I don’t think I can do it anymore. All the fighting, the arguing, treating me like second best. I felt like I should’ve ended it a long time ago. I wasn’t even sad about it anymore. I just wanted things to be over between the two of us. I called Reed to end it. I didn’t care that it was over the phone. I didn’t care what he had to say. The one time I could give a shit if he didn’t care about what I had to say, he wants to fight for us.
“You’re not the one.” I said. “I’m done with this bullshit. I’ve just been fooling myself this whole time. I thought you cared about me but I just preoccupied you till you could get what you wanted. I wish I wouldn’t have wasted so much time on us.”
“(Y/N) come on. You know it isn’t like that.” I scoff, “I thought you loved me? I love you. Don’t leave me.”
“Yeah? I’m way too good at making it look like I want to be here when I don’t. So I’m done. I’m done faking our relationship. Goodbye.” I hit the end button and breathed a sigh of relief.
Next thing I knew I was in the car on the way to Connor’s. I had known Connor for as long as I could remember. He was my best friend, and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have feelings for him at some point. But we were always off. When he was in a relationship I was single and vice versa. He was the sweet, silent type. Only ever speaking his mind if he felt like it was truly important. Which is why whatever came out of his mouth I was the first to listen. I was the opposite. I always said what was on my mind. If something bothered me I voiced my opinion. Which is why I’m confused as to why I stayed with Reed for so long. Everything I said went over his head and he made me feel unimportant. Where as Connor listened to everything I had to say. Always. No matter if it was just telling him about my day or something I was interested in. He was easy to talk to. Things had always been natural with him.
So when I showed up to knock on his door, it was almost as if he was expecting me. We were so in sync sometimes it was weird. He opened the door and I immediately went into his arms. One of his hands in my hair, the other supporting my frame, as if he thought I might fall over if he wasn’t holding me. “Hey.” He said into my neck. I think I wasn’t just faking it with Reed. Maybe I was faking how I was feeling about Connor. That might explain the tingly feeling I got wherever he touched me.
Still attached he walked me past the threshold to his apartment. I finally released myself from his hold and he gave me a knowing look. “What’s wrong?”
Those green eyes piercing into mine causing my breath to catch in my throat. He casually leaned against the side of the couch, his arm muscles flexing, crossed against his t-shirt clad chest.
“I broke up with Reed.” I said, the words tumbling out fast.
He had a confused look on his face as I headed for the kitchen. I grabbed myself a glass and got some water as all the nerves that should’ve hit me in that situation came crashing into realization right about now.
“You don’t seem too upset?” He said, easily sliding into one of the barstools. The concern evident across his face, but something else too.
“I’m a little unnerved right now.” I said fidgeting with the glass, taking a sip. “I think I was just with him because that was what was comfortable. We grew too accustomed to each other over time and he didn’t give a shit about me so I stopped giving a shit about him. It was over long before I ended it.”
Connor laughed nervously.
“What?” I said, coming around the island to stand in front of the stool he was sat on. He spun around to face me and grabbed my hands.
“We’re really accustomed to each other. We’re really comfortable around each other.” He started, “You're not getting tired of me right? You still care about me?” He played with my hands and refused to meet my eyes.
“Con, what do you mean, do I still care about you? Of course I do. You mean the world to me. It’s just different with us. We’re just…”
“Friends?” He said softly.
“Yeah.” I took in a breath.
He paused for a second, fully clasping his hand in mine. My heart broke a little bit when he said, “What if we weren’t?”
“I don’t want to see a day when we aren’t friends Connor. I can’t… I can’t lose you.” The last part came out as almost a whisper and he rested his forehead on mine.
“No,” he chuckled, the nervousness still evident in his voice. “What if…”
He pulled me in, in one swift move, his hands went from holding mine, to resting on the curve of my hip, the other rested on my cheek. His lips met mine. Soft at first, as if he wasn’t sure how I would respond, but I slightly parted my mouth and that was the cue he needed to take full control. His tongue entered my mouth, and he took the time to explore. I inhaled sharply as he squeezed my hip a bit, pulling me between his legs as he still sat perched on the stool. He tasted like mint and the flavor had me reeling for more. My hand in his hair, toying at the nape of his neck. The longer length making it easier to grasp and keep him where I wanted him. He chuckled and whispered against my mouth. “So you want to be in control huh?” I blushed a little and said, “Shut up and kiss me McDavid.” He leaned in again and I was flush against him. My hands grazed his beard and I let out a tiny moan. The scratchy texture only adding to the desire in the pit of my stomach. He groaned at the sound and pulled away once more and smirked, “We’re definitely not friends anymore.”
“Con-“ he pecked my lips again before saying “I’ve always been bad at vocalizing my feelings. I thought I would just show you. I should have waited a little longer than you just getting out of a relationship, but the time is never right with us and it happened to be right now so-“ I cut him off by grabbing the back of his neck and drawing him into my lips. I couldn’t get enough of his lips. Those lips I’ve imagined kissing me so many times before.
“I was so good at faking how I felt about you. I want you, Connor. You care about me and everything I have to say. You don’t care what time it is, you answer my calls or let me into your house. You’ve been there through everything. I’ve just been fooling myself by thinking you weren’t the one I wanted.”
“It killed me everyday to see you with someone else. You’re everything to me. You deserve more.”
I looked up at him realizing we had just been leaning against the counter or in the barstool this whole time. It was easy with him.
