Every so often, when you're in the midst of stressing out over your position and lot in life, someone will waltz by and tell you "Comparing yourself with others won't make you happy," or some variant of this remark. If you're (un)lucky, it may even surface in the form of a pointed question: "Why are you so obsessed with comparing yourself with others? Nobody else cares!"
The noble intention of this admonition is to prevent paralysing doubt in oneself, and that is admittedly important - but it makes very little sense when the same people who tell you this are the exact same people who will compare you against other people at every possible opportunity, given the chance. Parents will compare you to your classmates. Peers will compare you to other flashier individuals who provide better first impressions. Superiors will compare you to some apparently successful individual who you've never ever heard of, and bemoan why you're not like them.
The only point at which people actually stop comparing you is when you begin expressing negative feedback, such as worrying about grades or being self-depreciative. Suddenly comparisons won't matter, and the general insinuation that you aren't good enough promptly changes to an accusation that you're the one who's obsessed, and clearly not all the other people around you who influenced, coerced and encouraged that pressure you never asked for. (And guess what, you're not allowed to make comparisons between them and other more-accomplished individuals either. Go on, just try it out on any parent.)
What people want is the privilege of comparing you against others from a perspective of superiority - but none of the cost, mental baggage or detriment to your well-being that comes along with it.
Follow Failure to Meta on Facebook!
