After a year of being apart, Meg prays to Castiel, who has been busy rebuilding Heaven with his family, and the two exchange a strange yet sweet reunion. Slight AU. NSFW. Happy belated Valentines Day and Megstiel Week!
Hello world
How've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel
And broken like I'm never going to heal
I see a light
A little grace, a little faith unfurled
Hello world
There were a lot of things he was supposed to be doing.
Leading an army, commanding legions, being an angel. But here he was, sitting content in a little corner of heaven and watching snow fall as an Olympian who'd died during a snow boarding accident relived her greatest moment on the snow.
Ever since the wars ended and Heaven had returned to a state of something better than the constant fighting, lies, and betrayal, he'd rejoined his brothers and regained his rank among what angels had been returned to heaven. He'd been proud to fight alongside his brothers once again and he found himself happier than he's been in years.
Heaven hadn't changed since he left. Still disconnected and still peaceful from Earth, Castiel found himself enjoying it more than he ever had in his long life. Souls were finding each other, now that heaven had been connected, and the flow and ebb of angelic presence was what it once was, subtly there but not in the sense of the human souls being able to see or sense them as they did their work.
He smiled as he suddenly felt that little tickle in his mind, something he hadn't noticed he missed, but the idea of people praying to him again and needing him was something that made him happy.
Happy. He was happy. For the first time in what felt like a millennium.
Smiling to himself as he wandered around the snow covered Heaven he'd chosen to call his temporary home, answering the prayer that nudged him hard in the head. He expected either Sam or Dean, since his reinstatement the Winchesters had needed him less but he still exopected them to want him around from time to time. "You don't quit on your brothers, Cas," Dean had said.
But when he listened to the voice praying to him he stopped mid stride, never expecting her to call him, not since they had parted ways a year ago. Her voice was surely the most relaxing thing he'd heard all year.
Clarence, he could hear her muttering softly to herself, asking herself if this was stupid and if she'd finally lost her mind. Doubt demons can tap into the reception but I thought if I did it like the humans it might reach you.
Do you ever just get lonely as fuck and wonder if you're the only person left who gives a rats ass about you, you know? I mean, shit what am I doing, this is stupid...
"It's not stupid," it had taken him less than a second to decide on answering her, leaving Heaven behind and reappearing in an old, musty hotel room. He watched her jump, looking cagey and she was covered in scratches and what looked to him like knife marks. "You're not the only one who has prayed for company."
"How did you find me?"
He shrugged. "Prayer is like a beacon. You directed it towards me so instinctively I knew where to find you."
"Huh. Well then. Been a long time, huh Clarence?" she muttered when she gathered herself. Castiel watched her, almost confused as to why she seemed so different in her prayer, but knowing what she was he knew she was trying to bury her loneliness and her isolated feelings.
"It has," he agreed, uncomfortable with how awkward the entire situation was. He looked around the motel room, anywhere but at her. "Why are you here"
"Had a run in with a couple hunters, apparently they didn't get the Winchester's 'hands off' memo," she muttered, adjusting herself and hissing when she rubbed a sore. Castiel tiled his head in that old way that made Meg smirk. "Hurtin' pretty bad, barely got away without having to smoke out."
"What were you doing to get like this?" he asked, finally walking towards her to check her wounds. She let him, turning this way and that and letting him roll her arms and legs around. "Some of these are deep."
"Really wanna know? Hunting demons," she muttered, watching him dig through the nightstand drawer and pull out a first aid kit. "Ended up finishing off a nest but the hunters thought I was a part of it."
"I'm sorry," he frowned as he taped her wounds, trying to keep it tight but not uncomfortable. "If you would have called for me I would have come."
"Cute, empty words," Meg muttered, leaning into him for warmth. He looked down at her and gave a small smile before pouring a bit of alcohol from the kit on her other marks.
"You've always known I'd come when you call," he said softly, not even realizing he was still touching her after finishing up with the gauze. "You've earned that from me, Meg."
"Just like the Winchesters, huh?"
"Maybe more."
She hated the way he looked at her sometimes, how he would have the most caring, soft smile so unlike a creature of his kind. Castiel could be burtal and destructive but it was the way he seemed to change, how he was so soft and gentle with her. Both their kinds were enemies and supposed to kill each other the first chance they got. But with him...
She craved his company. Castiel was perhaps the only creature who had ever treated her with kindness and loyalty and never expected it in return. Lucifer and Yellow-Eyes had forced her hand but Castiel simply took it gently and held it with grace and a kind of love Meg hadn't felt since she was human.
It was almost too much and she debated on just running, letting him go back to Heaven and leave her again.
"Look, you probably have to get back. Thanks for the visit though."
"I have no need to return. And you called me because you were lonely."
"I'm not lonely. I'm..."
He watched her, tilting his head and with a loud sigh she faced away from him. trying to look anywhere but at that stupid face.
"You're what?"
"You're trying to tease me, Castiel."
"Is it working?"
She shot him a glare and got a smile in return. "No."
"Really? Because it looked like it was working," he said, still looking at her with that incredible stare. "I've missed you."
"Really? 'Cause you've been all glory angel again. Doesn't exactly match up to a beat demon."
"As much as I love my family, there are certain things I still miss about being fallen and human. It has been over a year and quite frankly I do miss a lot.
"It was always strange, but I did enjoy our time together."
"Kiss ass."
"it's true," he insisted, voice losing that light tone to it as he sat up straighter beside her on the bed. "The past year was full of promise. For me, at least. But being human for as long as I did and being in so many wars and battles, I found solace and peace being with you. I enjoyed...how you understood me. How between you and me there was no difference except for the name of our species. I grew to long for our simple talks."
Meg snorted beside him and he looked at her, his face incredibly relaxed and for a moment Meg found herself questioning what exactly he was trying to say.
"You remember that kiss?" she asked out of the blue and almost clawed herself for saying it out loud.
He blinked. "It is one of my fonder memories, yes."
"Good. Just checking," she shifted uncomfortably and Castiel frowned, watching her.
"Meg."
"What? I was just-"
"You said that night that it made you feel clean," he said softly. She watched him, not sure what he was going with this, and not sure if she wanted him to stop. "Is that what you want? For me to help you feel clean?"
She shrugged. "I was just asking, Clarence."
She watched him, blinking a few times before he adjusted himself and leaned down to kiss her. It was so soft and light that Meg kept her eyes open, watching him, wondering what the hell he was doing when she saw him watching her through narrowed eyes. The break was almost instantaneous before Castiel blinked, opening his mouth.
"I-"
He felt her grab at his collar and the next thing he knew he was kissing her again, tasting all that sulfur and human saliva and felt her try to peek at his tongue with hers. "Gotta do better than that, none of the grace gets out when you close up like that."
He heard the invitation and took it, kissing her so deeply she moaned and with a movement he slid her under him, He felt her hands bunch over his dress shirt, Castiel shrugging his coat off for better movement and he paused when he heard Meg laugh into the kiss.
"What?"
"If this is going where I think it is," she smirked up at him, raising an eyebrow, "You're gonna have to strip more than just the coat."
"Is that what you're wanting?"
"Asking a lot about what I want," she tilted her head up at him, plucking at his coat lapels. "What do you want?"
"I want..." he thought back to their first meeting, to seducing her in fire and then to calling her abomination. To finding her with Dean and Emmanuel and the waking up to her face. To hearing the calm and patience in her voice and then to see her almost be killed at the hands of Crowley. To lose her for an entire year and now having it all come down to having her right here. mixes of emotions went through him, things he still didn't understand and with a sigh he looked at her, watching her bite her lower lip in anticipation. It took him a moment to gather himself, to figure out what the hell he was doing.
"I want you," he said, ignoring all the little whispers of an angel's conscious telling him how wrong and against the rules this was, how he was throwing everything he worked so hard for in the past two years. He shoved it all aside and pressed his nose to hers. "Do you still want me?"
"If I didn't want this do you think I would have entertained it?" she laughed. "You're dumb but you're not that stupid."
"Is that a yes?"
She kissed him again for an answer, the angel moaning as he caught her drift and he felt her tug at where his dress shirt tucked into his trousers. He pressed into her, feeling her undress them and he let her do as she wanted, let her strip him and direct him. She was experienced and he let her do as she wanted, knowing she would be the one who could make it all worth while in the end anyway.
"You ready, Clarence?" she asked, the old nickname somehow meaning so much more in this setting. He gasped quietly when she slid down his body, eyes black and piercing when he looked into them.
"I've missed this..." he muttered when she settled herself on top of him.
"Good. I was hoping I wasn't the only one," sliding over him and feeling him vibrate a low moan as she started slowly rocking over him. The warmth surrounding him made him shudder and she felt his large hands curve around her hips. "Show me how much you've really missed me, feathers."
--
"Whatcha think, angel?"
"It was...nice."
"Nice?" Meg scoffed as if she was offended. "If I wanted 'nice' as an answer I would have fucked Dean."
He actually laughed a little, rolling his head from where he was watching her smoke and staring at the ceiling, blinking a while before shutting his eyes. As a hum sex had been his release but now he had found himself able to relax and feel calm.
"I take it met your expectations?" he asked her, eyes still close as he tired to doze. He grunted when he felt her crawl over him, cigarette extinguished and curling on the top of his chest.
"It was good enough."
"Really? I've had others tell me I'm above average."
"Cookie for you," Meg grumbled, cuddling over him and sighing. "When do you have to get back"
"Tomorrow, maybe," he said quietly. "They don't keep tabs on me as much anymore, thankfully. At first it was a nightmare."
"I Bet."
He looked down at her, feeling her press her palm over his vessel's heart as if she was feeling that he was real.
"Still hurting?"
She smirked. "Nah, just tired."
"I wont leave."
"I know you wont."
Hearing her content sigh Castiel opted top rest himself, ignoring the tiny calls from heaven, ignoring the entire world for just one night of peace with a demon. And he was happy.
Castiel has nothing left. Having been human and alone for so long he decides to take his own life when he’s saved by a forgotten friend. Rated M for language and Sex as well as triggering content.
So heyo a lot of people have been asking about Burden still and even though I cancelled it because the story got too complex and whatnot I know I have a few Burden fans so I've decided to rewrite the series AGAIN and actually finish it.
on AO3 and FF.NET
The Series so Far: LET ME BLEED, LET ME WAKE, LET ME BURN, LET ME LOVE, LET mE WANT
Burden One Shots - Walls
He was still so broken.
Broken enough that it frightened her but he was making progress. He was no longer so demanding of her, so needing and so...frightened.
But as time went on he seemed to be waking up, seemed to be breaking away from the broken, depressed man he once was and starting to let himself free.
When she woke up curled against his chest and listening to the soft way he snored, she found herself cuddling closer to his warmth as the cold outside kept the room cold and the outside appartment colder, trying to force herself back to sleep. Winter was his favorite season apparently, a time where his scars could easily be hidden by heavy clothing and thick coats, scarves, whatever else he could use to keep people from seeing the hideous burns that decorated his torso and arms.
He'd gotten to where he would sleep more, less frightened by the ideas of what hunted in the night and what was sure to hunt him as well. When she'd brought up the idea of hunting again he closed up, yelled at her to never bring it up again and closed himself off, which pissed her off the no end and she ended up giving him a piece of her mind that night.
It ended in sex and anger to the both of them falling asleep on one another, Cas muttering an apology in his sleep that seemed to do meg just fine.
Stretching against him, ignoring his sleepy moan her leg brushed his groin she leaned over him to read the brand new alarm clock she'd bought, groaning at the little red numbers.
Too early, he'll freak.
"Meg?" she almost jumped at the sound of his groggy voice. "Hungry?"
"Are you?"
"Mmm,"
"It's Saturday," she said and he nodded as if he already knew. "I don't think we have anything."
"Humans," he snorted. "So needy."
"Keep saying humans like that and people are gonna think you're weird."
"Really? Worse than the children who think I'm a monster down the hall?"
She stared at him, expecting that to be bitter and hate filled but he was still grinning at her, eyes half closed and he rolled his head back. She hadn't heard him joke about that ever; it was a thing that had bothered him since she'd returned. But he found humor in it now (and as she went on, found out that he had such an ugly laugh), and she found herself amused at that.
"Do you really want to get up?" she asked, nodding towards the alarm clock that had just hit the new hour.
"No."
That seemed to be enough for her as she snuggled back down against him, ignoring the light that had begun trickling in as the morning dragged on.
--
There were a lot of things different about being human. meg wasn't sure if it was just the extreme amount of weakness or if she was just tired all the time. Sleep, having to eat, things she hadn't done in thousands of years and now it was beginning to weigh on her like nothing had before.
Castiel seemed used to it now, even after being what he was for a milinia he seemed to know his strengths and weaknesses, what was bad for hiv and what was considered good. All and all it made meg's job as his caretaker a tad bit easier.
Waking up to an empty bed, however, was not what she was used to.
Running her hand over Castiel's side she still felt the heat from his body; he must have gotten up little bit after she fell asleep because it was still early. It had been hard to keep him awake or even keep him asleep at times. Even Meg had been plaugued with a tiny bit of insomnia, probably from bartending but she seemed to find some way to get to sleep, even if it meant taking Castiel's sleeping pills so she could keep them away from him. He was better but the smallest slip up, the smallest trigger could set him into a relapse that Meg wasn't sure she could fix.
Just had to smooth talk me into this, huh Gabriel
The sound of a pain dropping had her jump, startled at the suddewn noise and the screech of the dusty fire alarm going off, the seering sound making her fly from the bed, almiost afraid of what she'd see.
Castiel hates fire. Fire. Clarence, no!
Almost breaking down the bedroom door she ran fromthe living room to the kitchen to see Castiel battling charred eggs and some unknown black thing he had buried under a tablecloth.
"I um..." he muttered, lifting the table cloth to blow the smoke away from the alarm, only to have what was billowing under the cloth to flush lout and choke him in the process.
"What are you doing?"
"I was trying to make breakfast," he growled, obviously not happy with his results.
"You never touch the oven."
"Maybe that's why I couldn't use it," he fumbled with the dials until the gas shut off, "explains a lot."
"What the fuck were you doing with fire?"
"I was once a being comprised of holy fire and wings," he said while dumping the charred remains in the trash. "I...felt it was time to work past what happened."
"By making breakfast."
"mmm," he replied, rubbing at his face in relief when the alarm finally stopped blaring.
"Damn it, Castiel," she snorted. "You could have burned the apartment down."
Instantly she regretted what she said, she watched him cringe up and his eyes go wide, and for a second she was about ready to fight him when he shut his eyes and exhaled.
"You're right, I could have."
She watched him, amused, because she'd never seen him react like that. it actually seemed to remind her of the old angel he once was, unnerved, unbothered, not scarred by trama and loss and afraid.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine. I didn't mean to scare you," he scratched at the scars lining his neck, something she found he did when he was nervious or anxious and with a sigh she grabbed his arm, looking at him with a curious look. "What's wrong"
"Nothing it's just...strange, seeing you like this."
"It's taked a lot but I need to stop hiding."
"So what does that mean?"
"I don't know," he muttered, turning into her and watching her eye him as he dipped his head down to kiss her. "But I know how to start."
"Do you now?"
"I think so. God gave me you back for a reason, and I've neglected it. It's going to take time. But...I love you," he pressed his forehead against hers, feeling her try to sneak back but he held her fimly. "I want you."
"Well doesn't take a genius to figure that out."
"Do you want me?"
"Maybe. depends. Where are you getting at, Clarence?"
"Nothing can change what we are, what we've become, so I've decided to come to terms," he whispered. meg looked up at him with narrowed eyes. "I want to be human with you. In every sense of the term."
Self Prompt - Castiel visits a makeshift grave for Meg, a sort of dedication to her by the Winchesters for being an ally who sacrificed herself for them and realizes how she really made him feel. Warning: I totally cried while writing this so you might cry too.
Angels don't cry.
Angels never cry. That's the point of an angel, they're warriors, breed for one purpose and one goal, to service their God and holy master. Angels don't cry because they don't have the capacity to cry, they don't have feelings and they should be able to say goodbye without shedding a single tear.
Was that why he felt a dark pit inside him, why when he pushed it away time and time again he felt himself close away more and more until it became unbearable?
Then why was he so hurt and broken about it? Why did it feel like he was human again, like those horrible emotions had come back just to tear him apart?
He didn't believe Sam at first. No, there was no way she was gone, just like that. There was no way that she was missing once again and this time for good. That she was...dead.
He was started by how his heart made him feel, by how his body reacted and how he felt a drop of wetness down his face. Sam went into detail, saying how she died to save them all, how she went out a warrior, and what the words she last said to him meant.
It was too much. And he had no idea how much worse it would get when Sam said they'd made a makeshift plot for her because she deserved it, because honestly after everything she'd done she deserved to be remembered. It was touching and even when Sam left him alone at the plot he had debated on turning around and asking the human to stay.
She was represented by just a piece of wood, apparently a cross wouldn't be too fitting for her in the Letter's graveyard and with a heavy sigh Castiel sat down in front of it, ignoring the way dirt was now clinging to his clothes.
"I've never done this before, but I know with what you are...were, you wont hear me," he said softly, ignoring the cold wind that was starting to pick up. "Sometimes humans find solace talking to dead friends. I always thought it was a waste of time. the again I never really had friends.
"I miss you," he was surprised how easily that came out. "Even your smell, though you would try and cover it in the hospital I could always smell you. I thought it was nice, despite the sulfur.
"Sam told me, finally. I always thought there was a chance...that we could find you. You were a good fighter, I always wondered what it would be like to fight beside you instead of against you."
Castiel looked down at his hands. "I...don't understand why this is affecting me. I've had warriors die under me, killed my own family but you...
"I miss you terribly, meg," he choked, leaning his head against the post, ignoring the fact that he'd been there hours already, just talking lowly and pretending he could hear her snarking back at him or calling him a child like she used to. He pretended he could smell her, pretended that just out of the corner of his eye he could see black smoke and head a whisper of "Hello, Clarence".
Soon it was too much, thinking back on those words she said, what Sam told him they meant and how significant those words meant to him.
"No one's ever loved me and expected nothing from me in return," he muttered. "I never knew what that could feel like, something beyond attraction and something beyond sex and desire. But I see it now. And I understand."
With a sad smile he looked the crooked, warped stake of a two-by-four up and down, glancing at the carved letter and snorted. "You told me your real name once, back in the hospital. You just wanted someone to listen when you were bored and you would talk about yourself. I heard you, I listened, and you listened to me. Even my ;'bad' poetry. You'd let me call you beautiful, even when you snapped at me and pretended to ignore me you still listened.
"I was right though, you were beautiful."
Even when rain started to fall he simply huddled to himself and let the drops fall on his face, makeshift tears for his sadness he couldn't fully express and he closed his eyes, leaning his head back and letting it pour on him.
"It's strange, that a demon could say what you did and mean it. At least I hope you meant it, or what I say next could probably be better left unsaid.
