MCL LL 14 - Breaking up with Rayan
C: There is something I have to tell you, and I put it off for too long.
R: Well, here I am. Let’s hear.
C: I... I’m not sure what I’m about to say is going to make you smile, unfortunately...
C: Well... Oh God, it’s difficult... There’s no good way to admit something like this.
C: I... had an affair with someone else.
C: (He immediately understood that I was serious. I know him: he’s not responding...)
C: (And when he can’t find the words, it’s because he’s really sad inside.)
C: (He stayed there for a long minute, looking at me, in deep reflection.)
R: I’m afraid I’m going to a bit more detail to understand...
C: (Always this need to intellectualise. His defense against the outer world...)
C: (But at this point I have no other choice than accept his request.)
C: (So I told him everything, trying to be as cold and factual as possible, as to not hurt him any further.)
C: (I think I would’ve preferred a different reaction. But he listened to me until the end, scrutinising me with an indecipherable look.)
C: Well... Now you know everything. I’m sorry... I would’ve never thought things would turn out like this.
R: And in this precise moment? What do you feel about all this?
C: I dong know, it’s not like it was planned...
C: But... If I must be completely honest, I think that he... he awoke something in me.
C: Something you and I lost along the way...
C: (My voice sounded cold and broken. But how could I say such a truth otherwise?)
C: (He bared the shock with dignity. Then he got up and sighed deeply.)
C: (I think that a part of me almost wanted that he started yelling. But that was never his style...)
C: Say something, Rayan, please...
C: After everything we have been through, don’t you believe I deserve something more than silence?
R: It’s true... but there are things we need to find the time to express...
R: After all, it also took you time to tell me what happened, right?
C: (Touché...)
R: You know, I could’ve forgiven you anything... we are both adults.
R: And even if it is not something I would do, I would’ve been able to understand that you had satisfied an impulse...
R: But we both know that it’s a deeper damage than a simple slip, right?
C: I...
R: I guess I should almost thank you for staying next to me in the middle of the storm.
R: But maybe at the time you hadn’t consciously realised you don’t love me?
R: Then... there must always be a detonator... and, for you, it must have been Eric.
R: It’s ironic. In my case, the detonator was my meeting you.
R: Before then, I honestly believed I would’ve never wanted to love anymore.
R: Because losing the other person was too painful...
C: Rayan... I’m sorry... it’s true that this year made us drift apart.
C: But I swear at the time I truly believed that you and I would be together forever...
R: I know... It’s always a risk, right?
R: Even if in the end it still hurts.
C: (I also wanted to cry, or hug him...)
C: (Staying here made no sense. It was becoming ridiculous and very embarrassing.)
C: (We will talk more about this, but right now we would only hurt more.)
C: (I preferred to call a taxi and leave. Too many thoughts running through my head...)
C: (I collected my few items and left to wait for the taxi in the cold.)
C: (While the taxi led me to the home I was about to leave, I kept thinking...)
C: (...That, for the first time in a long time, I have no idea what the future had in store for me.)
