So anyway my birthday is Tuesday. I’ll be 40. Seriously didn’t think I’d live past 16 or so, so it’s all been weird since then. No plan, no direction, just coasting along like what’s happening?
I didn’t know asexuality was a thing until I was 34. That felt right at the time, but now I’m not sure. Now I’m questioning whether I’m asexual or disappointed. Sex hasn’t been pleasant for me pretty much ever. Damned if you do, dumped if you don’t. Now I wonder if it was sex or who it was with.
I didn’t know I was being abused until I was about 36, I guess, and then I realized I’ve never lived in a safe and loving home. I’ve never lived with a man I could trust and depend on. Not my father who beat my mother, not my step dad who beat me, not my ex husband who raped me, and not That Guy who turns on me and our son if I dare to disagree. It’s no wonder it took me so long to understand. It’s so hard to be brave and speak up, it always goes poorly, and it never changes anything.
I had a scary day. I had upper back pain spasms which would wrap around my front to my chest, that steadily got worse overnight. Rode my bike to work, hit a bump on the way and was in excruciating pain by the time I got there. Went to Urgent Care which opened at 8 (so I clocked in for an hour and did most of the setup).
They did chest X-rays and an EKG. The Dr. was concerned I may have had a "silent heart attack" due to my symptoms and other factors but my tests came back clean. The final diagnosis was stress and anxiety related muscle tension exacerbated by my job. And I'm calcium deficient. But these are things that can be remedied. And this happened a day after my new health coverage started! So yay? But ouch.
My Gelfling had expanders put in by the orthodontist on Friday. It was already an unhappy experience. She was in extreme discomfort when they were put in, crying and v. upset.
When it was over she asked me why she had to go through that when there was nothing currently wrong with her teeth, which shattered my heart. I explained why, then took her out to dinner to cheer her up. She was too sore to eat, and having trouble eating and talking because she wasn’t used to her expanders.
She is spending a couple weeks with my parents for her summer vacation. So the first night with her expanders (sat), my dad was the one who turned the key to expand them. We were both there when they explained the after care to us. We both gleaned from the conversation that we were to do 16 turns once a day on the upper jaw, 16 turns every 5 days on the lower jaw. The nurse had an extremely heavy accent and was hard to understand. We asked questions to clarify, and got the same response. We specifically asked 16 turns once a day? And she nodded yes.
She was in so much pain, she couldn’t take more than 7 turns. She was crying so hard and just… In complete horror at the thought of having to go through that every day. Told my dad to stop and called the Dr to see what was going on. Had to leave a message because they are closed over the weekend and only call back if it’s an emergency. Not willing to put her through that much discomfort.
We had decided not to do the expansion turns anymore until we talked to the orthodontist. But my Gelfling decided to tough it out and be brave and let my dad do the turns Sunday night even though it hurt. She took some aspirin and put orajel on her gums and went to sleep. This morning there was a visible gap between her two front teeth. Which seems extreme after just 2 nights with her expander.
Then we finally get a call back from the Orthodontist. It is supposed to be ONE TURN DAILY FOR 16 DAYS. I want to leave work, go to the office and beat the living shit out of that after care nurse. I had to clock out for lunch because I can’t work right now. I’m angry crying and absolutely heartbroken. Currently contemplating murder
So I'm like 2 hair colors behind. Was leery of posting anything for awhile. I'm done with that now. This is my special screaming into the void place. Not letting creeps take that away from me.
Do you ever play the game? Or has creating taken the fun out of playing?
I still love to play! I’m having fun building Lilo’s house right now for my pirate hood :D I had to flip it for my terrain and it still needs about 400 tropical plants and trees? I’m trying not to recolor everything to match the movie but um I’m afraid I might :P
My parents picked her up yesterday for round 2 of summer adventures with grandparents. She was eating sushi in the car and dropped a tuna roll. When she knelt down to pick it up she gouged her knee on a piece of metal sticking up (part of the mechanism that controls the placement of the seats.)
She was in the ER until 3:30 in the morning and got 5 stitches. She sounded ok on the phone and was emphatic that she didn’t want to come home. My heart hurts…
