Kelly, I respect you and your opinion a lot, hence this question. Do you think there is a sort of time line for relationships when seeing someone new? How soon is too soon to be sleeping together, spending the night? Or do you think (continued...)
cont'd: (continued) that it varies depending on the circumstances and the people involved? How soon is it okay to decide that you want to be with someone for the long term?
I thought about this a lot since receiving the question. It's something that comes up a lot in relationships I think.
There's no timeline for relationships. It's going to be different for everyone.
Re: sleeping together. Here are some questions to ask yourself:-Am I emotionally stable/secure/independent enough to sleep with this person and remain confident that it won't make me feel beholden to/linked to/emotionally dependent upon them? -Do I want to have sex with someone new right now?-Is this a safe situation for both of us?
If the answer is yes, yes, and yes then I don't see an issue with sleeping with someone on the day you goddamn meet them.
The first question is obviously the most complicated though. If you can't honestly answer yes to it but you're at a point in your relationship with the person where it's definitely OK for you to rely on them emotionally (in a healthy way, a good give and take), then there's no reason why you shouldn't sleep together.
In terms of deciding to be together long time, I don't think there is a timeline there either. The things that tend to come up are when should we be monogamous, when should we move in, and when should we get married or otherwise legally linked.
And there's just no set answer.
I do think it's important to communicate. Don't move in with someone until you're comfortable talking to them about how rent will work. Don't link your finances until you can have a conversation about money. If you can't talk to them about how you want the dishes done or how you want the house kept up, then you're not ready to move in.
Same with being long term committed. Have you talked to the person about where you want to live? Have you talked to them about whether or not you want children? Have you had a discussion about where you see your career going?
Because all of these things take your relationship beyond the level of "we love each other" to the level of "we're making our lives work together as partners." And while love is awesome and wonderful and sex is important and life-sustaining, no amount of love and awesome sex is going to fix a partnership where you essentially want different things out of life.
