make a separate one for, because it gets a bit personal. But I don’t ever want to be seen as someone’s “mommy” - I would get dysphoric about Alvin’s trainer referring to me as “Alvin’s mommy” and I couldn’t correct him because even though he’s openly gay man, that didn’t mean he wasn’t transphobic. I do domestic things and enjoy them. Do I find them demeaning? Hell no. But do I think they’re “women’s work”? NOPE.

For the record, I was groomed by a lot of different forces to think all I had to look forward to was a husband and children. My mom was, too, and it took a lot to break her out of that mentality--and bits of that still haven’t been discarded. I currently deal with a house that thinks I should be doing all these domestic chores AND all my work because of what’s between my legs. So my feminist trans self wants to see anyone of any gender be able to divide household chores like civil adults who consider strengths and weaknesses and pitch in together to scrub the kitchen down with disinfectant because it goes faster with help. No one is allowed to call me a MOM. Heck, don’t even call me a Dad - especially because the grooming I speak of? It led to a pregnant teenager. Almost fifteen years ago, I ended up in the ER because I had a nasty miscarriage right before hitting my second trimester. I had a feeling I was trans but no definition to give for my feelings, and the pregnancy was dysphoric, but I was actually looking forward to the kid because...frankly, I hadn’t been given much TO look forward to. I still think about this all the time. I named my child. But I’m also grateful that I was given a chance to actually live for me after that. And I’ll only ever be Dad to that child, and maybe less seriously, my animals--but I prefer to just be “Cal” in those cases. :) I used to want a husband and kids. Now I want a poly family, and kids are a distant but unlikely possibility. I spent a lot of time denying that I was also attracted to just...people. I want to garden and cook and write and keep my filthy, raunchy personality. To be ME around people who love me, whether platonic or not. And I’m no one’s Mom, no one’s Dad. I’m me, Cal, someone who likes these things. Someone who hates dishes with a passion but loves the smell of fresh laundry and the meditation that comes with folding fresh sheets and towels.  It’s not demeaning that a character or person likes these traits. But what happens when we have to say it’s womanly in all ways to have them? It perpetuates that women should do them and men shouldn’t have to. As someone with health issues, I can’t even do some of this stuff when I want or need to, and I don’t need to be seen as the woman who does it in a relationship with the man who doesn’t. Hell, why do gay relationships have to have a man and a woman? They’re not a man and a woman. 

[mcalhenwrites]

I feel like I might need to start taking screenshots and such so I can say, “this is where I’ve seen this happen” - ‘cos  1. I don’t remember eveything word for word  2. I understand people don’t want to think anyone’s that mean, but they are And I remembered the reason I kind of stopped looking in tags and got nervous to tag things at all: it makes me see things I wish I didn’t more than finding things I went there to see :(