“You haven’t lost me” • MCLUL (Mafia!au)
Masterlist (in reconstruction) | Make a request
Type : drabble • Mafia!au
Characters : Reader x Castiel
Contains : strong langage • violence • mention of death • verrry angsty
Ask : “You haven’t lost me”.
Everywhere around you, blood. Death bodies, warmth still giving them their very last colours. They wouldn’t have any rest, even after death. Burned until their bones would become dust, buried like animals, cut like meat. No ceremony, no goodbye from families, no last words spoken in their honor. Only tears flying to nowhere to be seen.
It had been a carnage. You didn’t see them coming - no one did. Everything was fine for a while. A night of victory, laughs, drinks, bodies against bodies, and smoke. Drugs also, for many of you. Annihilating the last residues of analytical ability. It was maybe what cost you so many lives.
The first gun shot had astonished the room. Probably for a fraction of second, maybe even less, before the first riposte was sent. But to you, deep into your memories, it had been hours. Who was the first to die, the lucky one to be spared by the scene that would play under the eyes of the survivors, no one would care. But you wished it was you. For a moment of weakness, you truly wished life had left your body at the very first second of this hell.
Funny how, when you are on the wrong side of a gun, your mind can suddenly mess up so fucking bad. You were trained for years, to shoot, to fight, to kill. No one would scare you, but you would scare them, to no end. How many people had peed on themselves and cried to your feet, before you mercilessly took them out of this world ?
But apparently, life was a true bitch - or was it just what they called justice ? A gun against your throat, some of your very last men alive kneeled next to you, shutting their fucking mouth, because they still had that stupid survival hope.
That’s how you would end for all those years of savagery. Slain by the one of another. Life circle.
“Do it.”
You could swear you already had hear that voice somewhere. What - who - you could recognize in a matter of seconds, however, was the face of your fiancé in front of you. On the other side of the gun.
In another context, you would have immediately done the link. You would have finally understood which truth has played in front of you for months. You would have remembered all those times he would have disappeared for hours without a proper excuse. You would have replay those scenes of Castiel whispering on the phone, and those tears he had when he fucked you to oblivion right after. Those thousand of I love you‘s he never said to you so frequently before. God, how bad he was at hiding the truth. And how blinded you had been.
“Where did I lose you ?” you whispered under your breath.
All those years of life made together, love murmurs secretly kept between the walls of your bedroom, even a stupid engagement ring, for what ? A bullet in your head ? Was he fucking serious ?
“You haven’t lost me [Y/N]. I’ve lost myself.”
Worse part of it ? You could see the regrets in his teary eyes. And despite the anger, the hate, the desire to make him pay with worse than death, the wish to drain from him every single tear of blood you could, you still felt your heart silently screaming at the sight of his own pain.
He could wash his hands from your blood once he would be done with you, but oh god, if only he knew how badly you would haunt him. Because Castiel was still Castiel, even in this moment. An asshole, a warrior, a killer, but not a heartless man. Certainly not when it came to his feelings for you. The only thing you had never doubted about in your life. If only you had thought a little more that love and loyalty weren’t a natural combo.
That fact pleased you as much as you hated it.
A useless mafia cliché love story then. It would be for that reason that you would leave this world.
The moment the bullet ripped up your skin, crashing between your lungs and heart, devastating your inside in a hurtful agony, he had shot himself too. It would worth it, they swore to him.
Your pain was over. His only began. And somehow, you both died tonight.
