i hate doing this because i feel like i’m pressuring people into giving me notes. i hate that feeling. i am by no means the type who has to have everything be about them. if everything was about me i’d probably be completely overwhelmed. and i definitely never mean any of this to discredit my consistently active followers. to those people, i see you, and i appreciate you. it means so much to me and i thank you so so much.
but i see all these artists sharing their work and having tons of people not only give it notes, but comments. real genuine comments. i love this, this is beautiful, i need more of this. i see all these people appreciating others’ art. and then i look over at my own art blog.
radio silence.
am i doing something wrong?
i draw. just as others do, i make art. i fanchild-gush over things and post sketches and complete works of different styles and colors. i don’t feel like what i’m doing is vastly different from what other people do.
am i doing something wrong? is it my lengthy captions? the wrong tags? too much of the same single character?
is it just who i am as a person?
i’ve always said i must just have natural human-repelling properties. i don’t say this to be overly self deprecating. (it’s a pretty regular amount i’d say.) it just actually feels like some aspect of my existence beyond my control prevents a majority of people from interacting with me.
it’s not just here, either, and it’s not just my art. it was something of a goal of mine to be able to build a following on the internet based on my own content. whether that be music or art or something else. because you know, the internet can link anyone anywhere. two people could live on opposite sides of the planet and still be besties. anyone could find your creations and really enjoy them.
well, i guess either they aren’t finding them or they aren’t enjoying them.
across all my social media accounts i’ve a couple of times built a sort of decent following if you go purely by follow count. but only handful of them actually consistently interact with my posts, and with the exception of close IRL friends and mutuals, they rarely ever comment or talk to me.
it just kind of sucks. i work hard on my art and i’m really proud of it. i put effort into my music, brainpower into my writing. for maybe two likes. possibly a reblog if i’m either especially lucky or especially pushy.
no comments. no feedback. nothing. where is everybody?
honestly im surprised that, in the moments after i save my drawing and add it to an image post, i still have the mindset of “yay i did a thing time to share it with people”. because the way things are going, it’s more like “time to share it with two friends and the void”.
or, as i more cleverly put it, scream into the void and have maybe 1% of the void scream back.
i love my art. it makes me so happy to draw, it makes me so happy to see something i’ve created and think, “that’s mine. i did this. tiny little harper did this.” i’m sure it’s common nature for people to want to share things they like with others.
think of it like a little kid, because i pretty much am one, who is super excited about something and wants to tell this adult they know all about it, but the adult is just kind of like “[parental chuckle] okay kiddo”
its like. did you even hear me? did you even see what i did? do you even care?
there are plenty of bigger things i could be worrying about. i could be researching college majors and potential careers instead of typing this out. most of the time i try to ignore the sad flatline that is my art blog’s notes, with occasional spikes of a whopping one or two notes every few days. most of the time i try to just be like hah yeah thats to be expected.
but sometimes, like right now, it really gets to me. “nobody’s leaving notes on my art posts” becomes “nobody likes my art” becomes “i must just suck as a human being because no one gives a shit what i have to say”.
i hate sounding attention seeking. i hate sounding like im trying to be manipulative. because i do not intend that in any way. i say it every time because it’s true: no one is obligated to like or interact with my content. if they don’t want to, they don’t have to. i will not hold it against them. you can’t control what you like or don’t like.
but i guess i just refuse to believe that the total number of “tumblr users who do like my content and are willing to interact with it of their own accord” is like 7.
is there something i should be doing? something i should stop doing? is it just the way i am?
but i’ll never know, will i, because the people who can tell me don’t care enough to talk to me.
sigh... i’m sorry for the long and depressing post. i’m sorry for always venting about being a nobody. i’m sorry if anything feels like i’m selfishly trying to attract attention. again, that isnt my intent. i always feel like shit when i start being all “why is no one giving me notes” because i don’t want to pressure people. i’m sorry for being all gloomy. again, i have nothing but endless appreciation and love for those few who do actively follow me and interact with my posts. you guys are cool.
well. i am going to bed now.