#me:jd

[cookiecutie3]

And all that conflict we can work out

So gon head put this good in your mouth

What you about?

[cookiecutie3]

I’m gonna be honest… and idk if this is cause my grippy sock past… but I didn’t think the secret in “The Drama” was that bad?

…Just me?

I mean I’d be more interested in the turn around part than the thing itself?

[cookiecutie3]

I miss having friends lol

[cookiecutie3]

I miss having friends lmao

[cookiecutie3]

I miss having friends. Maybe I should reach out to old moots? But then again, times have changed and so have I..

[cookiecutie3]

I’m getting real close to breaking up with my partner.

I can’t be the only one who gives a fuck about other people.

I can’t be in partnership with someone so privileged yet so passive.

Unless I see some hard hitting change in the next month, I’m cutting my fucking losses

[cookiecutie3]

I have “Every Time We Touch” stuck in my head but it’s the Chipettes’ version. Neurodiversity wins again.

[cookiecutie3]

I keep dreaming of my ex-…friend (?), situationship (?), person (?). We were friends for 8 years and lines became blurred somewhere along that timeline. We went on dates, we held hands when out and about, we said I love you and cuddled during movie nights, and we called each other every endearment and never our own names. I offered myself to be titled anything other than his friend and he said no. (Totally his right, no one is entitled to another person. But it was too enmeshed so I wrote him a goodbye letter four years ago explaining remaining his friend felt like flying too close to the sun and the thought of falling and drowning terrified me more than simply choosing to land myself.)

We never spoke again. We still haven’t. But.. I dream of him so often. Dreams of what if, what was, and what never could be. I see his face in startling detail but cannot recall his voice. I recall his eyes but only in glimpses. It’s been four years and I still dream of him. My heart lies in the palms of another and it beats with the clarity that I never cross his mind so why has he lingered so staunchly? It is very unsettling.

I truly wish, with all my heart, that I could erase him from my mind completely; he’s not coming back and even if he did, we would remain no contact. And if not erasure, I’d love to at least know why he’s still haunting me. It’s not like he ever saw me as his final resting place.