Hi. Coming out of hiding to drop two amazing pieces of art by @asticou, who I won second place for in Fandom Trumps hate. I asked for character drawings for two of my lovely ladies in my SPN fic, Faking Glory, which is an au fusion with the Wicked and the Divine comic series. It's still my favorite thing I've ever written, probably because I had to do the most work on it! ;) (i'll add some info on my fic in a reblog, in case anyone is interested.)
I adore these two pieces so so much. I am extremely grateful to asticou for drawing these gorgeous ladies for me. Feast your eyes!
The Morrigan (aka Eileen), an MMA fighter who can predict death:
Woden (aka Charlie), a tech goddess and amateur sleuth with pet mechanical ravens:
Please go give asticou some love for these awesome drawings. Thanks so so so much for making them for me, asticou!
Been seeing this going around and thought I may as well also look back and see what I managed to write this year!
Total number of completed works:
7 fics completed and posted this year! Plus, I also finally finished the orig novel I’d been plugging away at for the past few years. (Or, well, finished enough to put it aside for later editing, at least.)
Total word count:
Only counting those 7 fics, and not anything from the 3 sentence fication or my original stuff, I posted a total of 34,366 words.
Fandoms you’ve written in:
5 Narnia stories, one of which was a crossover with A Song of Ice and Fire, another of which was a crossover with BTS (and I still can’t believe I even did that). Also one story each for Among Us and Danny Phantom!
Looking Back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?
Honestly, 7 fics is pretty good. I mean, 2020 I think I wrote 11 stories, and the year before that was 9, but for several years I was only posting a couple of pieces over the entire year so 7 is much better in comparison.
What’s your favourite story of the year?
Oh gosh, hard question. Probably Against All The Powers Ranged (Narnia), because I managed to execute a good time travel plot and I’m really pleased with how the Edmund/Jadis’s sister romance turned out. Also, it turned out to be one of the longest things I’ve posted.
Did you take any writing risks this year?
Not… really. Unless you count sending my orig novel out to friends for feedback, which was mildly terrifying.
Do you have any writing goals for the new year?
New novel! I’m already working on it and it’s going great so far, and I know I won’t be thinking this once I reach 2/3rds of the way through but I’m hoping to plug away at it anyway. The last novel I did took several years but I think I’ve got a much better grasp on what I’m doing with this one so ideally, I could get a draft finished in a couple of months if I keep up the current pace.
As for fic -- oh boy. I’m writing another Danny Phantom piece specifically for my sister @marzfartz, based on her very good art. I’m also part of the way through a Narnia fic about Ramandu’s Daughter as Lady of the Green Kirtle that I told practically everyone about last summer and then proceeded to not work on for months.
Other than that--well, just keep up my habit of writing (or thinking about writing) 6 days a week and see where that takes me.
Most popular story of the year:
By kudos, Brother Mine (Danny Phantom), despite the fact that it’s been posted for less than a week? Whereas the next most popular would be Against All The Powers Ranged, which came out at the beginning of the year and has pretty much the same number of comments and bookmarks, but half the kudos.
Most under-appreciated story of yours, in your opinion:
Honestly, I was feeling a little bit down about Brother Mine until I looked at the stats just now. Although I am very proud of my other Time Travel fic this year, oh blue, if only you knew (Among Us) which didn’t get too much attention.
Most fun story to write:
Hands down, it was Beyond Typical Sightseeing (Narnia/BTS), because it was so absurd to be writing this whole story for a fandom I knew (and, tbh, still know) absolutely nothing about. Keeping the whole thing a secret until it was posted just made it all the more fun.
Most unintentionally telling story:
I was just talking yesterday about how Brother Mine is Very Much based on my experiences as a big sister. I didn’t even realize how much I was pulling from my own life until my own little sister is like “Jazz moved away, you moved away… Jazz misses her little brother, you miss your little sisters... Meagan."
(Me: Omg you're right. Jazz has a creepy-looking sibling with limbs that are unnaturally long, and so do I.)
Biggest disappointment:
I try not to let these things get to me because the joy of exchanges for me is in the writing itself, but I never got a response from one of my time travel exchange recips and that was a bit of a bummer. But I can’t complain, because I got plenty of other wonderful comments on that piece and I’m very proud of what I managed to do with it. So. It is what it is.
Biggest surprise:
I wrote a whole actual sexy story, Witching Season, for the Narnia Bacchanal this spring?? And maybe the sex scene is still mostly implied, or at least told in metaphorical language, but it's the first time I’ve not just completely faded to black, yay!
My favourite part of fandom this year:
Joining together with absolutely wonderful Narnia friends to create @narnia-renaissance in order to remind others out there that there are wonderful people in the Narnian fandom if you know where to look, and that we welcome all types of fans and stories.
Tagging: Absolutely anyone! These are always so much fun to read.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 23/23
Words: 85,242
Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester, Charlie Bradbury, Eileen Leahy, Claire Novak, Jack Kline, God | Chuck Shurley, Kevin Tran, Kaia Nieves, Victor Henriksen, Kali (Supernatural), Gabriel (Supernatural)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - The Wicked + The Divine Fusion, Gods, Fame, Friends to Lovers, Minor Pining Major Avoiding, Pining, Light Angst, POV Dean Winchester, POV Multiple, Tattoos, Hunter Dean Winchester, Tattoo Artist Dean Winchester, Writer Castiel (Supernatural), Human Castiel (Supernatural), Hunter Sam Winchester, Artist Sam Winchester, Reincarnation, Sort Of, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Minor Kaia Nieves/Claire Novak, Minor Gabriel/Kali (Supernatural), Found Family, Canon-Typical Violence, Rated M mostly for swearing and the very very beginnings of sexy times, No Smut, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Jack Kline, Fandom Trumps Hate, Fandom Trumps Hate 2022, Friends With Benefits
Summary:
Every ninety years, twelve gods incarnate as humans. They are loved. They are hated. In two years, they are dead. The year is 2014. It’s happening now. It’s happening again.
The Recurrence happens again, pulling the Winchesters into a fame they never expected. But nothing comes for free.
***
Dean raised an eyebrow, setting his gun aside on the bed. “You’re telling me you believe that every ninety years, twelve people actually reincarnate as gods, spend two years performing miracles and creating art while people form cults around them, then kick the bucket?”
“No more strange than the things we hunt, I say.” His dad pointed the remote at the screen until it went black, then went back to staring at his journal. “Not really my problem, though. I don’t need to hunt them; they kill themselves, and each other, if stories are to be believed.”
And that was that. For a time.
But there were eleven more gods to come.
A SPN/The Wicked + The Divine fusion fic. No knowledge of WicDiv necessary.
Art provided by @suzukiblu for Fandom Trumps Hate. Thanks again!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 6/6
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester, Jack Kline, Eileen Leahy
Additional Tags: Friends to Lovers, Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, Canon compliant through 15.19, Autumn, so much autumn, an explosion of autumn, Baking, you will want cookies after reading this fic, Knitter Castiel (Supernatural), Baker Dean Winchester, Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Songfic, never thought i'd write a songfic, lots of mushy music to go along with the mushy story, no indie artists were harmed in the making of this fic, Domestic Fluff, Fluff with a little Angst, Love Confessions, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words
Summary:
It starts with Cas’s obsession with the new café in town. Or maybe it starts with Dean’s obsession with Cas. Or, perhaps, it starts with the first peaceful autumn Dean’s experienced since he was four. It definitely starts with a man and the former angel who loves him.
Or, the one where Dean finally has the balls to tell Cas how much he’s loved (spoiler: it’s a lot). Plus, cookie experiments, sad girl autumn music, colorful foliage, and other fall things.
Excerpt (spoilers for 15.18):
Cas, Sam, Jack, and Dean are leaving the café, steaming drinks warming their hands as an autumn gust of wind pushes against them. Dean grimaces and tries not to think about the squishy knitted neck thing Cas had tried to force on him before they left the bunker (“It’s unseasonably cold today, Dean, and very windy. Your jacket won’t keep you warm enough.”) and lifts his shoulders in a sad attempt to raise the collar of his definitely-not-warm-enough jacket. He glances over to see if Cas is smirking at him, but instead sees him frowning at his drink.
“Don’t like it?” Dean asks, taking a sip of his own plain drip coffee (no sweet frou frou drinks for him).
Cas continues to frown at his chai vanilla something or other, but Dean notices its not his I strongly dislike this thing and will now tell you all about it frown. It’s not even his I’m deeply confused by this human thing frown. This is definitely his why? frown.
“I like chai …” Cas begins slowly.
He’s silent for long enough for Dean to reply, “With you so far, buddy.”
Cas slides his eyes to the left long enough to shoot Dean his I am not impressed glare, then he takes a bite of his sugar cookie, chewing thoughtfully. “I also like sugar cookies.”
Dean wonders if this will be a list of things Cas likes now that he’s human again. Ever since Jack pulled Cas out of the Empty and they both returned to the bunker as humans, Cas has kept a list of human things that delight him now that he is truly able to experience them, but his naming them out loud has tapered off, either because the amount of new stuff he’s experiencing has slowed or because Cas got tired of talking about them. Dean likes hearing the lists. It reminds him that Cas does actually want to be human, and that he’s not just tolerating it because he has no other choice.
“I think …” Cas takes a sip and a bite, thinking.
Another gust hits them, and Dean shoves his empty hand in his jacket pocket. He ignores how envious he is of the others, kitted out in various knitwear—courtesy of Cas’s obsession with making all things yarn; he has a lot of obsessions these days, and Dean loves that.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 9/9
Words: 17635
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester
Additional Tags: Friends to Lovers, Domestic Fluff, Case Fic, But only a little, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), POV Dean Winchester, POV Castiel (Supernatural), POV Sam Winchester, Sharing a Bed, Cuddling & Snuggling, Molting Castiel (Supernatural), castiel is a grumpy fucker, Dean Winchester is grumpy too, Castiel and Dean Winchester bicker like an old married couple, Post whatever season you want it to be, Castiel burrito, Bickering, Sam Winchester ships it, Sam Winchester is So Done
Summary:
Cas, newly living at the bunker, seems to always be cranky these days. Dean tries to figure out why.
Excerpt:
“Morning,” Dean rumbles out from behind his coffee cup, watching from the kitchen table as Cas pours his own.
Cas grunts and turns to face Dean. He’s all frowny wrinkles and hooded eyes, and usually Dean knows well enough to leave the guy alone when he’s like this, but he’s kinda tired of avoiding him. The bunker is Dean’s home, and fuck anyone who wants to make him feel uncomfortable in his own damn home.
“Plans for the day?” he asks around a mouthful of cereal.
Cas slumps onto the seat across from him, still frowning. He shakes his head no and stares into his coffee like it holds the world’s secrets. Wouldn’t that be nice? Dean’d love to get a break for once. He’s tired of angels, demons, gods, and whatever other big bads are waiting in the woodwork to come after them. He’d really love to just hunt a fucking rugaru for once.
“Wanna watch Star Wars?”
Cas starts to shake his head again, but stops. “Which one?”
Dean rolls his eyes. “Star Wars,” he says again.
“Yes, Dean, you just said that. However, Star Wars encompasses a number of movies, television shows, and tie-in books. Which do you mean?” His voice is extra gravelly, which means he’s probably irritated. Again. Surprise.
He plows on. “Yeah, but I’m talking about the first one. The one called Star Wars.”
Cas sighs, exasperated. “That doesn’t narrow it down. They’re all called Star Wars. Do you mean The Phantom Menace, which is the first movie chronologically, or A New Hope, which is the original film?”
Dean throws up his hands. “I told you not to call it that! The first one is just Star Wars. They only tacked on the New Hope part later.”
“Yes, because they needed to differentiate between the series title and the first movie. Being a purist about this is more than a little ridiculous. All of the later movie posters and movie paraphernalia call it A New Hope. I don’t understand why you’re so stubborn about a movie that came out two years before your birth.”
“What crawled up your ass and died, Cas? I just wanted to watch a fucking movie with you. There’s no need to bite my head off.” He ignores the part where he’s being just as grumpy and nitpicky about the name of the stupid movie. Cas must be rubbing off on him. Rude.
“I’m not biting your head off. I don’t eat, and even if I did, humans would not be my preferred food.”
As Dean is about to come up with some witty comeback, he hears a chuckle. He glances across the room to see Sam leaning against the doorframe.
“What do you want, Samantha?” he growls.
Sam puts his hands up. “Hey, don’t bring me into it. I’m just an innocent bystander.”
Here’s a roundup of my Christmas fics, just in case anyone needs MORE to read. Since I decided not to write any this year, I figured I’d just share my past ones. Enjoy and Happy Holidays!
Merry Christmas Your Arse | Locked Tomb Trilogy | Gideon/Harrow - Gideon and Harrow work in Harrow's parents' Christmas store. Here's a year of bickering conversations they have about the holidays. (modern/nonmagic AU)
There's a Kind of Magic in the Air | Good Omens | Aziraphale/Crowley - Aziraphale wants to give Crowley a happy first Christmas in their new cottage. He has to perform a few tricks to make sure it happens. (South Downs retirement)
Here We Are as In Olden Days | Sherlock | Sherlock/John - Sherlock returns from the dead. John breaks up with Mary. They're slammed in the face by winter and all that comes with it. Feelings happen. Or the one where John and Sherlock navigate their feelings for each other while also navigating the holidays. (post S2)
The Forest for the Trees | Sherlock | Sherlock/John - Sherlock and John perceive their relationship very differently, though, not really at all. Labels are confusing. (unilock)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 4/4
Words: 38290
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Sam Winchester, Claire Novak, Bobby Singer, Charlie Bradbury, Kevin Tran
Additional Tags: Friends to Lovers, Soul Bond, Angel Marriage (Supernatural), It's For a Case, Sort Of, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, canon divergence post s5, alternate universe s8, Found Family, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Cooks, Dean Winchester Talks About Feelings, Lots of talking in this one, very offbrand i know, making a bunker a home, Domestic Fluff, POV Dean Winchester, Magical Bond
Summary:
Sam performs a spell to temporarily bind Dean and Cas so that Dean can fight a monster during a hunt. Turns out Sam sucks at reading the fine print. The binding is not quite so temporary … or platonic. Oops?
-------
I’ve never written in the SPN fandom before, but this was super fun (finally getting to write in my native U.S. English instead of the usual Brit English of many of my fandoms, such a relief!). Hope y’all enjoy it!
--------
Excerpt:
“Umm.” Sam’s face morphed from determined to squirrely, his eyes darting to the side and his fingers tapping on the book he was still holding. “We’ve maybe got just a tiny bit of a problem.”
Dean sat up straight. “Cas? No,” he waved the panicked thought away. “Cas is fine.”
Sam sat down across from him. “Why do you say that?”
Dean shrugged. “Because he is. I’d know if he …. Oh.” His eyes went wide. How did he know Cas was alright? He wasn’t sure, but the knowledge sat firm in him all the same. Cas was perfectly safe. He frowned at his brother. “What went wrong? Did you say the words wrong?”
Sam shook his head. “I said everything perfectly. And, um, that’s the problem.”
“Sam.” He raised his intonation at the end of the syllable in warning. “What. Did. You. Do.”
Sam scrunched his eyes closed. “I didn’t read the fine print.”
“Aw shit. Am I gonna die again? Yeah, I’m gonna die. Fuck. Cas will not be happy. He was already uncomfortable with doing this …” Dean leaned back in his chair and rubbed his hand over his eyes. He hoped it didn’t hurt, but it’d likely burn him up from the inside out, like Cas had worried it would do. Not pleasant, based on what he’d seen from Pamela’s eyes getting seared out of their sockets when she saw Cas’s true form, a million years ago, before he realized angels even existed.
“No! You won’t die. Well, I don’t think so, but since I can’t find any accounts of this ritual being performed between an angel and human, it’s hard to know for sure …” Sam wrinkled his brow and gave Dean that damn puppy dog face.
Dean waved his hands. “Wait, what? I thought this ritual was specifically meant to be between an angel and human. How are there no accounts of it?”
“Well …” Sam sighed and thumped the musty old book on the table between them. “It turns out that the author wrote this ritual speculatively, based closely on another ritual they’d heard about.” Sam grimaced.
Dean closed his eyes and sighed. Shit like this wasn’t supposed to happen when Sam was in charge. He was the careful, thoughtful one. It was Dean who impulsively jumped into a half-baked plan without thought for the consequences.
“So, what does this mean? Just that I’m the guinea pig who may or may not be fine? Wait and see?”
“A little bit, yes … but we’ve also got two small … problems.”
Dean crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. Sam continued.
“So … Number one. I may have mistranslated a word, but it’s a super common problem. The two symbols are almost identical, and the handwriting is pretty sloppy in the book and …”
“What symbol, Sam.” It came out less a question and more a demand.
“Temporary.”
It took Dean a few moments understand what he meant. “So the word you thought meant temporary doesn’t mean temporary? Then what the hell does it mean? Oh fuck.” He rubbed his temple. “Let me guess. It’s the exact fucking opposite of temporary.”
Well, that was kinda fucked up, but it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. If he could fight better and faster, that was a good thing, right? Wait.
“Wait. So if the bond is permanent, does that mean I can’t die? If I’ve got angel mojo coursing through these veins, does that make me invincible? Will I age? What if I age but never die? Do I keep getting more and more wrinkled and tiny, but never die? Ew no, please tell me I won’t live forever.” He looked pleadingly at his brother.
Sam’s eyes were wide. “Um, well, I can’t say for sure on the living forever part. It’s complete conjecture, but yeah, you’ll be faster and stronger, so you definitely won’t get hurt as easily.”
“Oh, thank God.”
“But that’s not all.”
“What now? Oh, there was a number two, wasn’t there? What is it?”
“Okay, Dean, before I tell you, you have to promise not to kill me,” Sam began, and Dean shook his head. Nothing good ever started with Sam saying those words.
“Just tell me” he ground out.
“Right, so.” Sam flipped between a few pages, and Dean was ninety-nine percent sure it was a stalling tactic. He gave his brother a warning look, and Sam slumped in defeat. “This bond … it’s not just meant to share strength between an angel and a human. Or, I guess, for the original ritual it would’ve been two angels.”
“Spit it out, Sam.”
“You might be just a little bit … slightly … umm …” he mumbled something that sounded to Dean like buried, or maybe harried.
“Say again?”
“Married?” Sam paused. “Maybe. It’s hard to tell with this weird Latin-Enochian mix, and angel culture is difficult to understand anyways, so I’ll want Cas to look this over and confirm, but … you’re kinda married now? Bonded is a closer translation, though, I think.” He looked up from the book and grimaced. “Oops?”
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Fandom: The Locked Tomb Trilogy
Pairing: Gideon Nav/Harrowhark Nonagesimus
Tags: Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Post-Gideon the Ninth, Post-Harrow the Ninth, Pre-Slash, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, they're working on the lovers part, POV Gideon Nav, Gideon watches Harrow
Word Count: 1804
Part 2 of the Watching series (read Part 1 here)
For all of her short years of life, Gideon Nav has never wanted anything more than to ignore the Reverend Daughter of the Ninth House. To pretend she doesn’t exist. Unfortunately for Gideon—and the entirety of the Ninth—Harrowhark Nonagesimus has made that impossible from day one. She’s always there, one step away from Gideon, not looking at her, but making her own presence known, making sure she’s seen. That shrill, commanding tone is there from the moment she says her first word. Bones follow her every command, and she’s a tiny tyrant in black and wearing a painted mask. Where she is, skeletons follow, and Gideon is left behind, bloodied and beaten on the floor.
She never asked for this. She’s never wanted to be the bane of everyone’s existence. In fact, she tries her hardest to get away, time and time and time and time again. But Harrow demands an audience, and with most of the House being blinded from old age, Gideon is the one forced to watch. So she watches. Mostly, she watches her back, but over time, she watches just to see. What she’s looking for, she’s not sure.
She’s never wanted this, so why does a part of her now ask for it?
***
(read the rest under the cut)
***
Somehow Gideon isn’t surprised that even in the afterlife, she’s forced to watch Harrow. The Dark Mistress of Drearburh is a necromancer after all. If Gideon couldn’t get away from her during any of her eighty-seven escape attempts in life, it’s doubtful a little something like lacking a body would stop Harrow from forcing her to stay.
The really annoying part is that this time, Gideon actually does want to watch, but she’s got less a front-row seat and more like she’s using binoculars turned backwards so the thing she’s looking at is tiny and the lenses are smudged and she’s got cotton stuffed in her ears. She’s grateful for that when Ianthe tries her hand (haha, hand) at flirting with Harrow—she’s never felt such intense second-hand embarrassment in her life—but seeing what’s happening on The Mithraeum would be rather helpful right now.
Especially considering she isn’t allowed to do her job (protecting) thanks to one pointy-faced emo chick performing an at-home lobotomy with only a sociopathic princess to watch over her. Oh yeah, pre-surgery, Gideon could watch everything just fine. Why is it always that she’s forced to watch when she doesn’t want to, and she can’t watch when she does want to? She’s more than a little ticked by that.
No one ever asks her what she wants.
***
You know what’s really fucking annoying? Dying for your best frenemy so she can become the thing she’s wanted to become since she was four, then getting not only walled up in a tiny corner of Prissy McBitchFace’s brain, not only forced to see how awkward God is during tea time, not only stuck watching Harrow fumble her training and social interaction, but ALSO, unable to make her fucking necromancer work out or learn one single thing about a sword.
IT’S A FUCKING POMMEL, HARROWHARK. You can learn all the bones of the body by age two and a half, but you can’t learn the very few parts of a fucking sword? Sigh.
She’s being willfully ignorant on purpose. Gideon knows it.
***
You know what’s really fucking sad? Watching Harrowhark unable to function. Not just in her usual disconnected with reality and living in her special world where she’s the queen and everyone bows to her way. No, Harrow is … not Harrow. She’s barely human now (not that she was ever particularly human, more like a pointy, annoying bat), she’s paranoid (granted, someone is trying to kill her on the daily), she’s not sleeping, there are more wards in her tiny room than in all of the Ninth House, and she’s trying to … make soup?
It’s embarrassing to watch, and once again, Gideon is grateful her view is fuzzy and distant. Except that since she only gets a far-off snapshot of events a few times a day, she has lots of time to think and contemplate. And the more she thinks about it, the worse she feels. It’s sad, Harrow’s life is. And not in a oh she’s such a dork, how sad way, but more in a way that hurts Gideon’s heart, if Gideon had a heart still, which she guesses she doesn’t, not properly.
But still, she aches for Harrow. She wants to do her job, to be the big bad protector, but someone decided to be a selfish jerk and not let Gideon do the one thing she literally died to do.
Some people suck.
***
Swear to John (who’d’ve thought God’s name would be John), Gideon is really fucking tired of watching. At least when she was forced to watch Harrow in the past(life), she had a sword in her hands and a cocky smile on her face. Oh, what she’d give to go back to being able to watch and do, rather than watch and … watch, but not really watch, because time moves funny for her and it sounds like everyone is talking under water and faces are distorted (oh, no, wait, Ianthe’s face is always like that, nm).
She needs to be able to do again. She needs to force her dumb necromancer to get some sleep and then some exercise and then some brain surgery, in that order (what? squats are important). And then maybe learn the parts of the sword. SERIOUSLY, HARROW, HOW HARD IS POMMEL?
She wishes she had Harrow’s dumb army of constructs to fight. Even without a body, she has excess energy to get rid of and– HOLY SHIT. A CONSTRUCT JUST BURST OUT OF THE SKINNY/BUFF LYCTOR’S abdomen.
Okay, Harrow. You win this round.
***
Sleep does not help Harrowhark’s mood. She’s less of a zombie, sure, but she’s still a bit bananas. Watching her cut off Ianthe’s arm is pretty great, though (less great is watching her climb on top of Princess Bitch to do it). And the sex thing with God and two of the saints is … well, the jury is still out on that one. She actually got quite an eyeful of that scene. Perhaps all the wine allowed Gideon more freedom to move about in her necro’s brain.
None of that shocks her like watching Harrow save the lyctor whose been out to kill her for months. Gideon would definitely save him if she were in Harrow’s shoes (except she’d never be in those shoes because, one, they’re too small for her, and two, SHE KNOWS HOW TO USE A FUCKING SWORD). But even after everything that happened at Canaan House, and all that she’s seen of the disaster that is Harrow’s current life, watching Harrow save the man she’s absolutely bloody terrified of is … staggering.
Gideon’s not sure what to do with this information. Harrow with a normal human conscious is not something she thought she’d ever see. It’s not the Harrow she knew for seventeen years. It’s not the girl she fought tooth and nail with almost all of her life. It’s not the tiny mad genius who broke into the Tomb just to say she could. It’s not the tyrant who puppeteered her dead parents’ bodies for seven years for a power trip. It’s not the necromancer who longed for nothing more than to become a lyctor, even at every other person around hers expense.
It’s not the bone magician who performed possibly deadly surgery on her own brain rather than share soul space with the woman who died for her.
And if Harrow’s actions now say she’s not those things, then what else doesn’t Gideon know about her?
***
For once, Gideon is the watchee instead of the watcher.
Leave it to Sextus to be the one to see her.
***
Gideon takes it all back. She’d rather spend a myriad watching helplessly and foggily as her necromancer bumbles through life because she refuses to accept help in becoming a real lyctor. She’d love to go back to watching her make soup and avoid kisses with Tridentarius The Lesser and grimace at tea and cut her hair every three days and fuck up Gideon’s beloved two-hander by covering it in bone glue.
Because the alternative, of Harrow just up and leaving her body, which has just come to pass, is untenable. It’s wrong. Not just Gideon’s eyes and her WTF expression on Harrow’s face, but also the pure lack of Harrow in the room. For such a tiny little witch, she takes up a lot of space. She always has. It’s why Gideon had watched her their whole lives. Harrow would enter a room, and her presence would draw Gideon like a paperclip to a magnet. It was hateful, but it was comfortable, a known entity.
But Harrow being gone is so wrong.
Luckily, there are plenty of bug-human-acid-monster things that hold her attention for a time. That, and trying to figure out how to work Harrow’s limp noodle arms so that she can use a sword that weighs about the same as she currently does. As Gideon hacks and kicks and watches Harrow’s extremities regrow (trippy), she avoids thinking about why Harrow has left her. She fights Princess Peach and avoids thinking. She bickers (and maybe falls just a tiny bit in love) with Ianthe Tridentarius and avoids thinking. She listens to confessions twenty years in coming and avoids thinking. She finds her (very fucked up) family and avoids thinking. She (maybe?) befriends the lyctor who tried for nine months to kill her necromancer (except its actually not the lyctor anymore and she’s definitely going to have to learn more about that at some point when she’s no longer fighting for her [lyctor’s] life) and avoids thinking.
She’s going to have to think again at some point, but she’ll avoid it as long as she’s able.
***
When Gideon finally escapes and gets somewhere safe, she has time to watch again, and she hates it. She watches Harrow’s face in the mirror. She wills her necromancer to come back. She begs Harrow to come back. She paints the best skull she’s ever painted on Harrow’s face. She puts on the rust-black robes. She stares at the mirror and tries to find Harrow in the frown lines and pointy chin. But she’s not there, and it looks wrong. Gideon screams and punches the mirror. The broken flesh repairs instantly. She hates that. She needs the pain the last.
She has always associated pain with Harrow. The physical pain of their fights. The emotional pain of being unloved. If the pain is no longer there, does that mean Harrow is gone for good?
Gideon Nav’s eyes sting, and she watches the paint melt off Harrow’s face.
